Love: Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech,...

By anonymous - 12/12/2011 00:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, and gave his little speech, over the phone. He did all this while his ass was firmly planted in a chair in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 2 668

Love

Good kid

Stuck on amber

Home to roost

By guh - 31/08/2016 15:54 - Malaysia - Subang Jaya

Today, I heard grunting noises from my brother's room, like when he's having a seizure, so I went in to help. And now I need brain bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 658

You deserved it 4 237

By lonely loser - 22/08/2014 18:04 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was so desperately lonely that I begged a telemarketer not to hang up on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 688

You deserved it 6 748

By notsurprised - 01/08/2011 12:55 - United States

Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 430

You deserved it 3 146

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 18:07 - United States

Today, I finally put the finishing touches on my first vacation in over two years, due to my hellish work schedule. The Governor essentially just vetoed my vacation with evacuation orders. Thanks, Hurricane Irene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 812

You deserved it 2 909

By lk07 - 23/04/2019 12:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, I'm stuck in bed with a fever, aches, and nasty cough. My kids and husband had it too, and kept coughing without covering their mouths, despite my asking several times so I wouldn't get sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 992

You deserved it 354

By Anonymous - 25/10/2018 08:00 - United States - Floral Park

Today, I was fired from the job I've had for 15 years. My boss recently hired his daughter as a senior manager and she made several cuts because, as she put it, the sales team was "too old and lame". I didn't know being a young bitch was a requirement to work at a furniture warehouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 864

You deserved it 127

By yamada - 25/02/2011 10:15 - Singapore

Today, all the staff in my company were forced to attend an evening Chippendale show. Everyone in my department managed to think of a good reason to escape while I failed and no other choice but to go. I'm the only guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 435

You deserved it 6 688

By brokeasajoke - 11/11/2009 16:13 - United States

Today, I let my dad borrow my car. I found out a few hours later that he has had a suspended license for three years. How did I find out? He got pulled over and arrested. My car was also impounded. I'm a college student barely making it as it is. Guess who can't afford the impound fees? FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 484

You deserved it 3 275

By elisabeth_pwnes - 16/03/2012 10:38 - Norway

Today, my fiancé came home drunk with some girl. Then he told her that I was his sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 185

You deserved it 3 726

By Anonymous - 30/12/2013 17:20 - United States

Today, I tried to prove to my girlfriend how much I've matured and that our relationship comes before anything else in my life. So I went to delete my character in World of Warcraft. I tried to confirm it, but I couldn't, breaking down in tears instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 304

You deserved it 31 372

The spirit of John Lennon

By Becks - 07/09/2020 23:01

Today, I found a bug in my bra. Not a huge deal, so I flicked him out. Turns out he was a black blister beetle. I woke to at 3 a.m. to insane pain, as well as the water blisters all over my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 498

You deserved it 91

Demonic attack!

By zombie mommy - 27/06/2020 17:02

Today, my 10-month-old kept me up all night after a gruelling day. I finally fell asleep with her at about 2 a.m., and I woke up half an hour later to her hands on my throat, and her biting my nose. Startled, I took a big breath through my nose and snorted an ungodly amount of slobber. I’m awake now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 210

By finalfantasy - 21/06/2018 17:30 - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 768

You deserved it 248

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 15:05

Today, I went to my stepdad's funeral. He was the most important person in my life, but it didn't stop my stepsister angrily saying, "Why are you crying? He wasn't even your real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 070

You deserved it 1 263

Too much Pornhub

By anouk05 - 15/10/2010 05:13 - Switzerland

Today, my boyfriend told me, "Don't worry, someday you'll be mature as well." By this, he meant that I will be willing to have sex with him in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 744

You deserved it 4 639

By Anonymous - 23/01/2013 01:33 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I discovered that my downstairs neighbor is running a business out of her apartment. Or I should say, her pimp is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 926

You deserved it 2 531

Terminology

By yummy - 30/05/2011 03:34 - United States

Today, I learned that "eating someone out" didn't actually involve food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 523

You deserved it 84 043

What's up, doc?

