The Top

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The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

The shape of you

By KLO65 - 17/08/2025 09:00 - United States - Burlington

Today, I told my gym trainer I’d do anything to get in shape. He challenged me to run a mile without stopping. I agreed, then got winded halfway through and dramatically collapsed on the track. A 70 year-oldish woman jogged past me and said, “You’ll live.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 456

By mynameisnotdrew - 17/02/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaimed, "That was amazing Drew." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name, which doesn't sound anything like Drew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 104

You deserved it 4 115

Messed up

By bob - 15/02/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I see plenty of guys who've messed up on Valentine's Day and not getting their girlfriend’s gifts. Meanwhile, I’m over here having been turned down by every girl i’ve known for the last four years. “I only see you as a friend”, “I’m not interested in a relationship”, “I don't see you that way.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 685

Mad Maxine

By faza4327 - 06/04/2011 07:43 - Australia

Today, I was on my way home on my bike when a lady in a 4WD cut me off while beeping her horn and calling me a "stupid f**ker who should get a proper education." In her car, she was smoking, and her three children weren't wearing seat belts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 503

You deserved it 3 556

Stacks

By Anonymous - 19/02/2024 06:00

Today, and since New Year's Day, my husband has instituted a lateness jar. I have to put £1 in every time my “pissing about getting ready makes us more than 10 minutes late.” I really tried to embarrass him with how empty it would be, but he counted it today. It’s only mid February and it’s already over £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 1 128

By Anonymous - 02/02/2012 20:56 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend confessed to me that he purposely makes me angry, because when I'm angry, I clean, and it saves him having to do it himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 482

You deserved it 6 388

By 4themoneh - 05/04/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, I arrived twenty minutes early for my opening shift at work, so I decided to turn on the radio and wait in my nice warm car. I woke up two hours later with twelve missed calls from my boss and a dead car battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 490

You deserved it 38 482

Apartment hunting

By movingbuddy - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend of a year asked me to move in with him. I would have been touched at this gesture, had he not asked in the form of a text message, saying, "Got kicked out. Wanna get a flat or something?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 650

You deserved it 4 106

"Eruption" by Van Halen time

By Anonymous - 01/08/2021 16:01

Today, I learned that I actually like my boiled eggs a bit softer than I usually make them. I also learned that an outwardly lukewarm egg, when bitten into enthusiastically, is perfectly capable of creating a volcanic eruption of boiling hot yolk all over your hands, clothes and kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 425

Waiting…

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 22:00

Today, I celebrated my birthday. By that, I mean I spent most of the day alone in a field, waiting for my boyfriend to have time for me, then we broke up, and I ended up spending the evening crying alone on a beach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 108

You deserved it 139

Awesome

By Jadwiga - 27/08/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

Today, when my boyfriend came home, I was crying and told him I was pregnant. His immediate response was, "Awesome! Pregnant girls are always horny and we won't need protection for the next few months!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 191

Never crush on company time

By Anonymous - 25/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I sent a heartfelt text to my crush confessing my feelings. I was over the moon when I saw they were typing a response. Turns out they were just asking if I could cover their shift at work. Rejected and now on the night shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 259

By good friend - 27/12/2013 06:35 - United States - Missoula

Today, my friends and I had our Christmas party. I ended up being the only one sober, and had to drive each and every person home. There were 15 of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 556

You deserved it 5 820

Read the room

By Anonymous - 28/02/2024 12:00 - United States - Maryland Heights

Today, I proposed to the girl of my dreams. She asked me who I was, and maced me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 1 315

By yayaimannoying - 09/03/2010 01:39 - United States

Today, I posted a pic of my prom dress on facebook. The dress looked amazing on me and it just felt so right. So I spent every single dollar I had and some borrowed to buy the dress. When I logged on later that night, the first comment asked "Is this a joke?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 611

You deserved it 5 131

Healthy relationship goals

By leapfrog998 - 05/08/2021 20:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Today, my husband told me to stop being friends with my best guy friend because I won't let him hang out with his ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 995

By ihatelongflights - 21/08/2009 16:18 - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 775

You deserved it 3 030

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 18:23 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 52 508

All you can eat buffet of shit

By Anonymous - 07/03/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my dad insisted on taking us to a local buffet that is known for bad food and botulism. He kept piling things onto a plate for me, despite my objections. A waitress commented on how much was on my plate. I told her I wasn't hungry, and it was my dad's doing. Her response, "Your skinny self needs to eat." FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 114

Oh no, the horror!

