Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the... - FML

By noname - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

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Coherence dude, do you have it?

Modern Family

Official meeting

By Bryan - 30/9/2020 17:01 - United States

You had to ask

Today, I was working out with my trainer. A question popped up in my mind, so I asked if she had to deal with fat people a lot. She then responded, "I'm working with you, aren't I?" FML

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By graospe - United States

Today, I fainted and woke up in a hospital. My mom drove me to the emergency room. The doctor said I had a panic attack. What did I have a panic attack from? Bidding on eBay. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Toronto

Today, after having been constipated for ages, I finally forced out a week's worth of build-up. The excruciating pain reduced me to tears, and my boyfriend refused to drive me to the hospital, because according to him, I must have had anal sex with someone. FML

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By AnonWife - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my sixteenth birthday. The only gift I got was from myself: a positive pregnancy test. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Worcester

Today, we had a safety meeting at my warehouse job. They had an entire power point based around their message, "Stop getting hurt; it costs the company too much money." FML

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By waternixie - Malaysia - Rembau

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Sherwood Park

Today, my boyfriend saw my boobs for the first time. His reaction was, "Well that's... disappointing". FML

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By newly passed, newly grassed - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, while driving home, I swerved to avoid turning a duck and her babies into roadkill. Another car was coming around a sharp bend at the time and swerved to avoid hitting me. In the end, we both ran our cars off the road, and he took out several ducks in the process. FML

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By f__k_it - United States

Today, I decided to jack it a few times because I haven't been laid in a while. After round 3 my ex called me up and said she wanted to 'talk.' When she came over she made it abundantly clear that she wanted to make whoopie. Couldn't get it up. FML

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By IcantDance! - United States - Daphne

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

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By Dlord357 - United States

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

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By howard1954 - 27/10/2020 17:02

Where are you?

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to take him 30 minutes away to meet his friends so he could go fishing, adding that they wouldn't be gone all night. I dropped him off 13 hours ago, and he doesn't have a phone. FML

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By shit - United States - Colonial Heights

Today, I went to the dentist; no one was in the waiting room so I danced around and mouthed songs that were on the radio. It wasn't till after I went to the counter and saw the receptionists laughing like a pack of hyenas that I realized there was a camera. FML

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By baddad - United States

Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/9/2020 02:02

Denied

Today, my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said sex. She told me to grow up and ask for something more realistic. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, it's my birthday. I have gotten three calls all day. The first one was my fiancé, saying he wanted his ring back. The second one was my best friend, confessing to me that she had been sleeping with my fiancé for the past three months. The third was the dentist's office singing me a happy birthday. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my not-quite-potty-trained toddler niece had a 'wee accident' in my bed. I used towels to mop it up and changed the sheets. Later, I had the bright idea to dry it faster by turning the electric blanket on high. Now my room smells like burned urine. FML

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By Dee - United States

Today, I was at a party at the house of the guy I really like. We were talking when he pulled me into his room. I was excited he was finally taking our friendship to the next level, until he handed me a stick of deodorant, saying "I didn't wanna tell you in the hallway, but you really need this." FML

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By some explaining to do - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went to my uncle's house to celebrate Christmas. His kids don't have their own phones so I let them play with mine. They sent all my contacts messages saying I love them, including two of my ex-girlfriends who both immediately wanted to make up and started to frantically call me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

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By dsbass09 - United States

Today, after 8 years in exceptionally difficult veterinarian classes which put me $200,000 in debt, and 7 months of job searching, I finally got a job. I will be inspecting feces for worms while making minimum wage. FML

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By WaffleJesus - United States

Today, my husband is sulking because I wouldn't let him do what he's always wanted to do: throw our cat out the second floor window to see if she would land safely and on all fours. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my parents bought purity rings for my twin brother and me for our birthday, and had them blessed by our priest. Neither of us are virgins. FML

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By natedudelol

#choices

Today, at the self-checkout, I didn't have enough money for honey, so I just walked out with it and ended up getting caught. Now I have to hold a sign in front of the store wearing a big bumblebee costume. FML

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By cheated - United States

Today, I came home from a weekend trip with some friends, and walked straight in on my girlfriend cheating on me. She burst into tears and began apologizing. Her exact words were "I'm so sorry! I thought you were coming back tomorrow." FML

