Love: Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class,...

By NoTypeOfExercise - 11/07/2016 15:05 - United States - Encino

Today, my husband told me I couldn't go to my morning yoga class, because he needed to leave for work at 7:30 am sharp, and I wouldn't be back in time to watch our son. It's 8:05 am and he still hasn't left for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 280

You deserved it 1 431

Love

You tried

Mama's boy

That's a funny word, mom

By brokeandiknowit - 09/06/2017 05:00 - United States - Chula Vista

Today, I installed an app that notifies me of every purchase on my credit card. Now I'm being tormented by notification after notification as my wife decimates our finances. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 428

You deserved it 941

By onlyslightly - 30/11/2012 08:33 - United States

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 806

You deserved it 4 795

By Anonymous - 19/04/2016 02:43 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got a ticket for being drunk in public. I was walking a couple blocks from the bar to my house, because I didn't want to drive drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 441

You deserved it 2 664

By Jessica - 08/07/2011 00:58 - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 551

You deserved it 3 107

By Nicole557 - 03/11/2011 10:56 - United States

Today, after a year and a half, I finally admitted to myself that I'm in an abusive relationship. Not with a person though, with my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 463

You deserved it 10 474

By Anonymous - 01/11/2014 18:59 - United States - Deatsville

Today, my boss is still refusing to fire my psychotic coworker, who's made it his mission to insult, annoy, bully and threaten me every day into making me quit. My boss is convinced the guy just has "assburger's" and that the company would get sued if we fired him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 925

You deserved it 3 479

By Acu7519 - 16/04/2018 15:00

Today, at my job as a 2nd grade teacher, I was explaining to my students how I'm pregnant and will have to take a break from teaching after I have my baby. One of my students replied with "Ooooooooohhh Ms. Johnson had sex!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 127

You deserved it 823

By greenroses92 - 19/08/2019 12:00

Today, I was called stupid by a customer, after I supposedly got his order wrong. He then threw his ice cream cone on the floor, tracked it around the store, and left. While I was cleaning it up, he came back and tripped me right into the mop water, spilling it everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 822

You deserved it 108

By rattness - 07/12/2010 19:12 - United States

Today, I found out the animal that was gnawing behind the kitchen wall all night was indeed a wild rat and his entire family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 930

You deserved it 2 856

By Anonymous - 17/01/2012 03:19 - United States

Today, my wife posted on Facebook, "FUCK THA POLICE!" She got 40 likes. I'm a police officer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 357

You deserved it 10 611

By twoface_chick - 15/01/2015 07:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I have bad adult acne. This wouldn't be so bad, except that it's only on one side of my face. I look like a Batman villain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 160

You deserved it 2 674

By Annie - 22/11/2009 22:07 - Mexico

Today, I noticed that my dog was feeling sad. I let him hop on my bed with me to make him feel better. It worked, right after he vomited all over my face and pillow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 582

You deserved it 5 993

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 02:00

Today, my son tripped into a door and slammed it shut. I'd been holding onto the door frame, leaning around to talk to a neighbour, so of course it slammed my fingers. It must be a really sharp door, because I just woke from the surgery to reattach my three amputated fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 354

You deserved it 91

Assumptions

By Anonymous - 24/12/2021 17:01

Today, I asked my husband to talk and he got the most tired and “Here we go again” look and then asked what he’d done wrong this time. Apparently, I get mad at him so often that now every time we talk, he immediately assumes he did something wrong. I think I’m a horrible wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 319

By sagecamreyyy - 06/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 608

You deserved it 245

By Anonymous - 08/12/2010 05:17 - United States

Today, my custom printed Christmas cards that I reviewed twice before ordering, came in the mail. This year I will be wishing everyone a "wondeful" holiday season. I'm an elementary school teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 571

You deserved it 25 059

By random - 08/01/2015 05:24 - United States - Arvada

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 447

You deserved it 2 863

By mvp - 26/07/2009 23:51 - United States

Today, my 50-year-old mother borrowed my denim miniskirt to go to the bar. In return, she offered to let me borrow her red "f*** me" pumps whenever I needed them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 845

You deserved it 3 467

By Anonymouss - 25/06/2015 03:54 - United States

Today, I was informed, after being broken up with, that my girlfriend's father only set her up with me so that she would have more motivation to shower on a regular basis. He actually yelled at me for being broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 355

You deserved it 1 961

By fuckedbyretail - 02/02/2013 14:53 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at my retail job, a woman came to my till with her purchases. After I scanned all her items, she handed me two small bags. One was filled with nickels and dimes. The other was filled with cents. Her total was $28.53. The coins amounted to $22.30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 287

You deserved it 2 724

One nation, under rod

By LaLa - 20/09/2019 22:00

Today, I was fooling around with my partner after his shower. He moved my hands up to push me against the wall. Instead of hitting the wall, my hands hit the shower rod. It fell on my face and I got a bloody nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 185

Playing the odds

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 14:01

Today, I found out my husband sent 3000 friend requests to random women on Facebook. He says it's no big deal and doesn't mean anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 67

By Gothicbunnyx3 - 21/02/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I had to tell my 7 year old-son it's not polite to jack off in public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 599

You deserved it 5 634

The eyeball zone

By crazylobster - 14/11/2009 16:52 - Australia

Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote, "I also have an eye.", instead of, "I also have an eye for detail", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 523

You deserved it 31 525

By nerdwithagun - 24/12/2010 07:15 - United States

Today, my dad had a go at me because he thought I was embarrassed by him and that was why I never invited any of my friends over. I was too embarrassed to tell him it's actually because I don't have any friends to invite over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 698

