By Unknown - 07/02/2014 14:18 - United States - Lamoni

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML
I agree, your life sucks 59 558
You deserved it 21 339

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.


Your comment is 10 million times better coming from Edward Elric.

What does matter is that you're thread jacking.

Does anyone else think this sounds extremely like blue mountain state?

Well, look on the bright side. Technically you're still a virgin. So she can still be your first.

After seeing him make love to the couch, she won't be wanting him any time soon.

Well maybe she won't remember. She was a bit drunk.

buttcramp 21

yeah and at least it felt good, right?

RpiesSPIES 27

If sex with a couch counts, the I guess Iii--ther people wouldn't be virgins, anymore...

That's pretty funny. Just laugh it off, don't think too much about it. You could think that at least it was her couch, so you lost it to something of hers.

"Uh yeah I lost my virginity to Couch. She was really nice, didn't complain except for a few squeaks and did I mention how soft she was?"

killinpoptarts 9

More cushion for the pushin... Quite literally

Was it as good for you as it was for the couch?

sterling1113 15

Guess what I'm gonna be thinking of every time I hear "**** yo couch." It's okay OP. You were intoxicated, and you'll laugh about it later. :)

Yes. Yes it is. It's like just saying '**** you' but it's used as more of a joke you would say to a friend. At least that's how I've heard it used.

Dave Chapelle. Rick James. **** YO COUCH!! Dammit I need my cable back.

I'm sure worse things have happened, dont let it get to you :)

At least you finally lost it. Look on the bright side.

Lost his mind, you mean? Because it can't be his virginity you're talking about.

At least there was cushion for the pushing

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hotPinklipstick 24

Crap I replied to the wrong comment. Thumbs down :(

You know how they say "Don't drink and drive?" Well, don't drink and bone.


As a guy, I can say booze helps us gents last longer. With whiskey dick and all.. As a girl, you should appreciate that

If you can rise to the occasion. Some guys can't after they've had a bit too much to drink.

I take it no one else here is familiar with the movie "Knocked Up." I think the name says it all.

hotPinklipstick 24

Thumbs up for the Knocked Up reference.