The end of the road

By Anonymous - 17/06/2020 23:04

Today, after my parents treating love like a war, always trying to score some sort of victory over each other, while me and my wife never argued a day in our lives, I’m the one staring down the barrel of divorce, while my parents have been happily married for over 50 years. I just don’t understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 338

Leave us alone

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Great parenting

By Awks - 30/11/2012 06:30 - Australia - Bendigo

Today, my grandmother and I turned up to a family function wearing the same outfit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 955

You deserved it 6 063

By pencilskirt - 22/03/2019 00:00

Today, at school, one of my students confidently told me that I "wasn't hiding my baby bump very well anymore." I'm not pregnant. Just fat, apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 060

You deserved it 272

By kumbuck3t15 - 29/07/2012 20:20 - Mexico - Distrito Federal

Today, I decided I need to get a life. I reached this epiphany when I failed to take notice of my friend calling me, until he started calling out my Xbox gamertag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 500

You deserved it 25 804

Energy crisis

By tired mama blues - 23/11/2021 01:58 - United States

Today, I used to think all those exhausted mom memes and jokes were just exaggerated bullshit. That was until I found myself struggling to stay awake during my morning poop and still drinking Red Bull on the toilet. The kids need to get ready for school, and I’m a straight up zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 247

By bevo - 26/08/2010 02:09 - Australia

Today, my date and I went to the movies. After the date, we were both on an instant chat room at our homes. Her personal message displayed "I think I love my ex again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 562

You deserved it 3 025

By Anna - 02/12/2012 08:03 - United States - Monroe

Today, my guy friend kept complaining that no one had asked him to the dance, so he probably wasn't going to go. I suggested that we go together. He laughed until his face was bright red and said, "I don't think I'll ever get that desperate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 903

You deserved it 2 632

By Anonymous - 03/04/2009 02:33 - United States

Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186 985

You deserved it 29 814

By Acolyte of the Bacon God - 15/02/2013 19:50 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, my girlfriend finally said that she finally felt ready to have sex with me. It ended up being so terrible that I only managed to get some pleasure out of it when my mind drifted to the thought of going to Olive Garden later and eating some of their breadsticks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 017

You deserved it 10 360

By phansmootchie - 20/12/2011 08:14 - United States

Today, I lost my keys. My roommate locked me out, then yelled at me when I made her come home to let me in. I tore my room apart searching for them, and even went out to search my locker room. When I got home, I glanced at my wall only to find my keys hanging on the hook I set up specifically for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 284

You deserved it 37 341

By Anonymous - 27/09/2010 15:20 - Canada

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 792

You deserved it 3 751

By Friendly - 01/03/2009 18:37 - United States

Today, I was questioned about a request for a restraining order filed against me by an old woman. According to the report, she's seen me "walking near her house and waving at her" for the last two months. I've been her next-door neighbor for a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 786

You deserved it 2 573

By missprude666 - 19/01/2012 08:32 - Australia

Today, I had to sit through 10 minutes of hearing a man on the tram tell his friend in explicit detail about all the filthy sex acts he'd like to do to me. His friend told him to take a photo to jack off to later. When I tried to tell the tram driver, he told me to "take it as a compliment." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 045

You deserved it 4 479

By Skatedump - 14/04/2019 14:00 - South Africa

Today, on the one-year anniversary of my best friend committing suicide, my boyfriend of 2 years decides to dump me because he wants to focus on his skateboarding career. He doesn't even know how to skateboard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 279

You deserved it 191

By Anonymous - 25/03/2016 03:14 - New Zealand - Takanini

Today, I went to the doctor's after over a week of feeling extremely tired and having headaches. His advice? "When I'm tired I drink coffee. You should drink coffee." Somehow, I don't think that was worth $60. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 614

You deserved it 1 569

By Jennyfromdablock - 31/12/2009 03:28 - United States

Today, I was making out with a really hot guy in a Jacuzzi. He had the biggest booger hanging out of his nostril, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to him about it. He went in for a kiss. Soon after our lips parted, he said, "Oh, you have big booger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 883

You deserved it 36 251

Get where you can!

