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Parting gift

By Anonymous - 16/06/2022 02:00

Today, I was diagnosed with Covid. I've been living with my ex for 8 months. They started dating again, and their new partner broke up with them and gave them Covid, then my ex gave it to me. I was supposed to move out, and now I have to delay it further. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 277

Must read

By Dating is trash - 24/02/2025 22:00 - United States

Today, I saw the guy I haven’t heard from in a couple of days posting on Instagram. I texted him, “So you can post on social media but can’t text me back?” He replied with a link to a book on Amazon titled “He’s Just Not That Into You: Your Daily Wakeup Call” and said: “Read this and get the hint.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 721

Here comes the flood

By Soaked - 27/02/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, I found out that having a rug in your bathroom has more uses than I thought. For example, it can soak up a ton of water when your shower head randomly bursts and starts spewing water non-stop while you're at work. There's still water everywhere, and no more showers for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 78

By charlie043 - 11/09/2010 00:39 - United States

Today, I met my fiancée's parents for the first time. Her dad was telling me how he's not rich but not poor either. I replied, "Well, as long as you're not a garbage man!" Guess what his profession is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 819

You deserved it 42 121

Casual

By Anonymous - 17/09/2023 00:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad casually mentioned my half-sister in conversation. He had her out of wedlock when he was only 13. NEWS TO ME, HE'S NEVER MENTIONED I HAVE A HALF-SISTER BEFORE AND I'M FREAKING 22 YEARS-OLD. Apparently he and mom thought I knew, and just forgot to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 776

You deserved it 102

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 12:00

Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 556

You deserved it 168

By Anonymous - 19/04/2013 18:28 - United States

Today, my husband tried to haggle a blowjob out of me in exchange for taking his first shower in nearly two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 533

You deserved it 7 381

I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry that I made you cry

By jenni - 06/04/2021 20:00

Today, my seven-year-old niece gave me a birthday card. Only she'd spelled my name as ‘Jenny.’ When I told her it was spelled with an i instead of a y, she cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 427

You deserved it 1 160

Go ahead

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 04:00

Today, I spent four hours listening to my mom berating me about how I needed to throw all my stuff out as she helped move me. Over 2/3 is hers. About 1/4 is my dad’s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 641

You deserved it 874

By AnonymousUser - 05/05/2012 00:01 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, feeling desperate, I asked my dad for advice on how to get a girl. He asked me why I want to even date. I panicked and said I just wanted to make someone happy. He told me that if I wanted to make someone happy, I should "just start by getting a goddamn vasectomy". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 301

You deserved it 2 741

Careful

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a driving lesson. I ended up driving so badly that my instructor asked me to stop the car. Not so he could explain my mistakes to me, but so he could get out and vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 512

You deserved it 18 384

Give it your best shot

By Staywidowed - 08/04/2021 23:00

Today, marks almost two years of being sexually inactive after being widowed. It also happened to be the day I made an uncharacteristic decision. I hooked up with a male friend. I'm so out of practice, I honestly believe round-two the next morning was out of pity more than actual interest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 160

You deserved it 235

By Username - 01/07/2011 21:47 - United States

Today, I was so broke that I paid for a $0.28 candy bar with my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 308

You deserved it 12 796

By pray for me - 15/08/2019 04:00

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 364

By thankssiren - 24/05/2014 20:44 - United Kingdom - Sandiacre

Today, my friend started his first day of work with me. I thought it'd be fun, but he's been putting on an obnoxious fake French accent and saying "merde" whenever anything goes wrong. Half the women at the office want his dick, and I'm still as single as ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 443

You deserved it 6 003

By offended - 07/04/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, I was putting the finishing touches on my portrait of a young boy in art class. I asked my teacher if she could help correct the bad parts of my portrait. She said, "Well that would take all day and I just don't have the time." She was serious. I thought this was my best work yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 51

Baywatched out

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I was lifeguarding at a community pool when I noticed a toddler go underwater. I quickly jumped in but suddenly got a cramp, which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 10 209

By InNeedOfFriends - 12/04/2013 00:00 - United States

Today, I got all dressed up, in high heels and a sparkly dress, to sit in the library for most of the night so that my roommate and his friends would believe that I have a social life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 457

