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By mattrd - 13/02/2013 21:01 - United States

Today, I was making lunch, when my two-year-old ran up to me and handed me an empty bottle of baby powder. I soon realized I'd be spending the rest of my day cleaning the entire house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 504

You deserved it 4 249

mattrd_fml tells us more.

mattrd_fml 31

Thursday 14 February 2013 14:12

OP here. First off, I am a father. Not a mother. lol. for everyone who wonders how this could happen, I should have put the baby powder back in his diaper caddy, but for some reason I didn't. I have no reason just forgot I guess. And sometime during me preparing his lunch he went to his room grabbed it off his changing table and powdered the house until it was empty and longer any use to him. He is quick! I wish I had eyes on the back of my head. Thanks for all the people who were understanding.

Dude, seriously?

By nuberific - 05/03/2009 18:45 - Canada

Today, I was in the changing room at the local YMCA. I went to use the hair dryer but couldn't because a naked old man was bent over, butt cheeks spread wide with his hands, and ass aimed at the dryer. He seemed to be enjoying it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 379

You deserved it 3 502

You OK in there?

By fishyrael - 12/11/2019 01:00

Today, I was on a long road trip and I really had to pee. With no rest stop for miles and night having fallen, I decided to pull over on the side of the highway and pee in a fast food cup. A cop knocked on the window to see if everything was okay, while I was mid-squat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 878

You deserved it 310

By Dsark - 19/02/2014 05:12 - United States - San Diego

Today, during a lecture, my teacher jokingly talked about the time he was best buds with George Washington. Another student then asked, "Really? You knew him?" I'm in an advanced placement U.S. history class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 343

You deserved it 3 748

By Anonymous - 02/06/2010 18:17 - United States

Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 508

You deserved it 43

By Peter80 - 03/03/2009 14:55 - Netherlands

Today, at work, our new cute intern asked me if I could explain my work. Taking a cool posture sitting on her desk I explained. After 10 minutes I walked away, only to hear her laughing with the girl next to her. Turns out my fly was open. And I didn't wear underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 230

You deserved it 73 685

Memory hole

By George - 02/09/2022 00:00

Today, me and the missus went for a boozy meal in our local pub. We stumbled home, and full of lager-fuelled love and courage, I asked her, "We getting married then or what?" She replied, "We're already married, you daft cunt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 236

You deserved it 1 317

By Anonymous - 12/02/2014 21:25 - Australia

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 660

You deserved it 4 848

By AplJax3 - 06/02/2013 21:05 - United States

Today, I hurt my back while exercising. I can't bend over or lift my arms above my head without intense pain. My husband, however, finds my situation hilarious and has moved everything I use frequently to either the floor or high shelf. He giggles every time I try to retrieve anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 564

You deserved it 4 007

AplJax3 tells us more.

AplJax3 2

Thursday 7 February 2013 3:13

Hey guys, OP here! While my husband is an ass, the reaching up and bending over for things lasted until I dropped a full bottle of water on his foot (accidentally on purpose). After that, he stopped laughing and gave me back rub. Since I am currently denying him sympathy for the tiny bruise on his pinky toe, I'd say we're about even.

Cheaply romantic

By Anonymous - 26/06/2021 16:00

Today, I walked into a dollar store as my boyfriend's girlfriend. I came out as his fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 493

By Sarahfizzeller - 26/05/2010 20:13 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend is moving out to California to be with a girl he met while on Chatroulette. We broke up because he thought we were moving too fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 671

You deserved it 3 401

Gonna need that channel name

By alyssac11 - 25/05/2010 04:55 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend has a YouTube channel devoted to taking the camera out whenever he has to fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 644

You deserved it 4 263

My house, my rules

By lordoftheweird - 06/01/2024 15:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, I had to make a house rule for my extended family who live with me: No more incestuous sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 625

You deserved it 149

By Anonymous - 27/04/2011 08:19 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and her mom dropped me off at home. I told my girlfriend that I loved her. She said nothing, then her mom blurted out, "I love you too!" and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 339

You deserved it 5 594

Nice try

By Ma.Sa.La. - 27/02/2009 15:18 - United States

Today, I was walking through the mall with my boyfriend of a year and a half. There was sign outside of the jewelry store that said, "Engagement Rings - No interest for 12 months." I said, "Look, baby! No interest." He replied, "That's right… NO INTEREST." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 705

You deserved it 50 593

What the hell am I doing here?

