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By Clumsyblonde22 - 04/06/2011 11:22 - United States

Today, my aunt gave my cat aspirin because when she touched his nose he had a 'fever'. I came home to a dead cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 246

You deserved it 4 170

One law for thee…

By Anonymous - 16/05/2021 22:00

Today, I realized my mom is a big hypocrite for telling me sex is wrong and sinful outside marriage, because I just worked out from their marriage certificate my mom must have been pregnant with me in college, and I was born after they’d only been married for four weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 190

By Anonymous - 01/10/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I invited over 30 people to come to the park with me since the day was nice and cool. I sat there for three hours by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 398

You deserved it 5 107

By thanksmom - 02/06/2011 09:27 - United States

Today, I was released from hospital after being in a car accident. I used the phone book to call people I know to get a ride home, as my wallet and cellphone were still in the wrecked car. I had called my mom to come get me, but her response was "I don't feel like it." I live with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 923

You deserved it 2 997

By tonirene - 29/07/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend's spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 7 472

tonirene tells us more.

tonirene 0

Sunday 1 August 2010 10:11

To answer all of Qs.. I am a straight girl, no she's not fat. she just couldn't see it therefore it was difficult to apply medicine. I did it because I am a good friend and she told me to put it up on FML lol. turns out it wasn't a spider bite afterall though, she has a staph infection on he ass,

Single life

By sadspinster - 29/09/2019 14:00

Today, I found out that both my younger sisters are bringing their boyfriends home for Christmas. The youngest is 25, and he's actually her fiancé. The other is 30, and she and her boyfriend have been living together for over a year. I'll be the 36-year-old spinster in the twin bed upstairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 600

You deserved it 345

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 01:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I was told I've secured the job I applied for at my local hospital. Being just 19, this is a great opportunity, and I told my parents. They angrily asked if I'd applied just to get access to drugs, then demanded to know how I'd managed to pass the drug test. Thanks for the confidence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 411

You deserved it 2 932

By nicoleee - 29/03/2012 20:16 - United States

Today, I was talking about phobias and anxiety disorders in psychology class. I nearly had a panic attack because I was worried that someone might realize I suffer from them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 072

You deserved it 4 069

By loner - 31/05/2011 05:50 - Australia

Today, I read my university's newsletter. Apparently we're starting up a "buddy" system for international students. I'm signing up, because this will help me complete my goal of making my first friend at university. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 041

You deserved it 5 692

Mean Girls

By Anonymous - 24/05/2021 02:01

Today, I tried out for cheerleading. The judges, two head cheerleaders, sized me up, burst out laughing and made fat jokes towards me. I fought back and called them, "twiggy fucking sluts." At that moment, the coach walked in and saw and reported me to the principal. The judges got off scott free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 055

You deserved it 330

By Anonymous - 08/03/2013 10:51 - United States - Irvine

Today, my dad and I had an hour-long conversation. When he was getting up to leave my room he said, "Good talk Chelsey." My sister is Chelsey. So I corrected him. He thought I was joking. My father can't tell my sister and I apart. We are not twins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 412

You deserved it 2 536

By Recon - 17/03/2009 12:16 - Switzerland

Today, I had gone to the store and bought a new wallet. 5 minutes later a security guard asks for my receipt. Turns out I had dropped my receipt. Some guy had picked it up and pretended I had stole his wallet. The guard confiscated my wallet because the guy had "his" receipt to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103 760

You deserved it 8 425

By ProudMother - 06/03/2013 18:04 - United Kingdom - Telford

Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 803

You deserved it 4 640

By stupdude3 - 26/03/2012 14:51 - United States

Today, I learned a valuable lesson: Make sure you learn to swim at a very young age, or else you might end up a in a swimming class with a bunch 3 and 4 year-olds, taught by your crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 387

