The Top

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Busted up

By KittyT - 27/07/2025 23:00 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I learnt my health is so messed up that a private clinic gave me my money back out of sympathy because they couldn't do a procedure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 356

You deserved it 87

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 21:16 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 310

You deserved it 7 609

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 627

You deserved it 4 365

By Charles - 22/02/2009 15:10 - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 592

You deserved it 5 713

Alas, poor Donald

By Hit and Run - 13/07/2021 07:59 - United States

Today, while driving, I put on my hazards and slowed to a stop to let a family of geese cross the street. The pick-up truck behind me however, decided to change lanes and speed off, running over at least half of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 198

You deserved it 102

Rah rah rah

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I realised in the middle of my shift how useless my deodorant is in the stifling heatwave spreading through my country. It's no longer effective against my awful B.O., which is a problem because I'm a mascot, and my costume traps the smell inside like a portable toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 577

You deserved it 5 099

Piss poor performance

By kelsey - 02/02/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, at the age of 22, if I need to pee, I have less than a minute to get to a toilet before I pee myself. It’s been like that since I was a kid and my family won’t stop making fun of me for not growing out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 599

You deserved it 121

By Perplexed - 19/01/2013 13:14 - United States - Sioux Falls

Today, someone broke into my car by smashing the driver's side window. I'd be less irritated if they had just used the door handle; the lock has been broken for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 217

You deserved it 3 481

By Omegared - 14/04/2011 22:12 - United States

Today, I gave myself a bloody nose while trying to show my brother how to use a yo-yo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 339

You deserved it 25 561

By rainonmyparade - 17/03/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I called my dad to tell him my boyfriend had proposed to me, and that we're planning on being married this summer. He was surprised at the short engagement, so I said, "Well, we're almost 30." Dad replied, "Wow, I left your mom when I was 35!" So not the conversation for that information, Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 726

You deserved it 3 592

Uneasy feeling

By Anonymous - 02/10/2022 06:30 - United States - Grafton

Today, and for a while, I’ve noticed one of my closest friends getting a little to friendly with my boyfriend. Maybe I’m just reading too far into it, but then again maybe I’m not? I really want to be wrong about this and I’m pretty sure he would never hurt me, but I’m scared something’s going on that I don’t know about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 297

Self report

By Bonk - 04/02/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, my clumsiness reached a whole level when I hit myself in the face with a hammer hard enough for blood to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 199

Freudian slip

By Anonymous - 08/08/2025 00:00 - United States - Boulder

Today, I sent a screenshot of my ex’s new partner to my best friend with a caption saying, “She looks like a melted candle.” Of course, I sent it directly to my ex. He replied with, “She’s right next to me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 621

Reactionaries need to pipe down

By FirstGradeTeach - 05/10/2022 15:00

Today, I had a parent come in for a conference. When she stepped into my classroom, she immediately went on a rant about how I’m "woke indoctrinating" her child and threatened to homeschool her. She then stormed out. I had a rainbow chart of the colors and a poster of multicolored hands. I teach 1st grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 193

Toot toot

By I…… - 10/08/2025 02:00 - United States

Today, I was relaxing on the sofa with the cat purring on my lap. My husband blasted an air horn. I'm now covered in cat scratches and piss, from both myself and the cat. I'm going to skin him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 92

By thairsha - 09/02/2012 11:05 - Japan

Today, I was at a Buddhist shrine and wanted to light a candle for my friend who's having a rough time, when I got stung by a bee. I spent the next hour with a swollen shoulder. How does karma work again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 391

You deserved it 4 234

By Anonymous - 15/03/2010 17:38 - Ireland

Today, I realised I spend more time and receive more satisfaction talking on the phone with Chinese take away than talking to my wife in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 174

You deserved it 23 577

Time to change the will

By Ouch - 12/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom - Stourbridge

Today, as I'm terminally ill and have less than a year to live, I told my wife that she could see other men so long as she continued to care for me until I passed. She clapped and cheered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 103

