Work: Today, I went to a professional development meeting with my boss...

By jeffcarp - 03/06/2016 16:13 - Italy - Bologna

Today, I went to a professional development meeting with my boss to discuss how I'm doing and what we want from each other next year. I left without a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 974

You deserved it 918

jeffcarp tells us more.

jeffcarp 9

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Saturday 4 June 2016 17:08

Hi OP here! Thanks for the funnies, laugh in the face of adversity I believe! Just to elaborate some more- I'd asked for the meeting, had been asking for a few weeks. I thought something wasn't right as they never responded, but when a time and place was confirmed I thought 'at last!' This sort of thing happens a lot in my job, so I was still none the wiser. I was basically told that there were too many others in the company with the same job title as me, and one has to go and they chose me. I stated that that was quite the opposite of what I thought we would be talking about and that was that. I have a notice period to work and want to check my rights and entitlements in the meantime- I'm hoping there's some sort of payoff! It's not all bad news though, I have another job lined up for me if I want it so I won't be out of pocket. It's strange how life can suddenly change!

Work

This Charming Man

Batman

Ungeeked

Charming...

By Anonymous - 01/06/2018 15:00

Today, my toddler is starting to realize when she has a dirty diaper. How do I know? She walked up to me with a shit covered hand, saying "Poop Mommy! Poop!!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 295

You deserved it 380

By damn... - 28/10/2008 08:40 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a job conference. At lunch, I saw this stunning guy. At dessert time, I coughed so much that the piece of chocolate cake in my mouth went straight onto his glasses. I think it's too late to introduce myself now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 648

You deserved it 6 234

By Anonymous - 21/04/2015 15:40 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 292

You deserved it 2 902

By mentallyscarred - 31/01/2011 09:34 - United States

Today, while I was waiting at a bus stop, a man stopped at the red light and smiled at me. I smiled back. He blew me a kiss and drove away, just as I realized he was masturbating behind the wheel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 023

You deserved it 4 687

By Anonymous - 25/01/2018 12:00 - United States - Papillion

Today, I was left at home alone while my friends went on a trip to Paris I paid for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 362

You deserved it 644

By Anonymous - 07/01/2014 21:24 - United States

Today, I woke up to my psycho roommate trying to baptize me in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 283

You deserved it 5 201

By jenA - 21/08/2012 13:04 - United States - Russellville

Today, I realized the fastest way to wake up isn't from an alarm clock. It's from the warm, wet sensation of your old and senile cat peeing on you and your bed. I swear he was smiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 2 973

By johnny121 - 01/01/2010 19:14 - France

Today, I had to go to the hospital. While I was there, my mom started hitting on a doctor. Later I saw them making out in the room next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 977

You deserved it 2 647

Kitchen Nightmares

By cook for yourself dammit! - 12/07/2020 14:01

Today, tired of my husband complaining that my food was basic and bland, I went out of my way to learn to cook using new recipes and fresh ingredients. He complained that I took too long to make dinner, and that the food is "fancied up shit." He can cook his own meals now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 572

You deserved it 186

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 16:23 - Sweden - Alings?s

Today, the paternity test came back. It's like I suspected all along; my "son" is actually my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 311

You deserved it 1 839

By failureparent - 21/03/2011 01:25 - United States

Today, in an attempt to get my son to stop playing Call of Duty, I threw his Xbox controller out the window. He was so desperate, he followed it. His bedroom is on the second floor. My son has 3 broken ribs, and no future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 790

You deserved it 54 472

By upsetandunjustified - 04/11/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 789

You deserved it 6 344

Comedic timing

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 16:00 - United States - Knoxville

Today, while at a family baby shower, my grandfather thought it would be funny to inform me, in front of everyone, that I had gotten fat. I'm 7 months pregnant and the baby shower was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 149

By Magnus_the_Red - 09/09/2009 04:13 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 520

You deserved it 3 961

Malding

By ptwm - 25/01/2010 20:10 - United States

Today, while vainly running a comb through my balding hair, I noticed a hair sticking out of my nose. I yanked it out, and the pain made me tear up a little. It was an inch long. I'm 24 and beginning to have more hair in my nose than on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 553

You deserved it 2 922

WTF people?!

