Love: Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the...

By Squishy - 22/08/2010 23:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my loving boyfriend told me that he wanted to go to the cinema with the girl he loves. The other girl he loves, but don't worry it's "not" a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 486

You deserved it 3 131

Love

Hiding from the drama

Broken heart

Assumptions part 27674

Stink pits in the heat

By rie - 22/08/2021 16:01

Today, as always, I had to change clothes and reapply my deodorant as soon as I got to work. It’s only a kilometre walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 97

By same - 21/11/2015 06:39 - United States - Palo Alto

Today, my boyfriend decided to gift me soap, a razor, and deodorant for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 657

You deserved it 6 818

By Jane - 22/12/2012 23:29 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I confronted my 18-year-old daughter about her excessively lengthy showers. She said she didn't see the big deal, considering the water "comes free with the house." No dear, it doesn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 835

You deserved it 6 133

By Anonymous - 07/04/2011 15:15 - United States

Today, I was walking along when I saw this girl kissing her boyfriend. I thought to myself "I wish I had a boyfriend like that". I'm a guy, and straight. At least I thought I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 277

You deserved it 14 307

By wobbles - 04/12/2009 05:28 - United States

Today, I spent 30 minutes trying to find my glasses. I don't know whats worse, the fact that I was wearing them the whole time, or that my girlfriend played along and helped me look for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 897

You deserved it 34 262

Backseat drivers

By SadSister:( - 11/01/2015 00:15 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my 4-year-old sister and our puppy. Suddenly, she blurted out from the backseat, "I don't love you anymore." Shocked, I asked her to repeat herself. She looked me straight in the eye and said, "The puppy doesn't love you either." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 923

You deserved it 3 034

By adam - 03/02/2010 20:10 - France

Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 062

You deserved it 40 553

By doomeddaddy - 03/08/2011 16:46 - United States

Today, my son learned how to use the toilet for the first time. He was so excited he started peeing on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 189

You deserved it 3 218

By moudly - 06/01/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 4 972

By Unlucky - 16/06/2009 10:49 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my daughter finally walked down the aisle with a man she loves very much. While I was escorting her, I managed to trip and fall down revealing what I've been trying to hide all of this time: my shiny gleaming bald head that showed when my wig fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 909

You deserved it 12 915

By NotYourCopyEditor - 06/05/2019 22:00

Today, at work, I had to explain to a 50-year-old engineer that Comic Sans is not an acceptable font for a government contractor to use in a structural report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 164

By wronged - 08/07/2011 08:41 - Singapore

Today, my extremely paranoid boyfriend called me a whore and threatened to break up with me, all because he had a dream in which I had sex with my ex. I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 415

You deserved it 7 852

By Anonymous - 29/07/2013 21:18 - United States

Today, I was reading in my apartment. Due to a heatwave and my lack of AC, I was completely naked. My cat jumped onto my lap, and as her claws dug into my stomach, I recoiled. This caused her to retreat, clawing at my nether regions in the process. My pussy mauled my pussy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 727

You deserved it 12 871

By GLX - 14/06/2017 17:00 - United States - Sand Springs

Today, a "friend" tried to sell me a digital camera that I recognized that was stolen from my home a week earlier, along with a few other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 676

You deserved it 251

By Anonymous - 25/09/2016 12:11 - United States - Richmond

Today, a girl introduced herself to me with the line, "Hi, I'm Anna. I have a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 915

You deserved it 1 189

By theoftrescheduled - 03/09/2014 00:35 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, I unexpectedly ran into my boss. Last week, I'd met with him every day, putting together a last-minute presentation of my research for him to deliver at conference overseas. It turns out that his passport had expired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 136

You deserved it 2 642

A tax on stupidity

By dinkley7 - 21/04/2021 20:02

Today, someone called me a bitch, all because I refused to sell him lottery tickets at 3 a.m. My state prohibits sales after 10 pm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 16/05/2015 09:11 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 389

You deserved it 3 662

By Anonymous - 31/12/2008 03:21 - France

Today, my first (and only true) date ended with the girl saying "Thanks for dinner, I was hungry - and oh, by the way, I'm a lesbian". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 986

You deserved it 2 472

By Anonymous - 14/04/2018 15:00

Today, I realised yesterday was my 30th birthday. What made it worse is that my parents forgot, along with my other relatives and friends. No cards, no texts, no calls, no Facebook messages. Nothing. Happy 30th to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 565

