By Anonymous - 8/4/2020 14:00

That devil water

Today, my boyfriend went to his friends house to drink. He told me he’s a happy drinker, and I believed him. He calls me drunk about three hours later and tells me he’s been thinking about cheating on me for a long time, and that he also thinks about "being with other women." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1720

You deserved it

158

Tweet

Share

How to make a sociopath

Close quarters

Time's up

By Ashleighx94 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37029

You deserved it

2726

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, it was pouring rain outside, I had 2 textbooks in my hands. I took a shortcut, and instead of running around the small pole that directed the line at the cafe, I decided to jump over it. In front of a group of guys, my foot got caught and I face planted with my books flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16339

You deserved it

47759

Tweet

Share

By echolaker2019 - United States - Scarsdale

Today, I had a second date with a really hot guy I met at the mall. Lucky for me, I went into anaphylactic shock from shrimp and the guy called my parents. When I left the hospital, I was notified that after he called my parents, he ordered more food and charged it to my credit card on file. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22738

You deserved it

1614

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I got back to my car with a note cussing me out for parking in a disabled space when I’m clearly not disabled. They also smashed my windows. It’s true, I’m not disabled, but I also wasn’t parked in a disabled space. I was parked in a normal space next to the disabled spaces. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5032

You deserved it

209

Tweet

Share

By Alex - United States

Today, I had to run a mile in gym class for fitness training. If it takes longer than 10 minutes to run the stretch, you have to re-take it. My time was 10:02. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40927

You deserved it

20372

Tweet

Share

By sasquatch - United States - Katonah

Today, my boyfriend requested that I shave my lips so I spent an hour in the shower carefully removing every trace of pubic hair. Turns out he wanted me to shave my moustache, not my carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16689

You deserved it

33471

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48267

You deserved it

3969

Tweet

Share

By AmatureLitCritic - United States - Portland

Today, I found out that a family member found a publisher for his book; his badly written, terribly sourced, historically inaccurate book that insults and misrepresents most world cultures and religions. If this actually makes it to print, I'll never be able to use my maiden name again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25167

You deserved it

2347

Tweet

Share

By pardon my English :$ - France

Today, I let a friend read a draft of the novel I'm writing. She claimed the antagonist is blatantly based on her, and threatened to sue me if I don't pay her royalties. The antagonist is an ancient, insane goblin witch. I guess I see now how this confusion could arise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49391

You deserved it

3553

Tweet

Share

By Alone - United States

Today, a girl mistook me for her boyfriend and broke up with me because I'm "a liar and a cheating bastard." I've never seen her in my life, but I'm so lonely that I tried to convince her to give me another chance and stay with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44230

You deserved it

8867

Tweet

Share

By French - Switzerland

Today, my boss told me I'm not working hard enough because I take French classes two mornings a week and therefore I won't be getting a promotion. If I want the promotion I have to stop taking my French classes. These are the same French classes I was told I originally needed for the promotion. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41892

You deserved it

2970

Tweet

Share

By Gurl - Ireland - Dublin

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15389

You deserved it

28465

Tweet

Share

By NYCproblems - United States - New York

Today, my ten-year-old brother came to visit me in NYC. Within ten minutes of walking on Times Square he had seen a prostitute and a partially-naked man. He now refuses to leave my apartment and screams when I try to drag him out. He's here for the next two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48957

You deserved it

4864

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was told that I'm very likely to win the "Most Likely to Exceed 5 Cats" yearbook award. My best friend said, "They wanted it to be 'Most Likely to Die Alone', but it was a bit harsh". Someone else added, "It's still pretty likely, though". FML

I agree, your life sucks

45657

You deserved it

4437

Tweet

Share

By lovefool - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend of a year dumped me by text. It's also the day that the birthday present I ordered for him was finally processed and shipped, meaning I can't cancel and get my money back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29587

You deserved it

2822

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today I was really hitting it off with my blind date and was eager to arrange a second date. I gave him my number and he decided to call my phone so I could save his number. My phone didn’t ring. He got upset because he thought I gave him a fake number and stormed off. The battery was dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2975

That could've happened to me

405

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - El Cajon

Today, before leaving my house, I OCD-checked all of my doors 16 times to make sure that they were locked. When I got home, my house had been broken into. Turns out I accidentally unlocked my front door when trying to lock it for the last time. This is why I have OCD. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25820

You deserved it

10531

Tweet

Share

By ohnoooooo - United Kingdom

Today, I watched my boyfriend's band play a gig. I also found out he pulls the same faces playing the bass as he does when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21503

You deserved it

4928

Tweet

Share

By sad_unicorn - Australia - Yagoona

The Intruder

Today, I have to close my bedroom door with a bucket because I don't have a door latch from previous owners. When my partner and I were going at it, we had to stop because the cat kept reaching around the door, trying to attack the bucket and destroying the mood. Cat 1 - Humans 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4846

You deserved it

972

Tweet

Share

By eternal

Today, while at the drive-thru at Sonic, they told me they were out of mozzarella sticks. I shed actual tears. I’m not even pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

948

You deserved it

1137

Tweet

Share

By oped01 - United States - Cape Coral

Today, in a department store, a woman with a parrot sitting on her shoulder was trying to return a coffee maker. She explained that she had to return the coffee maker because the bird didn't like it sitting on the kitchen counter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10881

You deserved it

957

Tweet

Share

By Emily - United States - Arlington

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me by writing on my bathroom mirror in Sharpie. What did he write? "Hi, I'm Emily. I'm fat, ugly, and now single." FML

I agree, your life sucks

55973

You deserved it

4885

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, a fight broke out in a bar between several people, over some talk about one of their moms being somewhat inclined towards intercourse with her pets. I managed to slip out quietly with just a scratch from flying chair debris, despite having started the rumor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9199

