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I'm an excellent driver

By Ashley Nichole Hinton - 12/05/2020 02:00

Today, my husband ran our car into a fence at work. He had to file an insurance claim, with a company we only just got with, and it's going to deplete the rest of our taxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 432

You deserved it 184

Ouch!

By Anonymous - 23/03/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 454

You deserved it 330

By lovingsnow - 27/02/2010 07:37 - Singapore

Today, I got back home and my hamster was dead. I left notes two weeks ago everywhere to remind my parents to feed it while I was overseas. Apparently, my parents even didn't realize I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 310

You deserved it 2 796

By Cob - 03/02/2009 13:03 - United States

Today, I tried helping an old lady with her groceries. When I asked if she needed help she smiled. When I took one of her bags she yelled. I didn't know she was deaf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 283

You deserved it 2 450

Good for you

By denied - 11/08/2009 20:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was supposed to finally go out with my guy friend that I have liked for a long time. He told me he would text me, and after waiting for hours for the text, I finally got it. It said, "Guess what!? I just got laid!" He forgot our date, had it off, and I congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 181

You deserved it 8 894

Gross

By maddie - 15/05/2020 05:00

Today, while I was working the drive-thru window, a customer sneezed into his hand and then handed me his money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 797

You deserved it 146

Ticket to ride

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 22:01

Today, I was in a bus headed to another city and fell asleep as did everyone else. I must've woken up last, because I half-snorted as I woke up and everybody heard. Now we’re on a coffee break and I can see them all snicker about it outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 167

How could you?

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 16:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom walked in on me jerking it in her bathroom. I'm a 40 year-old man and she's 68. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 946

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 598

You deserved it 6 691

There goes the neighborhood

By Anonymous - 28/08/2021 22:00

Today, our neighbors have the most beautiful garden, with hundreds of crocuses in spring. Actually, that was our former neighbors. The new owners have since dug up all the flower bulbs, thrown them out, and replaced them with some lovely decorations made of old car tires. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 138

By lousy - 31/01/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 086

You deserved it 3 906

Daddy's girl

By TooMuchForToLittle - 06/09/2021 11:00

Today, yet again, my 3 year-old daughter came home from a few hours with her father, screams and cries over everything, and when she realizes it won't get her anywhere, screams at me that she hates me and that she wants to go home. I calmly told her she is home, and she screamed, "This is not home!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 398

You deserved it 207

Stolen valour

By Anonymous - 25/11/2022 02:00

Today, after my husband refused to donate to Children in Need because it’s a "waste of money", he came home with swords and shields so he and our son could "wage war in the garden like knights". I wanted to donate £20, the swords and shields cost £500 at least, but I’m the one wasting money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 982

You deserved it 339

Spice it up

By Jan - 13/10/2025 20:00

Spicy

Today, my husband came home, threw me over his shoulder, and carried me to the bedroom. Furious, I shrieked to be put down and demanded an explanation. He said, "I thought you wanted us to be more spontaneous…" Apparently, that means he should treat me like a sex toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 960

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 221

You deserved it 7 355

Bad romance

By wtf - 26/11/2022 06:00

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me for not closing the door when I pooped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 1 383

Honey, you've got some explaining to do

By darren - 08/04/2024 12:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went to surprise my girlfriend, who was at work at Target, with flowers. I asked the employee at the entrance if she was there. When he asked who I was, his face lit up red and he started profusely apologizing, stating, “She told me you guys broke up.” before guiding me to her area. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610

You deserved it 100

Branching out

By Anonymous - 08/12/2012 09:28 - Australia - Weston

Today, I thought it would be nice to park my new car under a big, shady oak tree to prevent it from heating up in the sun. The big, shady oak tree thought it would be nice to shed a massive branch on top of my new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 027

You deserved it 4 161

Accusations

By cosmonaut - 07/08/2009 09:18 - New Zealand

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 71 486

Upper middle class issues

By Anonymous - 02/12/2022 02:00

Today, I was delivering the HiLux my dad bought for my brother's birthday. At a red light, my bitter ex-girlfriend saw me and threw a roadworks sign at me, breaking the driver's side window. My brother insists I probably did it myself out of jealousy, so our dad is making me pay for the repair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 156

Just no!

By W…… - 04/09/2021 05:01

Today, after I just bought a house that is pretty good and suits all our needs for space, my in-laws moved in because they ran into financial troubles. Guess who is stuck with all the extra expenditures? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 038

You deserved it 114

By JessThompson - 05/12/2012 16:50 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, after telling my young kids all about Santa, his reindeer and his sleigh, we saw him. Smoking a cigarette in the beat-up car next to ours at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 987

You deserved it 4 358

Boss man

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 00:00

Today, my boss agreed to a 20% pay rise, in exchange for adding a list of new responsibilities to my job description that will effectively double my workload, which he expects to be carried out in the same 8 hour workday, and not on overtime either. My boss is my dad and I hate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 180

By SApprentice - 04/12/2012 07:10 - United States - Harrisonburg

Today, my elbow was having cramps and movement issues as a result of an old set of surgical pins and wires that are being rejected by my body. One painful twitch caused my arm to lock out straight, unintentionally slapping my hand into my co-worker's crotch. Our waiting customers giggled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 000

You deserved it 2 023

SApprentice tells us more.

SApprentice 34

Tuesday 4 December 2012 22:57

My co-worker is one of nicest people I know, he just kind of cringed and grunted, instantly beginning to tell me that it was okay. He knows I've been having trouble with that arm, so he doesn't hold it against me. I did give an apology several times though. The customers, on the other hand, were all fairly immature college kids. It was their laughter that really embarrassed me.

Team none of them

By twihard - 11/09/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I lost a bet with friends and now have to sit and watch all the Twilight movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 941

Backflip

By Cramped - 04/12/2022 22:00 - United States

Today, my parents made several changes to my office space without my knowledge. Among these changes, they put a suitcase under the desk. I don't know how they fit it down there, but I do know I have no room to move my legs. I also know that if I put my feet ON the suitcase, I fall backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 148

By Anonymous - 25/02/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that I can fit back into the clothes I wore in High School. I was proud of this until my husband told me that I look like a stuffed sausage in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 250

You deserved it 11 116

By CzechMeOut - 04/08/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 436

You deserved it 3 668

By dangyo - 26/01/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 095

False economy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 27 863

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 140

You deserved it 2 093

Today, three days before I take my bar exam, the biggest exam of my life, I got my monthly. And I get to bring my belongings in a clear plastic bag so the world knows. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 321

You deserved it 9 042

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via a sign he made in front of my Minecraft house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 576

You deserved it 6 518

Today, I purposely wore a red shirt to Target just so people would talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 022

You deserved it 11 441

Today, I got a notice in the mail saying I had been fired from my job. My dad's the boss, who I happen to live with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 950

You deserved it 3 802

Today, I learned that not only do I have bacterial vaginosis, but I ALSO have gonorrhea from a hookup. The only symptoms I'm having? Anal itching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 1 188