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By Anonymous - 02/12/2010 17:38 - United States

Today, I was telling one of my patients I was upset because my sister wants to go to beauty school, and that I don't want her getting a worthless qualification and to aim higher. My patient replied by saying she's a hair dresser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 827

You deserved it 46 106

Grown-ass man

By Anonymous - 22/11/2020 23:01 - United States - Southfield

Today, my mom got angry that I moved stuff in the freezer, and banned me from even opening it in future. I’m in my 30s, I fought in Iraq and Afghanistan, and now I've lost freezer privileges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 214

You deserved it 219

Repression

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 12:00

Today, I found out my platonic office wife and I are both in sexless relationships. The week just gets more and more repressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 113

You deserved it 333

Smooth criminal

By Anonymous - 26/04/2023 10:00

Today, I found out that my cat has been secretly stealing my socks and hiding them under the couch, when I found a pile of 15 socks after I finally moved my furniture to vacuum the floor underneath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 185

His type

By anon - 23/09/2024 20:00 - Canada - Montréal

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. His mom stared at me throughout dinner before finally blurting out, "I'm sorry, I can't get past the fact that you look just like his ex!" It turns out I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 03/06/2009 05:40 - United States

Today, at my graduation for my high school GED, my parents said they were getting all my family and my girlfriend together. So we all went out to a steakhouse down the road, everyone ordered steaks. Turns out the 'surprise' was me paying. I only got 50$ grad money, and the bill was 159.98. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 884

You deserved it 5 025

Lonely boy

By Anonymous - 31/01/2022 17:00

Today, I sprayed a woman's perfume on a pillow, just so it would be easier for me to pretend I have someone to hug and cuddle with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 263

Ex-friend

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 03:00

Today, my friend, knowing my mental health is really bad right now, decided to yell out the fact I have an eating disorder, and how she never sees me eat ever, then started to talk about self-harm and how she would never do it despite what she has gone through. All while side-eyeing me when talking to other people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 131

Oddly specific reference

By Anonymous - 28/09/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's dad. He was wearing a suit, and talks like Carson the butler from Downton Abbey. At first I thought he was putting on an act, like he was going to yell "Surprise!" at any moment and start acting normally. Nope. That’s actually how he is and it’s weirding me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 153

By Anonymous - 22/09/2011 03:41 - United States

Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 194

You deserved it 3 520

Smart criminals

By Annette - 27/11/2020 23:01

Today, I came out to find my truck window broken. They broke into my truck to yank out the stereo. It was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 104

Picture this

By Anonymous - 30/01/2022 10:59

Today, I've got so many pimples in my face, I could actually fill a bucket with my own pus. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 159

By Anonymous - 28/11/2010 10:01 - United States

Today, after begging for over an hour, I had to pay my sister $20 to wax my back for me so my bra would stop painfully pulling at the hair I repulsively seem to be growing there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 075

You deserved it 4 681

Not now, please

By Anonymous - 01/12/2020 19:01 - Costa Rica - San José

Today, days before my graduation, I got sick with a virus, so I had constant vomit and incontinence. To receive my diploma, I had to wear a diaper and spend the whole graduation drinking electrolytes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 115

Great timing

By Anonymous - 01/02/2022 18:01 - Australia

Today, I was absolutely busting to poop, so badly that I began to sweat. This was while I was sitting a medical exam, and had to write in depth about the mechanical and chemical process of digestion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 124

You were warned

By Anonymous - 20/07/2013 21:44 - United States - Austin

Today, I was removing large shrubs from a house. I heard my co-worker yell something, but I couldn't hear him, so I just pulled the stump out anyway. What I realized too late was that he was telling me that there was a swarm of bees living behind the stump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 529

You deserved it 12 025

Convoluted storyline

By Krash The Koopa - 02/12/2020 11:58 - United States - Litchfield Park

Today, I discovered that the actress who played a girl I have a crush on faked her résumé. Not only that, but she wasn’t even interested in acting, she just wanted a job. And boom, she also voted for Trump. And I STILL have a crush on her character. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 1 213

Take the L, dude

By AnonDude - 06/05/2023 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I sent a text to the girl I've been getting to know online, text which was meant for my best friend. It was a screenshot of my her Instagram page with the caption, "I can't believe I'm actually going to talk to her today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 243