You deserved it 622

Trial and mainly error

By unlucky - 13/11/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I have done enough trials to confirm that I puke after each time I have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 523

You deserved it 4 513

By riptoofie - 16/01/2010 21:36 - United States

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 923

You deserved it 4 961

By DAMMit - 27/07/2009 08:12 - Australia

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 470

You deserved it 8 458

By MrandMrsRendon20 - 11/11/2010 00:26 - United States

Today, I complained to my boss about how my printer wasn't printing colored ink even though I had just installed a new cartridge yesterday. Upon investigation, she noted that I forgot to take off the protection sticker from the cartridge. Good job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 246

You deserved it 29 786

By mel - 30/08/2009 15:23 - United States

Today, I had a stressful day at work and decided to go in the jacuzzi. I hadn't used it for a year, so it was a little dirty. After I cleaned it, filled it up, and jumped in, I pressed the jets. Immediately, thousands of dead moths shot out at full speed towards me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 809

You deserved it 15 726

By Anonymous - 11/01/2011 02:24 - United States

Today, was the first day of potty training for my toddler. While watching a "How to Potty Train" video, I noticed my toddler was making a weird face on the side of the couch. I walked over to her, picked her up and a big pile of poop dropped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 814

You deserved it 5 671

By uwbeautyqueen12 - 01/03/2010 19:15 - United States

Today, I woke up on the floor after I fell asleep last night while counting my tips. The pennies stuck to my face and left large blue circles from the copper. The blue won't come off. I have my senior photos today. My appointment can't be rescheduled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 636

You deserved it 6 548

By FML_Elle - 06/10/2012 15:52 - United States

Today, I was walking in the freezing rain when a guy asked me if I wanted to share his umbrella with him. I grinned and told him I did. He then noticed a pretty girl walking behind me and he abruptly turned to her and asked her the same question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 869

You deserved it 2 289

By australian6196 - 05/02/2014 02:36 - Australia - Sydney

Today, while on a road trip through Australia with my dad, we were both complaining that we had yet to see any kangaroos. Suddenly, we saw one up real close. The rental car saw it even closer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 694

You deserved it 7 448

By Ferniferousfern - 02/03/2018 15:00

Today, I went to the dentist for a tooth extraction. Not only were they not able to extract all of it, but after 7 injections, I was still screaming. The best part? Their referral to someone else fell through, so I head back tomorrow to finish the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 845

You deserved it 311

By Anonymous - 02/09/2016 14:50 - United Kingdom - Shepton Mallet

Today, my boyfriend told me he'd drive me to the jeweler's to pick out a ring. We drove there, I picked the ring, and the sales person rang it up. I glanced at my boyfriend, only for him to reply, "Well don't look at me!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 587

You deserved it 1 945

By Anonymous - 10/10/2013 05:25 - United States - Long Beach

Today, I had a new client on my massage list. Two of my fingers got stuck in the thick coat of hair covering his back. I had to stop myself from making grunting noises whilst extricating them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 350

You deserved it 3 204

By Lucas79 - 08/10/2011 01:23 - Australia

Today, I was walking down the street on my way to work, when an old lady's walking stick caught my leg and sent me crashing to the ground. She apologised for the accident and watched me stumble to my feet. I said not to worry. Just as I turned to leave, I could swear a smirk crept over her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 176

You deserved it 3 418

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 276

You deserved it 309

A nightmare

By charapos - 05/11/2021 08:00

Today, at 4.20 a.m., I'm awake, scrolling through this app for no reason other than to procrastinate going to sleep and having to deal with yet more inevitable nightmares and weird dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 136

By mybad7 - 15/09/2009 08:13 - Australia

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin and in a puddle of my own wee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 896

You deserved it 34 410

By Anonymous - 21/05/2013 07:32 - United States - Sparks

Today, I got a picture message from my aunt that said, "9 out of 10 kids get their awesomeness from their aunt." Normally, I would have agreed, except she forgot my birthday yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 138

You deserved it 3 308

By peepa - 10/09/2017 04:30

Today, I finished my last day of job training. At the beginning, the boss had told us to ask as many questions as possible. I was fired because I asked too many questions. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 056

You deserved it 416

By Wow. - 18/12/2013 18:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend refused to take a picture with me to prove to my friends that I do indeed have a girlfriend. I got so desperate that I photoshopped myself into one of her Facebook photos instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 489

You deserved it 15 112

By Heinz - 08/08/2012 04:19 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, the highlight of my day was that I could afford name-brand ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 102

You deserved it 2 815

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Top comments

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:17

Just dump him. It's not complicated.

jane14 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:19

totally dump him.

