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By animalover - 13/08/2009 16:49 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid hitting a dog that ran in front of my car. The dog was fine but I hit a road sign, ripped off my rearview mirror, and cracked my passenger side window. When I got out to examine the damage to my car, the dog growled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 866

You deserved it 6 625

Tough choice

By Anonymous - 12/03/2011 00:02 - United States

Today, I was prescribed medicine for anxiety. Without it, my stomach churns all day. With it, I shake uncontrollably and my eyes twitch. Now I have to choose between diarrhea and rude stares from people in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 947

You deserved it 3 019

Praise the lord

By mrb72 - 03/02/2009 10:48 - United States

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 582

You deserved it 19 269

Never attempt this

By rock'n roller - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my bandmate and I decided to propose to our girlfriends, who are also in the band, at the same time in the middle of a concert. His girlfriend said yes. Mine ran off the stage crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 283

You deserved it 6 824

By Anonymous - 29/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Parker

Today, I went to my first job interview in months. Just minutes in, a sudden huge, uncontrollable sneeze overcame me. A wad of snot flew out onto my shirt, which I didn't even notice until the visibly disgusted interviewer pointed it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 318

You deserved it 3 924

By JLoRd - 01/02/2009 14:40 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I'd let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, "Just Friends". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 859

You deserved it 4 052

By rj - 06/03/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 324

You deserved it 3 045

I'm coming!

By anonymous - 24/02/2010 05:05 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 900

You deserved it 4 489

Omar?

By Xander - 24/11/2022 18:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my girlfriend watched my favorite show for the first time and was really crazy about this one character. She said she wanted a man like him. The man of my girlfriend's dreams is a fictional gay guy who robs drug dealers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 139

By Anonymous - 24/11/2013 05:30 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 241

You deserved it 4 883

By Anonymous - 22/11/2013 14:49 - United States - Clemmons

Today, I had to explain to my pregnant friend that her plan to get drunk and get a tattoo needed to wait at least 8 months. She then went out for a smoke to calm down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 686

You deserved it 4 262

Call CPS!

By Anonymous - 30/05/2020 17:00

Today, I discovered via my webcam that my brother believes in teaching babies to self-soothe, which in practice means ignoring my baby until she stops crying, only changing the nappy once in the 7 hours I was at work, and forgetting to feed her at all because he’s too busy watching Netflix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 112

You deserved it 324

Private everything, always!

By Unemployed - 31/08/2021 16:01

Today, I received an e-mail telling me the job offer I got last week was rescinded. Apparently, the memes I share on my Instagram page are "tasteless" and don’t fit the company’s values. I forgot my profile is public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 1 949

By likwidsol - 28/01/2009 19:21 - United States

Today, walking to work in a snowstorm since I don't own a car, a man rolled down his window and screamed, "what are you doing you f***ing freak? you stupid b**ch!", while I waited for a green light to cross. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 338

You deserved it 2 603

I'm only sleeping

By Hred - 28/11/2022 14:00

Today, I was excited to sleep in on my day off. My girlfriend woke me up at 6 am. To bring up an argument from a week ago. An argument about salad dressing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 125

Long road ahead

By Catcrap! - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Rialto

Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 641

You deserved it 6 518

By Anonymous - 05/08/2009 21:27 - Canada

Today, I was puked on for the third time in three years at our annual choir concert. What makes it so significant? The fact that the same guy pukes on me every year from stage fright. We're arranged alphabetically, and he's always in the row RIGHT above me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 266

You deserved it 4 666

Get off!

By disembob - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, at a talent show, my band got booed before we even started playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 749

You deserved it 3 466

Wobbly

By CheddarJack89 - 01/12/2012 08:35 - United States - Manchester

Today, after doing inventory at my job, I was approached by a co-worker who I had always thought was cute. I tried talking to her, but it was hard as I kept trembling and stuttering from spending two hours in a meat locker. Now she assumes that I'm "special". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 887

You deserved it 2 497

By axel519 - 31/12/2011 02:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 071

You deserved it 3 066

By James - 18/02/2014 16:38 - Denmark

Today, there was a snowstorm in Denmark. I had a job interview, but because of the weather, the buses were delayed, and I had to wait more than an hour in the freezing cold. When I finally got there, I was told the person I was supposed to talk to hadn't been able to make it in today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 38

By Azcrazy - 03/08/2009 17:16 - United States

Today, I quit my job after two years. Now I have my crazy boss sitting out in front of my house, telling me she wants to work things out. She's been there all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 521

You deserved it 4 018

This one simple trick! Doctors hate her!

By Anonymous - 11/06/2020 14:04

Today, I received many compliments from my co-workers on the weight I've lost and how nice I look. I haven't slept for the past month, and eating makes me nauseous. I don't have the heart to tell them my secret is anxiety and depression. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 712

You deserved it 144

I'M ALSO HERE

By Steiner - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 841

You deserved it 3 515

By Anonymous - 23/12/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, I went caroling with some family friends. We got pelted with oranges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 540

You deserved it 23 339

Fight or flight

By hannah - 17/02/2011 05:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my friend finally convinced me that if I picked up her cat it wouldn't scratch my eyes out. It peed on me instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 4 155

By AnnaNick - 14/02/2010 02:19 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 003

You deserved it 10 378

By gjh - 19/01/2009 03:20 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend offered a blow job, but my hair got stuck in her braces so instead we tried to pull them all out. And no, I didn't get any. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 897

You deserved it 13 418

Always save to the cloud!

By beachedwhale21 - 22/06/2020 05:01

Today, I finally finished typing up a story I had been working on for about 7 months, saved it on my computer and left to hang with friends. Came home later to find my dad had sold my laptop in order to pay his phone bill. My hard work is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 078

You deserved it 273

Thanks

By lucy_g - 02/11/2013 05:06 - United States

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of, "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 168

You deserved it 7 316

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The Top

Today, while at work as a cashier, one lady's total was $1.32. She handed me the dollar, and then apologized. When I looked at her, confused as to what she was sorry about, she went wrist deep into her bra, grabbed some change, and quickly put it into my hand. It was wet and it smelt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 339

You deserved it 2 254

Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 778

You deserved it 304

Today, my roommate finally moved out yesterday, so I got to experience my first night without the ticking time bomb that is his dogs. I still woke up at the exact time when they would always bark for no reason, apparently out of habit. For the record, that time is around 3 AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 106

Today, buying lemon juice, beetroot, and ice cream, I was delayed at the self-checkout for an “alcohol ID check.” Indeed, I would very much like to meet the person who can scoff the amount of Tiramisu Ice Cream you’d need in order to get drunk off the 2% wine it contains. My calculations have it at 10-plus liters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 123

Today, I was told that the cute rhyming nickname I gave to my daughter’s best friend is actually the name of an adult performer. I feel gross, even though I truly had no idea. Now the girl asks me why I don’t call her that anymore and I don’t know what to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 96

Today, I sat through a dentist's appointment convinced my phone was on silent. It was not. My (loud) ringtone went off at the worst possible moment, the dentist was rattled like it was a jump-scare in a movie, and had to stop and wait while I apologised with half my face numbed and stretched open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 305