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By SoSoRachel - 31/10/2012 21:03 - United States - Dunlap

Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 397

You deserved it 1 899

Fair warning

By Alwayshappens2me - 17/07/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I learned that even when you put a sock on the door because you are having sex with your boyfriend, it doesn't mean your mom won't walk into your brand new apartment for a "surprise visit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 493

You deserved it 10 525

**** those dudes

By Tia - 27/10/2021 17:00

Today, my Tinder date said it wasn’t gonna work, all because, I “need to lose some extra pounds.” Last week, I'd had another Tinder date and he told me he’d continue seeing me if I dropped at least 30 pounds. I think I get the hint now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 431

By CreamGravy - 06/10/2013 13:54 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 066

You deserved it 30 521

CreamGravy tells us more.

CreamGravy 36

Monday 7 October 2013 1:01

Well to be honest I made the whole thing up because I got tired of being that one guy at work who can't get a girlfriend. It's a small place, there are only 8 of us who work there, and I'm the only one that's single, so I get jokes about it quite a lot. They're nothing bad, I know it's all in fun, but yesterday someone made yet another joke about it and for some reason I just blurted out that I had a date tonight. As soon as I did I figured might as well go with the story, so when I got questioned about it I made up a fake name and description for the girl as well. The best part is that I told everyone I was taking her to this really fancy and expensive restaurant, so when they saw me at McDonalds it was ironic actually. Luckily for me today is a holiday, but I have a feeling tomorrow the mocking is going to be worse than ever. I voted YDI by the way.

By Slaanesh - 12/12/2008 12:08 - France

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 048

You deserved it 39 021

By hrtbrkn - 16/07/2009 13:44 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "God told him to." What God didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 342

You deserved it 6 219

By noname - 09/12/2008 02:03 - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 636

You deserved it 5 482

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I saw selfies of my aunt and her friends on Facebook having a great time. They took the pictures at my mother's funeral last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 943

You deserved it 2 432

By left4dead - 27/10/2012 20:04 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 868

You deserved it 2 090

By BFH4Life - 30/11/2011 09:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad announced to the whole family that we will be having a vegetarian dinner this Christmas to make my step-mum happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 963

You deserved it 5 758

By burningman - 22/01/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 988

You deserved it 2 686

By Anonymous - 02/10/2013 12:17 - United States - Southfield

Today, the person I've been trying so hard to get with wrote me a beautiful poem that almost everyone at my school saw and liked. It was about how we'd never be together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 144

You deserved it 4 506

**** off

By Anonymous - 26/10/2012 12:24 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went out of my way to avoid street preachers thrusting hateful propaganda at me. A young woman ran up to me and started waving paper in my face, and I snapped at her to fuck off. Right afterwards I realised she was returning something that fell out of my pocket. She looked terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 141

You deserved it 35 321

By clash - 28/11/2008 06:30 - France

Today, I haven't had sex for so long that my condoms have gone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 957

You deserved it 7 619

Stay classy, bro

By Anonymous - 07/08/2020 02:02

Today, my brother got sick with a stomach bug. He didn’t even quit his game to throw up in the toilet and instead threw up straight on the carpet. It sat there for hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 603

You deserved it 161

I'm a burden

By Anonymous - 24/01/2023 08:30 - United States - Highland

Today, my boyfriend of almost five years told me, due to health issues, he can't move in with me or propose to me. He knows I support him, but if it was a serious health issue, wouldn't he want to be married, knowing I'm there? FML

I agree, your life sucks 745

You deserved it 190

By novapine - 01/10/2013 08:34 - United States - Staffordsville

Today, I was told there was a bench warrant out for my arrest because a notice to appear for jury duty was sent to my old address and I never responded. I haven't lived at my old address for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 514

You deserved it 4 040

By Anonymous - 14/07/2009 11:41 - United States

Today, I received an email with a link to a story about a man who lost 650 pounds. I ignored it, until I saw who sent it. My mom, with the message "Maybe there's hope for you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 792

