The Top

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Kinda sus

By Forgotten fiancee - 16/02/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I realized that my fiancé is more invested in getting his lingerie and tattoo-clad friend on the cover of Inked Magazine than help plan our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 785

You deserved it 204

Parroting

By Anonymous - 06/07/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my toddler repeated a very inappropriate word I'd said when I'd stubbed my toe. He chose to do this in the middle of a crowded supermarket, loudly, and repeatedly. Now the whole town probably thinks I have questionable parenting skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 223

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 09:27 - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 2 820

Give me a break

By anon - 18/02/2023 06:00

Today, I burned dinner because my girlfriend was yelling for me to help with a trivial problem. To salvage things, I ordered pizza. She spent the rest of the evening moaning that I ruined dinner, that we don't eat healthy, and that I "make us" waste money on food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 206

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 18/02/2023 18:00

Today, I ran a marathon and despite the numerous arrows and indications along the way, I ended up getting lost on the way to the finish line. I'm still not sure how I managed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 656

You deserved it 359

Fishy

By Kristyn - 09/07/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I asked my husband for the 1000th time to stop texting a woman he used to be friends with in high school, with whom he recently reconnected, and that I’m feeling neglected in this marriage. He responded by saying, “Fine! I guess I can’t have any friends then!” and took a hammer to his phone, breaking it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 546

You deserved it 383

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 05:38

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 849

You deserved it 5 767

Yoyo

By jetpack girl - 22/02/2023 22:00

Today, after months of grueling hard work, I'd finally gained five pounds. Too bad I lost it all and then some, due to one good stomach flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 109

Oh dear, oh no

By Voters remorse - 01/02/2026 03:00

Today, after working to elect a Democratic governor who campaigned on "affordability" instead of a MAGA nut job, she's immediately signed off on dozens of new taxes and removed mandatory minimum sentencing requirements for violent crimes. This isn't what I voted for! FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 583

By cheap - 18/06/2014 13:42 - France - Toulouse

Today, I celebrated my 22nd birthday. On my cake stood last year's "21" candle, to which had been added a single candle. Clearly, times are tough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 042

You deserved it 6 787

By PikidiliJo - 24/12/2014 19:23 - United States

Today, I woke up while staying at my friend's house. I saw the bathroom light on, so for a laugh, I got up and quietly pennied the door. After laughing at him struggling to open the door, I decided to let him out. Turned out it wasn't my friend in there; it was his dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 867

You deserved it 31 202

PikidiliJo tells us more.

PikidiliJo 12

Thursday 25 December 2014 8:25

It was actually in the morning. I woke up and the bathroom light was on.

By laundry day again... - 08/09/2013 13:07 - United States

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend, who has frequent night terrors, also sleepwalks. And apparently sleep-pisses on the bathroom rug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 756

You deserved it 3 545

Sick

By Anonymous - 01/07/2009 03:25 - Australia

Today, I was supposed to work with this girl I really like, but I had the flu really bad. I really really wanted to see her so I forced myself out of bed and went to work feeling terrible but determined to see her face. When I got to work I asked where she was. She had called in sick with the flu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 167

You deserved it 17 963

Badass

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 20:00

Today, my grandmother got caught trying to rob a casino. She was planning this for months, and is claiming I was an integral part of the heist. I'm fifteen and had no idea she was planning this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 69

By Lost - 14/01/2010 15:57 - United States

Today, it was my 18th birthday. Nobody said anything. Gillette sent me a free razor though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 313

You deserved it 3 158

Influencer in the wild

By Anonymous - 21/07/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with this girl who turned up with bags of Instagram camera equipment. She photographed everything, the drinks, food, and yet we barely said a word to each other. In the end, I paid my half and left. She didn’t notice I’d gone for at least 15 minutes before texting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 89

Case dismissed

By Anonymous - 09/02/2026 20:00

Today, my family somehow discovered how much money I make. They didn’t ask for money, or try to be my friend, or try to manipulate me, they just jumped straight to demanding ludicrous amounts of cash for fabricated and imaginary reasons, and already have their own lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 515

You deserved it 86

By WritesTooWell - 05/09/2013 23:27 - United States - Miami

Today, I got a message from my teacher about my homework. We were supposed to write an original myth explaining a natural event. My teacher bumped my grade for it down to a C for copying a myth that already exists. My myth was based on an original story I've been writing for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 560