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By station - United States

Today, I was walking out of the train station when an old man grabbed me. I started screaming, yelling, "HELP" like a madwoman and tried pushing him away - that's when I saw the golf cart rush past me. He was trying to push me aside from getting run over. Everyone started laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lazily answered the door in my pajamas. It was my elderly neighbor asking to borrow a can opener. Despite the strange and unwarranted scowl she was giving me I obliged. It wasn't until after she had left that I notice my penis was completely sticking out through the flap in my pants. FML

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By hrtbrkn - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me because "god told him to." What god didn't tell him was that I would check his e-mail and find all the e-mails to and from his new girlfriend. FML

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By caroline - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2020 05:01 - United States - Lake Butler

Spy vs. Spy

Today, I panicked when I realized two of my diaries were missing. I turned the house upside down, and found them in the guest room, tucked away in a dresser drawer. My only visitor in the last six months was my mom. I’m 37 years old. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I locked lips with someone, or rather something, other than family for the first time in my life. It was a CPR dummy. FML

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By pupitre - Canada

Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant with my boyfriend and his family. After the meal, we all decided to open our fortune cookies and read them out loud. On mine, it said "You will change your mind many times before settling down." I didn't realize what it meant until after I'd read it to them. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/8/2020 16:54

Clocked

Today, I was stopped by a customer who told me that I looked like a nice woman. I thanked him for the compliment and pointed out that I was a man. With an obviously male name on my name tag. And visible facial hair. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Margate City

Today, as I was leaving home for my mall kiosk job, my dad asked me where I was off to. When I said I was going to work, he tossed an empty beer bottle to the floor, belched, and said "Bah! Get a REAL job!" He's unemployed and living in my apartment. FML

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By WhyTheEff - United States

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

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By dormeur - France - Malakoff

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

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By alltern8ive - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt and stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

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By phonegotlostinthepark - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I lost my phone. I called the number from my friend's phone, hoping I could find it. A guy answered, laughed "Thanks for the phone!" and hung up. FML

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By sorenips - Canada

Today, after a great treadmill run at my gym, I noticed a stain on my clothing. Apparently my nipple chafed so badly that it bled through my white t-shirt, and I'd walked around the gym completely oblivious. FML

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Top comments

By kat666 | 0

#30592 - Saturday 14 March 2009 1:58

The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife!!!

By whatgoescomes | 5

#2325369 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:28

ha look who's talking you said your instead of you're

COMMENTS

By kat666 | 0

#30592 - Saturday 14 March 2009 1:58

The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife!!!

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987858 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:07

irony is a bitch
also that is why buses shouldn't be allowed to strike
people can't do anything without buses

By derpderp | 0

#50285 - Sunday 22 March 2009 18:12

I have no sympathy for you. The bus strike cost many people their jobs.

Reply

happy_animal_lov | 0

#1030207 - Monday 14 June 2010 17:23

everyone has the right to a fair job.

By McButterpants | 0

#75056 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 19:44

That's not even funny.. I want to be entertained.

Reply

marleytooyou | 0

#944897 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:53

ewe fatass

Reply

beccartist | 1

#951624 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:08

yup. I agree.

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987861 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:10

wow 14 & 15 you are the most shallow people in the world
who the fuck cares what someone looks like on fml. it's not like he's stalking you because that would be different

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987863 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:12

also 15 your probably 1000x uglier than him

Reply

Youser | 0

#1487722 - Saturday 2 October 2010 21:41

omg 14 I would have sex with you lol JK but ur really hot

By JokestrMike89 | 0

#109073 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:21

Screw these guys, that's hella funny!

Reply

Rawr100 | 0

#3061740 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:25

no...no sorry your not funny

By lifeislife_fml | 0

#109785 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 7:25

HAHA this one is really funny.

By shivsta | 0

#126436 - Monday 20 April 2009 7:59

i dont get it

Reply

girlplayscod2 | 0

#1189624 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 21:21

your a smart person

Reply

whatgoescomes | 5

#2325369 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:28

ha look who's talking you said your instead of you're

Reply

lolfood | 24

#5301824 - Tuesday 1 January 2013 9:49

You missed some punctuation.

Reply

puppies1234 | 10

#6683981 - Monday 5 September 2016 22:02

he wanted to go to the bus strike but his only transportation is a bus

By kk3211 | 0

#231666 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 3:48

i think he needed to take a bus to get to the strike.....
ha :l

By JayCee45 | 0

#239965 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:47

Okay this one is just completely retarded. You fail at life.

By salleh | 0

#450237 - Sunday 2 August 2009 15:04

this is stupid

By monkey_boy984 | 0

#454059 - Monday 3 August 2009 20:22

This isn't FML worthy WTF is this gayness