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 02:14 - United States - Richmond

Today, I realized how bad my sex life is when I scratched a mosquito bite and almost had an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 326

You deserved it 9 753

By Anonymous - 07/12/2010 00:20 - United States

Today, I was going through my mom's old yearbook. There was a page long note from her friend talking about my mother's crazy drunk sex stories and describing multiple sexual encounters she had while on a pool table. I am deeply scarred forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 329

You deserved it 9 920

By smoker - 26/01/2009 02:38 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work, and in my car I had two drinks settled down in my cup holder. One was my coffee, and the other was an unfinished cup of coffee where I ash and toss my cigarettes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 442

You deserved it 30 308

By seriously - 24/05/2013 07:04 - United States

Today, my mom accused my cat of being a "manipulator", and said that we should get rid of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 653

You deserved it 4 551

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 16:17 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I realized that my five-year-old daughters are deranged psychopaths, when one of them started screaming to get my attention while the other pulled the car door shut on my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 313

You deserved it 3 326

Drunken antics

By Anonymous - 10/12/2020 11:02 - Canada - Sherbrooke

Today, I woke up to the sound of my boyfriend full-on peeing into our tiny trash bin. The trash bin was basket material, so the pee was all over the floor. Once he'd finished, he went to bed, passed out and left me to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 794

You deserved it 122

By too bad so sad - 15/02/2009 11:51 - United States

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "maybe he left you for someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 541

You deserved it 2 449

And then.....

By Emmpag - 02/02/2020 01:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I bought my very first car that I spent years saving for. A few hours after I signed all the papers, I let my boyfriend go for a test drive. He totaled it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 221

You deserved it 758

By ch,nlv - 14/05/2018 01:30

Today, my husband and I did artificial insemination. At the hospital, they mixed up the sperm and didn't realize until it was too late. I'm now pregnant with a stranger's baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 292

You deserved it 384

By Beard - 08/11/2016 11:14

Today, I shaved my beard that I wanted to grow for winter, into a goatee for a Skype interview. On the day, the interviewer only used audio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 250

You deserved it 1 774

By sandwichsex - 08/08/2009 22:39 - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend were fooling around on my bed when things started to get heated. I said to him, "Do what ever you want". He got up and said he'd be right back. I thought he went to get a condom. He came back with a sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 11 931

By Anonymous - 13/09/2012 17:46 - United Kingdom

Today, on our first holiday together, my boyfriend decided to spend his time reminiscing about having come here once with his ex. He then decided to go type up an email to her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 120

You deserved it 2 192

Anti-Dad

By Mr. Unlucky - 27/05/2018 19:30 - United States - Woodbridge

Today, after suffering a severe brain injury and receiving a large amount of money from the lawsuit for physical and mental rehab, I found out that my dad stole it all and spent it on himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 080

You deserved it 229

Reset my life

By Username - 17/05/2011 04:05

Today, I updated my Facebook status as, "Lost all my contacts, need numbers". My mom commented, "Her phone didn't get reset, she just doesn't have any friends." Her comment got 32 likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 063

You deserved it 8 677

Simp

By Anonymous - 23/06/2010 23:06 - United States

Today, it was the girl of my dreams' birthday. She already knows I am totally in love with her. So for her birthday I decided to buy her a $60 dollar bottle of rum for her and her friends to have fun with. She picked it up from my house with her new boyfriend waiting in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 410

You deserved it 39 410

By Anonymous - 14/12/2009 06:58 - United States

Today, I was at the theatre with my 4-year-old son who was situated on my lap. Halfway through the movie, he turns to face me and states loudly, "Mommy, your legs are so furry!". Everyone watching the show turned and stared at us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 734

You deserved it 8 950

By thanks iphone - 30/01/2016 21:05 - United States - Louisville

Today, I realized I wasn't getting notifications for my voicemail, so I decided to check it and found out that I had 3 job offerings that are no longer an option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 001

You deserved it 3 731

By A. Person - 07/04/2010 05:36 - Mexico

Today, I was t-boned by a car that sent mine flying into five parked cars. My car was totalled. As the person who hit me pulled me out of the right side of the car he said, "Sorry. I sneezed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 904

