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By lolgarbl - 26/02/2009 17:05 - United States

Today, I had a performance evaluation meeting with my boss. He told me I was the best in my department, and that the productivity has never been higher before I started working here. Oh, and he said that because everything is working so well, they don't need me as much, so he's cutting my hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 305

You deserved it 2 779

Nightmare fuel

By TheHezzer - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered the hard way that all the scare stories I'd heard about rats getting into pipes and finding their way into your toilet are, in fact, true. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 019

You deserved it 2 392

Pissed

By Anonymous - 19/02/2020 14:00

Today, I went to the hospital, which was super busy. I did a pee test when I first arrived. After 5 hours of waiting, they told me they'd lost my pee. How do you lose someone's piss? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 804

You deserved it 128

This is my annoyed face

By beccaj_ilh - 06/09/2009 15:04 - United Kingdom

Today, while I was working in a bar, a very fat drunk guy kept flirting with me. He assumed I liked him because I kept blushing. I didn’t. It’s just been so long since anyone flirted with me that I apparently now cannot control my reactions if a man talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 720

You deserved it 6 820

Don't tempt me

By Anonymous - 20/09/2022 06:30 - United Kingdom - Aberdare

Today, I made the mistake of telling my boyfriend I was taking my kids to my mother's until he has decided if he wants to carry on being a boyfriend and stepfather. While we were gone, he apparently realised how good his life could be without us, and dumped me. I fucked up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 1 559

Scarred for life

By Mortified - 22/07/2025 22:00 - South Africa

Today, I meant to send a spicy message to my partner, but sent it to my dad due to the Whatsapp conversations being next to each other on my computer screen, and me not paying attention due to being an idiot. My dad replied, “Uh... not sure I needed that mental image.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 577

So much in common

By Anonymous - 10/07/2021 20:01 - New Zealand

Today, my old high school mates organised a dinner hangout so that my recent ex, who is part of our group, could introducing her new boyfriend to us. I was late and the only remaining seat available was next to the new boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 299

I'm still hungry

By Anonymous - 24/07/2025 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I microwaved leftovers in a container I didn’t check. The lid wasn’t microwave-safe. It melted, fused to the food, and now I have what looks like a modern art sculpture instead of lunch. My coworker walked up, looked at it, and said, “Microplastics in our food are getting out of hand.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 478

By Anonymous - 26/01/2013 01:04 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my boss put me on suspension for violating company policy by having non-work related mail in my inbox. They were spam emails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 067

You deserved it 2 269

Stuck

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I was on train when an attractive girl got on. There were no free seats and seeing as how my stop was next, I gave her mine. As soon as I did, the train came to an immediate halt, due to "brake problems". I spent the next 40 minutes standing up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 201

You deserved it 13 122

By uglyorstupid - 20/04/2010 16:46 - Croatia

Today, my boyfriend and I were at a restaurant with a few other couples, and my boyfriend started to rant on how "all the hot chicks are dumb." Apparently, I'm either ugly or stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 336

You deserved it 5 234

Grifting

By ted - 24/09/2022 00:00

Today, my boss bitched me out for accepting a fake £100 note. It was a genuine note, but he couldn't believed someone would actually use such a note at a KFC. When I protested, he took it further and deducted the “lost profits” from my pay. The man is an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 237

You deserved it 121

The Seer

By Anonymous - 27/07/2025 05:00 - United States

Today, my 15 year-old daughter has been with her boyfriend for about a year. I really wish they would break up. Not for the typical father reasons. My daughter is just like her mother, my ex. She’s clinically depressed and hides it well. He’ll be miserable just like I was. The breakup would be for him not her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 395

Hammered

By Anonymous - 26/01/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my brother-in-law wanted a boxing match, which was the last thing I wanted since he’s a trained boxer. The last thing I expected was to knock him out cold on my first swing. My wife is now mad at me because he’s sulking, and I “could have held back to be a good sport.” Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 94

Modern romance

By Not today Satan - 29/07/2025 09:00 - United States

Today, my fiancé said we should get married in a Satanic temple. He's already found one he likes, and says we should get matching tattoos instead of rings. Never date a man who didn't have a rebellious period as a teenager, or it'll come out in his 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 286

You deserved it 314

By Anonymous - 20/01/2014 21:16 - United States - Homer Glen

Today, my brother asked me how to block someone on Facebook. Seeing as how my brother never asks me for anything, I took this opportunity to help him. He then blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 310

