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Lovable but annoying

By Anonymous - 09/07/2025 09:00 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I was in Barnes & Noble and some asshole was walking around with his phone on speaker to hear the baseball game. That asshole was my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 492

You deserved it 145

Mixed signals

By Anonymous - 11/07/2025 20:00 - Netherlands - Creil

Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 146

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 02:24 - United States

Today, I was working as a paramedic when my patient's colostomy bag exploded all over me. I was covered in fecal matter, with 5 hours left on my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 801

You deserved it 2 497

By Anonymous - 21/05/2010 12:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that I'm named after my dad's favourite drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 47

Too late

By UhOhhhh - 08/09/2009 17:29 - United States

Today, I woke up, took a shower, made some pasta, drank 3 glasses of water and brushed my teeth. I then left my apartment to see signs posted all over warning us not to use the water without boiling it because the water company just found E-coli in the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 931

You deserved it 4 334

By nevergettingajob - 22/02/2012 18:10 - Canada

Today, after handing in my resume to get a part-time job, I tried leaving, but the door wouldn't open. It was the "in" door. The person I gave my resume to had to slowly explain this to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 077

You deserved it 25 877

By phukt - 19/05/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, after racing home with a jumbo package of toilet paper, I ran into my house to go to the bathroom. I then realized I'd left the toilet paper in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 190

You deserved it 30 592

Where's the beef?

By Anonymous - 08/07/2021 14:03

Today, I was supposed to be let the bull out of the trailer and head straight home. Someone didn't latch the gate, so it just walked through between pastures. The bull and a cow went through, a horse broke into the cow lot, and another horse had a meltdown and wiped out in mud after trying to jump the fence. I don't like beef cattle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 188

For no one

By Anonymous - 07/10/2022 03:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I thought that something that happened with my friends last year had died down. I realised I was on the wrong side of the argument, so I apologised. My friend apologised as well while I was absent, and apparently everyone was crying and hugging. You know the response I got from them? "Umm… OK?" I swear everyone hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 371

Not in the mood

By prettybich - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I'm severely hungover. Upon returning home, I came to find that both of the elevators were out of order. I live on the 12th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 416

You deserved it 36 723

By xoothc08 - 25/02/2009 22:06 - United States

Today, I came back from college and visited my parents house. There was a new family portrait hung over the mantel of my parents and 2 sisters. My mom had always wanted one but always postponed it. It was dated the day after I left for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 259

You deserved it 2 686

Don't push me 'cause I'm close to the edge, I'm trying not to lose my head

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 06:01 - United States - San Marcos

Today, and since I found out that I'm pregnant, I've been sober. I used to smoke weed to help with me depression and anxiety, but now I can't even take prescription medicine for it. I'm about to throw hands at this point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 934

You deserved it 396

By elizabethyeo - 20/02/2012 10:01 - Australia

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 467

You deserved it 46 351

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 821

You deserved it 6 753

Fake it til you make it

By Anonymous - 20/01/2024 15:00 - Germany

Today, it's the day I instantly got a much curvier backside, after doing butt-workouts for a year. Too bad the effect is a) one-sided and b) temporary: Just a giant bruise from falling on my butt on the ice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 410

You deserved it 137

Tense dinner

By Anonymous - 25/01/2024 09:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, I went to dinner with my husband's family to celebrate our nephew's birthday. He spent the entire dinner flirting with his sister, then got offended when I said that his behavior was weird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 164

By BigBangrocksthenight - 03/04/2010 00:31 - United States

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. Things got kind of heated, so he decided to take off my bra. They cooled back down when a bug flew out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 626

You deserved it 10 479

Classy

By LAME - 23/02/2009 08:09 - United States

Today, I was at my ex-girlfriend's house, who I still have a major crush on. After cuddling as we watched a movie, she began to show me several pictures she had taken on her phone, and asked which ones I liked the best. She then sent the pictures I had chosen, to a guy she had met a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 027

You deserved it 12 759

Book him, Danno

By Joey - 11/07/2021 11:01 - United States

Today, I was driving to a gas station because I'd noticed I was almost on empty. Literally a block away from the gas station, my car broke down in the middle of an intersection, and I had to push my car to the side of the road, only to be questioned by police for "suspicious behavior." FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 210

Couch fights!

By Butters - 24/09/2022 10:00 - Australia - Lathlain

Today, it's my wedding day. I broke a toe on the couch while turning on the lights in the hotel room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 016

You deserved it 130

By Mahomie123 - 16/04/2011 22:56 - United States

Today, I had an all day volleyball tournament in a town an hour away. My dad left early, not realizing he was my ride home. I'm now stranded in the middle of a rural town with no way home anytime soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 344

You deserved it 4 042

Sick moves, dude

By Anonymous - 02/09/2009 09:20 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a shower together for the first time. He was trying impress me and did some sort of dance move, he slipped, and when he fell he kicked my leg out causing me to fall and hit my face on the faucet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 436

You deserved it 4 250

Packed in

By BackHurts - 16/07/2021 00:01 - Canada

Today, I paid $140 extra to get more comfort during a flight. The man behind me was so tall that his legs didn't let me recline the seat, and complained every time I tried to during the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 246

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

By CoronaDating - 23/03/2020 23:10

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 482

You deserved it 468

By JT - 12/04/2011 14:19 - Canada

Today, I saw my unemployed 29-year-old son, who still lives with us, reading the work section of the newspaper and prayed that he was looking for a job. He was looking for the comics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 13 433

Overqualified

By Pissssd - 31/08/2009 01:56 - United States

Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that… so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 952

You deserved it 4 092

Toxic people

By Anonymous - 05/10/2022 17:30

Today, I went out with my parents and a family friend. After saying goodbye to the friend and as soon as the elevator doors shut, my parents started trash-talking the friend's looks, stature, choice of clothes, etc. Now I understand a lot about my education growing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 129

You deserved it 118

The invisible man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2013 06:42

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 927

You deserved it 2 410

By sandyhome - 11/04/2011 15:20 - United States

Today, I went on a date with a girl. We drove separately and met at the restaurant. Over the course of two hours she drank a gallon and a half of beer, then her boyfriend picked her up because she was too drunk to drive home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 798

You deserved it 6 278

Deliverude

By omfgwhywhywhy - 22/03/2020 19:18 - United States

Today, I had to take a delivery to a known hoarder. I was braced for the sight of the house, but not the naked fat guy and the smell of dead cat when he answered the door. To top it off, they didn't even tip me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 199

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The Top

Today, I decided to light a lantern and watch it fly with my girlfriend after midnight. The neighbor's tree caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 754

You deserved it 13 802

Today, I surprised my girlfriend by sending her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who'd delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 571

You deserved it 4 101

Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 998

You deserved it 417 093

Today, I went scuba diving for the first time. The diver took me down some 3 meters and I started showing the thumbs up. He thought I was excited. My breather wasn't working and I was using the sign he told me to use to go up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 821

You deserved it 781

Today, I asked my son to show his grandma how to do some basic stuff on the computer. He said no way, he knows how long it takes old people to grasp computers. I jokingly threatened to ground him for 6 months unless he did it. He took the 6 months without hesitating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 1 232

Today, my boss insisted we need to "do team bonding" so the deal was we all go bowling. I couldn't give a shit if they live or die, so ended up telling them I had COVID, just so I couldn't attend. Stick me on a desert island on my own and I'm in Utopia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 386

You deserved it 677