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - United States - San Mateo

Today, I was spending time with my affectionate pet rabbit. He was hanging out with me on my bed as usual. After I finished giving him a long and thorough head rub, he thanked me by emptying his bladder on my leg. What is that, marking me as his property? True affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 216

By Zippermania9 - 11/08/2010 00:14 - United States

Today, I found out that if you fall asleep in church, people will think you're having a spiritual moment, and you'll wake up to ten people praying for you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 590

You deserved it 13 629

By Anonymous - 15/09/2016 00:35 - United States - Nottingham

Today, while visiting my grandparents, I was afraid that one of their many cats would pee on me. I was peed on all right, by my grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 097

You deserved it 788

By Nickki - 14/10/2012 14:57 - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 029

You deserved it 3 584

By drinkdrankdrunk - 27/09/2013 07:33 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 130

You deserved it 17 824

By Anonymous - 24/01/2017 22:00

Today, I got reverse suspended for correcting my teacher. Now my mom has to go to all my high school classes with me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 988

You deserved it 617

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 07:08 - United States

Today, it was my wedding. Everyone showed up, except my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 242

You deserved it 3 205

By Jester94752 - 15/03/2019 16:00

Today, a co-worker, who lives 30 minutes out of my way, had broken down so I picked him up. We were both 5 minutes late and both got fired. Our department takes 30-60 minutes to even start running. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 299

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 04/03/2010 20:00 - United States

Today, it was my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. We had dinner reservations to an expensive restaurant and planned to see a movie after. At least, we did, until he called to tell me he'd volunteered to work tonight. He won't get off until 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 808

You deserved it 3 511

By Anonymous - 11/10/2012 05:08 - United States - Amarillo

Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 575

You deserved it 2 893

By hopeless-.- - 29/08/2011 15:06 - United States

Today, my boyfriend came in to kiss me. Being sweaty and nasty, I said "Not now, I'm hot and sweaty." He looked at me blankly and said "So am I, just smell my ball sweat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 104

You deserved it 7 459

By henley - 23/07/2012 01:33

Today, I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to go out with him because I was having a fat day. After ten minutes of fighting, he threw a ring box on the floor and stormed out. I basically refused his proposal because of my body issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 717

You deserved it 69 711

By cbarr98 - 06/06/2015 01:00 - United States - Orange City

Today, I lost all of my male friends at work. Why? The new girl has my same interests and a prettier face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 766

You deserved it 2 988

By Anonymous - 23/09/2009 00:27 - United States

Today, I went online to check my credit report. My credit report says that I am deceased, and have no rating. I'm at least 90% sure that this is not true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 744

You deserved it 2 578

By anonymous - 02/11/2016 04:18

Today, it was the first day of my new job. It was also the last day of my new job. I got a call immediately after finishing my shift to be told the company has "decided to go in a different direction" and will no longer be needing my services. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 752

You deserved it 836

By Red Face, too - 24/10/2018 13:30

Today, I saw Niagra Falls. Not the one in Canada, but the one that was released when I went to check on my period at work. I had no change of clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 692

You deserved it 255

OK, bye then

By Anonymous - 08/10/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years sprung the news that he had gotten a new job across the country and would be moving immediately. With his wife and children. First I'm hearing about them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 530

You deserved it 160

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 245

He tried.

