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OP here! I'm really surprised this was published! Let me clear up a few things. I do use my own car and I make less than minimum wage here in Michigan as a driver. I was actually in an accident because I was delivering last month so my tips have been going towards repairing my car. I put about $20 in gas in my car a day and the opening shift starts at 11 AM. I was not the closest place to my ex, in fact it's a 20 min drive to where he was working when he called and asked me to bring him pizza since he couldn't leave the garage he works at. He knows I am the opening driver right now because I hadn't replaced my headlight after the crash yet. The 34 cents was the left over change after I gave him back his cash. We broke up just over a month ago after 2 and a half years living together

By chronic masticator - 21/05/2016 11:51 - United States

Today, after I skipped dessert for the third day in a row, my mom cornered me and accused me of being anorexic. I'm actually not far off being clinically obese and I'm just trying to diet, but nothing I say will convince her. She wants me to see a psychiatrist about a disorder I don't even have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 621

You deserved it 840

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 21:33 - United States - Carrollton

Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 296

You deserved it 6 575

One ring to…

By bchorror - 22/04/2020 02:00

Today, I went to take out my NuvaRing. To my surprise, I couldn’t find it. I’ve had unprotected sex almost every day this month. I don’t know when it fell out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 040

You deserved it 1 203

By Igor - 19/12/2012 05:16 - United States - Lansdale

Today, I have a very uncomfortable cyst in my armpit and a sprained ankle both on my right side, resulting in me limping and keeping my arm awkwardly plastered to my side. My fiancé keeps walking like me and calling me Igor, saying "Yes, Master" whenever I ask him for something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 367

You deserved it 4 104

By RollieCollieUSA - 30/01/2009 17:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other. Before, I reached over to her computer and put on "Your Body is a Wonderland". Surprisingly, I lasted through the song and didn't realize her iTunes was on random. "Rape Me" by Nirvana came on. I still finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 747

You deserved it 6 679

Still counts!

By Andrea Trevor - 07/08/2018 15:00

Today, I finally did the splits for the first time in my life! Unfortunately, it happened when I stepped in wet dog poop on my kitchen floor. One foot slipped forward in it, and I fell right on top of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 516

You deserved it 250

By cheyeahh6 - 17/11/2013 22:41 - Australia - Toorak

Today, while working at McDonald's, an angry customer called asking for his money back. Apparently we'd put 6 cheeseburgers in his bag instead of 5, he ate them all and now feels sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 578

You deserved it 3 053

cheyeahh6 tells us more.

cheyeahh6 16

Monday 18 November 2013 21:46

Hello! Wow, was NOT expecting this to get published! Just to let you all know what happened in more detail, the guy came through the drive thru around 3am and ordered $80 worth of food. I must have either read the order wrong or counted wrong and put in an extra cheeseburger. When he called back, I picked up, and he verbally abused me for about 2 minutes about how he was feeling sick because of my ignorance and that I should have known better. When I gave the phone to my manager, she listened, then sighed and responded with, "you're an idiot" and hung up. Haha. He then came back and we had to call the police to make him leave because he was clogging up the drive thru. Unfortunately, we've dealt with worse people.

By Madison Gliosci - 16/08/2018 14:30

Today, I’m spending my 21st birthday in the hospital getting a colonoscopy and endoscopy. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 940

You deserved it 223

The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 23:04

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 049

You deserved it 410

By uh, ask your dad... - 31/08/2018 18:30 - Australia

Today, it's now a week since my mum and aunt shunned me for refusing to play the big brother and give my 17-year-old cousin some dating advice. I'm 31 and have never dated, been in a relationship, or been sexually active. I wouldn't know where to begin with advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 996

You deserved it 287

Fitness

By mobster - 26/07/2009 17:39 - United States

Today, while doing aerobics in my room, I started doing really powerful Knee Highs. My cell phone fell out of my pocket while doing one knee high. As I looked down, I kneed myself in the face. I spent the next couple hours in the emergency room while the doctor told everyone my story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 364

You deserved it 19 711

By TheKingKen - 13/02/2015 08:40 - Australia - Perth

Today, while watching a clip of the show "16 and Pregnant" on YouTube in my room, my mom yelled from the kitchen that dinner was ready. Without skipping a beat, I yelled back, "I'm pregnant!" I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 750

You deserved it 25 001

TheKingKen tells us more.

TheKingKen 22

Friday 13 February 2015 17:24

Ha! OP is so dumb. His tiny brain can't even function properly :D But just to clarify some things, English is my second language. We rarely speak English at home. In my native language, saying "I'm pregnant" and "I'm full" (because I already ate at the time) sounds similar enough for me to confuse the two phrases if I don't pay enough attention :D

By Anonymous - 21/10/2013 21:22 - United States - New York

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 160

You deserved it 9 396