Heavy session last night?

By TaintedL0v3 - 11/03/2020 12:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I woke up with Chocolate Buttons superglued to my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 222

You deserved it 225

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Same thing different taste

By mary - 21/02/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 9 141

Shit eating grin

By lame - 31/12/2009 05:02 - Canada

Today, I ate a chocolate bar before getting my morning coffee. While waiting for it, a good looking guy started talking to me, then suddenly lost interest. Afterwards, I saw the chocolate on my face in my car mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 406

You deserved it 22 020

By Tanner - 07/04/2012 02:26 - United States - Salem

Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 565

You deserved it 10 739

Gotta have it

By kp. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found ants all over my chocolate, but I'm so addicted that I just wiped them off and ate it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 994

You deserved it 59 209

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 10/04/2023 22:00 - Unites States

Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 468

Revenge

By Natasha - 20/02/2021 21:30

Today, because I wouldn’t let my little sister have any more cookies, she snuck into my room while I was sleeping and superglued my lips together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 123

Mouth malfunction

By Melanie - 08/02/2025 15:00 - United States

Today, I locked eyes with a cute barista and tried to flirt by giving a charming smile. I forgot I had just taken a sip of hot chocolate, so I ended up drooling a long stream of chocolate down my chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 520

Chip on your shoulder

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 13:59 - United States

Today, I woke up at 2 a.m. and ate some chips that were on my nightstand, totally unaware that they were covered in ants. Now I have two swollen lips and my kid’s birthday party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 1 148

By brittholzworth - 27/06/2019 20:00

Today, I found some cookies on my bed and got so excited that I kneed myself in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 746

By Heyme - 09/12/2008 13:50 - France

Today, I was working and eating. I was so tired that I bit into my pen and smeared my chocolate-filled pastry on my exercise book. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 391

You deserved it 6 730

Robert Cruikshank 7

Wednesday 11 March 2020 22:02

Twist them off. Super glue has not strength when you twist.

ahabsfan 15

Wednesday 11 March 2020 13:08

Unless you were tied down to an ant hill I don’t see the problem here.

Comments

ahabsfan 15

Wednesday 11 March 2020 13:08

Unless you were tied down to an ant hill I don’t see the problem here.

Charlie Coffman_1920149595 18

Wednesday 11 March 2020 21:34

That's sweet

Robert Cruikshank 7

Wednesday 11 March 2020 22:02

Twist them off. Super glue has not strength when you twist.

Wadlaen 23

Wednesday 11 March 2020 23:04

You know it's been a good party when...

Itsheragain 9

Thursday 12 March 2020 3:28

you sure you dont have a dog?

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I agree, your life sucks 47 736

You deserved it 15 170

Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 787

You deserved it 33 353

The Top

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to see more of his passionate side. He pushed my head down towards his lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 531

You deserved it 14 032

Today, I was on the train and a woman approached me from behind and told me that if I didn’t stop staring at her, she’d kill me slowly and painfully, then she pulled out a switchblade to support her argument. I wasn’t looking at her at all and was in fact looking in the opposite direction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 621

You deserved it 88

Today, I sent my crush a confession about how dearly I missed him. He replied with a thumbs up emoji. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 412

Today, I realized that I broke up with a man that loved me and was great in bed but was afraid of commitment, to be with a man that loves me, that is great in bed, and wants to be with me forever. So what's the problem? Now that we are committed, he won't get it on with me anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 671

You deserved it 23 465

Today, I'm so lonely that I actually convinced myself it was by choice. FML

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You deserved it 185

Today, I was sitting on the couch, computer next to me, lotion on the floor, and my dick in my hand when my roommate walked in on me. Scared and looking me right in the face he says, "What's for dinner?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 213

You deserved it 29 860