Never engage with psychos - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 62

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 32

Never engage with psychos

By Foxy17 - 16/08/2020 20:01

Today, in a convenience store, I asked a girl who wasn't wearing her mask and not keeping her distance to step away. After telling me to fuck off, she put her mask on, went to the teenage manager and said I was harassing her. Even after hearing my side of the story, I was asked to leave. Turns out it was his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 732

You deserved it 307

And today, on Dr Phil…

There's no helping some people

Late term

03/03/2017 16:00

Today, after what I thought was several weeks of flirting with a coworker, I asked her out on a date. She asked if it could be a double date, and I said yes. I brought a friend, she brought her husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 717

You deserved it 1 982

07/02/2014 14:18

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 468

You deserved it 21 270

07/05/2009 04:29

Today, I picked up my passport, as my previous one was damaged in a car crash. As the teller warns me that a pattern of damaged passports will result in longer processing periods, she spills her coffee - all over my new passport. I'm supposed to go overseas in a month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 088

You deserved it 2 359

24/07/2016 17:05

Today, I was so ashamed of being broke that instead of asking my parents for money, I snuck into their house while they were at work to steal some of their food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 072

You deserved it 4 296

28/11/2012 17:43

Today, as I was about to walk across the street, a girl in front of me who clearly wasn't paying attention to the traffic, almost got run over. I grabbed her arm and jumped back. She was fine. I fell and fractured my arm and wrist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 2 409

02/10/2011 11:51

Today, on my way to work I swerved to avoid hitting a dead animal. Too bad I ended up hitting a live one instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 865

You deserved it 8 980

30/06/2012 06:26

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 073

You deserved it 2 505

Bad Moon Rising

By SleeplessinNJ - 10/12/2020 05:01

Today, one of my fiancé's groomsmen is an alcoholic, and my fiance is in denial about it. He's a nice guy when sober, but belligerent, disrespectful and out of control when drinking. My fiancé refuses to acknowledge my anxiety at having him in our wedding with an open bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 830

You deserved it 75

02/08/2013 19:44

Spicy

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 973

You deserved it 28 238

22/07/2009 12:17

Today, I was fired from the babysitting job I have had for 2 years. I thought maybe the mother had found out that I sometimes let her kids stay up late and have extra sweets. The real reason, as she told me, was that she didn't want her kids loving anyone more than they love her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 832

You deserved it 3 542

16/05/2018 15:00

Today, while blowing my nose after being bunged up for days, it finally unblocked. A solid slimy multicoloured booger roughly the size of a grape shot out, blew right through the tissue and landed on my manager's shoe. Hell hath no fury like a lady sneezed upon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 721

You deserved it 482

28/02/2009 13:08

Today, I was stepping out of the shower while home alone. I heard voices coming from the living room. I grabbed a bat to defend my self and ran into the living room. I slipped on my tile floor and smashed my TV with the bat. No one was in my house but I left my radio turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 573

You deserved it 48 047

06/06/2013 23:37

Today, at my new job at a funeral home, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't "lighten the hell up" while dealing with our grieving clients. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 816

You deserved it 4 732

04/12/2012 18:51

Today, I made a positive remark to the owner of my local groceries store for employing a special needs girl. Not only is the girl not mentally handicapped, she's also the owner's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 638

You deserved it 32 642

06/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to jump out from behind the bedroom door to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. I slipped and broke two ribs when I hit the ground. Instead of a sexy birthday evening, he got to take me to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 381

You deserved it 1 370

02/09/2019 04:00

Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 132

23/11/2016 19:41

Today, I got engaged. I called my mom and told her. "You didn't say yes, did you?" she said. Afterwards, I told my dad. "Uh, Congratulations. But, I have questions." Thanks guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 443

You deserved it 1 051

09/10/2011 03:53

Today, I learned the hard way that your little brother is not joking when he threatens to shave your eyebrows if you don't let him watch cartoons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 373

You deserved it 6 753

31/08/2018 22:00

Today, I got a call from "No Caller ID", which usually only shows up when someone calls from my house phone. Thinking it was my kids, I answered imitating a cartoon voice. It wasn't my kids. It was the district attorney's office calling about the job I applied for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 542

You deserved it 1 454

25/04/2015 17:32

Spicy

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 422

You deserved it 6 576

14/04/2009 11:18

Today, a customer came in to the Pizza store where I work and complained that the food they had purchased had a strand of black hair in it. After some deliberation, my boss decided to fire me. He is the only staff member there with black hair. I shaved my hair 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86 275

You deserved it 3 543

28/05/2014 00:13

Today, my allergies are so bad that it's affected the way my voice sounds. It's so bad my mom has taken to calling me Aflac because I sound like the duck in the commercials. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 457

You deserved it 4 369

13/09/2013 17:06

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 902

You deserved it 7 174

25/02/2009 15:31

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 862

You deserved it 41 570

20/03/2016 11:54

Today, at the supermarket, I picked up a pack of toilet rolls, at which point my 5-year-old daughter turned to me and screamed, "A CLEAN BUTTHOLE IS A HAPPY BUTTHOLE!" in front of a dozen other people. I have no idea where she heard that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 954