By Anonymous - 26/04/2020 08:00

Today, as an essential worker, some lady tore me a new one because we were out of large sanitizer bottles. Our doors opened at 9 a.m. and she didn't show up until 2 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 103

By badsitter - 05/04/2018 19:00

Today, my mother stopped speaking to me because I won’t let her babysit anymore. Her idea of babysitting is to sit my daughter alone with a tablet and a pile of sugary junk food for 7 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 208

You deserved it 293

Smart kid

By bleredoshia - 08/04/2010 04:27 - New Zealand

Today, after church, my 5-year-old son asked me about God, so I answered his questions in full. We talked about God for over 2 hours. At the end of it all, he pondered for a moment, before saying to me, "That's the stupidest thing I ever heard. You're dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 523

You deserved it 61 923

By Courtney - 12/11/2011 21:13 - United States

Today, only after I almost knocked myself out cold with the shampoo bottle, did I finally get some out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 289

You deserved it 6 039

By worstwaytodumpagirl - 28/12/2013 22:34 - United Kingdom - Harrow

Today, my boyfriend bought me a pair of jeans. I couldn't fit into them, and he reacted to this by saying I've gotten too fat for him, and he can't be with me anymore. I took them off and saw they were a size 4. I've been a size 8 for the past 2 years, and he knows this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 917

You deserved it 3 541

Family

By megamonster99 - 07/11/2016 15:06 - United States - Silver Spring

Today, I helped my hoarder grandfather clean out his garage. Not only did I step on a nail, I also slipped in a puddle of used oil that's been sitting out for two years, and broke my nose. He didn't pay me since I wasn't able to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 235

You deserved it 990

By gotta love my momma - 28/08/2014 05:08 - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 138

You deserved it 11 241

By someonepleasehelpme - 18/07/2014 16:49 - United States - Centreville

Today, I ran into my boyfriend of 5 years. The weird thing was that he was supposed to be in Iran. The even weirder thing was that he was with his wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 722

You deserved it 5 894

By Anonymous - 17/12/2013 21:57 - Egypt

Today, my teenage daughter found out that she's pregnant, but insists she's still a virgin. Who does she think knocked her up? God? FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 019

You deserved it 7 751

By Anonymous - 18/12/2010 05:21 - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 641

You deserved it 91 437

By Doubleyew1 - 02/08/2010 23:43 - United States

Today, the cute guy I met on Halloween finally decided to meet up with me after almost 10 months of phone calls, IM, and emails. He was noticeably disappointed and said I looked different. On Halloween I had full face zombie makeup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 357

You deserved it 4 873

Major red flag

By Karissa - 24/08/2021 10:01

Today, I confronted my boyfriend about him and his female friend’s friendship making me uncomfortable. He responded by throwing the mother of all fits and punching a hole in the wall. He said I have to pay for the repair, because I "made him do it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 118

You deserved it 132

By potatoes - 17/01/2012 03:16 - United States

Today, my dad got me to dance with him. After about a minute of waltzing to a song on the radio, he stepped away and said, "You smell bad. You need to take a shower." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 258

You deserved it 30 867

By Username - 13/09/2010 23:19 - France

Today, I found out my grandmother doesn't wear underwear when she bent over in front of me in her inappropriately short nightgown. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 548

You deserved it 2 815

Slipped

By Badchristian - 05/04/2012 04:17 - United States - Pasadena

Today, I went to my Christian accountability partner from church to talk about continuing to maintain Christian values. We had sex. Oh, the irony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 387

You deserved it 43 064

By anon - 27/03/2015 20:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 775

You deserved it 4 748

By Ania - 15/10/2011 05:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mom. I went into my department and tried on some clothes. After a few minutes, there is an announcement that a child has gone missing. Staff are searching the store. I see my mom and she hugs me in tears and yells, "I found her!" I'm almost 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 815

You deserved it 3 619

By Anonymous - 08/11/2010 10:48 - Netherlands

Today, someone was getting beat up by 6 guys. When I tried to help, they had a swing at me as well. The cops came when I was enthusiastically defending myself. They got away, I got arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 609

You deserved it 4 144

Communication Breakdown

By Anonymous - 18/04/2021 17:00

Today, I just called my now ex-girlfriend to break up with her, due to our insurmountable lack of communication, even though I was in therapy for four months to try and keep the relationship afloat. Before breaking up, she'd blocked me on Facebook, Whatsapp, Twitter and Instagram for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 139

