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Quality family time

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, after a long talk with the kids, I finally got all the chores around the house done early so we could have a fun family weekend. My wife decided to be a wet blanket and insisted we needed to deep clean the already clean kitchen. Three arguments later, everyone is sulking, and I'm working in the kitchen alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 140

By elphi - 15/12/2012 06:11 - United States - Savanna

Today, I went on a date. He stole my credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 697

You deserved it 3 225

elphi_fml tells us more.

elphi_fml 4

Sunday 16 December 2012 1:47

OP here! #35, etc. No second date. And...I can't discuss a ongoing investigation. #2 He tried to feel me up and I walked out.I was so scared I left my purse behind. #14 He's on security camera. #4 My limit's about 700 less than he wanted, and he didn't get any of it. #8 Card was instantly cancelled.He put it back. Haven't seen him since. At least the dinner was good.

By hatemyjob - 25/02/2010 22:29 - United States

Today, I was working as a cashier at a restaurant. When I receive $50 and $100 bills I am required to have a manager check to make sure they are not counterfeit. Every manager I found yelled at me to find another manager because they were busy. Frustrated, I just accepted the bill. It was fake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 598

You deserved it 6 691

I feel fine

By Anonymous - 26/08/2021 18:01

Today, my parents left me several frantic voicemails early this morning about the hurricane, totally in a panic that I wasn’t safe. I called them when I woke up and told them I was fine. They were actually angry that I wasn't in the eye of the storm, because they “worried for nothing.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 88

By lousy - 31/01/2009 22:23 - United States

Today, I live with my mother and realized she goes out with her friends and dates more times a week than I do in a single month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 086

You deserved it 3 906

Love-hate sibling relationship

By Anonymous - 24/11/2022 06:00

Today, my obese sibling snored loudly during a TV show. I swear, if it's not anime or a violent film he likes, he just goes to sleep. But then he's up all night, eating and playing video games while I'm trying to sleep. I can't keep working like an exhausted zombie all the time but I get in trouble when if I say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 184

Tired of cooking for you ungrateful lot

By Anonymous - 23/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, our freezer was full because my Dad got a free turkey from work. Thing is, my mom bought a pre-made ham, even though she knows my dad brings home a turkey every year. Why? Because of all the prep work that goes into making the turkey, including clearing out the kitchen, and throwing it into the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 218

Wait for me!

By Anonymous - 06/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Marshfield

Today, my husband has recently discovered prostate play. He is now using my sextoys to pleasure himself and not telling me until after. He doesn't see the problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 555

You deserved it 192

Zit remedy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, I was getting ready for a date when I noticed a spot on my chin. To get rid of it, I applied my sister's spot cream rather than picking it off. Within minutes, my entire chin looked like a swollen tomato. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 221

You deserved it 7 355

BFF from hell

By Anonymous - 25/11/2022 16:00

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me with my "best friend" on our 6-year anniversary, the 11th of November. He'd left the next morning with no explanation, and she even picked me up to go get ice cream. Three days later we even went Christmas shopping together. How could they do this? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 022

You deserved it 257

Accusations

By cosmonaut - 07/08/2009 09:18 - New Zealand

Today, at work I noticed that the last of my pencils had been taken from my desk. I assumed it was the coworker who I've talked to at least ten times regarding taking my stationery. I approached her and, feeling brave, yelled at her in front of the entire office. I was holding the pencil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 898

You deserved it 71 486

Missed connections

By Anonymous - 05/09/2021 14:01 - United States - San Diego

Today, I found out the guy I had a huge crush on back in college, and still think of every day, actually did like me back. Except I’ve been married for nearly 8 years to someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 1 181

Just a prank, bruh!

By VoodooPriestess - 03/06/2020 23:00

Today, while looking at engagement rings online, I started crying. Not because I'm getting married, but because the only proposal scenario my mind could concoct always ended with my boyfriend saying, "SIKE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 334

You deserved it 478

Festive spirit

By Christmas'nt - 28/11/2022 22:00

Today, it's that time of year again: my mom has threatened to disown me if I celebrate Christmas in any way, shape, or form. Yes, she is an extreme bible thumper. No, she doesn't see what is wrong with her behavior, nor does she care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 108

This boils my piss

By Boil Man - 01/12/2022 02:00

Today, I found out it's not normal to constantly develop boils in the same general areas. Some of those areas include: My neck, my abdomen, my forearm, my forehead, right next to my eyes, right below my armpit, right next to my genitals, and even directly on my penis. I want to rip my skin off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 122

By Anonymous - 25/02/2011 14:53 - United States

Today, I discovered that I can fit back into the clothes I wore in High School. I was proud of this until my husband told me that I look like a stuffed sausage in them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 250

