By bullsonyourface

Bread is serious stuff

Today, it's my 6-year anniversary with my fiance, but due to a lot of different family issues, I had to drive 9 hours with my dad to go visit them. Long story short, there was a giant argument about bread, my dad stormed out and I'm left to deal with this shit storm. FML

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Understandable

Fear factor

Emergency haircut

By he is going to hell - Australia - Forestville

Today, I found out my little brother is a highly committed Nazi. He goes to meetings and everything, my parents think it's great he is "getting out and developing a social life." FML

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By amandanoelle - United States - Hot Springs National Park

Today, I realized how stagnant my life has become when, while eating some leftover salad with crackers I'd left out the night before, I decided to open some new crackers and put them with the stale, and giggled to myself about the excitement of "cracker roulette." FML

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By Oldhouse - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I discovered that the odd creaking noise I hear when I walk down the stairs is actually a crack that had been getting larger over the years. I found out when I fell through and plummeted to the stairs below. FML

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By Anonymous

Greased Lightning

Today, I got home from working at KFC and hopped straight into the shower. I could see that the water was being tinged yellow by the grease that had got plastered on me at work and was now coming off, so I started gagging and almost threw up. FML

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By bademployee - United States - Portland

Today, my boss had a lengthy and obnoxiously egocentric conversation with a colleague. After she left across the office, I stood up, looked over at my colleague, and made a sarcastic "shooting myself in the head" gesture. I saw my boss staring at me over a cubicle wall as I turned around. FML

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By Ouchmybum

Today, whilst out on a walk with the dogs, I decided to explore a different part of the woods. Suddenly I felt a sharp pain in my bum. Then another. And another. I realised it was wasps and ran. I've been stung 11 times and have to go back tomorrow for the coat I dropped. FML

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By belieber101 - United Kingdom

Today, I have been left home alone, the electricity has cut out, and I am petrified of the dark. I am stuck downstairs making karate noises every few minutes to scare off creepers. FML

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By xXWhiteSheepXx - United States - Omaha

Today, my cat likes to share my pillow at night. I guess she was extra comfortable last night, because she didn't bother getting off it to hack up a hairball. I woke up because I rolled my face onto it. FML

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By bobbies - United States

Today, I was telling my sister about how I am horribly depressed and how I can't function and she responded with, "Oh, shit! I've got to go Jeopardy is on!" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Durham

Today, I told my friend I would pay him to ask out the ugliest girl he knew. He asked out my girlfriend. FML

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By noway - Singapore

Today, I got into a fight with my boyfriend. The only thing he could think of to cheer me up was to give me "permission" to give him a blowjob. FML

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By hihipanda - Singapore

Today, my friend and I went to a bar for drinks. I noticed this cute girl and went over to say "Hi." I had a great conversation with her and I asked for her number before she left. She passed it to me on a piece of paper with instructions specifying for my friend to call her and not me. FML

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By storksleuth - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

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By Dejected - United States

Today, I finally got a hold of my husband who I haven't actually talked to in 2 and 1/2 weeks since he is deployed and it's hard to chat. He told me he couldn't talk because he was in an epic battle, in Call of Duty. FML

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By Anonymous - Singapore

Today, I went out with a guy I really liked for the first time. He tried to hold my hands, only to be stopped by my mum, jumping out from nowhere saying "Oh no you don't!" before slapping him. This isn't the first time this has happened. FML

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By Depirama - France - Bron

Today, I confessed my love for the girl I like, on the forum she moderates. She responded by banning me. FML

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By Moron with reflexes

Today, I thought I felt a spider crawling by my eye. Having a huge fear of spiders, like an idiot, I lamped myself in square in the eye. I now have a partial black eye because of what turned out to be a feather. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother woke me up and asked to borrow money. Still groggy, I mumbled where my money stash was. She took all $300 and refuses to pay me back because I'm her son and I "owe" her. FML

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By t-dawg - United States

Today, I thought it would be funny if I put a 'Free if Hot-Wired' sign on my friend's car. I guess it worked. FML

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By Mb13

Today, I got my nipples pierced. Momentarily forgetting about the piercings, I started to lather up with my loofa. Shark week in the shower. FML

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By Genius

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

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By phonesnshit - Canada

Today, I was expecting a very important work call. Today was also the day I got insuppressible diarrhea. As I was running to the washroom, the phone rang. I didn't make it to the washroom or the phone. FML

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By VedaLynn - United States

Today, it's my 21st birthday and my dad has decided to take away my ID in fear that if I have even one drink to celebrate I'll become a raging alcoholic. FML

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By superjstorm - Philippines