By weirdome23 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my "friend" told me I was weird and irritating. Yet she has an unhealthy obsession with Harry Potter, hates people in general, and has a Facebook for her cat. Yeah, I'm the weird one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 805

You deserved it 8 736

By ouch - 25/02/2009 23:29 - United States

Today, I had to rush to school to avoid being late. Unfortunately, I forgot to put a bra on beforehand, and as soon as I got to gym class, the first thing my teacher said was: "Okay folks, let's get outside, we're running the mile." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 887

You deserved it 39 687

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - 28/01/2014 20:28 - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 148

You deserved it 4 336

By DBZ - 20/02/2012 15:53 - United States

Today, I couldn’t have a conversation with my fiancé unless it was about Dragon Ball Z. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 711

You deserved it 7 550

Temptation

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 15:00

Today, a woman I work with asked me out. She is smart, funny, beyond gorgeous, and I’d be a fool to say no. Unfortunately, she has done jail time for smashing her last boyfriend's penis with a bat and he lost a testicle. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 328

By Anonymous - 25/01/2013 22:41 - United States

Today, my school's ski trip got canceled, because "All the snow makes the roads unsafe." We can't go skiing because it's snowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 644

You deserved it 3 328

Quick reflexes

By fml9124 - 20/03/2020 18:00

Today, my girlfriend's 8-year-old daughter decided that I'm going to marry her mom and send her to an orphanage. I blurted out, "Marriage?! No one's talking about marriage!" Now my girlfriend is mad at me, and her daughter is still scared of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 902

You deserved it 868

Stay safe, stay home

By Anonymous - 17/03/2020 05:30

Today, my professor gave me a huge lecture in front of the class about showing up sick, about how I was endangering the lives of other students, and kicked me out of class. As I left, everyone applauded. I'm not sick, but suffering for horrible allergies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 015

You deserved it 226

Whatever works

By dumblonde78 - 17/07/2021 14:01

Today, I noticed that to get my boyfriend to do what I want, I must bribe him with food instead of sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 313

Slight overreaction?

By Anonymous - 19/03/2020 07:37

Today, my husband and I recently decided not to have kids, because neither of us like children. Learning this, my dad wrote me out of his will and my mother swore on the Bible in church that she’s never going to speak to me again until I obey God's word and start multiplying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 470

You deserved it 296

Troll level 3000

By really?! - 22/03/2020 06:30

Today, I found my car with its front end smashed in. The offender was nowhere to be seen, but had left a helpful note that stated, "Sorry about your car but you can go fuck yourself because you will never find me. Muwahahaha!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 939

You deserved it 149

The Times They Are a-Changin'

By Anonymous - 22/07/2021 16:01

Today, thanks to my ex-husband's misogyny, my son is now convinced girls are inherently weaker and that if he had to, he could beat any woman in a fight, even if she was a trained martial artist or a soldier, because, "Men are the stronger gender." I can kick both their asses, husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 290

By Brooke - 15/01/2013 05:45 - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 530

You deserved it 3 567

Is he the guy from the earlier FML??

By sourgirl101 - 25/03/2020 02:00

Today, my husband's number was mistakenly added to a group chat of my co-workers dealing with COVID-19. Despite my asking him to stop, he keeps sending corny memes that has offended most of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 472

You deserved it 340

By frozen solid - 06/01/2014 02:04 - United States - Allentown

Today, I spent nearly half an hour clearing several inches of snow off my car. After almost suffering from hypothermia, I finished. Except the car keys were missing from my pocket, presumably buried under a foot of snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 948

You deserved it 6 902

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The Top

Today, my mom was driving with my brothers and sister in the back seat. She was turned around talking to us, when my sister told my mom that she missed the light. She ran it, then screamed at us about not paying attention and noticing your surroundings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 481

You deserved it 1 567

Today, I decided to sunbathe in my backyard in an attempt to be healthy. The result? Insect bites over my body. Somehow, despite being fully clothed the entire time, my scrotum also received several bites. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 078

You deserved it 10 572

Today, I found out I was 13th in a graduating class of about 350 students. When I told my mother, without batting an eye, she told me, "Hey, shit floats". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 633

You deserved it 2 992

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 941

You deserved it 3 723

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 023

You deserved it 12 232

Today, I decided to be adventurous and try a new exotic fruit. I bought a dragon fruit, but no one warned me that it looks better on Instagram than it tastes. Now I have a fridge full of disappointment and a dragon fruit that's more like a dragon letdown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 149

You deserved it 685