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I did NOT go back to get them! God, can you people NOT read? Read ALL of the other comments where I explain what happened. I'll repeat it. I did not go back for them. Again, I did not go back for them. How many times do I have to ******* say it!?!?

Modern Family

By Wtffmlfs - 26/09/2019 04:01

Today, I dawned on me that my step-dad, who cheated on and is now divorcing my mom, is my favorite family member. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 191

By Violet - 05/04/2014 01:57 - United States - Exeter

Today, my boyfriend wanted me to get a shirt saying "I'm a girl," just so people won't think he's gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 147

You deserved it 5 970

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 795

You deserved it 5 070

By telefucked - 31/07/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my parents switched phone companies, which changed the phone number. Two days ago, I dropped off over 15 job applications with my 'old' number on all of them. There is a waiting period before I can reapply anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 633

You deserved it 4 235

By Anonymous - 12/03/2013 14:05 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 089

You deserved it 3 125

Unnecessary

By Ava K - 01/10/2019 16:02 - United States - San Diego

Today, my mom and I were looking at dresses for me at the mall. The cashier pointed out a dress, and my mom said, "She's definitely not going to fit into that. She's too flat-chested." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 187

By Anonymous - 09/03/2013 17:42 - Pakistan

Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 793

You deserved it 10 136

By animelover - 25/07/2010 23:21 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend came over while I was babysitting my little brother. He wouldn't stay in bed, so my boyfriend told him,"If you don't stay in bed, the monster will eat you!" I now have to wash my brother's bedsheets, because he was too afraid to get up and go pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 713

You deserved it 10 839

Sensitive

By Anonymous - 28/03/2014 00:09 - United States - Kent

Today, I took my 12 year-old to the orthodontist. While I was talking to the dentist about what was needing to be done, my daughter listened. With a straight face, the dentist joked, "Yeah, we're going to need to rip off her entire jaw." My daughter won't leave her room anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 749

You deserved it 5 309

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 772

You deserved it 8 425

Third place

By Ali - 19/05/2025 03:00 - Romania - Bucharest

Today, my husband came home and sat in his car out front for fifteen minutes. I went and knocked on the door, asking what he was doing. Apparently, I always dump so much shit on him the second he walks in the door that he needs a little peace between work and coming home to me. Ungrateful ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 848

History matters

By student101 - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 6 695

Bother-in-law

By disgruntled stepdaughter - 06/03/2013 19:11 - United States - Reno

Today, my step-mom stole over $100 in cash from me, dumped dirty cat litter all over my clean bed sheets, and called me a whore for having a polite conversation with my boyfriend. I confronted my father about it. He told me to forgive her, because she's "on her period." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 666

You deserved it 2 734

By Anonymous - 24/03/2014 06:56 - United States

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 096

You deserved it 5 918

Weird family

By Anonymous - 31/05/2021 17:01 - United States - Bettendorf

Today, I found a picture on my phone of me and my best friend that I didn't take. Turns out my dad did, from behind, and it got onto my Google photo backup, which means that he was logged in to my Gmail from his phone when he did it. And my family wonders why I don't trust them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 129

Tinder surprised

By NatchezParadox - 09/10/2019 18:00

Today, I watched as my Tinder date arrived at the coffee shop and mistook another woman for me. He never realized she was the wrong girl, and they spent the entire date together before leaving. The only similarity between me and the other woman was our hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 973

You deserved it 638

Yelp

By Anonymous - 12/10/2019 13:00

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 937

You deserved it 133

Family, family, family…

By mylifesucks - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I had to drive all the way across town to clean my grandfather's toilet for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 397

You deserved it 5 380

You're nicked!

By Jong - 10/03/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work, only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. Five hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 391

You deserved it 2 772

Geography for Dummies

By SMRT - 22/10/2019 06:00 - United States - Chattanooga

Today, I had an argument with my dad about Venice being in Italy, not Spain. He wouldn't believe me, and had to Google it. He's an engineer for an aerospace company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 578

You deserved it 190

By Bobby M - 16/05/2011 16:33 - Ireland

Today, I got circumcised by my zipper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 557

You deserved it 10 695

By Anonymous - 01/03/2014 08:30 - Australia

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I swear I couldn't help it when the words "Wow, I bet you really regret that haircut." came out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 507

You deserved it 44 229

By phatdaddy62 - 18/02/2013 17:23 - United States

Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 821

You deserved it 42 554

phatdaddy62 tells us more.

phatdaddy62 23

Tuesday 19 February 2013 3:31

Im a criminal defense and divorce lawyer. That prank might not have desirable results!

Come again?

By Smash_Mouth - 08/03/2009 05:36 - United States

Today, I was driving down the road when I got to a red light. I looked over and saw a hot chick in a convertible, so I spoke to my window, thinking she couldn't hear me, "Hey girl, I may have a tiny dick but I make up for it in speed and stamina." She looked over. I forgot about the sunroof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 585

You deserved it 87 098

By Anonymous - 27/02/2014 14:34 - United States - Fort Collins

Today, I learned that no matter how much you want the Nutella, it's never a good idea to deep-throat the knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 056

You deserved it 61 262

FML on Facebook

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Random

Today, I went to the ER for extremely heavy bleeding related to my IUD birth control. They decided the best thing to do was remove it. An exam, two ultrasounds, and three x-rays later, the doctor comes back to tell me what's going on. Yeah, they can't find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 834

You deserved it 2 101

Today, I spent a quarter of an hour trying to figure out why my car wouldn't unlock, then why my number plate had changed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 135

You deserved it 26 035

Today, my boyfriend took me to his house and introduced me to his parents. He also showed me around his bedroom. I think he forgot to remove the dartboard on his wall, taped to which was a swiss-cheesed printout of one of my Facebook photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 577

You deserved it 3 929

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 264

You deserved it 2 887

Today, while waiting for my job interview to start, I tried to slip out a silent fart. It ended with shit running down my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 633

You deserved it 1 380

Today, my husband nearly set our apartment on fire, all because he attempted to burn any evidence of his affair with his mistress, including the used latex condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 761

You deserved it 155