You deserved it 3 803

By Anonymous - 06/06/2012 18:21 - United States

Today, I pulled a neck muscle while head-banging. I wasn't at a concert, and I'm not in a heavy metal band, but I do pretend that I am while I'm in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 562

You deserved it 24 321

By anonymous - 08/10/2011 15:36 - Sri Lanka

Today, I decided to make home made french fries. I figured all I needed was potatoes and salt, right? Wrong! I also needed the fire department and an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 576

You deserved it 28 258

By cls_x - 24/02/2013 07:53 - United States - Riverview

Today, I was holding the door open for a friend. She told me to wait a second because she had to finish a text. Nearly a minute passed before I asked why she wouldn't come inside to finish typing. We were at a Chinese restaurant. She thought the "No MSG" sign meant you couldn't text inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 346

You deserved it 4 006

Hi uncle, I'm dad

By Anonymous - 01/03/2021 00:30

Today, I found out I'm an uncle. Normally this would be great news, except I have spent the last 8 years thinking I was her father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 56

By FML.. - 06/04/2009 19:51 - China

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was 'pollo frito'. I then had sex, constantly screaming 'pollo frito' for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 134

You deserved it 182 326

By Veronica - 21/11/2014 20:07 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my dad if he thought my dress was nice, and if guys would go for me. He replied, "Shit, depends on how drunk they are." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 330

You deserved it 4 771

By ouch - 09/12/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how concerned she was about her weight. I told her not to worry, because it gives more cushion for the pushin' anyway. She picked up a lamp and threw it right at my dingleberries. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 037

You deserved it 76 168

By Cuzles - 23/03/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 556

You deserved it 36 131

By ahhhboys - 27/11/2010 19:12 - Romania

Today, my boyfriend of six months said he wanted to take our relationship one step further. I thought he was going to ask me to move in. He meant he wanted to fart in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 493

You deserved it 6 231

By The_Rest_of_the_Story - 14/12/2013 06:38 - United States - Effingham

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 025

You deserved it 11 369

By rj93 - 05/11/2011 13:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I learned if you dream you're having a piss, you most likely are having a piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 321

You deserved it 5 830

By bruh_im18 - 17/09/2016 16:18 - United States - Metairie

Today, I found out the 28-year-old I am dating is actually 48. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 958

You deserved it 2 550

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 722

You deserved it 3 238

By Shone - 15/04/2012 23:39 - Canada - Grand Forks

Today, I had to get stitches on my foot and was then forced to wear a plastic bag on my foot while showering. The plastic bag made me slip in the shower and had to go back and get stitches in my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 655

You deserved it 3 830

By masterfail - 04/10/2009 05:04 - United States

Today, I woke up after a heavy night of drinking, with my laptop dead on my chest. Apparently, I had attempted a bit of digital penile oscillation, but passed out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 458

You deserved it 19 730

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Top comments

PainInTheAsss 16

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:36

I have an idea. It's called a pan and a soup spoon

camoMS 18

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:36

Either something came up with his work, he's screwing with you, or he's being an ass. Let's just hope it's the first one.

seba7236 21

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:25

That sucks

IJG2000 16

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Monday 11 July 2016 23:16

If only they made a button to say that :(

soodytheboi 23

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:27

You could use some interesting method to get him out. If he's still in bed, he could use a technique my brother uses to wake me up. He has a mist spray bottle and mists me whenever I sleep in too late.

orangejubejube 20

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 2:15

A hose works too

freddygasman 18

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 22:37

two words. ice water

thepeniswrinkler 14

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:27

There could be some reason why he didn't leave, I wouldn't jump to conclusions. Either way, FYL

Lalala579121 27

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 6:12

Yeah like he's a lazy ass.

PainInTheAsss 16

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:36

I have an idea. It's called a pan and a soup spoon

camoMS 18

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Monday 11 July 2016 22:36

Either something came up with his work, he's screwing with you, or he's being an ass. Let's just hope it's the first one.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 0:09

Make it very clear to him that you feel as if you have been taken advantage of in this situation, if he repeats the behaviour then it may be an indication he has no respect for you or your needs...

Mysofuckeduplife 8

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 0:27

Is he just a bit possessive much. Let him know he can find someone to watch his child while you have, probably the only time that's truly your time, and you will pick your son up afterwards or he just has to deal with getting to work a bit latter than he wants. Every mother needs her own time and if he's trying to control you, than maybe it's time to evaluate your relationship. Good luck!

dansco 24

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 1:04

So you could get to Yoga, do it & get home in 35 mins? No well then it doesn't matter then.

Kaylana_fml 31

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 1:47

Her yoga class probably didn't start at 7:30 am but probably ended right then thereabouts. There's an unspoken implication that she would have been home in time before he left for work, but I admit I'm only inferring this. It could also be that she's just annoyed that he had demanded punctuality and then himself failed to be punctual.

DanielleinDC 32

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 15:13

No, whatever time her class was, she wouldn't get home by the time he said he needs to leave for work. So it could be a 6:00 or 6:30 class and she wouldn't get home in time. Either way, OP needs to talk with her husband about his lack of consideration. If he really did need to leave at 7:30 and something came up where he could wait, he should have apologized to his wife for making her miss her yoga class.

mylifelesstouch 10

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 1:11

Why do you let your husband tell you what to do wtf

Kaylana_fml 31

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 1:43

Because she was being considerate of him and his needs. Unlike what he just did here.

pettyjohn1995 14

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Tuesday 12 July 2016 2:34

Oh no, you missed yoga?!? That's hardly an FML. Things happen once in a while. Unless you have reason to believe he was out to ruin your day by sabotaging your yoga class, get over it and go on with your life.