Happily married? I'd just say "married." Anywho. It's pretty simple, really. Hate sex and make-up sex are both much hotter than dumb ol' "making love." You and your wife only excelled at suppressing your emotions and the built-up resentment is finally spilling out.

if you never argued thats your answer you can't just agree with everything otherwise you are basic in her eyes

Last chance. It's time to argue over that divorce. I hope you work it out with each other.

arguments are both healthy and necessary in a relationship if there are no fights then the relationship is in more trouble than you realize after all you can't have passion without having some anger in the mix

If you’ve never argued at all then you’ve never settled any kind of disagreement or made any kind of compromise in your relationship. Arguing doesn’t have to be violent and unhealthy. Sometimes you just gotta let shit out.

That's actually not uncommon to get divorce without ever having any real conflict. People shouldn't be afraid of conflict it provides us a jumping off point for course correction.

They’re happily married because they communicate their disagreements. While you and/or your wife just stew on them and never let them out

divorce isn't bad

I somewhat disagree with the people who say arguments need to happen. For some people they do, for some people they don’t. There’s no need for my SO and I to ever argue, and we’re the real deal for sure, our relationship is great. We’re both divorced, we learned from our past experiences. OP, someone else says divorce isn’t bad, and they’re right. Divorce is scary. But once you rebuild your life, you’ll see it’s better this way. Being married to someone you shouldn’t be with is what’s bad. Best of luck to you.

My mom always said that disagreements and arguments are not what one should worry about but worry when the arguments stop because that’s when they stop trying. Sounds like you’ve had a passive surface relationship.