By Jonnyboo - 29/08/2009 12:13 - United States

Today, I found out I was getting a new bed for my room. Then find out it was my great-grandmother's. The one she died in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 573

You deserved it 2 804

Unlucky 180

By Anonymous - 11/02/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I’m in hospital because a pub dart fell from the sky, seemingly from nowhere, and stuck itself in the top of my skull. I was walking my dog, I wasn’t near any trees or any high buildings it could have fallen from. If someone threw it from where I couldn’t see them, it was a very lucky shot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 90

By Vegetarian - 14/03/2010 10:21 - Finland

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 271

You deserved it 13 518

Wild accusation

By Allissa - 13/02/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, my husband accused me of having an incestuous relationship with my deceased father, all because we haven’t had sex in months due to my grieving. According to him, no one grieves that hard for someone unless they were in love or fucking them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 669

You deserved it 153

By mynameisnotdrew - 17/02/2009 17:19 - United States

Today, after some very passionate sex with my girlfriend, she exclaimed, "That was amazing Drew." She quickly tried to turn "Drew" into my actual name, which doesn't sound anything like Drew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 089

You deserved it 4 111

Sitcom moment

By Stupid husband - 20/08/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, I told my husband I was making a points system for him to earn sex by doing chores and favors. He said, "Okay, I'll make one for dates. Every time you go five days without whining or nagging me, you get a date." I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 889

By good job bf - 11/01/2013 04:06 - United States - Southampton

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me at my grandma's funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 249

You deserved it 2 892

It's a beautiful life

By Anonymous - 18/10/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, as he'd realised that life is really short, and he's got to enjoy with his friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 200

By Anon - 09/01/2013 19:27 - United States - Southbury

Today, I was laughing at a girl who really sucks at badminton. Turns out she has anger issues, and a really good aim when she's mad. I've never been hit so hard in the crotch before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 537

You deserved it 64 301

Welcome home!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2009 21:14 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents on their first day back from New York with candles I made. I used actual lavender flecks from our garden for the scent in the candles. My plan worked, until the lavender caught on fire, which then spread to all of our mail and newspapers. Welcome home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 260

You deserved it 11 745

DO IT! DO THE THING!

By Aaaauuuugh? - 19/10/2022 21:00 - United States

Today, I accidentally discovered thanks to my friends that I can do Tim Allen's "Home Improvement" grunt almost perfectly. Now every time my friends see me, they ask me to do it. One of them just showed me the Sonic Mania video where every sound is replaced by the grunt. This is going to get old extremely fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 665

You deserved it 174

Open question

By Anonymous - 20/02/2024 06:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I've been wondering if it's a red flag for an almost 40 year-old dude to have never been in a serious relationship. Is it? FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 230

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was that person in the pharmacy that held the line up for 25 minutes. When I got home, I realized I left my prescriptions in the shopping cart in the store's parking lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 777

You deserved it 1 908

Today, I went to the dentist to have two cavities filled. I hate going to the dentist. After he'd started drilling, I heard a "clunk" noise followed by an "Oops." My dentist had cut my tooth in half. Now I have to get surgery to have the tooth extracted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 098

You deserved it 2 935

Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he got me fired. Looks like my calendar is clear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 468

You deserved it 1 339

Today, after taking vacation time to visit her, my mom told me she was glad I was leaving so she could get back to her diet. I'm prediabetic and have been trying to manage the condition. She ordered dessert at every meal and was the only one in the family who did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 110

Today, I wore my new noise-canceling ear buds in a grocery store and nodded along, getting into the groove. When I took them off at checkout, the cashier asked who I was talking to. I realized I’d been quietly singing to myself ASMR-style while making intense eye contact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 398

Today, I was out with my girlfriend when my ex-father-in-law, who suffers from Alzheimer’s, saw us. I don’t know what he was doing out by himself, but he still thinks I’m married to his daughter, so when he saw us he thought I was cheating and knocked my tooth out with his walking stick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 242

You deserved it 93