You deserved it 2 774

By loverofstrife - 07/10/2009 22:36 - United States

Today, on my break, I decided to be friendly and chat with a co-worker that everyone else always seems to avoid. He spent the next ten minutes telling me all about his abcessing sebaceous cysts. Apparently, "The scars look just like gunshot wounds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 041

You deserved it 5 603

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 304

Alexa, play "I don't want to talk about it" by Rod Stewart

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 20:08

Today, my man believes he could never be the cause of a breakup. His strategy for eternal love? Try not to feel anything, and if you do, do NOT show it or talk about it. Just completely refuse to engage with your partner in any meaningful way. No fighting equals happiness. Right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 306

You deserved it 215

By forever alone - 10/03/2018 09:00 - United States - New York

Today, during the garter toss at a wedding, all the eligible men yelped and scrambled, evading it like a falling meteor. They apparently wanted to stay single, rather than put it on and dance with the one who caught the bouquet, which was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 415

Horno

By horno - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad why the WiFi was down. He just replied, "Why? Horno can't get no more porno?" No, "Horno" has an assignment. WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 440

You deserved it 2 597

By souped - 10/12/2009 05:41 - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 658

You deserved it 42 451

You're so vain, you probably think this FML is about you

By Anonymous - 02/07/2020 20:06

Today, my daughter is so selfish, she did her makeup in her hospital room so she could take a selfie with her newborn son in the background BEFORE she had even held him for the first time. Yes, BEFORE. My grandson spent his first hour of life waiting for his mom to be ready for a photo op. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 336

You deserved it 293

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Top comments

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Wednesday 17 June 2020 23:36

if you never argued thats your answer you can't just agree with everything otherwise you are basic in her eyes

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 17 June 2020 23:22

Happily married? I'd just say "married." Anywho. It's pretty simple, really. Hate sex and make-up sex are both much hotter than dumb ol' "making love." You and your wife only excelled at suppressing your emotions and the built-up resentment is finally spilling out.

RichardPencil 30

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Wednesday 17 June 2020 23:22

Cody Vertigo Bonthoux 15

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Wednesday 17 June 2020 23:36

if you never argued thats your answer you can't just agree with everything otherwise you are basic in her eyes

alex_jaguara 31

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Thursday 18 June 2020 0:12

Last chance. It's time to argue over that divorce. I hope you work it out with each other.

Isaac Shields 9

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Thursday 18 June 2020 1:31

arguments are both healthy and necessary in a relationship if there are no fights then the relationship is in more trouble than you realize after all you can't have passion without having some anger in the mix

mmdavis 8

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Thursday 18 June 2020 1:31

If you’ve never argued at all then you’ve never settled any kind of disagreement or made any kind of compromise in your relationship. Arguing doesn’t have to be violent and unhealthy. Sometimes you just gotta let shit out.

Brightside86 28

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Thursday 18 June 2020 2:37

That's actually not uncommon to get divorce without ever having any real conflict. People shouldn't be afraid of conflict it provides us a jumping off point for course correction.

jriley4u 17

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Thursday 18 June 2020 7:40

They’re happily married because they communicate their disagreements. While you and/or your wife just stew on them and never let them out

thomasthedankengine 11

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Thursday 18 June 2020 9:01

divorce isn't bad

icalledhisname 11

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Thursday 18 June 2020 13:02

I somewhat disagree with the people who say arguments need to happen. For some people they do, for some people they don’t. There’s no need for my SO and I to ever argue, and we’re the real deal for sure, our relationship is great. We’re both divorced, we learned from our past experiences. OP, someone else says divorce isn’t bad, and they’re right. Divorce is scary. But once you rebuild your life, you’ll see it’s better this way. Being married to someone you shouldn’t be with is what’s bad. Best of luck to you.

Taylor Caldwell 10

Thursday 18 June 2020 17:21

My mom always said that disagreements and arguments are not what one should worry about but worry when the arguments stop because that’s when they stop trying. Sounds like you’ve had a passive surface relationship.