Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about...

By Nikki

Today, I walked into my bathroom to my boyfriend bragging about how much better his butt looked than mine, all while wearing my jeans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1663

You deserved it

229

Favorite

Empathy hurts

Sweet dude

Put your back into it

By LicenseLoser

Today, I received a notice that I'm being fined for failure to renew my Florida license. I've lived in Maryland for the last seven years and I've never had a Florida license. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2868

You deserved it

156

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents found several drawings of a dinosaur girl in various bondage equipment posing seductively in my purse. The drawings weren't mine, nor do I have any idea where they came from, but my parents now think I'm a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31982

You deserved it

3884

Favorite

By Hello - United States

Today, I received the only love letter I've ever gotten. Too bad it's from the guy who's been stalking me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31356

You deserved it

3957

Favorite

By notsohappy - United States

Today, was the first time I had sex with a guy I really like. I took off my shirt and my bra and he said "wow, that's disappointing." FML

I agree, your life sucks

118601

You deserved it

11042

Favorite

By Calimero

Today, I forked over a hefty sum to stay the night in a beautiful, luxurious hotel room, because back home I have a baby that doesn't sleep through the night yet. Never would I have imagined I would be staying directly next to the town nightclub. I'm still awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1622

You deserved it

1140

Favorite

By burrrito_ - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7597

You deserved it

3018

Favorite

By shortyybrooke

Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3151

You deserved it

388

Favorite

By Nasu Johi - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3466

You deserved it

170

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I helped a nice middle-aged lady pick out a sweater. She then opened her changing room door to ask for my opinion. I still don't understand why she had to take everything else off to try on a sweater. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54065

You deserved it

4850

Favorite

By I’m bushiest - Australia - Bankstown

Today after flying 9+ hours to meet my future month in-law I had to take a pee in the rubbish bucket from her car infront of her, I said in my very bad Japanese “so I guess we are good friends now” she responded with a confident “yes” FML

I agree, your life sucks

2057

You deserved it

358

Favorite

By thatsucks - United Kingdom

Today, my husband dropped me off at work. Ten minutes later I got a text saying "I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it. He said, "I don't know what you're talking about, Megan". My name isn't Megan. Not even close. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1283737

You deserved it

142385

Favorite

By Anon

Today, I went camping. The night was calm and quiet, so we went to our separate tents to sleep. I closed my eyes, listening to the distant waves and my father playing porn in the tent beside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6974

You deserved it

439

Favorite

By AkaiKitsune

Today, I went to explore a beach that was rumoured to have big crabs on it instead of the usual small tide pool crabs. I found out that the rumours were true went I went to flip over a rock, which was in fact not a rock. I now have to explain to a doctor how I ended up needing stitches again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3824

You deserved it

1214

Favorite

By Troy

Mom knows best

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

933

You deserved it

1557

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I ran into one of my teachers from high school. When I told her I just recently graduated college and was starting graduate school in the fall, she said "you don't have to lie, some people just are not cut out for college. There is no shame." I wasn't lying, I graduated with honors too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36653

You deserved it

2922

Favorite

By ALLALA - Canada

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49825

You deserved it

24315

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my stepson objected to being woken up at almost dinner time. He knows I have PTSD from my 2 tours of duty, so he turned his speakers way up and blasted the sounds of gunfire through the whole house. I hyperventilated and passed out. Little bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6136

You deserved it

340

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Bowling Green

Today, while out walking with my son in a stroller, a couple passed by and the girl smiled sweetly at him. It made me really happy, until we passed and I heard her say "What? You're supposed to smile at babies, even if they look weird." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32536

You deserved it

2678

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Winona

Today, I got pulled off a hugely important project, all because I accidentally spelled "country" as "cuntry" in an email to our client. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16670

You deserved it

16072

Favorite

By VoodooPriestess

Today, my boyfriend told me the reason he dated me was because he was lonely, and I looked lonely enough to like him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1632

You deserved it

138

Favorite

By speechless - United Kingdom - Wallasey

Today, at the supermarket, an old lady asked for directions to the produce aisle. Having read way too many stories lately on this very site about awful elderly folks, I was wary, but helped her out. She gave me an awkward hug in thanks, lifting my wallet in the process, as I later found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52998

You deserved it

6075

Favorite

By furbys69 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my girlfriend and I were starting to get frisky when the Furby Party Rocker all the way across the room started going off on its own and completely killed the mood. I took the batteries out of the little bastard immediately, but the mood was lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3656

