Top

Top agreed Top commented Top favorited

Top of the day Top of the week Top of the month Top of the year Top all time

Guilty

By Rickymyass - 06/09/2022 21:30

Today, I caught my husband saying, “Love you too, can’t wait to see you” on his phone. I asked him who he was talked to and he said, “my coworker Ricky.” When I asked to see his texts with “Ricky” he threw his phone out the fifth story window, saying “Oopsy!” He then threw a fit saying I owe him a new phone. FML

agreeclassic 2 305

vote type 1 193

By Kovu - 27/02/2012 07:08 - Reserved

Today, my dog managed to pull a one-pound package of raw bacon out and eat the entire package including the cardboard. The vets cheered when they finally got him to puke up the entire, unchewed package of bacon. FML

agreeclassic 26 292

vote type 1 2 938

Kovu_fml app_comment_confession_title

Kovu_fml 16

Monday 27 February 2012 20:39

He wasn't in pain. He inhales everything he eats. He as thyroid issues so hes not allowed to eat alot so poor baby is always trying to steal food. :(

Uber karma

By Anonymous - 01/07/2021 17:01 - Australia - Kenwick

Today, I dropped off my visibly-upset Uber passengers off at a funeral. I absentmindedly said, “Good luck, have fun!” as they got out. Needless to say, I got my first 1-star rating today. FML

agreeclassic 373

vote type 1 1 101

By Victor - 09/09/2009 12:32 - United States

Today, I fell asleep in my last period class. When I woke up my teacher said "you missed your bus". I grabbed all my stuff and ran out the room. My class mates were standing outside the class laughing. We still had an hour left in class. FML

agreeclassic 11 663

vote type 1 59 296

It's a gas gas gas

By riappp - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I farted in my cubicle thinking no one would smell it. Two seconds later, everyone came to my cubicle to wish me a happy birthday. FML

agreeclassic 25 336

vote type 1 42 076

Logic 101

By Anonymous - 07/03/2020 17:01 - Canada

Today, my 17-year-old daughter didn't do the laundry. Her excuse? "If it was meant to be done, it would have done itself." This is the same daughter who yesterday tried convincing me she was responsible enough to get a dog. FML

agreeclassic 1 639

vote type 1 293

Jeez

By not getting any anymore - 22/02/2009 03:23 - United States

Spicy

Today, while I was making out with my boyfriend, he left my dorm suddenly without telling me where he was going. A few hours later, he texted me to tell me that being with me made him feel dirty and he had gone to confession. He then called me a sinner. FML

agreeclassic 83 589

vote type 1 7 862

By eejit - 21/02/2009 11:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I think teddy bears are THE most pointless and careless gift. He shyly gave me my birthday present afterwards. It was a carebear. FML

agreeclassic 11 721

vote type 1 67 578

Childlike

By Noname - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, they were handing out free razors in the mall. I went up to get my free sample, but the woman just smiled and said, "Sorry honey, they're sharp, and not for children." I'm 25. FML

agreeclassic 48 230

vote type 1 2 930

By me - 04/02/2012 19:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband and I worked together on a very difficult yard project. Afterwards, I thanked him and offered him a special treat. He was disappointed to find I meant sex, not cookies. FML

agreeclassic 36 340

vote type 1 6 018

Not that handy

By MyChemicalRomantic - 31/03/2020 02:00

Spicy

Today, I found out that I can never go to my local cinema again. Not just because of the current lockdown, no. The guy I gave an embarrassing, drunken hand job at a party to works there. FML

agreeclassic 687

vote type 1 1 960

By SabriLittleRed - 01/01/2014 18:18 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw my sister after three days away. When I went to get in the car with her, she told me I had to sit in the back, because her teddy rides in front now. She was serious. I've already been replaced by a stuffed bear. FML

agreeclassic 40 349

vote type 1 4 242

SabriLittleRed app_comment_confession_title

SabriLittleRed 25

Thursday 2 January 2014 6:46

Heyy guys, I'm the OP, & no, I didn't do anything to her first. The bear was a gift from her bf. I thought she was joking at first, & was kinda surprised & hurt she actually made me sit in the back. I enjoyed all your puns; they were ”beary” funny, lol. Happy New Years Everyone!! :D

By Amy - 10/01/2013 05:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I caught my boyfriend wearing yoga pants and taking pictures of his butt to post on a "Girls in yoga pants" site. He saw my expression and said, "Nah, it's cool, I hid my junk so they'll think it's a chick!" FML

agreeclassic 45 029

vote type 1 6 000

Poker face

By jwz - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I lost 200 dollars while playing poker with my new sunglasses. Turns out you can see the cards in the reflection. FML

agreeclassic 14 595

vote type 1 81 385

B-Baller

By awkwardballer - 24/05/2016 16:53

Today, while playing basketball with my new coworkers, I managed to get the ball stuck between the hoop and backboard. In trying to free it, I also got a traffic cone stuck and ended up having to drag a large ladder across the court while everyone watched. FML