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

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By gotmon3y - United States

Today, I was at the beach walking on the boardwalk without a shirt on. Two cute girls are walking my way and I decide to try and impress them by flexing my abs. While I flexed them, I accidentally let a fart out that everyone heard. Everybody, including the girls, laughed hysterically at me. FML

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By toxic waste - United States - Tonawanda

Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2020 02:04 - United States - Houston

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, I opened a lesson with the phrase, "As we all know, the world is over 4 billion years old." One of my students immediately snorted and said, in all seriousness, that I was wrong, and that the Earth is only 6000 years old. A few of his classmates agreed. I teach geology at university. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was working at a place where if you're tipped, you sing. After a lady paid for her ice cream, she pulled out 5 dollars. Thinking it was a tip, I took it, and sang the song. She didn't mean to tip me. I was stopped by the woman slapping me. FML

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By 3yrneveragainn

Today, I figured out why the man I've been seeing for 3 years hasn't asked for my hand in marriage. His current wife called me and told me all about it. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, my 8-year-old son told me to grow a pair and man up. FML

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By fuckthepopo - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me. In tears, I called my best friend and told him everything. He responded with one- or two-word answers throughout, but I felt better all the same. That is, until I heard him begin to take a loud piss half-way through my sentence. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

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By Sugar - United Kingdom

Today, British Telecom disconnected my landline by mistake. Their call centre in India tried to reach me. Result, they spoke to an unknown gentleman, who told them he didn't need a phone line at my address. Reconnection in 2 business days. FML

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By goodsister - Canada

Today, I was yelled at and humiliated by my otherwise awesome brother-in-law for my supposed lack of effort in the planning of a baby shower for my very pregnant sister. The kicker? Her huge, break-my-bank semi-surprise baby shower has been in the works for a month and is happening this weekend. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss asked me to take some of the female mannequins and change the outfits. As I was changing them, I realized that this was the most action I've gotten in almost a year. Not only am I twenty-seven, but I'm married. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to give a joint presentation at college. My partner was so high, she couldn't even pronounce her own name properly in her introduction. I'm pretty sure her antics are going to get us both failed hard. FML

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By MandMandM - United States

Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I tell him I just got my period, he impatiently says "Is it over yet?" FML

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By anon

Today, I was working at the hospital and it was very busy. Unthinking, I told a patient in a wheelchair to "sit tight" while I checked on something. He mocked me for the rest of his stay. FML

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By WasntWorthIt - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

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By Strainer - United States - San Francisco

Today, I strained so hard trying to take a crap that I broke a blood vessel in my eye. FML

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Top comments

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7847623 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

By RichardPencil | 28

#7847526 - Monday 30 September 2019 23:23

Pumpernickel is the best, white bread is for morons who have no sense of taste, multigrain is overrated and sourdough is for hipster doofuses.

That's that, so what is there to argue about!?!?!

COMMENTS

By ThatOneLonelyAsian | 31

#7847493 - Monday 30 September 2019 21:07

That's what daughters are for ...

By Felice Godin | 19

#7847509 - Monday 30 September 2019 22:39

like really gonna argue over bread that is very childish hopefully you patched it wit your bf family

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7847968 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:07

especially with everything that was going on at the time, yes, very childish, my family is just batshit hahaha

By RichardPencil | 28

#7847526 - Monday 30 September 2019 23:23

Pumpernickel is the best, white bread is for morons who have no sense of taste, multigrain is overrated and sourdough is for hipster doofuses.

That's that, so what is there to argue about!?!?!

Reply

rebelwithmouseyhair | 16

#7847719 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:05

You can't have a correct opinion on multi-grain until you've tried mine.

Reply

RichardPencil | 28

#7847720 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 17:06

Ok, I'd be happy to be proven wrong.😂😂😂

By stickyface | 8

#7847613 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 6:26

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7847965 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 16:04

no ya asshole, 6 year anniversary of when we first fucked, duh.

Reply

stickyface | 8

#7848049 - Wednesday 2 October 2019 20:24

Then that's really pathetic.

By jbuckets_404 | 38

#7847623 - Tuesday 1 October 2019 7:56

Sounds like Dad (and some others?) needs to attend some anger management classes.... :-(

By JackFaire | 27

#7849699 - Wednesday 9 October 2019 6:33

YDI Blood is Thicker Than Water you should have been with your Fiance not at your family's place. The family you choose is more important than the family by accident of birth.

Reply

bullsonyourface | 20

#7850656 - Saturday 12 October 2019 21:29

well, one of my favorite relatives is dying and it was the one year anniversary of my cousin passing away so I wanted to attend the celebration of life. so, I was sort of obligated but the shit that went on while I was there made me wish I never went.