You deserved it

762

Favorite

By Belle - United States - Berwyn

Today, all of the long hours I've spent rehearsing paid off because tonight I'll be the lead at the opening show of my school musical. This is a dream come true. Too bad I just got bronchitis. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20054

You deserved it

1357

Favorite

By cjgreer70 - United States - West Linn

Today, I was told I looked like Beaker from the Muppets. After doing a side-by-side comparison, I realized it's true. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42268

You deserved it

4626

Favorite

By snoozer - United States

Today, I received two withdrawl grades in school for droping the classes due to a kidney infection that kept me in the hospital. I wrote a petition to the dean asking to remove the grades. He replied to send a doctor's note. I did this, and he said that I was faking and the note was forged. FML

I agree, your life sucks

114951

You deserved it

4670

Favorite

By pizzagurl - United States

Today, while working at a pizza shop near a college campus, I got an order to deliver to the dorms. Extremely busy at work and annoyed that someone wouldn't take 3 minutes to walk over, I spat on the pizza. When I arrived to the dorm, a woman in a wheelchair opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20151

You deserved it

273685

Favorite

By wellthisisbad - United States - Boynton Beach

Today, I learned that not only am I pregnant, I'm too far along for an abortion. My husband and I originally bonded over the fact that we both hate children. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18608

You deserved it

29333

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23456

You deserved it

48212

Favorite

By dickface - Canada

Today, I was sitting beside a very cute girl on a 3 hour bus trip with my class. She fell asleep, head on my lap. She woke up because my erection was jabbing her in the cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60613

You deserved it

29933

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after closing down the gas station I work at, I went to unlock the door to the building. Turned out the lock broke and I was locked inside until my boss could get there to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6853

You deserved it

480

Favorite

By lonely girl - United States

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46846

You deserved it

4351

Favorite

By Manatee - United States

Today, I went to the doctor. I had a spider bite that had been getting progressively larger for days. I had been putting Neosporin on underneath the bandage that was on it. The doctor saw my wound and laughed. He said the spider bite was no big deal, but that I was allergic to the Neosporin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55662

You deserved it

9799

Favorite

By Anonymous

Duchamp would be proud

Today, my five year-old niece thought that it would be acceptable to carve her artwork all over our toilet seat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1306

You deserved it

146

Favorite

By offended - United States - East Hampton

Today, I was out to coffee with an extremely attractive friend. A crazy man came up to the window we were facing. He took one look at her, then turned to me with a big, congratulatory smile, flashing me a thumbs-up. Then he turned to her, frowned disappointedly and gave a thumbs-down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27442

You deserved it

2419

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Fairbanks

Today, while babysitting my neighbors' kids, their oldest son used a paint pen on the carpet. The boy blamed me and I got fired. He's only 3 and can barely talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32080

You deserved it

5621

Favorite

By Musicfreak - United States

Today, I ordered a pizza. I paid and tipped the pizza guy, and instead of saying goodbye, I got tongue-tied and said, "I love you, boo." FML

I agree, your life sucks

16575

You deserved it

30684

Favorite

By grounded - United States

Today, I went to dinner to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I received a text message, so I pulled out my phone to check. Apparently, his parents have a "No phone at the table rule" and took my phone away until I can learn "proper table manners." FML

I agree, your life sucks

19220

You deserved it

47404

Favorite

By kitkat545 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29882

You deserved it

50736

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was pulled over. The cop seemed very familiar. Turns out he was a relative of mine whom I haven't spoken to in a very long time. We had decent conversation and caught up. He still gave me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28954

You deserved it

17913

Favorite

By Noname - France

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24811

You deserved it

2773

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7810534 - Saturday 8 June 2019 23:50

Why didn't you tell us whether his butt was better than yours or not? Don't leave us hanging.

By inappropes | 31

#7810524 - Saturday 8 June 2019 23:08

If it's true it's true honey. start smacking his ass if he likes it Haha.

COMMENTS

By mr_dinzaster | 16

#7810506 - Saturday 8 June 2019 22:00

Dayummmm he got a fatty huh lmao

By inappropes | 31

#7810524 - Saturday 8 June 2019 23:08

If it's true it's true honey. start smacking his ass if he likes it Haha.

By NostalgiaFreak9 | 40

#7810534 - Saturday 8 June 2019 23:50

Why didn't you tell us whether his butt was better than yours or not? Don't leave us hanging.