agreeclassic 9 930

vote type 1 1 621

Dude walked into a porno…

By Anonymous - 08/08/2021 17:59

Spicy

Today, I got home from a business trip and found my wife in bed with my sister. She tried to claim they had just had a girls' night and fell asleep watching a movie, even though when I caught them, they were naked, wet and my wife’s head was buried in my sister's crotch. Movie night, sure. FML

agreeclassic 1 826

vote type 1 159

By Anonymous - 20/08/2009 05:30 - United States

Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML

agreeclassic 11 783

vote type 1 67 010

Left on read

By Anonymous - 01/11/2022 13:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I was feeling saucy so I sent my boyfriend a picture of my boobs. He then set it as his laptop's desktop screen, took a picture, then sent to me saying, "Hmm, should probably change this before Monday", only he didn't send it me, he sent to his family group chat with his mum and sisters and didn't realise. Everyone saw. FML

agreeclassic 1 080

vote type 1 452

By Sal - 09/02/2009 18:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found a used condom and wrapper in the bathroom trash can at my girlfriends house. The condom is not a brand I've ever used. She lives alone. FML

agreeclassic 85 831

vote type 1 5 300

By lalararara - 04/03/2010 15:48 - United States

Spicy

Today, I got a 95 on my term project. To congratulate me, my boyfriend said we're having sex tonight. I only get laid if I get good grades. FML

agreeclassic 30 022

vote type 1 6 790

Nice neighborhood

By Anonymous - 29/04/2020 14:00

Today, after my ex broke up with me, I threw out all the clothes he’d bought me before, which was basically my entire wardrobe. Anyway, this creepy guy who lives a few blocks away seems to be wearing my old clothes and waves my bras and panties at me. It’s gross and creepy. FML

agreeclassic 1 787

vote type 1 1 307

By echo - 11/05/2016 18:59 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I offered my friend $150 to drop my girl and me off for at the airport. He's poor, so I try to help him out by paying for rides. My girl being with me, I asked him not to smoke weed while driving. He turned down the job because he needs a minimum of two blunts for the trip. FML

agreeclassic 12 249

vote type 1 1 436

Living the dream

By rightinthekarma - 19/12/2012 15:26 - Australia - Newcastle

Today, the girl I dumped three years ago because she wouldn't take my band seriously is now a successful and rich environmental scientist. Meanwhile, I'm still unemployed, living with my parents, and can barely remember how to play a guitar. FML

agreeclassic 12 996

vote type 1 82 593

They are that good

By m…… - 22/08/2021 18:01

Today, my daughter cried because she went to Sonic and they were out of tater tots. When I say she cried, I mean actual tears fell from her eyes. She’s 19. FML

agreeclassic 877

vote type 1 197

My ears! My ears!

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I heard my son losing his virginity. It was hard not to, I’m disabled and need his assistance to get out of bed, so when I woke up I could hear them in the next room. He sounded like a dying cat, plus he cried afterwards, and she had to comfort him. God I wish I was deaf as well as disabled. FML

agreeclassic 2 512

vote type 1 291

By thanksjerk - 11/08/2009 05:01 - Canada

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

agreeclassic 20 004

vote type 1 41 459

By going to the dentist - 31/07/2018 16:05 - Slovenia - Maribor

Today, I unconsciously clenched my jaw together when I woke up from a nightmare. A part of my tooth broke off. FML

agreeclassic 3 024

vote type 1 205

By Anonymous - 26/04/2016 04:34 - United States - Thibodaux

Today, I watched my high school crush pull into the parking spot next to me, and then almost immediately he started backing out once he saw me parked next to him. FML

agreeclassic 15 190

vote type 1 1 645

Cough up

By Nezje - 08/08/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license, even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

agreeclassic 2 867

vote type 1 180

Caught

By Boredom - 26/01/2009 21:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML

agreeclassic 18 849

vote type 1 76 283

VDM sur Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Top

Today, I saw the engagement announcement for the girl I've been in love with for 10 years. FML

agreeclassic 1 525

vote type 1 896

Today, my boyfriend asked me to try humming during a blow job. He seemed to like it at first, but apparently, "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan wasn't a good choice. He still isn't speaking to me. FML

agreeclassic 4 997

vote type 1 2 053

Today, I was at the gym and saw an old friend. I have put on a lot of muscle in the past few months, and she said to me "Wow, you've really gotten big." Just by habit I said "You too." Turns out she's gained 45 lbs since I'd last seen her. Oops. FML

agreeclassic 12 768

vote type 1 31 569

Today, out of the kindness of my heart, and so he wouldn't have to spend any money, I gave my ex-boyfriend my login information to my Vudu account. Big mistake. He logged me out of all devices, changed the password, and won't give me the new login information until I give him head. FML

agreeclassic 260

vote type 1 784

Today, I found out that my older sister is sleeping with my adopted son. They both say it’s fine because he’s 22 and they’re not blood related, but I just can’t get over that she’s sleeping with my son, and is old enough to be his grandmother. FML

agreeclassic 1 757

vote type 1 210

Today, I went to fix my porch light. I have called maintenance multiple times about it, but I finally decided to just fix it myself. There was a wasps' nest in the light. FML

agreeclassic 970

vote type 1 121