You deserved it 3 683

Beep beep beep

By chloe - 29/06/2009 09:44 - Australia

Today, I was rushing to get on the train to work as I heard the "door closing" beeps. I was about to step onto the train when a man pushed me out of the way so that he could get on. My handbag fell out of my hand into the carriage. I stayed on the platform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 173

You deserved it 3 138

Ambien conversations are the worst

By Anonymous - 24/09/2020 23:02

Today, my close friend messaged me, asking if she could still move in. I don't remember the conversation we had saying that she could move in in the first place. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea what to say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 295

You deserved it 224

That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore

By JustAJokeMan - 03/03/2023 12:00 - United States - Miami

Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 010

You deserved it 243

By peacechick25 - 02/01/2011 09:36 - United States

Today, as a finisher to a date with my girlfriend we decided to park behind the school and mess around. As we were pulling into a dark shaded spot, she drove straight into a snow bank. We spent the rest of our time together trying to dig the car out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 657

You deserved it 27 673

Sweet kids, what happened?

By Tico - 16/02/2026 03:00

Today, I discovered my parents' first Valentine's Day "date" picture. It shows them as 8 year-olds awkwardly smiling for the camera. Mom looked like a super dork with braces and headgear, and Dad looks weirdly like a really pretty girl in boy's clothes. I asked them about it, and now they won't talk to each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 296

By Chris - 11/01/2010 13:43 - Ireland

Today, I jumped into a pile of snow which had built up against a wall. Turns out it wasn't snow but a pile of cement covered by an inch of snow. I now have a 3 inch cut along my leg and a sprained wrist from falling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 666

You deserved it 29 171

Cringe factor 1000

By Busted - 05/03/2023 06:00

Today, I woke up to find my girlfriend not sleeping next to me. I go to my car and found a plethora of printed screenshots of me commenting things like, “So hot babe”, “Beautiful! I’d tap that” and other compliments on my female friends’ pictures on Facebook. My girlfriend’s not picking up her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 5 090

Sounds like a plan

By Billybob - 28/07/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was meal-planning for the week, and sent my fiancee a grocery list with the stuff I needed. She ignored the list and bought nothing but junk food. I guess we can just eat cookie dough and sugar cereal, and die of diabetes in our fifties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 383

You deserved it 128

Hey good lookin'

By brenami - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my daughter to the grocery store. The bag boy seemed to be flirting with me and smiling. He had to be half my age. Once in the car I glimpsed myself in the rear view mirror. I had chocolate completely covering one of my front teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 160

You deserved it 7 867

By daragnan - 10/01/2010 21:47 - United States

Today, I found out that last summer while my girlfriend worked on a Disney Cruise ship, she cheated on me with Tarzan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 510

You deserved it 3 092

Meritocracy, amirite?

By Anonymous - 07/01/2022 05:01

Today, I worked for 4 hours and made $28.00. I have $1500 of bills coming due soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 204

Always check before sending

By Anonymous - 07/03/2023 06:00

Today, and for a while now, my phone has been autocorrecting "I love you" to "I lobsters." My girlfriend almost believes I have some sort of a seafood fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 197

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The Top

Today, I went to a fancy charity dinner. I'm a schmoozer, so I decided to introduce myself to someone important. I asked enthusiastically, "So, how are you involved with all of this madness?" He frowned at me. I then remembered that this particular charity assists people with mental issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 573

You deserved it 43 113

Today, walking home from work, I saw a little boy crying, so I crouched down to his eye level. I asked him what was wrong, his reply was to kick me in the groin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 522

You deserved it 5 821

Today, our sales administrator quit in the middle of the shift because he was tired of all the bullshit that was involved with running a business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 171

Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time when she revealed her underwear: boxer shorts. She said she wears them because they’re the only underwear that doesn’t ride up her ass crack. Completely killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 5 021

Today, my girlfriend asked me to lick her ass. I obliged, only for her to rip a rancid fart directly on my tongue. Its been two hours and I'm still nauseous. Apparently, this was revenge for my "badgering her" for anal sex. I'd mentioned that butt play is one of my kinks, and dropped it when she wasn't interested. FML

I agree, your life sucks 628

You deserved it 219

Today, after pulling an all-nighter on an essay, I submitted it one minute before the deadline and felt like a genius. Later, I reopened the file and discovered I'd uploaded the rough draft instead of the final version. The last line ended with “fix this later,” which was not my finest academic work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 343