Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend... - FML

By C0olgirl - 3/4/2009 21:43 - United States

Today, my best friend and I came home from Japan. Her boyfriend and I have been having an affair before I left so I decided not to tell him she was coming with me. We just got off the plane and got a bite to eat, he was waiting for me so he could propose, my best friend was standing next to me. FML

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Work name

Boozehound

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Anonymous - 13/5/2009 19:39 - United States

Today, I decided to shave my legs completely to be more confident in my dress. I spent over an hour making sure my legs were perfectly shaved. It wasn't until I had been out awhile that I realized I forgot to shave my armpits. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 00:10 - United States

Today, I was asked to crawl through a sun roof because one of my co workers locked her keys in her car. After I got the keys, instead of opening the car door, I climbed back out through the sun roof. To laughter. FML

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By itisobviouseinstein - 30/9/2015 03:31 - United States - New York

Today, a bible toting evangelist on the street ambushed me and asked me what my religion was. I wear a hijab. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/8/2019 16:00 - United States

Today, I had a really important meeting for my career. The guy I was supposed to be meeting was driving from across the state, and it was supposed to begin at noon. It's now 4. What if I leave and he shows up after having driven across the state? I don't dare move. FML

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By effyou - 10/2/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, my best friend decided to start dating my ex. We broke up yesterday. She also thinks I'm crazy because I'm upset about it. FML

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By Dafuq happen there - 23/8/2014 07:34 - South Africa

Today, after a long silent and awkward pause after asking my girlfriend's dad if I can take her on holiday for Christmas, he looked me dead in the eyes and said "No, you may not impregnate my daughter." FML

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By Jim - 28/3/2009 01:10 - United States

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

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By lifeguard down - 1/8/2010 04:23 - United States

Today, while at work I tripped and fell in the pool while moving a waste basket. I nearly drowned and had to be saved. I don't know which is worse the fact that I nearly drowned or the fact that I'm a lifeguard. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/7/2012 20:10 - Nigeria - Lagos

Today, my dad was making coffee for the family. Half-way through, he excused himself to the bathroom, so for a laugh, I discreetly poured a load of salt into his drink. When he served us, I drank a mouthful and doubled over hacking. My dad barked, "I wasn't born yesterday, son." FML

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By Alyxandrea Loffer - 25/5/2020 23:00

Small town blues

Today, our town is so bored that the most entertainment we got was on the local buy and sell trade page, where someone posted that they got someone else's package in the mail, and everyone in town spent 6 hours trying to guess what was in the box. It was actually the highlight of most of our day. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/10/2010 05:15 - New Zealand

Today, I had a wet dream about having sexual relations with a rubber duck. FML

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By ohgawd - 8/10/2011 06:48 - United States

Today, my sister asked me to explain where to put a tampon. I realized near the end of the conversation that she believed the urine, feces, and blood all came from the same orifice. This began a long discussion during which I was forced to tell her not to put the tampon in her rectum. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2016 17:04 - United States - Athena

Today, the car across the street has been broken into so many times that my parrot has started to mimic its car alarm. FML

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By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

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By shredded - 12/2/2011 00:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I spent three and a half hours creating a Wikipedia page for myself. Three minutes after publishing, it was deleted due to me being a "Non-notable person nobody's ever heard of." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/5/2012 19:30 - Sweden - G?teborg

Today, I had to pick my son up from school after he beat the crap out of another student. The words that made him go nuts were apparently, "You mad, bro?" FML

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By boostedsaab - 5/2/2010 05:35 - France

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she can't treat me like the way I treat her. She said, "because you love me more than I love you." FML

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By Catfish - 29/3/2018 01:30

Today, I met the "cute guy" I've been chatting with online for a few months. He never smiled in pics, but I didn't think anything of it until I got to his place and he started talking. He didn't have a single tooth in his mouth. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/6/2011 21:42 - United States

Today, I went on a third date with this guy, hoping I'd finally get some action. I got a high five. FML

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By mommydearest - 4/9/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/1/2015 05:39 - United States - Mahwah

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. Turns out his dad is the asshole customer that I complain about all the time. He recognized me too and spent the entire dinner making passive-aggressive remarks about how bad of an employee I am. FML

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By Adopted - 14/6/2016 21:22

Today, my mom realized that the "door" part in "screen door" doesn't block sound when she began to talk to our neighbours about how much of a failure I am. I heard everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/5/2014 23:57 - United States - Akron

