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Needs more training

By catlady'sdaughter - 03/07/2020 17:01

Today, my mom read online you could train cats to relieve themselves in the toilet. Without reading any further, she took away the litter tray. My house reeks of cat piss and shit, and she still refuses to give the cat its litter tray back, insisting it'll work eventually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 168

By SickSmick - 09/02/2010 12:22 - United Kingdom

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning, and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 609

You deserved it 3 494

Keep it down

By rattlingfloorboards - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a Karate dojo opened under my apartment. It's like living in a Bruce Lee movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 159

You deserved it 3 382

Not bothered

By Username - 08/02/2011 16:57 - United States

Today, I wanted to propose to my girlfriend, so I bought M&M's which I had customized with the words "Will you marry me?" on them. She ate them all without reading them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 893

You deserved it 15 360

By Raprotcommander - 07/02/2011 15:47 - United States

Today, I used my AA handbook as a beer coaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 305

You deserved it 54 329

By Bruja5 - 07/02/2010 05:15 - United States

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 417

You deserved it 6 169

By Username - 06/02/2011 00:10 - United States

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 062

You deserved it 7 264

By Elcam - 16/10/2013 08:22 - Belgium

Today, I replaced a usually fun collegue's picture of his kids with a picture of my face against glass, so it looked I was inside the screen. Everyone laughed, but he reported me because I tried to "erase his children" and "if anything happens to them" it's now my fault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 859

You deserved it 5 645

Don't harsh our buzz, filthy human

By Ubehage - 06/01/2023 03:00 - Denmark

Today, I bought a huge 1kg bag of catnip and told the delivery driver to just leave the package inside the door. They then left me a soft plastic bag full of catnip. Guess who came home to two stoned cats and a messed up house… FML

I agree, your life sucks 340

You deserved it 1 125

Nice guys

By fatgirl4 - 20/07/2009 23:31 - United States

Today, I was at the gym running with intensity on the treadmill. As I was working out, I noticed a few guys behind me staring at me. I figured they were checking me out because I was losing some weight and looking better. Turns out they were betting on how much longer "Fat Ass" could last. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 212

You deserved it 6 653

By jessica - 02/02/2011 20:59 - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he stopped, got off, walked into the kitchen grabbed a doughnut, and came back to finish while he ate it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 396

You deserved it 7 478

Make your mind up

By firedupasshole - 27/07/2020 05:01

Today, while taking to-go orders at my restaurant, a customer called saying he wanted his food well done. He even said, “Burn it to a crisp.” Which is what I told the kitchen. When he came to pick it up, he opened his food, inspected it and screamed, “Not this burned, you damn retard!” and threw it at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 153

By anon - 29/01/2015 18:32 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I woke up after taking the new sleeping pills I was prescribed for my insomnia. I slept for 12 hours and had 5 missed calls from my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 243

You deserved it 2 872

Noise

By wide awake - 31/07/2020 14:01

Today, I'm spending the night at my family’s house. I have to share a room with my two kids and their mother. The three of them snore like warthogs in a zoo. Desperate for sleep, I went to go sleep on the couch. The dog sleeping on the rug snores like an old truck. I’m never going to get any sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 237

Bad news

By Anonymous - 01/08/2020 20:01

Today, I knew it was going to be a fun day when I woke up to find that my kids' new puppy had died in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 921

You deserved it 138

Noisy lover

By Foxy17 - 05/08/2020 05:01

Today, the new heart medication I take makes it hard for me to get an erection. It also gives me gas. My wife is getting sick of me farting when we're finally able to screw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 782

You deserved it 168

Opiates rule

By Anonymous - 20/01/2023 06:00 - United States - Georgetown

Today, I am 10 years clean from an opiate addiction. It’s also been 10 years since I began suffering from severe restless legs syndrome, to the point I cry from frustration and sleep deprivation almost every night. I’ve tried several medications, they don’t help. A recent injury has made me realize opiates do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 147