By Anonymous - 09/11/2017 05:00

Today, I rejected a girl I work with because I have a girlfriend. That girl then posted on Facebook that she'd friendzoned me for being creepy. My girlfriend saw the post, believed it, and dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 842

You deserved it 273

By stupidupid - 06/02/2010 12:35 - Philippines

Today, we had a NAT for our preparation for college. I did quite well and knew most of the answers. When I turned mine in, I realised I forgot to write my name. The proctor doesn't allow giving back test papers after it is turned in. And no, I can't retake it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 484

You deserved it 30 242

How appropriate

By ohgod - 14/08/2009 16:57 - United States

Today, I found out my husband had bought my one year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 487

You deserved it 7 918

By Manstobe92 - 16/11/2009 07:32 - United States

Today, I went to pick my date up at her house. When I got to the door, her dad answered. We talked for a little bit and he told me to take his 1958 Corvette. I politely refused and he told me, "If I can trust you with my daughter, I can trust you with my car." I crashed into his mailbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 610

You deserved it 40 092

By Anonymous - 01/12/2014 17:55 - United States

Today, my mom found my dildo, and got so angry that she beat me with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 541

You deserved it 15 155

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Top comments

alvarny 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 2:58

Coward.

ohmandapants 16

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:05

I hope you firmly planted your foot up his ass afterwards.

alvarny 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 2:58

Coward.

rexgar2000 10

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:11

you couldn't just walk over there? you sat there and took it didn't you? no lo puedo creer...

n_epic_fail 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:24

You forgot an "ex" before "boyfriend."(yes, I got it right today) I don't see why you stayed on the line. You should have kicked his ass off that chair.

twifan1901 0

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:25

I know op you couldn't have walked over to the next room and been like wtf?

LightningCactus 12

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:04

I used to be brave, but then I took an arrow to the knee.

LolFMLnot 10

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Monday 12 December 2011 7:29

You should've went to the next room, stand behind him and said "excuse me" . Once he turned around you should've bitch slap him!

rahavan 15

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Monday 12 December 2011 18:13

I had a boyfriend who had someone else txt me to say that we were through. So I understand how you feel. Some men just take longer to grow a pair. Until then just view relationships as practice for the real thing.

rcloca 10

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:02

Was it a nice speech?

RadPenny 6

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:21

Does it matter?

graham11 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:02

Is there such thing as a nice break up speech said by a coward who can't even walk into the next room and recite it in person?

oA_Fiasco 8

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:04

haha epic

aceman1992 9

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:17

Did he pull a peter griffin and pretend he was somewhere else while using the house phone?

Boomshadow 3

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:04

I'm confused. Did he walk to the next room and then call you? Who does that?

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:19

5 how the fuck could this FML possibly confuse you, alas the smart human are a dying race.

kbt13 0

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:09

"the smart human 'are' a dying race" indeed

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:53

You confuse me, why did you empasize

EvilPotato 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:59

My bad accendentaly clicked send, damn iPhones, as I was about to say was, why did you emphasize the 'are' in my statement.

mk58 31

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Monday 12 December 2011 5:13

I believe 44 was pointing out that the use of "are" was incorrect in your statement. It's supposed to be "is" since "the smart human" is singular.

CanWeMicrowaveIt 11

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Monday 12 December 2011 6:47

He meant because the human needs to be plural to use are in the sentence. But I found it as ironic humor xD Edit: well 63, this is awkward.... I did not see your post xD

Phyre24 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:05

Ouch, he's a cowardly ass.

ohmandapants 16

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:05

I hope you firmly planted your foot up his ass afterwards.

Dandeska 7

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Monday 12 December 2011 12:48

Hope karma gets dickheads like these u know? Strike them with lightning or smth

ohmandapants 16

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:50

I don't think OP should wait around for karma.

SandiRainbowFish 20

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Saturday 17 December 2011 17:55

I think OP should take it upon herself to be sure that "karma" gets him back...in the form of her boot up his ass.

baseballplaya5 7

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:06

That's usually when you punch him in the face

desireev 17

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:07

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

MikeDa1Da 14

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:44

That's pretty hot ;)

aceman1992 9

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Monday 12 December 2011 4:43

9- Are you fucking crazy? You sound insane.

CoolRainbowdash 15

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Monday 12 December 2011 15:10

You sound nice

Buttsexpirate 9

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Monday 12 December 2011 3:09

"I know baby, but my unwillingness to face you shows how uncommitted I was. Now if you please, go out the window to your left. I don't want my roommate to find out you were here."