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:17

Just dump him. It's not complicated.

AlesanaLTL 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:23

I agree dump, why should you even not be dumping him!?

eshhayz 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:33

tell him to grab the girls panties so you can sniff them together later and if it's still juicy make some fish soup?

956TXking 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:34

este guey

sebs_fml 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:37

well as long as it's not a date everything is fine....... wait i think he is trying to pull a fast one on you OP

Peacemaker9 7

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:42

wow like that couldn't have been a bigger cue for u to dump him....op if u don't then ur just really fucken sad.

natas_fml 13

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:48

Furi Kuri!!! good show.

BeachPanda 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:49

well put 15

LightningLadyy 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:49

Damn, whatta jerk :P

krissy8877 2

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:57

maybe it's a sisteror daughter she don't know about. I guess just ask him

starile 19

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Monday 23 August 2010 10:22

Yeah, I agree. Maybe it's just his sister, or another family member. So he loves her, and it's not a date!

atticuz 2

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Monday 23 August 2010 11:27

It looks like you shoulda used Allstate.

956TXking 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 15:27

why do my Spanish comments get moderated

Melgros 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 15:31

So what? He's a heterosexual man. He's gonna like other girls. If he's humorous, like me, then he's sarcastic, like me. If you want to date someone that loves YOU and ONLY you, and will never think anyone else is better looking, become a narcissist and go date a mirror.

rawrkittehpwnage 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 16:19

racists :P

956TXking 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 18:35

I still think it's racist whatever happened to freedom of speech smh

i_wuz_nver_here 31

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Monday 23 August 2010 19:04

maybe it was his mom and he wanted to see what you'd say.

twinny_sc 13

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Monday 23 August 2010 22:06

Maybe the other girl he loves is his mom, so that's why its not a date. Or he could just be a lying pile of dog shit.

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 23 August 2010 22:26

#55 is the epitome of a douchebag.

benny2465 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 7:16

maybe it's his mom?

superdill65 0

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Tuesday 24 August 2010 22:42

freeze nice pic. flcl ftw

cj89898 24

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Tuesday 30 August 2016 21:38

I read "Jump him"

jane14 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:19

totally dump him.

TheNewGuy03 28

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:22

wow, he didn't even try to keep a low profile and creep like other cheaters! you should keep him! (ignore me.) |the kid|

donttalkshit 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:45

what the hell? she should dump his ass.

TibbysMusic 1

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Monday 23 August 2010 15:10

Sarcasm.

PoopTrainDix 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 19:47

nice picture gay lord!

jbiebersheart 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:23

guys are jerks.

Freeze_fml 16

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:23

Is that why you like Justine Beaver?

ILovesMahBridge 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:28

Hell hath no fury like a 12 year old girl scorned..... YDI

donttalkshit 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:46

I hate Justin beiber!!!! she hit me with her purse :(

OwNowBrownCow 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:58

24, did you call him a fag?

donttalkshit 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 10:28

is there a different word

mend0120 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 18:29

BA show ( : ohhh. && yeah. I would just dump him, no doubt.

Vash_41288 10

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Friday 4 February 2011 11:48

not all just most

schwancy 2

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:23

I'm guessing maybe his best friend who happens to be a girl? ...don't worry it's not a date. :0)

Horsempeg 25

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Thursday 17 October 2013 6:17

That, or his sister or mom?

jbiebersheart 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:25

fu** you #7. and guys are dicks to make up for the ones they dont have.

FFML_314 11

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:37

No #8. All men have dicks. The "dicks" you're speaking of, still have dicks. You're confused. Stay in school.

ILovesMahBridge 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 9:37

Well, I think we know this one rips the hearts out of lizards for mating rituals in which she rapes a doll with a picture of justine biebers face on it. You may drown in your sorrow now that you know that Justine isn't a true being at all, but a humunculi who is out to devour your soul and your soul only. YDI