Today, my mom got drunk and started crying, ranting about all the things she could have done in life if I hadn't been born. FML

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By akieferr - 3/9/2014 02:41 - United States

Today, while undergoing the cumbersome task of screwing the tiny silver ball onto my lip piercing, I clumsily dropped it onto the counter and watched it bounce into the trash can, where it nestled snugly into a used maxi pad. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/4/2014 04:04 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, while in line at my local bakery, an old man passed wind in front of me. The smell was like nothing I've ever experienced before. I managed to withstand it, but the child behind me could not, and spewed orange vomit all over my back. FML

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By blackchin III - 20/6/2014 21:00 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, a fly landed on my face. Before I could even react, my brother "helpfully" punched it hard enough to both kill the fly and knock me out. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/7/2015 16:32 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I waited 45 minutes at the Apple Store for my grandpa to very loudly ask why PornHub wasn't loading on his computer. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/5/2020 08:00

Lemon or haunted?

Today, our boiler broke. Yesterday, it was our fridge. The day before that, the deck collapsed, and a few weeks ago the dishwasher flooded the kitchen. This is after we spent a ton of money to have the house gutted due to a mold problem. We only bought the house a year ago, and have lived in it even less. We need to move. FML

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By CreepyPaperDoll - 5/11/2009 06:36 - United States

Today, I went for coffee with some people from work. I lined up to order behind a guy I'd only met a few times. When he paid, he dropped his wallet, and I saw that he had a picture of me cut from the company newsletter, enlarged, and taped inside his wallet. FML

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By weeble_wobbles09 - 26/12/2009 02:06 - United States

Today, my Nana showed me her new sign that says, "Some of my greatest blessings call me Nana." We stood there looking at a wall FULL of pictures of her grandkids, which is where she wanted to hang it. After scanning the wall a couple times, I realized. There was not one picture of me. FML

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By acorn - 8/8/2009 23:59 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother making arrangements to go to a dinner tonight where I will be honored for my political activism. She made it clear she's only going for me, and does NOT support the gay rights group that is putting the dinner on. I was planning on coming out after dinner. FML

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By Steven - 3/9/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Judgmental much?

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

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By dumbass - 15/12/2010 03:00 - United States

Today, I got into my first car accident. I hit my own parked car while trying to drive my mother's car into the garage. FML

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By random0605 - 29/9/2011 05:01 - United States

Today, the clerk at Walmart asked me if the stretch mark cream I was buying was for my wife. I wish I could've said yes. FML

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By rj - 6/3/2011 05:42 - United States

Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML

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By Lorena - 21/4/2012 19:26 - United States - Kapolei

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

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By x0SoReckless0x - 16/11/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

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By ThisGirl - 21/8/2012 02:30 - United States - Kennesaw

Today, I lost two terabytes' worth of photos to a friend's incompetence. He said he could save me some money and fix my slow computer for free. He ended up wiping the hard drive, and along with it, my photography portfolio from the last five years. FML

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By StungAlot - 19/6/2012 10:32 - United States

Today, I got stung by jellyfish. As I was writhing in pain on the beach, my dad comes up and asks me to be quiet and that I'm embarrassing him. FML

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By fmlisthebomb - 1/3/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, my mother got a call from our old high school saying that they had fifteen freshmen boys in his office with a nude photo of me on their phones. I had sent that photo only to my boyfriend. Apparently he loves to share me. FML

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Top comments

By fleg | 9

#80802 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:47

you're the worst kind of person.

By sarah8909 | 0

#80812 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:49

What your friend didn't mention a trip to Japan to him either?
And he decided to get engaged to you without even breaking it off with her?
And when he saw you coming off the plane he didn't notice his girlfriend right next to you?
FAIL

Comments

By omgitspoy | 6

#80801 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:47

ur own damn fault

Reply

ladypatience93 | 2

#984480 - Sunday 25 April 2010 5:17

dirty bitch

Reply

grace9856 | 0

#1038527 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 1:30

f YOUR life???? I think u mean f HER life 4 having a slutty "best friend" like u. u bitch

Reply

BoCo_fml | 9

#1105197 - Sunday 18 July 2010 5:41

Nasty whore!!! How can you call yourself her best friend?!?!

