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I wrote this. My head is fine and the girl doesn't think I'm an idiot or anything. It was just a funny/embarrassing thing that happened. I'm just surprised I actually got something published on here :D

By Star - 30/01/2010 05:01 - United States

Today, the guy that I'm in love with and plan to marry some day told me he would choose a million dollars over me. I got upset and told him I no longer want to be with him. In an excited voice he said, "Really? So are you serious I don't have to worry about this love stuff anymore?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 263

You deserved it 9 176

By Anonymous - 16/07/2009 00:17 - United States

Today, I took my road test. I'd never had driver's training and my mom taught me how to drive. I failed the test so badly, and when I got home my mom admitted to having taught me how to drive completely wrong because she didn't want me to get my license as she thinks I'm too young. I'm 18. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 933

You deserved it 4 579

By pedestrian - 26/01/2011 05:07 - United States

Today, I let my friend borrow my car. She parked it in a towing zone, and it was towed. The best part is, it was towed by a bogus towing company. The cops assure me it's safe in a chop shop somewhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 071

You deserved it 4 587

Dependency

By This is my life now - 12/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I've realized that even if I do get financially stable enough to move out, I still won't be able to because my mom's awful fibromyalgia/arthritis combo has gotten to the point where she can barely get out of bed sometimes. It's so bad that my dad and I almost qualify to get paid just to take care of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 76

Top of the morning to ya!

By Bored - 09/02/2023 02:00

Today, I set my alarm for AM instead of PM. Woke up at 5AM to realize I have nothing to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 338

Rushed

By K.Trinity - 15/06/2024 20:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was in a rush to get to work and decided to multitask by making my coffee while brushing my teeth. Halfway through, I absentmindedly poured mouthwash into my coffee mug and took a big gulp. I spent the rest of the morning trying to get the taste of minty coffee out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 472

Dogsbody

By Anonymous - 17/11/2021 07:58

Today, and like every day, after I'd just had finished serving a customer on one side of the store, my boss asked me to go help another one on the other side of the store, which is literally a 2-minute walk away, while 2 other staff members were besides him, doing nothing. I don't even get paid commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 889

You deserved it 127

Both ends

By Anon - 19/06/2024 12:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was in a meeting when I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in to avoid making a noise. Instead, I ended up sneeze-imploding so hard that I accidentally farted at the same time. The entire room went silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 473

You deserved it 149

By 911 - 13/11/2008 03:57 - France

Today, my boss sneezed onto his hands and then licked them in front of my best customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 266

You deserved it 2 339

I'm confuddled

By Anonymous - 06/01/2026 03:00

Today, I once again tried to purchase a membership for a hiking adventure club. I ended up purchasing the same annual membership for the third time. They have already helped me recover my funds once. These people are never going to want to go hiking with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 449

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend discovered you can send sound clips as text messages. So far I've heard 5 of his farts in the past half hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 361

You deserved it 4 032

Today, after finally getting up the confidence, I started talking really dirty to my boyfriend on the phone. I was getting really onto it, and he seemed to enjoy it too. Then I stopped for a second to gauge his reaction. He was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 918

You deserved it 4 696

Today, I decided to cut class with one of my friends and we ended up going to Burger King. As we sat down at the table, I heard my name being called. My mum was getting lunch through the drive thru with my little brother and saw my car parked out front. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 521

You deserved it 42 340

Today, I asked out one of the girls that hangs out in my group of friends (the same group I have been hanging out for three years). She stared at me for a couple of seconds, then said, "Who the hell are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 061

You deserved it 4 910

Today, I was eating at a restaurant patio with a few friends. After the waitress cleaned up our table there was a drop of mayonnaise on the table. I wiped it with my finger and licked it. It wasn’t mayo, it was bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 177

You deserved it 153 098

Today, I was in a Teams call with my work team, and I was getting really annoyed at a woman in the team just waffling on about nothing, I yelled, "Just shut up you fat pig, shut up!", not knowing my mic was unmuted, I had to lie, saying I was yelling at my dog for barking. Not sure anyone believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 100