You deserved it

69348

Tweet

Share

By TJ - United States - Lacey

Today, while doing my job as a cart clerk, a gentleman went around the parking lot and picked some trash up, trying to help out. Faith in humanity: +1. About an hour later I saw a woman pick a bug off of her windshield and eat it. Faith in humanity: -200. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27402

You deserved it

2803

Tweet

Share

By chrisinator - United States - Woodside

Today, I turned on my furnace when I got home from work for the first time this season. Only problem? Cats. Our kitten Norman has never heard a furnace in his life and Noel has just forgotten what a furnace sounds like. Both cats are terrified and won't stop yelping. I just want to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10596

You deserved it

1207

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Fairmont

Today, I found out that while my sister can somehow manage to keep an eye on and control her three preschool-aged children at the park, making sure nobody steals my dog from right beside her is just too big of a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24156

You deserved it

3320

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I went to the beach with a friend. We'd forgotten to get our towels out of the SUV, so I rushed back to the parking lot. I opened the passenger-side door and climbed in to begin my search. After ten seconds or so, I realized I'd busted into someone else's car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23513

You deserved it

6882

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Haslet

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29798

You deserved it

2595

Tweet

Share

By fail - United States

Today, I found out yet another of my guy friends liked me. I posted that I just wanted a guy friend that had absolutely no romantic feelings for me. My crush volunteered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34827

You deserved it

67719

Tweet

Share

By OhJoy - United States

Today, I got an e-mail from a girl, asking if my boyfriend was indeed my boyfriend. I sent back a gushing message about how much I loved him and how well he treated me. She replied "Yeah, I know. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, too." FML

I agree, your life sucks

40168

You deserved it

4208

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was feeling sick but went into my waitressing job because I'd already missed 3 days this week. I was dizzy and managed to spill a tray of drinks all over the customers. Then, when their food was done, I tripped and spilled hot chili all over the man's lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25935

You deserved it

11906

Tweet

Share

By Declan - 4/12/2020 21:58 - United States - Miami

A case of Keemstar beard?

Today, I finally got my boyfriend to go get his lockdown beard trimmed. He came back with the kind of pointy monstrosity you see on people like Keemstar. I'm tempted to prune it in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks

566

You deserved it

195

Tweet

Share

By ruinedmoment - United States

Today, I was looking at an old post between my ex and I on Facebook. Everything I was reading was adorable. Just as I was reminiscing about the great relationship we had, I look to the right of the screen to see the girl he cheated on me with in "People you may know". Thanks Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35421

You deserved it

8170

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, a homeless woman called me trash, threw her coffee at me, and told me to get a job. I do have a job. It's homeless outreach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33366

You deserved it

3303

Tweet

Share

By Username - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if there's a reason why he has never gone down on me. He responded, "Your back door is too close to your front door and it creeps me out." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36847

You deserved it

5090

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44879

You deserved it

29918

Tweet

Share

By Becoming a commuter. - United States - Buffalo

Today, I moved into college and met my new roommate. Not fifteen minutes later, she had told me about the fungus on her feet, and what happens when she forgets to take her anti-psychotic medication, all while picking at her nose and eating the spoils. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32807

You deserved it

2092

Tweet

Share

By effedfosh - Canada

Today, I overheard a couple talking behind me. She said, "You wanna know what's really scary?" He said, "the size of that guy? Yeah he's huge", to which she replied, "no, the scary thing is that's a chick." They weren't talking about me, but they sure were talking about my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

66481

You deserved it

8801

Tweet

Share

By givemestrength - United Kingdom - London

Today, my boss expects me to conduct a meeting with a client, give him all the info he needs, and manage his campaign. This is because he fired the "expensive" marketing director and wants me, the intern, to continue his work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39416

You deserved it

3261

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, while cleaning out a closet with my mother, I found a wish list from when I was five. On that list, I wished my parents would divorce. Not only did that seriously hurt my mom, but now she thinks I'm the devil because my wish came true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50202

You deserved it

12798

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7895934 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 16:40

He said he's a happy drunk. Not that he'll make you happy. Why is he going out? He wants Coronavirus?

By toodamntall | 6

#7895971 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 18:32

Assuming you haven't broken up, the silver lining is he told you before acting on it and at least now you can try to do something about it.

COMMENTS

By bl3ur0z3 | 17

#7895934 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 16:40

He said he's a happy drunk. Not that he'll make you happy. Why is he going out? He wants Coronavirus?

By Robert Cruikshank | 7

#7895937 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 16:43

That just makes him a man. Men think about that stuff. Some men act on those thoughts, others just dream a little. Just humor him and let him know how lucky he is to be with you, a girl he already knows.

Reply

julfunky | 29

#7896453 - Friday 10 April 2020 15:16

Yes, when your man tells you he’s thinking about cheating you should treat him that much better. That’ll show him.

By RichardPencil | 29

#7895947 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 17:17

That might make him happy, wouldn't it?

In vino, veritas.

By toodamntall | 6

#7895971 - Wednesday 8 April 2020 18:32

Assuming you haven't broken up, the silver lining is he told you before acting on it and at least now you can try to do something about it.

By Chaselyn Coats | 7

#7896063 - Thursday 9 April 2020 1:55

what a pos. you deserve better

By thatRdude | 4

#7896170 - Thursday 9 April 2020 13:56

Break up with him and move on be like “want to act stupid, gets stupid results”

By Christina Schoeman | 5

#7896172 - Thursday 9 April 2020 13:59

What a smuck.

By lovelyhippos | 15

#7896363 - Friday 10 April 2020 7:10

You should probably think about being with other guys