You deserved it 7 609

I'm only sleeping

By Anonymous - 26/09/2022 19:30

Today, I woke up at noon after barely sleeping. I've been diagnosed with sleeping disorders, so this isn't out of the ordinary. The issue is, my boyfriend doesn't think it's a big deal, and is mad at me for wanting to stay in bed after he got up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 174

Under pressure

By Anonymous - 28/01/2024 21:00 - United States - Upland

Today, I have a family but I just feel all alone and unloved, almost on the verge of depression. I just wanna cry. My wife is always threatening me with divorce and says she can’t stand the sight of me, and my son hates me. I just wanna feel like somebody is there for me and that I can lean on someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 169

By Roxy19 - 22/01/2013 06:50 - United States - San Diego

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 39 540

Uncomfortably numb

By someone - 02/09/2009 11:00 - Denmark

Today, I went to the dentist to get a hole in my tooth filled. After the dentist had injected the anesthetic into my gums, she realized that none of the electrical equipment was working. She sent me home. My entire right side of my face is completely numb and swollen for no reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 168

You deserved it 3 028

By My mom - 18/03/2010 01:10 - France

Today, my mom walked me to school to make sure I don't cut class. I'm 20 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 016

You deserved it 12 226

Smug knob

By Anonymous - 03/02/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got his results from the doctor: the weeping sore under his foreskin isn’t an STD like I accused him of, it’s merely a bacterial skin infection from not washing his penis. He’s acting all smug, like not cheating on me somehow makes up for being a bacteria-ridden petri dish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 532

You deserved it 386

By fail - 14/04/2011 22:27 - Canada

Today, to impress my friends, I attempted to do a back flip. The only one impressed was the doctor who set my broken leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 38 450

Hesitancy

By DrFart - 02/10/2022 01:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today i had a patient come into the practice six times to ask about vaccines they've had. Apparently, their "doctor" friend (with a PHD in arts) is a more reliable source of information than trained medical staff telling them, "Yes, that is in that group of vaccines" with a vaccine leaflet, and a head nurse explaining it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 120

By thatgirl34 - 09/02/2012 11:29 - Australia

Today, I received my new car-seat covers. I wrote my car off yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 343

You deserved it 18 707

Intrusive "**** you" thoughts

By Anonymous - 09/02/2024 03:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I had the memory of an ex-friend pop up in my brain and I couldn't help but wonder how the little homewrecker is doing these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 127

By Fridaythe12th - 15/03/2010 04:51 - United States

Today, I was so excited to finally use my $45 gift card to a hair salon. I walk up to the doors to find them locked, and to look inside to see that the salon was not only closed, but out of business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 925

You deserved it 4 872

Some kind of foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 06:00

Today, my wife expressed how much she misses going out dancing, so I told her I'd be glad to work on my two left feet with her. She said, "I already tried to teach you" before lamenting the time she's missed out on dancing with the cowboy guys she used to dance with. She's now watching dance videos 10ft away, looking all sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 136

By gdog10122 - 12/01/2013 09:52 - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 229

You deserved it 2 669

By bumblebee - 13/03/2010 19:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend complained that we may not work out because I'm "just too needy". I'd woken up early and texted him "good morning" while he was trying to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 755

You deserved it 9 671

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The Top

Today, I was sick, so I went into work to see if I could get my shift covered, instead of just calling in. I ended up working an extra hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 626

You deserved it 3 381

Today, I woke up and got ready for class. I let the dogs outside while I got ready, then brought them back in. As I was putting my shoes on, I felt something warm and mushy. One of my dogs had pooped in my shoe right as I was leaving. I missed the city bus and was late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 192

Today, I visited my dad's grave to give it a clean, since moss and shit were starting to grow on the gravestone. Apparently this counts as vandalism, according to the groundskeeper, because soap and water can damage the stone and make it crumble faster. Yes, the city cops sent me a fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 282

You deserved it 140

Today, I was naked on top of my boyfriend looking lovingly into his eyes. He then started to use my boobs as punching bags while singing "Eye of the Tiger". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 180

You deserved it 9 461

Today, a package has been sitting at the post office for two weeks, with a status update of "Arriving Late." I've finally been told the package is most likely lost in a sorting bin, and won't arrive before Christmas. It was a custom-made, commissioned Christmas gift, that took two months to even complete, and can't be replaced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 99

Today, a customer tried to return some pricey lingerie. She said she didn't have the packaging, but had never worn them. The skidmark I accidentally touched begged to differ. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 696

You deserved it 842