By Anonymous - 07/09/2025 09:00 - United Kingdom - Abertillery

Today, it’s too complicated to explain how I found out but suffice it to say I learned that the actress I shared a kiss with on stage at the theatre had given her boyfriend a blowjob less than ten minutes before coming on stage and kissing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 96

Why are we even here?

By Bamboozled - 03/11/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that we were going to go and see my uncle, who lives very far away. I got excited, until I realized they fucking lied so I would attend the funeral of an acquaintance of my father, whom I had never met in my life, and he only met a couple times. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 146

Dungeon Master rules

By Anonymous - 10/03/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I'd set aside a weekend to play Dungeons & Dragons. One of our players suddenly had trouble with his wife and brought his toddler over. The kid would not stop crying, getting into places he shouldn't be, and loudly shitting his diaper every 15 minutes. I had to eject the player from the game. This is why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 207

Triple A

By chi_chia - 24/03/2011 15:03 - United States

Today, while vacuuming my car, I discovered a hole in the floor under one of the seats. Unable to figure out where it came from, I took it to a professional, who informed me that a family of rats has been making my car their home for the last several months. How lovely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 934

You deserved it 4 945

My little secret

By biggiejoe - 05/11/2022 10:00

Today, after I hooked up with a chick a few years ago and we ended up having a kid, we have been on and off for about 8 years. This whole time I have never met her family or her close friends. She has met every person in my family and pretty much knows all my friends. Anytime I bring this up she's defensive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 404

Fireworks

By adrenochrome - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Lithuania

Today, I learned that nail polish remover is, in fact, VERY flammable. And I learnt it the hard way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 970

You deserved it 43 640

I know her so well

By Oh neighhh - 13/09/2025 20:00

Today, I went all out for a date with the girl of my dreams. I planned a romantic horse ride along a ridge down to a scenic valley for a picnic at sunset. Turns out she’s absolutely terrified of horses, and heights make her queasy. We ended up at the only restaurant nearby, McDonald’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 174

Get out

By pipefitter28 - 27/12/2012 06:46 - Canada - Vernon

Today, I tried to impress a girl at the gym on the squat rack, but let out a big fart. She was grossed out and laughed at me with her friends. Her boyfriend came over and told me I was a dead man, and I'd better leave. I'm now the proud owner of a year membership at a gym I can't go to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 142

You deserved it 28 933

By AZN656 - 04/03/2010 11:24 - Australia

Today, I found out my brother blew chunks into the inside of my jeans. How did I find this out? I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 991

You deserved it 2 969

Petty

By Getoverit - 07/11/2022 02:00

Today, I found out my Chemistry professor failed me on purpose, all because she’s still salty about me dating her ex-husband. This was well over a year ago. You’d think someone with a PhD would be mature enough to move on and stop being a bitter bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 718

You deserved it 1 363

By Joey - 06/02/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my company hired a new guy to help on our project. My boss said that he would shadow me for the whole day so he could learn our system. At the end of the day my boss fired me, handed my company car keys and laptop to my "shadow for the day" right in front of me. My Mom picked me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 723

You deserved it 2 485

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The Top

Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 502

You deserved it 5 305

Today, I was hit by a car in a parking lot. The person sped off; I broke three ribs. My parents screamed at me for not getting the driver's info. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 545

You deserved it 2 877

Today, I finally broke my two-year dry spell, but as she was putting on the condom, I came. She laughed from the time she was putting on her clothes to when she walked out the door. I don't think she's going to call back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 653

You deserved it 9 033

Today, I'm getting married. I woke up with no voice to say my I dos with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 602

You deserved it 255

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 025

You deserved it 120

Today, I went for a jog to enjoy the fall weather. I tripped over a tree root and fell face-first into a pile of leaves. As I tried to get up, a bunch of kids had gathered to laugh, and one even shouted something about, “A grown-ass man playing in the leaves!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 100