By CaeliLady - 13/09/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, my friend and I were at the mall and saw a "Grow Your Own Boyfriend" toy. I remarked that I already had one of those, and she freaked out, very loudly and openly, about me "finally having a boyfriend". I had to embarrassingly explain I meant I had the toy... not an actual boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 956

You deserved it 6 353

Masterchef 2020

By Reggie - 28/10/2020 13:58 - United States - Tahlequah

Today, I went to make chilli and instead of just using 3 cups of water like the recipe called for, I ended up using 3 quarts somehow. Now I have a pot of hot and spicy meat water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 1 190

By jennlikewhoa - 18/07/2011 10:07 - United States

Today, I got robbed at the gas station I work at. After only getting $38 dollars out the register, the guy then steals my purse. It had my rent money in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 818

You deserved it 4 523

By lilrudegirl - 22/06/2010 02:12 - France

Today, I found out that after working in the same office for five years, I now work with three of my husband's ex-girlfriends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 249

You deserved it 3 301

By something - 16/02/2019 18:00

Today, I was walking home from school and my stupid brother who comes earlier then me locked the storm door. I ended up trying every other door for 3 hours in below freezing temperature. I was numb everywhere. I rang the bell and my brother opened it. He was home the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 316

You deserved it 2 467

By Anonymous - 08/05/2009 02:07 - United States

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 996

You deserved it 11 283

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Top comments

Tripartita 44

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Saturday 4 June 2016 3:33

"Alright, Jeff, we've got sort of an interesting assignment for you. Do you think you'd be up for it, champ? Great. So we want you to infiltrate one of our competitors. To make your cover stronger, we'll stop paying you and essentially 'terminate' you duties here. That sound okay? Awesome. Also, you don't have to limit yourself to our competitors; you could infiltrate ANYWHERE. Go crazy, bud!"

deathrise007 22

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Saturday 4 June 2016 2:57

Look on the bright side, you now have the opportunity to look for a new and most likely better job.

Replyka 17

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Saturday 4 June 2016 2:54

It sounds like you want different things. Maybe this is an opportunity to find something better?

Zatert 20

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Saturday 4 June 2016 4:11

Like a job?

the_real_dvd 21

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Saturday 4 June 2016 4:57

Not sure why the downvotes. You're absolutely correct. I job should be enjoyable for the employee and an employee should be suited for the position. I know it's cliché, but one door closes, another opens.

SpyroMello 29

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:01

#8 because OP didn't ask to get fired.

deathrise007 22

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Saturday 4 June 2016 2:57

Look on the bright side, you now have the opportunity to look for a new and most likely better job.

Welshite 39

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Saturday 4 June 2016 2:59

Ah, the optimism of youth...

mrchristopherxd 4

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Saturday 4 June 2016 3:22

The most successful people have different views!

H4H 15

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Saturday 4 June 2016 3:25

It's not your fault OP, some bosses just hate when you demand things from them even if you are professional about it, sorry OP

Tripartita 44

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Saturday 4 June 2016 3:33

bodyguerdson 16

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:20

Actually had to laugh at this comment, usually doesn't happen on this app anymore

faeryofshalott 25

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:36

The question is: Were you fired or did you quit because of what happened in the meeting? Either way fyl for having to find a new job when you weren't expecting it.

ohSNAPyall 26

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:53

Or did the boss reverse psychologize you into quitting?

james_logan 19

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:50

Carp(e) Diem, Jeff. Carp(e) Diem

ThrottleJockey 34

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Saturday 4 June 2016 6:00

Seize the carp?

ThrottleJockey 34

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Saturday 4 June 2016 5:59

Let me ask you this hypothetical question, Billy. What would you do with unlimited time, and no income? Again, this is just a hypothetical.

sohigh10 34

Saturday 4 June 2016 10:44

Did you happen to call your boss a cocksucking bastard?

naajster 14

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Saturday 4 June 2016 23:23

good one

jeffcarp 9

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Saturday 4 June 2016 17:08

redskyontherox 15

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Saturday 4 June 2016 20:11

sometimes not getting what you want is a blessing in disguise. I can not tell you how many times when I felt like I got the short end of the stick ended up leading to something better for me.