You deserved it 2 326

10/02/2015 23:32

Today, I got a letter in the mail telling me to report for jury duty. The day that I have to show up is the day of my wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 209

You deserved it 2 794

Baby brain

By Mike - 16/09/2020 09:02

Today, we had two-year wedding anniversary. A few months ago, I insisted on going to a therapist because my wife can only think and talk about our one-year kid. My present for her was a Spa day, flowers and chocolate. Her gift to me was a Lego set to build for our kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 408

You deserved it 316

30/10/2014 02:41

Today, my skinny co-worker complained that sitting just underneath the AC vent was making her too cold. My boss had us switch places, because "your mass keeps you warm anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 671

You deserved it 4 963

20/02/2012 14:23

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 087

You deserved it 6 518

14/04/2011 17:35

Today, I made my young niece lunch. After she claimed to have eaten it all, she wanted to go out and play. I was putting my shoes on when I found part of the sandwich I made her stuffed in my shoe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 4 874

12/06/2012 16:59

Today, a hobo shook me down for money on the street. He's my brother, who incidentally ran away from home over two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 768

You deserved it 2 791

28/09/2009 15:14

Today, I told my husband I wanted a divorce. He told me he didn't. End of discussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 683

You deserved it 17 989

01/09/2009 00:40

Today, I was hanging out with a group of friends when I got into a conversation with this really attractive girl who I've liked for months. She asked me what school I go to. I sit to her left in biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 691

You deserved it 3 638

21/01/2013 21:26

Today, I have to take a midterm, which is worth a large part of my grade. All our teacher has taught us so far is how to roast s'mores over a Bunsen burner, and how to make gummy bears explode. Our test is on kinetics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 182

You deserved it 3 796

02/11/2011 16:01

Today, after 3 years, I saw my ex, who I still love, at a coffee shop. Being nice, I said hi. He turned around, looked at me, and said, "Thank God I broke up with you. You look like a hot mess!" before getting up and walking out with his model girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 208

You deserved it 5 872

23/05/2017 14:00

Today, I went on a date after months of rejection and loneliness. Everything was going great until my date argued with me over the correct way to pronounce my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 068

You deserved it 299

Size zero

By Hannah - 27/03/2021 05:01

Today, I have been trying for 5 days to gain weight. Which for me, requires stuffing myself to the point of exploding. I haven’t slept in days because I'm constantly digesting food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 230

01/10/2009 06:10

Spicy

Today, I was talking to my best friend. After admitting to me that he's gay, I gave him a hug for support and comfort, feeling his erection on my upper thigh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 673

You deserved it 5 469

Gross

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 15:59

Spicy

Today, I confronted my mother because I lock my bedroom door everytime I leave the house, then when I came home, the door was open and ajar. She got really defensive and said it's because she and her boyfriend want to make passionate whoopie on my king-size bed because it's bigger than her full-size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 106

20/01/2009 05:42

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 098

You deserved it 2 125

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Top comments

Charlie Given 24

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Sunday 16 August 2020 21:35

So go to his boss and let them know what happened, not saying a formal complaint is needed just a heads up to the bullshit.

Sapphire Layos-Wagaman 9

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Monday 17 August 2020 1:53

It sounds like they didn’t ask them to put on a mask. All they asked was for that person to back up which is a perfectly reasonable request. They weren’t being nosey they were asking for personal space. I personally would do the same thing cause I don’t want people to close to me right now. The manager abused his power however for siding with his girlfriend.

Comments

Charlie Given 24

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Sunday 16 August 2020 21:35

So go to his boss and let them know what happened, not saying a formal complaint is needed just a heads up to the bullshit.

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 16 August 2020 21:55

That's what happens when you mess with the Power Elite. How were you to know that maskless idiot you confronted would have friends in high places?

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Sunday 16 August 2020 23:59

Just mind your own business next time. You wore a mask, right?, no harm to you.

Sapphire Layos-Wagaman 9

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Monday 17 August 2020 1:53

It sounds like they didn’t ask them to put on a mask. All they asked was for that person to back up which is a perfectly reasonable request. They weren’t being nosey they were asking for personal space. I personally would do the same thing cause I don’t want people to close to me right now. The manager abused his power however for siding with his girlfriend.

Tiffani Carter 6

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Monday 17 August 2020 3:29

You do know how the masks work, right? Me wearing one protects YOU, not ME. So OP had every right to ask someone not wearing a mask to step away from her.

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 17 August 2020 4:00

It is her business! If the girl won't wear a mask, she needs to keep her distance. Otherwise, the OP could catch covid from her, or maybe even STDs from the dirty shithead.

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Monday 17 August 2020 1:30

Teenage love is a powerfully ignorant thing.

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Monday 17 August 2020 4:15

If you were wearing a mask, why didn't YOU just step away from her? The problem would have been solved without further incident. If it bothered you that much, why not talk to the owner or manager about the kids' behavior?

John Raymond Matheney 6

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Tuesday 18 August 2020 20:10

call and try to reach his boss or send an email to corporate