You deserved it 959

Slobbered

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 21:53 - United States

Today, I was running the drive-thru window at work, when a man pulled up with his dog in the seat next to him. As he was counting out his change, the dog leaned over his hand and drooled all over it. Not only did he pay exclusively in coins, those coins were slimy from dog drool. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 979

You deserved it 2 892

Fun-filled vacation together!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 15:02 - South Africa

Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 250

Freeloadin' freewheelin'

By Anonymous - 26/02/2022 04:00

Today, my screw-up brother turned up at my house, expecting to move in rent free. Apparently, mom kicked him out and sent him to me. He's a freeloading demon, who's almost impossible to get rid of, so I told him to get lost and locked my door. Now my mom calls every 5 minutes to call me a selfish asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 93

Flustered but respectful

By Anonymous - 03/10/2024 23:00 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I met Tim Duncan out in public. I went up to him to confirm that it was him and he confirmed it. Instead of asking for a picture or autograph, I said, "Well, it was nice meeting you!" and walked backed to my car as he drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 348

Late bloomer

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Port Orchard

Today, I discovered that my 8-year old is not fully toilet trained when a turd fell out of his pants, shortly after introducing him to his new babysitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 880

You deserved it 9 462

Strike!

By anon - 07/10/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found out that the reason my husband has been coming home late isn’t because of extra work. It’s because he joined a bowling league... and didn’t want me on the team. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 177

By ohsosad - 23/11/2010 06:25 - United States

Today, I was asked out by a guy who is doing community service because he was caught peeping through windows. I was tempted to say yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 115

You deserved it 26 673

Simple answer

By pathetic - 29/05/2009 02:35 - Canada

Today, while getting ready for work, I realized that all my pants were getting a bit tight. When I got home from work, I went in to the bathroom and stood on the scale, which confirmed that I have gained a few pounds. I then realized that I was eating while standing on the scale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 085

You deserved it 59 365

Toxic cloud

By sick of this - 22/02/2022 06:01

Today, like every other day, if you are sick before or during work, you immediately get sent to get COVID tested. I don’t think my sickening pregnancy hormones need COVID testing, just fresh air away from my coworker who has sulfur running through his ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 138

Hostile takeover

By Anonymous - 14/05/2023 03:00 - Netherlands - Zwolle

Today, I was informed that the company I work for has been taken over by the previous company I worked for. I left that company with a burn-out, after years of 60-75 hour weeks, so I'll soon be working for them again in the exact same department I so happily left behind last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 122

Difficult

By stressed - 12/10/2014 06:40 - United States - Statham

Today, as a restaurant manager, I had a large party of difficult guests. They sat in their private room they'd reserved for three-and-a-half hours, then caused a huge scene when it was time to pay. One guy even ran at me like he was going to hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 985

You deserved it 2 688

By Kolkata - 05/08/2012 23:25 - Canada

Today, my son surprised me on my birthday with tickets to a concert I really wanted to see. I was excited, especially since I planned to buy them but couldn't due to the fact it was too expensive. I was ecstatic, until I found out he'd stolen my credit card to buy them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 667

You deserved it 2 339

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The Top

Today, my wife asked why I was so grumpy. I admitted that I was horny and sexually frustrated. She went on an hour long tirade about how I "shouldn't need sex to not be a jerk" and how I need to handle my own needs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 336

You deserved it 187

Today, after searching everywhere to find out where the funny smell that seemed to follow me everywhere came from, I finally found the sausage that my father had put in my purse. It has been a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 103

Today, my idiot kid brother set my shirt on fire with a magnifying glass while I was taking a nap outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 431

You deserved it 2 726

Today, I found out that the built in lighter in my car does NOT in fact glow red when hot. I now have circles burned into my finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 455

You deserved it 29 232

Today, my 3-year-old daughter asked me to carry her from the car to the house. I asked her for 3 kisses and a hug in return. She said she'd rather walk instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 310

You deserved it 7 139

Today, I threw a party. My drunk boyfriend decided to bring my 50-inch flatscreen TV downstairs from our bedroom. The TV didn't make it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 665

You deserved it 1 605