By bullsonyourface

Bread is serious stuff

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

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Triage

Backwards world

So you had a bad day…

By Palf - Germany

Today, I realised that my flight back from Berlin was actually booked for the 29th of September instead of August. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I canceled my Gamefly account. Seems that was the only thing keeping us together. FML

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By bigcityfail - United States

Today, I learned that my apartment building has two new tenants: my ex-girlfriend and her fiancé, the guy she cheated on me with. FML

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By huskynick - 18/6/2020 05:05

Kinky

Today, it's been two days and my girlfriend still won't talk to me. Why? Because she made out with a mutual friend at a party, and got mad at me for thinking it was hot rather than being jealous. FML

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By allergyface - Canada

Today, I was talking to my parents, when all of a sudden my dad starts freaking out and asking my mom how I got this really bad allergy on my face. My mom just laughed, and then I had to explain to him that it was just my acne. The worst part is, he was dead serious the whole time. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend. There were some tents set up out the back so we decided to go in one. When we came out we got weird looks. It turns out my friend had turned on some lights behind the tent, showing a huge silhouette of me giving head. FML

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By promdump - United States

Today, I went to visit my Grandmother, accidentally leaving my phone home during the weekend. When I got back I had 2 texts from my crush. One saying "I want to take the most beautiful girl to prom, go with me?" and the other saying, "Fine fattie, I'll ask someone else." FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

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By moms a baby - United States - Loma Linda

Today, my mom stopped playing badminton with me because she claimed I was too aggressive. Apparently winning, playing by the rules, and smashing is considered aggressive. FML

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By Promo girl - Australia

Today, I was offered a promotion but for the same pay. Promotion... WTF? FML

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By LonelyThisChristmas - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my step-mum told me that the Christmas dinner she is cooking tomorrow will cost £25 a head. I laughed because I thought she was joking. She wasn't. Now I'm spending Christmas alone. FML

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By Anonymous

Freak out!

Today, I woke up with a high fever. My two year-old decided today was the day she would have one of the largest tantrums she’s ever had and threw yogurt all over the newly-refinished floor, my fiancé, myself and our cat Sebastian. Sebastian was not impressed. FML

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By Anonymous

Hard to bare

Today, I was showing my boss a picture on my phone. I didn’t expect her to take my phone from my hand and continue to flip through photos. I anxiously motioned for her to give my phone back, only to realize she had already swiped to my nude picture. FML

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By Mothering - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

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By now have a cat - United States - Glenview

Today, the man sitting next to me on the train tried to sneak a dead cat into my bag while I was sleeping. FML

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By Trama1201 - United States - Boston

My short hair!

Today, I went to the library to bring back some books, I walked up to the counter and the librarian turned to me and said "What can I do for you young man?" I'm a girl. FML

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By VampiresSayRawr - Canada

Today, I tried having intercourse with my boyfriend, and about 30 seconds in, I heard flipping. He was looking at a porn magazine. "It's to keep my erection" he answered. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I asked my two children why they smelled like pee after we had gotten lunch at McDonald's. They told me that they were playing in the puddles in the play-place. FML

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By Anonymous - France

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my child's kindergarten teacher told me that my child said, "My mom drinks wine and lays down." I don't drink alcohol, although at times I drink juice in a wine glass. I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an alcoholic. FML

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By BerzerkelyBongBabe - United States

Today, after 18 years of struggling to provide my daughter with the finest educational opportunities I could afford, I dropped her off to start school at the best public university in the U.S. So far the only thing she's learned is what weed smells like. FML

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By mylifeissad - United States

Today, I had to look up how to eat a mango on the internet. FML

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By oc_cheergirl - United States

Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML

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By lacie - 8/4/2021 21:30

Health hazard

Today, multiple customers have complained about my body odor. Not only can I not smell anything, but I shower three times a day and brush my teeth seven times a day. FML

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By Username - France

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

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By Fatty - United States

Today, I was excited about my friend going wedding dress shopping. Before I went to go work out, I decided to try on a prom dress from high school to remember what it felt like to get dressed up. It was too tight, I broke the zipper, and spent 45 minutes trapped before I cut myself out. FML

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By jealousgirl - United Kingdom

