Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML
Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML
Today, I told my boyfriend I was afraid he would no longer love me when he returned from basic training. Hoping he would reassure me his feelings wouldn't change and we'd still be together, he replied instead, "Shit happens." FML
Today, while I was on a date, I noticed my ex-boyfriend in the restaurant, and he looked sad. So I walked over to see him and jokingly said, "You look like your mom died or something!" She had. FML
Today, while grieving over the loss of my Grandpa, I called my girlfriend for comfort. After I had cheered up, she said, "Don't worry, he went to Hell anyway." FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my dad for the first time. She politely asked how he was doing, and he responded, “Still vertical. Still annoying people.” Then he winked at her and said, “You poor thing.” I wanted to melt into the ground. FML
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
Today, while at a family reunion, I jokingly asked my 18-year-old son, "When are you and your girlfriend going to give me a grandson?" He then retorted, "When are you going to die?" I was unable to answer at all. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I met my girlfriend's dad for the first time. His shirt said "D.A.D.D, Dads Against Daughters Dating, shoot the first one and word will spread". FML
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Top comments
MrConcise 35
He respawned like in a first-person shooter.
amberr_harperr 15
you deserved it. at least he had some sort of humor whether it was sarcastic or not. maybe he'll forget. but you deserved that one. you even labeled yourself as a "grade a fucktard"
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Comments (39)
WhoopteDo 26
At least it wasn't the other way around, you were informed he didn't and then asked.. Don't worry OP! I'm sure you can win him over later on.
ChaCerCam 14
OP:You should've corrected yourself by saying "without any injuries" but FYL that really sucks.
amberr_harperr 15
you deserved it. at least he had some sort of humor whether it was sarcastic or not. maybe he'll forget. but you deserved that one. you even labeled yourself as a "grade a fucktard"
1two3four5six 23
oh, so you've never gotten nervous and said something stupid in a conversation?
christian1509 21
Never nervous enough to ask a soldier who just returned from deployment whether or not he made it back...
MrConcise 35
He respawned like in a first-person shooter.
gjikvtj 18
But the enemy kept spawn trapping him
Withtoss 10
You sir, are a ******. Don't ever relate video games to our real military. You should be ashamed
iLike2Teabag 27
I bet he wishes he opted for that tactical insertion now.
baseballbv 17
I'm sure the dad would love to spawn trap that guy. Although he would probably be the guy running into the wall corner from the sound of it.
thevelociraptor 31
#17 Every ******* time I wipe my damn screen.
Saraishi 25
Brain fart.
Earths_Venus 25
And then you died. Of embarrassment.
enriquegonzolas 15
We all do it. Don't think too badly of it.
ItsMissLia 19
That was quite the blunder.. I guess it was better then saying something like ".. Huh too bad you made it back.." or something similar.
incoherentrmblr 22
Red Foreman: Dumbass...
rocker_chick23 27
At least your girlfriends dad has a sense of humor.
octopussperm125 18
He'll be laughing hysterically when he starts chasing him down the street, scaring the shit out of him
junkman6 22
What's going through the dad's head. "Please dear god let the babies have my daughters brain."
Garrett2818 21
More like "please dear god don't tell me this grade A fucktard is getting in my daughters pants"
junkman6 22
I'm just going to say it and embrace the down votes. #24 you obviously haven't met many military daughters have you?
KeannaLove 32
#44 It sort of sounds like you're calling all military daughters ******. I'm really hoping I just misread what you wrote.
Garrett2818 21
No I haven't really met many but I to don't really understand your implications.
junkman6 22
Oh come on #48 when did I say "all" calm down with the defensiveness. I was just saying most! Like if you had ten military daughters in a room 9.9 of them would be ******! That's obviously not "all" of them!