Reply

lollinda11 | 0

#1115079 - Tuesday 20 July 2010 20:25

1#s right. that's why the devil has a special place in hell just for the cheaters like you. Moron

Reply

americuzz | 8

#1122095 - Thursday 22 July 2010 5:01

OMG! what the he'll is wrong with you??!! it's girls like you that make the nice girls get a bad rep. but I agree fyl. because u have no self respect for urself or ur friends. if u said yes to that guy, I would be careful. if he cheated on his gf for u then he can cheat on u with another skank. plus if he is a cheater h probably has aids or sumthin. I bet u last less than a couple of years and he is gunna leave you alone with 2 children, and one on the way. and u r gunna be an alone fat slob!!

FUCK YOUR LIFE!!!

Reply

berrychii17 | 5

#2227691 - Wednesday 23 March 2011 4:55

i agree with #1 and #446. it is girls like u who give nice girls bad rep. how r u her best friend?? i don't think a best friend would hav an affair with a best friends boyfriend u slutty bitch

Reply

tellithowitis | 13

#2496559 - Thursday 12 May 2011 4:15

are u sure she's ur best friend cuz u are treating her like a piece of crap

Reply

kylek61294 | 1

#2627604 - Monday 6 June 2011 4:10

*Are you sure she's your best friend because you are treating her like a piece of crap.

Reply

Lawlihearttigers | 5

#3502604 - Friday 28 October 2011 7:16

Honestly OP you are a horrible person. You lied and cheated and not with just anyone. It was your best friends boyfriend. How could you?!! And you guys go to Japan together. You are so stupid and so is her boyfriend so you guys are perfect for eachother. Way to ruin someones life! You are the greatest bestfriend ever!!!!
P.s. You should look up Kingsleys "I hate sluts!!!" video !

By fleg | 9

#80802 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:47

you're the worst kind of person.

Reply

22cute | 17

#3539273 - Friday 4 November 2011 2:23

Hope they both dump you. Bitch

By suadelaaa | 0

#80806 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:48

Way to treat a friend. Loser.

Reply

PBaandJay | 0

#1957293 - Wednesday 12 January 2011 9:22

exactly . stupid bitch

By sarah8909 | 0

#80812 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:49

What your friend didn't mention a trip to Japan to him either?
And he decided to get engaged to you without even breaking it off with her?
And when he saw you coming off the plane he didn't notice his girlfriend right next to you?
FAIL

Reply

joeyisinsane | 0

#1019379 - Friday 4 June 2010 23:38

I came wen I read this

Reply

connorfinch | 0

#1024694 - Wednesday 9 June 2010 7:41

wtf?

Reply

momovanilla | 0

#1282929 - Sunday 22 August 2010 7:26

epic fail

Reply

shinzie | 0

#2028961 - Monday 31 January 2011 13:19

FAKE.

Reply

TorturedXeno | 27

#3441421 - Sunday 16 October 2011 19:10

Three things going wrong just so this could happen.
Sounds like Final Destination 5 to me.

By nomadxx7 | 0

#80815 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:50

YDI. It pisses me off that people like you exist in such a small selfish world. All about you. Leave your friends, family and everyone else destroyed in your wake for you to get some gratification. What a friend...

Reply

brainiac94 | 0

#1016651 - Thursday 3 June 2010 0:23

4, I completely agree

Reply

kitkatknicknack | 12

#2111361 - Tuesday 22 February 2011 16:03

you tell em!

Reply

krazygirl100 | 9

#2315991 - Friday 8 April 2011 22:05

yep

By Lauriebug | 0

#80817 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:50

wait i'm sorry, do i see "BEST FRIEND" there? seriously?

By stfuchivonne | 0

#80818 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:50

wow, you're kind of terrible

By basketball03 | 0

#80822 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:51

nice ..y would u do that to ur own best friend
and then go to japan with her
ur a fuckin asshole
u deserve that

By emorockerownage | 9

#80823 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:51

your fault asshole

By magnolia048 | 0

#80824 - Saturday 4 April 2009 2:51

Some best friend you are.

Reply

grace9856 | 0

#1038530 - Tuesday 22 June 2010 1:38

I no... the op is a total abitch. i'm ashamed 2 live in the same state as u, u dirty slut :(

Reply

DeathMaple | 3

#3195625 - Sunday 28 August 2011 17:01

I'm ashamed to live in the same country