Today, after having to spend over an hour yesterday giving the man I'm in love with advice on how to impress his date yesterday evening, I got to spend another hour listening to how great their sex was last night. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was waiting in line to use the bathroom. I complained to the guy next to me about how long the lady was taking. I kept making jokes about it, but he never seemed to laugh. Finally, the door opened and out came a lady in a wheelchair. The guy next to me was her husband. FML

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By Anonymous

Yelp

Today, I was fired from my job as a waitress, all because someone complained there was too much seasoning in their food. As I said, I'm a waitress. This happened the same week I was hired. FML

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By Anonymous

Protip

Today, my endometriosis has reached stage 4 and has spread to many organs, including my colon. My constipation got so bad that my Apple Watch told me it was time to stand up. FML

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By mandosfriend - United States - Pomona

Today, I got yelled at by a man for not opening my store 10-15 minutes before the scheduled opening time, which made his 84-year-old wife shit her pants waiting to get in. It didn't matter when I explained I had no way to know she needed to use the restroom. FML

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By AlexB - United Kingdom - Blackpool

Today, in an effort to try and get fit, I was doing yoga on my carpet when my foot slipped. It went under my radiator, which peeled the skin off my heel like peeling a potato. FML

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By I.Want.Food. - United Kingdom

Today, I was watching Ratatouille. Piece of advice for starving students: never watch it when you've only eaten two apples in two days, or you'll find yourself in the ridiculous position of being jealous of a fucking rat. FML

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By Britishboy1991

Pay up

Today, I should be working on my big project for work due next week. Instead, I'm walking in and out of the block to get all my things from my flat. My roommate lied about paying the rent for months now and has actually spending all the money on lotto tickets. And no, he didn't win anything. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Truro

Today, my friends dared me to answer the door naked for the pizza guy. I heard the doorbell but when I answered, it was the little boy from next door participating in a fundraiser. FML

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By Goldo - United States

Today, my boss hired a feng shui consultant for our small office space. I am the only full-time employee besides the owners, and I work as an unpaid intern. My company would rather pay someone to rearrange my desk than pay me to work at it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was having a hot telephone conversation with my boyfriend who lives in another state. Unfortunately, I even have to fake orgasms during phone sex. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, a bird got into the walls of my house through a hole. I located where it was by following the chirping and scratching sounds, and drilled a hole to get it out. I pulled out the drill, only to find the drill bit bloody. Suddenly, no more chirps. FML

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By NJ <3 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

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By WittyMoron - United Kingdom

Shooting!

Today, I was out shooting pigeons with my brother. I decided to climb a tree to get a better view of where they were flying in from. As I perched on a branch and surveyed the skies, my idiot brother mistook me for a pigeon and shot me in the leg. FML

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Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7847623 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

By RichardPencil | 30

#7847526 - Monday 30 September 2019 23:23

Pumpernickel is the best, white bread is for morons who have no sense of taste, multigrain is overrated and sourdough is for hipster doofuses.

That's that, so what is there to argue about!?!?!

COMMENTS

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7847493 - Monday 30 September 2019 21:07

That's what daughters are for ...

By Felice Godin | 19

#7847509 - Monday 30 September 2019 22:39

like really gonna argue over bread that is very childish hopefully you patched it wit your bf family

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7847968 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:07

especially with everything that was going on at the time, yes, very childish, my family is just batshit hahaha

By RichardPencil | 30

#7847526 - Monday 30 September 2019 23:23

Pumpernickel is the best, white bread is for morons who have no sense of taste, multigrain is overrated and sourdough is for hipster doofuses.

That's that, so what is there to argue about!?!?!

Reply

rebelwithmouseyhair | 16

#7847719 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:05

You can't have a correct opinion on multi-grain until you've tried mine.

Reply

RichardPencil | 30

#7847720 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:06

Ok, I'd be happy to be proven wrong.😂😂😂

By stickyface | 8

#7847613 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 6:26

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7847965 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:04

no ya asshole, 6 year anniversary of when we first fucked, duh.

Reply

stickyface | 8

#7848049 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 20:24

Then that's really pathetic.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7847623 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

By JackFaire | 27

#7849699 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 6:33

YDI Blood is Thicker Than Water you should have been with your Fiance not at your family's place. The family you choose is more important than the family by accident of birth.

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7850656 - Saturday 12 October 2019 21:29

well, one of my favorite relatives is dying and it was the one year anniversary of my cousin passing away so I wanted to attend the celebration of life. so, I was sort of obligated but the shit that went on while I was there made me wish I never went.