Today, I was about to climb on top of my husband for some fun time, when I stuck my hand in a giant pile of cat poop on my pillow. FML
Today, my mom screamed at me for not saying “Thank you” after she gave me food. Yesterday, she screamed at me for thanking her. I’m 24 and can’t afford to move out. FML
Today, I woke up after a 16-hour shift, and my back is out. I worked it in order to "enjoy" my 2 days off. I can barely move. FML
Today, my parents kept on trying to create drama in my long-distance relationship,and telling me that my life is a mess. But when I tell them they played a huge part in my crippling anxiety, they change the topic. FML
Today, on Facebook, I realized I had over 500 friends. I told my one friend and she changed her status to, "How can Dan have over 500 Facebook friends? Nobody even likes him." It got 42 likes and twenty comments that basically said, "Agreed." FML
Today, I had artfully managed to avoid anyone knowing that I was moving into a trailer park. I showed up at the trailer where all my friends, co-workers, and exes were waiting. My parents knew I was feeling down and wanted to throw me a surprise "moving in" party. FML
Today, I got tired of my cat trying to open the bag that contains his food when he literally has food in his bowl, so I put the bag on a high shelf he can't reach. Since then, he's been giving me all sorts of dirty looks whenever we're in the same room, to try and make me feel bad. FML
Today, I went speed dating. I arrived at my first date and she looked me up and down and said, "Oh, that's awkward." FML
Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML
Today, my 20-day summer break started. It was also the day my entire family, including me, tested positive for Covid. I'm typing this in an isolation ward. There goes my summer break. FML
Today, my dad has officially started testing to find out if he is autistic. I'm happy for him defying the "too old" stigma; however, the problem is that I am autistic as well, and my dad can be a rather unpleasant person at times, so I'm afraid he'll give the disorder a bad name and make both of our lives worse. FML
Today, I was talking to the girl I have a date with on Friday, and for the second day in a row, I misheard her and thought she was saying something about moving in with me. Friday is our first date. FML
Today, I got so bored that I ordered my DVD drawer from awesomest to non-awesomest. I need a life. FML
Today, I got a surprise call from LA Fitness saying I've been signed up for a two week pass. It's from my boyfriend. Didn't see this one coming. FML
Today, I found out that I get to spend the next two weeks at my grandparents' house, which smells like cat litter, while the rest of my family takes a cruise through the Caribbean. They can't afford to take a ninth person. FML
Today, my mother-in-law said I was manipulative, awful, mean, incapable of love, and the reason for my husband's depression. All because I got him to agree to inpatient psychiatric care after he expressed suicidal thoughts that included our children. She says it's ridiculous and he's fine. FML
Today, while I was babysitting, one of the kids looked at me very seriously and asked, “Why do you have sad eyes like my dad did after he lost all his money?” I don’t even know the kid’s dad. I just wanted to make mac and cheese. FML
Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML
Gibsonsgfreak21 tells us more.
Hey everyone! I'm the OP! Didn't think my post would be this popular! I don't have an accent- I'm from SoCal, but I was in a crowded class so it was hard to hear, so she just repeated what she thought I said. I've been talking to her for a while, but I asked her if she was artistic because we were really bored in a 3 hour class, so drawing would've been a fun distraction (although I can't draw to save my life). When I told the story to a couple friends, they thought I said 'autistic' instead or 'artistic' as well, so I guess she wasn't the only one. Also- I've done a lot of work helping children with autism. I've never say 'autistic' because i believe in ability before disability (ie. Saying, "A boy with autism" is better to say than "an autistic boy"). I explained what I meant to say and she laughed, so the FML isn't THAT bad. :)
Today, my pro wrestling training class had come to a close and I was gathering my things outside of the ring. One of my fellow trainees got out of the ring on the side where there was nothing but giant stage lights. He knocked them over onto me, giving me my first pro wrestling injury. I’d always thought that would happen in the ring. FML
Today, I went to the hospital for crippling back pain that made it impossible to walk. The doctor was more interested in telling me off for not taking a pill that he admitted doesn't help acute pain. He then gave me an injection that wore off in an hour, and sent me home, telling me to take over the counter meds. FML
Today, I tried to go rollerskating with my kids. I wasn’t even able to fully stand up before I fell and broke my leg. FML
Today, I was in a work Zoom meeting that was supposed to end at 5 pm, which is my shift end time. It dragged after 5 pm so I decided to disconnect and leave to go home, since I don’t get paid overtime. My manager called demanding to know why I left early, said I was unprofessional, and fired me on the spot. FML
Today, I set out to organize my media files over several old hard drives, but I got so engrossed in creating intricate folders and subfolders that I forgot what I was organizing in the first place. My computer is now a labyrinth of folders titled "Stuff," "Things," and "What is this even?" FML
Today, I was brushing my teeth and shaving in the shower. My favorite song came on, and I got mixed up. My tongue and mouth are cut badly now. FML
Today, I got an unexpected call from my ex who I'd had been missing. He repeatedly called me a whore for having multiple hotel rooms in the last couple of weeks. I had them because I got a promotion at work and have been working out of town frequently. FML
Today, I had an important job interview at another company. I'd tried to keep it secret from everyone at work, so they wouldn't tell my boss, as I can't afford to get on his bad side yet. My mom posted on my Facebook wall, wishing me luck. I'm Facebook friends with most of my colleagues. FML
Today, I slipped on the wet floor at work and sprained my wrist badly. I was carrying the wet floor sign so no one would slip. FML
Today, my ex-girlfriend has been nothing but nice about our separation, and I’ve been slowly removing my stuff from her house, until she found out I have a new girlfriend just a few tiny years younger than her. She ran over my box of replica lightsabers with her work van. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. About 2 hours later, he got to hold my hair while I puked, also for the first time. FML
Today, I got yelled at all day at work, only to come home and get yelled at by my husband. FML
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