You deserved it 8 857

By Sostupid - 24/01/2011 03:41 - Canada

Today, I had a panic attack because I was constipated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 514

You deserved it 8 804

Extreme phobias

By Calimero0 - 11/08/2020 17:02

Today, it's 30 degrees Celsius in my bedroom, but I need to stay completely under the covers, because even though I live on the other side of the world, I can't stop thinking about Australian huntsman spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 1 100

Spoiled for choice

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 05:01

Today, my bedroom in my gran's house gets the most sun in the evenings. There is no AC, not even a fan, and the only place cool enough to sleep is the basement. Which probably hasn’t been cleaned since the '80s, and I have to share it with the biggest spider ever and a beehive in the roller shutter casing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 197

For science

By Anonymous - 28/01/2023 17:30

Today, two of my coworkers broke the dishwasher. They ran a fully cooked rotisserie chicken through it multiple times until the meat disintegrated off its bones, just to 'see what would happen'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 112

By wow - 11/07/2009 20:02 - United States

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 056

You deserved it 5 162

With friends like these…

By z…… - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - Greece

Today, I found out my "best friends" have gone on a crazy weekend and they didn't invite me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 661

You deserved it 4 958

By Anonymous - 24/09/2013 16:16 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my online order arrived earlier than I expected. I opened it to find some kind of anal sex toy. Whoever this is for is going to be disappointed when they get my 3DS game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 797

You deserved it 3 052

By unknown - 24/01/2010 15:27 - France

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 273

You deserved it 4 822

Do as I say…

By Anonymous - 25/08/2020 02:08 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, my mother woke up again in a bad mood due to the quarantine and went off on how us siblings complain about each other all the time. Truth is, she's the one complaining non stop about whichever sibling is not in the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 394

You deserved it 119

By voltronn - 23/01/2010 05:04 - France

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend about having plans on tonight so he'd think I had a life outside of him. All my "friends" are going to a party. I'm not invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 057

You deserved it 6 996

Stable genius

By Anonymous - 29/06/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, my mom casually told me, "Remember that time we went to build a swing set when you were four? Actually, I was going to hang myself and take you with me so that you didn't suffer in this life. If it wasn't for your Grandma, we wouldn't be here now. And when I took you to the lake… Oh, silly me!" Cool, mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 726

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 21:00 - Hungary - Szeged

Today, my girlfriend came over to visit me and my brother at our apartment. I left for just five minutes to fix us lunch. When I got back, she was making out with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 862

You deserved it 3 996

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The Top

Today my mom, bored lover of games and mysteries, bragged about outsmarting scammers by burning all the post and gifts they have been sending her. For a special birthday / Christmas, I'd splurged on an expensive, interactive mystery game where you are mailed clues over the course of 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 988

You deserved it 1 574

Today, my boyfriend keeps mentioning how well his new job pays, while I don’t have any income. He then got upset when I expected him to pay for the groceries I got on my way to his new place. What I bought was stuff I needed so I could cook for him, and for me to eat while I’m there, cleaning and fixing stuff for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 693

You deserved it 314

Today, I came out to my parents as trans. They immediately took my remaining college savings, canceled my credit card, and began plotting to abduct me and "wean me off hormones, like a heroin addict." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 102

You deserved it 1 555

Today, after burning all my past-papers, books and notes in celebration of finishing maths forever, I found out I have to re-take my maths exam to get the minimum grade for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 253

You deserved it 50 599

Today, my friend was complaining to me about her problems. I tried to be a good, understanding friend, listening and giving advice. When it was my turn to vent, she interrupted me, saying, "Sorry, but I don't really care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 424

You deserved it 2 666

Today, I watched Change-Up with my dad. He made us leave half-way through the movie, because he thought I was too young to watch a movie this explicit. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 798

You deserved it 3 264