You deserved it 6 725

Compassionate

By Anonymous - 30/05/2021 14:01

Today, my mom died of COVID. As I was crying in her hospital room, my husband asked if it was OK for him to leave to take a business call, and our daughter asked if she could leave because she was bored and wanted to meet her boyfriend at a bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 154

By FUCKKKS - 03/03/2013 17:37 - United States

Today, after a long work shift, I was so tired that I took a nap in my car to avoid driving half-asleep. When I awoke, there was a huge truck in front of me. I thought I'd fallen asleep while driving and was about to die. I only realized it was stationary after I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 955

You deserved it 6 104

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes

By Whoishe? - 02/06/2021 06:00

Today, I realized my husband is a completely different person than when we married. It’s only been three and a half years since we eloped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 852

You deserved it 174

Bob to the rescue

By Anonymous - 16/08/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, and for a while, I've been on a dry spell, so I bust out my good old battery-operated boyfriend (B.O.B.) to break the spell. The film I found to assist in my task had actors who looked like my ex and me. I had the best orgasm I've ever had, while also bawling my eyes out at the same time. Therapy it is then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 384

By Ugh - 27/02/2013 21:42 - United Kingdom

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 527

You deserved it 7 738

By wolfie898 - 21/05/2011 07:28 - United States

Today, while trying to sneak out of my house to go to a party I met my mom trying to sneak back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 671

You deserved it 8 309

Wolfie898 tells us more.

Wolfie898 0

Sunday 22 May 2011 7:09

my mom is actually divorced

ACAB

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 02:00 - United States

Today, I got pulled over by a cop and got slammed with a ticket for expired tabs on my motorcycle. The DMV was literally across the street. I was heading there to get new tabs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 693

Student becomes the master

By Anonymous - 06/06/2021 09:58 - United States - Steele

Today, my son's "favorite" teacher went on a tirade criticizing my "awful" parenting. About two months ago, my son got her fired after he reported her to the principal for forcing him to miss out on lunch to finish a project. Apparently, that wasn't the first time she did something like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 120

By vanorav - 18/03/2012 02:41 - United States - Santa Clarita

Today, I walked into the kitchen to eat some breakfast. I got a full visual of my drunk neighbor dancing naked in my backyard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 589

You deserved it 2 255

You tried

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 06:01

Today, in an effort to try and be closer to my girlfriend's son, I bought him an expensive Xbox game I know he desperately wanted so we could play it together. He was excited, until he realised that I that paid for it. He snapped the disc and threw the pieces in the bin. At least I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 572

You deserved it 211

By 613tanner - 19/05/2011 05:30

Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 466

You deserved it 70 351

You're nicked!

By Jong - 10/03/2009 02:35 - United States

Today, I arrived at work, only to be arrested and accused of stealing over $8000 from my job. Five hours later at the police station, the discovery was made that the actual thief had an employee ID one digit different than mine. He works at another location over 1200 miles away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 378

You deserved it 2 772

Rude awakening

By Anonymous - 11/06/2021 16:01

Today, I experienced the fright of a lifetime when I woke up and heard my bedroom door opening. Fearing that there was an intruder, I picked up a bat and opened the door, ready to whack the mystery intruder. There was no one there. No one, except my cat, who apparently knows how to open doors now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 846

You deserved it 147

By Drizztreri - 05/03/2014 00:09 - United States - Imperial

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 800

You deserved it 3 323

By sakurabunny - 16/05/2011 14:53

Today, our cable, internet, and home phone got shut off because my mother-in-law decided that since we are moving, it was easier to not pay the bill rather than close the account. We're not moving for another month and the account was under my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 098

You deserved it 6 689

sakurabunny tells us more.

sakurabunny 0

Monday 16 May 2011 20:21

For the record: I gave her money to pay the bill since she works right next door to the company and i never got the notice's since she's the one who always gets the mail since my husband and I work full time and go to school full time. and before anyone asks what she did with the money, she used it to help pay the deposit on the condo she just moved into...AGAIN FML!!