You deserved it 11 116

By CzechMeOut - 04/08/2009 13:19 - United Kingdom

Today, while visiting family in the Czech Republic, I was told on two separate occasions that I looked like a Czech TV star. Flattered, I asked what the TV show was called. Turns out there's a Czech version of 'Ugly Betty'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 436

You deserved it 3 668

By dangyo - 26/01/2009 17:38 - United States

Today, my dad learned how to use the parental controls. I now have an 11 o'clock curfew. I am 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 424

You deserved it 7 095

False economy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - New Zealand

Today, I walked ten miles to pick up my car from the towing station. Turns out there was enough change for the parking meter in the glovebox after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 001

You deserved it 27 863

By prisonbitch - 18/02/2010 17:41 - United States

Today, after five different interviews, I got an offer for a great job. I was excited to fill out paperwork and get the ball rolling, until they called and said that I didn't pass the criminal background check. I get off probation in less than a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 246

You deserved it 38 687

So close, yet so far

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 04:00

Today, while talking to my close female friend whose roommate I have a crush on, I learned that my crush shaves her bikini area into a heart shape. I also learned that my crush is apparently also asexual, so I have no chance with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 936

You deserved it 338

By Moe - 23/01/2009 12:08 - United Kingdom

Today, I went back to my flat after a night on the town and staying at my girlfriend's. My flat was flooded. I had been sick in the sink and left the tap on all night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 345

You deserved it 24 901

More reasons to stay at home

By Anonymous - 11/09/2021 17:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my local pub has now closed so now the only bar within staggering distance of my house is an entertainment centre. So now, if I want to drink myself blotto, I can no longer do it in peace and quiet, I have to do it to the background noise of some cartoon monkey and 100 rotten kids screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 433

You deserved it 1 190

By Anonymous - 09/11/2013 20:41 - United States

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 216

You deserved it 3 814

By Clementine - 27/11/2012 11:36 - Australia - Saint Kilda

Today, I went to a restaurant with my boyfriend. After dessert, he went to the bathroom so I quickly called the waiter over and paid the bill, thinking it was a nice gesture. When he returned, he broke up with me for "emasculating" him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 247

You deserved it 4 638

Wasting away

By Anonymous - 14/09/2021 01:59 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I keep trying to use the Meetup app to meet people, but life keeps trolling me, and every event I even attempt to join (all virtual so far) has been met with no social interaction. It feels like life keeps hammering in the idea that I should just sit in my room and atrophy away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 139

By maddy - 21/01/2009 17:03 - France

Today, I'm looking for a job, and the employer I spoke to by phone was busy, but before hanging up he said, "We'll call you soon." I still wonder how he plans to do so without even having asked for my number. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 812

You deserved it 2 637

Ongoing situation

By Anonymous - 08/11/2025 00:00

Today, I'm not showing any symptoms of Covid, despite visiting with a friend three days ago whose family tested positive yesterday, but my stepmom is still convinced I have it. I checked a Cleveland clinic website to prove I didn't have it, only to find out I could be asymptomatic for up to ten days after exposure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 506

Bob the Builder

By brunnells22 - 23/06/2020 23:00

Today, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for building an Ikea shelf/dresser combo completely by myself. When going to put the last drawer together, I dropped one of the boards. The corner landed perfectly in the middle of my phone screen, shattering it. It's going to cost $230 to fix it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 439

You deserved it 303

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 10/11/2025 09:00

Today, my husband keeps falling sick or imagining that he's sick. We started the year with flu, then back pain, then a sprain, then a ligament tear, and now a bacterial infection. On the days he's not sick, he has zero interest in physical intimacy, scared that he'll catch an STD. We're a married monogamous couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 101

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The Top

Today, I was asked when my baby is due. My baby was due 6 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 895

You deserved it 4 630

Today, my brother changed the password on my laptop so that I can't log into my profile. All my notes for school are on it and finals start on Monday. Guess who can't remember the new password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 631

You deserved it 3 887

Today, I read an incoming message on my wife's phone. "I miss your warm hands and mouth". The message came from a female co-worker of hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 795

You deserved it 6 055

Today, I discovered that Paolo has a big penis, that he's good in bed and that the hotel sheets still remember it all. Mum, the walls won't get any thicker just 'cause you're on the telephone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 219

You deserved it 2 174

Today, my university's dorms closed due to COVID-19 and when I asked my parents if I could stay with them, they said no because, "we're social distancing." They weren't joking, I have nobody else to stay with. I'm now legitimately living in a tent under a bridge until this pandemic ends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 716

You deserved it 173

Today, the lady whose house I clean insists I stole her Hermes bag. I never went into her closet when cleaning; just her kitchen, living room and bathrooms. Apparently, it's worth $4000. She threatened to "call ICE and Homeland Security" if I don't "cough it up." I'm a naturalized citizen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 80