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By çapousse2904 - 12/09/2014 05:45 - France - Le Pr?-saint-gervais

Today, my girlfriend put her hand on my abs and confessed that she was glad I'd secretly started working out. I couldn't bring myself to admit that I've been constipated for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 191

You deserved it 4 065

By roadkill0321 - 07/11/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my recently ex-girlfriend's mother called me regarding her baby girl, saying, "If you mess with the chicklet, you mess with the momma hen." I have no idea what the hell this means for my future, but I'm a bit scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 517

You deserved it 5 390

By foreverashamed - 04/11/2011 06:57 - Canada

Today, my father decided that since I'm 21 and have never had a girlfriend, he would buy me a book on how to talk to girls. The book was written by a 9 year-old kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 670

You deserved it 6 830

By Anonymous - 06/01/2011 16:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 396

You deserved it 2 705

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 18:57 - Canada

Today, I saw a drunk guy hitting on a girl sitting alone at the bar. She insisted that her boyfriend was there, but he didn't relent. So I went over and put my arm around her and asked "Who's this guy?" He walked away, but then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was her boyfriend. He broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84 681

You deserved it 13 146

Leave me alone

By notgivingup - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to serve my boyfriend's father with a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 226

You deserved it 2 085

What a dick

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 756

You deserved it 5 185

By Anonymous - 20/12/2014 20:00 - United States - Framingham

Today, my fiancé pawned off my engagement ring so he could buy himself a PS4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 677

You deserved it 4 912

By zyordz - 27/06/2009 04:12 - Peru

Today, I was working at a soup kitchen with people from my church. Seeing a rather disheveled couple, I told them the line started "over there". Only then did I realize that they were from my church, and were there to help serve soup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 843

You deserved it 41 210

Broke

By Pauper - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I talked myself out of buying $1 candle at the Dollar Tree. That's how broke I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 355

You deserved it 4 483

By nomorepetbird - 06/01/2010 03:30 - United States

Today, my pet bird died. He had caught some illness and had been extremely sick for the past few days. He didn't die from the illness though. My dog ate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 106

You deserved it 3 875

Home sweet home?

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 21:23 - United States

Today, I was helping my dad move into his new house. It's a 4-bedroom house and he has three kids so it's perfect. I was wandering around and noticed that the first bedroom is his, the second is my older brother's, the third is my younger sister's, and the fourth is an office. I have no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 014

You deserved it 3 343

By cigarettes - 11/12/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, I was having sex when a cigarette craving came on. I don't know what's worse, the fact I asked for a cigarette break in the middle of sex or I take that long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 342

You deserved it 13 900

By pizza girl - 30/08/2013 04:33 - United States - Nettleton

Today, a lady cussed me out for not bringing her salad and pizza to her table. She then wanted her money back. I work at a buffet; a self-serve buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 998

You deserved it 2 811

By mastel07 - 10/12/2014 12:59 - United Kingdom - Stevenage

Today, I found a very light blonde long hair on my marital bed's pillow. I confronted my husband about it and after hours of arguments and me throwing his stuff out of the house, I found another. Attached to my head. My husband isn't having an affair, I'm just going grey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 252

You deserved it 44 966

By soldiergirl - 25/10/2011 00:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because he "can't date someone who supports the war." We started dating because he thought I looked cute in my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 116

You deserved it 3 819

By fml - 22/06/2009 09:03 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 489

You deserved it 5 488

Hello there!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after pulling an all-nighter, I had the pleasure of meeting my girlfriend's mother for the very first time. She walked in on me in the bathroom; I'd completely lost focus and fallen asleep while taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 295

You deserved it 27 762

Good times, bad times

By st3phani3b - 26/11/2018 15:30 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, I'm stuck at home waiting on a plumber to come fix the flooding in my basement. The flooding happens when any sink, shower, or toilet in the house is used. Today is also the day that I started my period. Without water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 736

You deserved it 229

By Derp McShitstain - 16/09/2012 19:48 - United Kingdom - Saint Helens

Today, I was shopping with my boyfriend, when he suggested that I might want to buy a new loofah. When I asked why, he admitted he's been using it to scrub his ass crack for weeks. I use that loofah to wash my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 738

You deserved it 2 780

By Username - 23/12/2010 14:48 - Canada

Today, I was in a store with my dad. He completely lost his temper and began yelling at the store owners. For some reason, he then removed his shirt in protest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 468

You deserved it 3 032

By risingtide - 20/11/2018 15:30

Today, I reached my exam center late after taking the wrong metro twice, only to find out that I forgot my calculator at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 396

You deserved it 1 217

By Anonymous - 24/11/2018 15:30 - United States - Henderson

Today, I decided to take a relaxing shower. My face mask made my face break out in hives. While exfoliating, my nipples became chafed. Then I slipped and cut myself while shaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 706

You deserved it 357

My regret

By regret - 30/12/2019 01:00 - Australia - Warrnambool

Today, my little sister put me in charge of keeping her fighting fish alive. It would've been an easy task if it weren't for my crazy ex-boyfriend drunkenly forcing his way into my house, vomiting into the fishbowl and killing the fish. Only ten more hours until my family gets home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 032

You deserved it 520

By Anonymous - 30/11/2014 01:38 - United States - Houston

Today, while walking home with my mom, some unoriginal cockshart in a passing car yelled at me: "Fuck her in the pussy!" It was a long, awkward walk home after that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 124

You deserved it 2 978

By Tony - 18/10/2011 15:10 - United States

Today, I woke up to people in the parking lot screaming "everybody wake up". They've been doing this at 7 every morning since I moved in 3 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 168

You deserved it 3 084

Noise annoys

By SHUTUPDAD! - 17/10/2020 20:02

Today, my dad found his old harmonica. It’s been five hours and he shows no signs of stopping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 145

By socargone - 17/01/2017 22:00

Today, I'm so bad at parking that I saw the guy next to me openly cringe as I pulled into a spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 428

You deserved it 1 932

Good riddance

By W H A T - 30/03/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, I found out my favorite teacher didn't actually "retire" last year like she said to me. She was quietly fired after saying that, "Women who dress provocatively in public are asking to be r*ped" to a class full of teenage girls. I can't believe I used to idolize this woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 048

You deserved it 259

Cat Fail

By FML Videos - 19/11/2018 00:00 - United States - New York

He disappeared like this weekend!

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 72

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The Top

Today, I had to ask my sister if she'd shit her pants because the smell of poop was following us around Paris. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I had to ask an eighteen-year-old, or that she said yes and didn't do anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 840

You deserved it 1 208

Today, my roommate reached a whole new level of laziness: I caught him casually peeing into an empty beer bottle while laying in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 564

You deserved it 1 375

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 2 086

Taco Tuesday is a barrel of laughs until it's time to bid the beans and cheese farewell. Better out than in though, eh?

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 235

If a tree falls in a parking lot and nobody flinches, did it really fall at all?

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 106

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night with a numb arm. When I tried to reposition it, it flew crazily and slapped my girlfriend in the face. My girlfriend, who was in a string of abusive relationships, and has severe PTSD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 175