Bread is serious stuff

By bullsonyourface - 30/09/2019 20:00

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 370

You deserved it 141

Stop talking!

Mother of the year

Sorry…

By Huge A Hole - 01/02/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, a girl I've had a huge crush on for a long time told another friend of ours to get a life. I, in my infinite genius responded that her mom needed to get a life. She ran out of the room bawling. I got slapped in the face and informed that her mom had died not long ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 651

You deserved it 39 258

By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 177

You deserved it 889

Get Back

By FriendsSuck - 06/07/2009 04:05 - United States

Today, I was leaving a cafe with some of my friends. I had to sit in the back of the car by myself. I opened the door when I saw an old woman needing help getting to her car because it was raining. I shut the door and went to help. My friends thought I had gotten in. I was left in the rain with no phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 911

You deserved it 5 341

By Tee - 10/11/2009 02:20 - Australia

Today, I was saying goodbye to my boyfriend before I got on my bus. As I turned to get on, the door closed on my face. I knocked on the door. The driver looked at me, and while still staring at me, drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 984

You deserved it 5 405

By Abyssal - 04/04/2011 18:29 - United States

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 045

You deserved it 11 877

By HowToGetFired - 07/07/2015 20:20 - United States - Tampa

Today, I just finished a driving school that I thought would lower my insurance by 10%. It was 30 hours so I was glad it was over, that was until I found out I took the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 057

You deserved it 8 575

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 208

You deserved it 8 052

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 11:28 - Reserved

Today, my husband told me I was lucky to have someone who would love me no matter what my vagina smelled like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 516

You deserved it 22 910

By Moondoggie_ggk69 - 23/01/2010 17:53 - United States

Today, I was washing my hair in the shower when the water went ice cold. It's 20 degrees outside and we have soft water which takes a longer time to wash away soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 464

You deserved it 2 888

By Anonymous - 31/01/2010 17:07 - United Kingdom

Today, while at a party, Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'" started playing. For being the only one who didn't know the lyrics, I had beer thrown on me, my shirt stolen, and I was locked outside for half an hour. It's below freezing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 888

You deserved it 37 570

By Jakub89 - 05/06/2011 20:31 - Canada

Today, I signed up for an online dating site. In order to prove I was human and complete my registration, I had to pass a CAPTCHA. Coincidentally enough, the words in it were "depressed" and "loser". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 001

You deserved it 7 564

By GetHardOrGoHome - 31/03/2012 04:22 - United States - Chardon

Today, I visited my gynecologist. As she had her fingers inside me she decided that was the perfect time to say, "I absolutely love your socks!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 509

You deserved it 3 479

By Anonymous - 13/12/2015 12:45

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 430

You deserved it 1 556

By Bestfrienduncool - 30/09/2010 05:11 - France

Today, I found out that the reason my best friend is not allowed over anymore is because he hits on my mom and writes her love letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 693

You deserved it 2 658

By ¬_¬ - 27/07/2013 22:43 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my dad walked in on me filming a Harlem Shake video. He stared for a moment, said "Son, I don't have a problem with homosexuals, but... nevermind." then shook his head and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 337

You deserved it 26 542

Oh, hai Mark!

By lyle - 02/04/2021 08:00

Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 150

Earthquake

By Bolin - 17/05/2021 08:08

Today, I have to sleep in another room, with the door closed, because if I don't, my girlfriend's snoring will keep me awake. I was diagnosed with chronic insomnia because of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 834

You deserved it 98

Live chat

By Anonymous - 19/12/2019 01:00 - Ukraine - Kiev

Today, I found my best friend's girlfriend on a webcam site. I then told him, and his only response was, "Yeah, I know, that's where we met." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 579

You deserved it 560

By addie19 - 19/01/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 662

You deserved it 2 919

By Anonymous - 21/11/2011 16:23 - United States

Today, while watching a man in front of me on the bus remove his cap to scratch his noggin, I noticed the swarm of dandruff that was about to nail me in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 395

You deserved it 2 504

By jolene11 - 17/05/2010 02:24 - United States

Today, I found out my husband doesn't love me. At all. He told me this while playing Call of Duty with his friends with his microphone on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 651

You deserved it 3 841

By Username - 13/02/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 615

You deserved it 3 702

By Titatoum - 17/01/2015 21:12 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, I was accused of letting my dog take a shit on the sidewalk and not picking it up. My dog's a chihuahua, and the turd was almost longer than he is. I got fined anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 850

You deserved it 5 756

By nofriends - 09/02/2016 05:17 - United States - Boise

Today, my boyfriend admitted that he wanted to throw me a surprise birthday party. The only issue was the fact I didn't have any friends to make it happen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 017

You deserved it 1 946

By alchy - 02/05/2011 04:46 - United States

Today, I realized that the cashier at the liquor store and I are already on a first-name basis. I just moved to this town a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 949

You deserved it 36 171

By Anonymous - 07/10/2017 01:30

Today, while pulling out of my work parking lot, I had a piping hot coffee tossed at me through my passenger window. I don't know if I was more amazed by this guy's exquisite aim or the fact that his coffee was so sweet I tasted the diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 951