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 14:33 - United States - Canyon Country

Today, I walked in on my mom blow-drying my grinning dad's pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 325

You deserved it 4 591

By no low five - 30/11/2011 11:17 - United States

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 916

You deserved it 6 069

Stolen valor

By Anonymous - 15/07/2009 06:58 - Canada

Today, my husband rescued our daughter's cat from a tree. She spent the next hour clapping and telling me how much of a hero he was. Last night at 2 a.m., I was awoken by meowing and had to rescue the same cat from the same tree, in the dark, and halfway down he shit on me. No one called me a hero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 003

You deserved it 5 966

By 3 More Months - 30/09/2013 06:02 - United States - Stanford

Today, I got paired up with a coworker for a three-month project. All he talks about is how attractive my girlfriend is and what he would do with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 451

You deserved it 3 746

By Patrick - 27/01/2010 11:55 - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 563

You deserved it 5 303

Where's the justice?

By Skazzy3 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff

Today, I got banned from my school library after I ran after a guy who stole my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 538

You deserved it 2 314

Ghost rider

By mellbelle32 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my visiting cousin was driving me to pick-up and pay for my wedding cake at the bakery. The cops pulled him over for speeding and as it turns out his license was expired. I ended up having to use my wedding cake money to bail him out of jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 602

You deserved it 3 589

By PO'd big bro - 13/01/2015 01:11 - United States - Toccoa

Today, I had to call a few different women and explain to them that my little brother had catfished them. I had to do it because he is mute and my parents were too busy screaming at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 2 282

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 16:12 - United States

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. No one picked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 515

You deserved it 6 939

Empathy

By kumcat - 11/01/2015 05:57 - United States - Aurora

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me by canceling our relationship status on Facebook. I commented in disbelief, only for my dad to reply, "#rekt", then, "But seriously, about time. She's gonna give your balls back, right?" Thanks for the support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 991

You deserved it 3 986

Some things never change…

By bastardchild_01 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, after much reluctance due to fear of causing a huge debate, I finally posted something on Facebook about the presidential debates. However, the post sparked an argument with my mom's childhood best friend, that ended with her telling me that my dad isn't actually my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 682

You deserved it 3 925

Make it stop

By Anonymous - 22/09/2013 11:36 - United States - Big Pine Key

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6 a.m. to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 053

You deserved it 2 765

Broken

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I recently got out of hospital after suffering a bad head injury. My doctor warned me I might have localised skin numbness, and it turns out I do. In my penis. Can’t feel a thing down there. We discovered this in bed, where nothing could get a rise out of me because it was completely dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 266

You deserved it 182

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The Top

Today, I was shopping, and tried on a skirt that was a size smaller than usual, thinking that I would fit in. Not only did it not fit, neither I nor the sales assistant could get it off me, because the zip got stuck. She had to cut me out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 525

You deserved it 29 495

Today, my friends told me that they couldn't make it to my birthday dinner unless I changed the time, because I'd made dinner reservations that would clash with the new episode of Jersey Shore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 685

You deserved it 9 065

Today, I fulfilled a lifelong dream by attending a Dallas Cowboys football game. Our sitter fell through at the last minute so I took my five-year-old son instead of my wife. We had to leave after the first quarter because he threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 574

You deserved it 817

Today, my sister and I have been in a prank war. She spammed my phone with dozens of random dick pics from the internet. My boyfriend saw and accused me of cheating. Now he won’t talk to me, and my sister won’t help me explain things. Guess she won. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 672

You deserved it 306

Today, almost 7 weeks after the second interview for a job I really wanted, and hearing nothing from the job or the staffing agents, I got an email saying they won’t be hiring me. I gave up my search a few weeks ago when I started the third trimester of my pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 231

Today, after I donated $250 to an influencer promising "insider truth" streams, he vanished overnight, channel gone, comments disabled. I called friends for a loan but they're dealing with their own bills. I skipped lunch for two days and now my car payment is overdue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 1 450