You deserved it 19 797

By paris78 - 18/10/2009 00:04 - Canada

Today, a person came into McDonald's, where I work. They ordered a Happy Meal. As they were an adult, I assumed the meal was for their child, who wasn't with them. When I asked if the toy was for a boy or a girl, they said the toy was for them. I still had to ask if it was for a boy or a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 949

You deserved it 4 156

Productivity Queen

By NoJustNo - 13/06/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, my new office mate offered to let me smell her deodorant. This was after clipping her nails, before pulling out her needle point project, and while complaining how overworked she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 101

No good deed…

By cantwin - 02/10/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend returned from a two day trip. I'd spent the time cleaning the house and working on house projects, so she wouldn't come home and be stressed. She got upset when she got home because the house was clean, and it made her feel inadequate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 99

By doesntkissalot - 28/08/2010 16:19 - United States

Today, I was watching TV when a Dentyne gum commercial came on and stated that the average person spends more than 20,000 minutes kissing. I've spent less than three. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 344

You deserved it 6 085

By maturity - 08/04/2013 00:30 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on my arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, and I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on my forearm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 994

You deserved it 64 302

By Paul Williams - 24/06/2011 19:17 - United States

Today, I had my first hockey game after being out with a shoulder injury. I ended up cracking my tail bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 394

You deserved it 4 479

By Oops - 27/08/2010 04:06 - United States

Today, I realized that it wasn't my science partner that smelled bad, it was me. How? The guy I have a crush on handed me a stick of deodorant and said, "Please use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 870

You deserved it 37 099

By darquedraconian - 12/05/2014 02:27 - United States - Rapid City

Today, my son gave me some flowers for Mother's Day. Unfortunately, the only time I can enjoy them is when I go into the bathroom where they are kept so the cat doesn't eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 942

You deserved it 6 331

Love is…

By Achoo - 15/10/2009 07:07 - United States

Today, I was making out with a guy I really like. Midway through, he stopped and said he had to sneeze. After waiting several seconds, he said the urge went away and we kept making out. Ten seconds later, he violently sneezed in my open mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 935

You deserved it 5 159

UXB alert!

By Uncle Victim - 10/10/2023 05:00

Today, my three idiot nephews dug up a vintage bomb while "digging a hole to China." I told them not to touch it, and went in to call the police. As I did so, they took it to a pawn shop to sell as an antique. The pawn shop called the cops on them, and the cops are now on to me as they're crying, saying selling it was my idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 912

You deserved it 112

Call CPS

By Help please - 31/03/2025 12:00 - United States - Atlanta

Today, I caught my son "experimenting" with his female friend. When I called her mom and told her what was happening, she said, "I didn't raise a whore. You can keep her!" and hung up. They're both 9. I have no idea what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 143

Meat is murder

By Ihatepigsnow - 07/07/2022 14:00

Today, I was at my uncle’s farm and his pig had piglets. They looked super adorable, so I picked one up. The poor thing started shrieking bloody murder. Mama pig wasn’t too happy. I have the stitches to prove it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 1 326

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I met my boyfriend's other girlfriend. She then informed me that he has a wife, and that they have an open relationship. Thanks for keeping me in the loop, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 432

You deserved it 2 483

Today, I found my son trying to comb his hair with scissors. He's the same kid who thought that if he ate toothpaste, he would never have to brush his teeth again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 089

You deserved it 5 377

Today, my husband called me from the store, trying to decide whether or not to buy the new games console he's been wanting. I'd already purchased one and hid it, ready for Christmas Day. I couldn't talk him into not buying himself one. There goes a $500 surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 140

You deserved it 7 036

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 6 229

Today, it's my one year anniversary with my husband. I put on a sexy outfit, red dress and slinky underwear, and waited for him to get home. He walked in the door and asked me with a quizzical look if I was going out tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 393

You deserved it 3 459

Today, I found out that my best friend likes the same person as I do, but she doesn’t know that I'm in love with him, and she keeps sending me their flirty texts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 791

You deserved it 347