You deserved it 222

By scarred - 22/10/2009 12:30 - France

Today, I found out my mom is the nude model for an art class at my college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 014

You deserved it 3 229

By zheiraT - 22/05/2015 19:44 - United States - South Portland

Today, I walked into my boss's office to ask for a raise, and walked out unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 115

You deserved it 4 944

Please, apologize

By Tytonic - 03/02/2020 14:00 - United States - Chevy Chase

Today, my teacher yelled at me for using my phone in class. I apologized out loud, knowing that it would help me get off easier. She was yelling at somebody else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 732

You deserved it 2 005

Looking for love in Alderaan places

By not4geeks - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went out on a first date with a cute guy. Turns out we won't be going on a date again because I didn't know the difference between "Star Wars" and "Star Trek." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 648

You deserved it 73 897

By Bitch - 26/05/2019 00:02

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I was cheating on him. Surprised, I replied "No, Tim, of course not!" This might have been more convincing if I'd called my boyfriend by his own name, instead of the name of the guy I'm cheating on him with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 10 586

By LogicalMolly - 13/12/2011 05:16 - United States

Today, it's the last day of finals week. Unfortunately the only test I've passed this week is the pregnancy test I took during my lunch break in a Subway bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 001

You deserved it 49 214

Drama Queen

By sam - 11/11/2020 03:03 - United States - Denver

Today, my daughter lightly bumped her hand on a wall, cried and screamed for 5 minutes, vomited, then passed out. She’s 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 004

You deserved it 221

Good morning to you too

By sllaggy - 18/04/2011 09:34

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's house. I had a shower while he went downstairs. As I went to say goodbye to him, his mother muttered, "Slut" while pouring him orange juice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 22 062

In the cold

By the dog won - 16/07/2020 14:01

Today, after being tired of my husband acting like I’m invisible, giving more attention and affection to the dog than to me, and me going to spend a few nights at my sister’s house, he texted me, "You coming home to make dinner or what?" on the second day. It's now day 4 and he hasn’t said anything else since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 236

By TRAMATIZED - 08/09/2009 22:08 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend decided it would be hot to get it on in the gym storage room at school. Apparently so did my Chemistry and Drama teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 126

You deserved it 7 572

By happyturtle - 10/10/2013 11:27 - Croatia

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 278

You deserved it 3 306

Dark

By bloomrosalind8976 - 02/05/2021 16:59

Today, I admitted to my SO that I wanted to kill myself. They told me it was abusive to tell them that, and claimed I was just using it as a tool to control them. What they don't know is I attempted it by overdosing the other day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 185

By ThanksMa - 22/03/2009 19:45 - Canada

Today, my mother and I walked past my boyfriend, whom she's never met. After we casually greeted each other and went on our way my mother said, "He's cute. Who is he?" I paused for a second and replied, "That's my boyfriend." She then said, "Does he know that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 610

You deserved it 14 345

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 15:43 - United States

Today, I went to the movies with my friend and two pretty girls. During the movie, he made out with both of them, while I sat there awkwardly and watched the movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 121

You deserved it 5 871

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Top comments

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

rebelwithmouseyhair 16

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:05

You can't have a correct opinion on multi-grain until you've tried mine.

Comments

ThatOneLonelyAsian 31

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Monday 30 September 2019 21:07

That's what daughters are for ...

Felice Godin 19

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Monday 30 September 2019 22:39

like really gonna argue over bread that is very childish hopefully you patched it wit your bf family

bullsonyourface 20

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Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:07

especially with everything that was going on at the time, yes, very childish, my family is just batshit hahaha

RichardPencil 30

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Monday 30 September 2019 23:23

Pumpernickel is the best, white bread is for morons who have no sense of taste, multigrain is overrated and sourdough is for hipster doofuses. That's that, so what is there to argue about!?!?!

rebelwithmouseyhair 16

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:05

You can't have a correct opinion on multi-grain until you've tried mine.

RichardPencil 30

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:06

Ok, I'd be happy to be proven wrong.😂😂😂

stickyface 8

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 6:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

bullsonyourface 20

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Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:04

no ya asshole, 6 year anniversary of when we first fucked, duh.

stickyface 8

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Wednesday 2 October 2019 20:24

Then that's really pathetic.

bullsonyourface 20

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Thursday 3 October 2019 6:26

your face is pathetic

jbuckets_404 38

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Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

JackFaire 27

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Wednesday 9 October 2019 6:33

YDI Blood is Thicker Than Water you should have been with your Fiance not at your family's place. The family you choose is more important than the family by accident of birth.

bullsonyourface 20

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Saturday 12 October 2019 21:29

well, one of my favorite relatives is dying and it was the one year anniversary of my cousin passing away so I wanted to attend the celebration of life. so, I was sort of obligated but the shit that went on while I was there made me wish I never went.

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 17

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 18

Spicy

Today, I found out my husband has to take Viagra to get it up with me. He never needed it with his ex-wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 6

Today, my boyfriend has spent all morning claiming there’s nothing to do when it’s raining outside. Sex is always an option, but he’s missed all my hints, including stripping naked and kissing him, because he thought I was on my way to get a shower instead of trying to fuck him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 638

You deserved it 182