Miscellaneous: Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the... - FML

By noname - France

Today, I wanted to join the bus drivers strike. I couldn't… the buses were on strike. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Serious times

Commando

By PhantomKitty - United States - Saint Albans

Today, I called in about a job application I put in over a week ago. Apparently, the branch of the company that I applied to was never given my information, and the position was filled days ago. I've been checking the status of the position online daily, and it still says that it's open. FML

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By lisha182 - Australia

Today, I got demoted from my manager's position, only to be replaced by a 21 year old who has never worked in retail in her life. I now have to spend the next month teaching her my job so they can fire me. FML

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By cat

Today, I thought I was seeing double. My neighbours got a new dog, which is exactly the same as the other one, except that it hates me twice as much. FML

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By jessinono - United States

Today, while walking home with my boyfriend, he jokingly slapped my butt. A man as old as my dad drove by, yelled "Wooo, spank that ass! DAMN!" and kept leering at me before finally driving off. FML

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By Ginger - Canada

Today, my boyfriend told me I should finish school early and get a job so we can get married, because then he'll have enough money to buy the truck he's had his eyes on for our whole relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my daughter turned 18. She decided to use this day to tell me everywhere her and her boyfriends have had sex in my house to get revenge for being overprotective. FML

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By wellfuck - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

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By imamomma - United States

Today, after explaining to my two year old that we were going bra shopping, he decided to announce to the entire bank that we were going to buy Mommy some boobies. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redlands

Today, it was my birthday. It was also the only day my family wanted to hold the graveside funeral for my grandmother who passed last week. FML

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By management - United States

Today, I was beating the hell out of one of the most useless employees ever. I mean really laying into him, all while telling him for the umpteenth time how to do his job right. Then my husband informed me I was hitting him in my sleep. FML

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By jesspie - United Kingdom

Today, the abandoned cat that I took in for the night and during bad weather seems to have spread fleas around my house. They're everywhere. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom told me that my new concealer is way too dark and makes my skin look hideously orange and uneven. I wasn't wearing any makeup. FML

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By rachaaaaeul - United States

Today, I was texting my boyfriend about yesterday, where he told me how much he loved me, and he wishes we lived closer. I asked him if he really meant it. Turns out he was drunk, and had no idea what he was talking about. FML

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By DesignNerd

Today, my best friend excitedly told me all about this new video game she'd just discovered that she thought I'd love. It was her Xmas present from me 2 years ago. FML

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By yupimher

The long goodbye

Today, I found out my job is trying to get me to quit. FML

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By Anonymous - New Zealand

Today, my boss rang me for the 5th time on my day off. Frustrated I pushed 'ignore' and yelled a string of obscenities at my phone. Turns out I pushed 'talk'. FML

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By Baby Bethy - United States

Today, I went to bed at noon after having driven 11 hours from Washington to Maine. I missed my flight due to a delayed plane, and was told there were no open flights the next 2 days. I'd been driving my $200 rental car for 1.5 hrs when the airport told me, over the phone, that there was in fact a flight available. FML

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By allennn - France

Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML

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By female

Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML

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By Skidaddle123 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad thought it would be funny to switch my glass of coke with a glass of pure vinegar. FML

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By Broke and Blonde

Today, I had an interview for a new position in my company. The head of HR decided to sit and I got so nervous that I just spouted gibberish for 45 minutes. Pretty sure I convinced her I’m not qualified for the position I’m currently in. FML

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By fianceeless - United States

Today, my extremely superstitious girlfriend called me and said she couldn't make it to the date I had planned tonight. Her reason? "I sense something horrible is going to happen." I was planning to propose. FML

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By anonyme - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Frome

Today, I got permission from my parents for my boyfriend to stay over. Things got intimate, and I tried my hardest not to make too much noise. However, while having a post-sex cuddle, we heard my parents in the next room muttering about my "faking". FML

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By RejectRaven

Today, my two year old got out of her crib while I was sleeping and destroyed $700 worth of my makeup from Sephora. FML

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By Marcipaud - United States - Detroit

Today, I opened up an English textbook to find someone else's dirty fingernails between the pages. FML

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By lame-o-prof - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I was marking exams. I then had to explain to many of the students that (a) pigs are not aquatic animals and (b) sharks do not have lungs. These are university students. FML

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By

Online life

Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14-year-old boy. FML

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By balls - United States - Santa Clara

Today, the only reason I took a shower was because I could smell my dick sweat while still wearing underwear. FML

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By CyberHex305

Today, I went to Men's Warehouse to pick up my tux. They mistakenly set the pick-up date for the 30th of next month. My prom is tomorrow. FML

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By FUCK - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

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By AlwaysAfraid - United States

Today, I received the honorary title of "student of the month," because I'm the only quiet kid during class. Truth is, I just have no friends. I was given an award for being socially awkward. FML

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By observant - United States

Today, my mom was giving me a long lecture about being aware of my surroundings, because you never know what's out there. While she was talking, I noticed a drug deal going down in the Walmart parking lot. She didn't notice. FML

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By CatBlock - United States - Decatur

Today, me and my boyfriend were having sex. As we were getting into it, his cat came into the room, sat, and stared us down with what looked like disapproving eyes. After 5 minutes had gone by, we stopped completely. A cat just cock blocked me. FML

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By Picky

Today, I woke up to my younger brother picking his nose with my fingers. His explanation? "You were sleeping." FML

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By technical - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I had to explain to someone that all beverages, except plain water, actually have calories. They weren't too happy that their milkshake diet was over before it began. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, wanting to be romantic, I came home with flowers, and told my girlfriend I love her and that I never want us to fall apart. Before I could finish my second sentence, she farted, said, "Aww, that's so sweet" and quickly excused herself to the bathroom. FML

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By poopybed - United States

Today, I found out that my dog is so lazy, she doesn't even get out of my bed in the morning to poop. FML

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By grant - 6/3/2021 20:01

Sorry for your loss

Today, I was absolutely crucified online for asking the vet’s office how much it would cost to put my dog down. She's terminally ill. FML

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Top comments

By kat666 | 0

#30592 - Saturday 14 March 2009 1:58

The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife!!!

By whatgoescomes | 5

#2325369 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:28

ha look who's talking you said your instead of you're

COMMENTS

By kat666 | 0

#30592 - Saturday 14 March 2009 1:58

The irony is so thick you could cut it with a knife!!!

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987858 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:07

irony is a bitch
also that is why buses shouldn't be allowed to strike
people can't do anything without buses

By derpderp | 0

#50285 - Sunday 22 March 2009 18:12

I have no sympathy for you. The bus strike cost many people their jobs.

Reply

happy_animal_lov | 0

#1030207 - Monday 14 June 2010 17:23

everyone has the right to a fair job.

By McButterpants | 0

#75056 - Wednesday 1 April 2009 19:44

That's not even funny.. I want to be entertained.

Reply

marleytooyou | 0

#944897 - Sunday 14 March 2010 5:53

ewe fatass

Reply

beccartist | 1

#951624 - Tuesday 16 March 2010 1:08

yup. I agree.

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987861 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:10

wow 14 & 15 you are the most shallow people in the world
who the fuck cares what someone looks like on fml. it's not like he's stalking you because that would be different

Reply

Atmaster | 3

#987863 - Monday 3 May 2010 6:12

also 15 your probably 1000x uglier than him

Reply

Youser | 0

#1487722 - Saturday 2 October 2010 21:41

omg 14 I would have sex with you lol JK but ur really hot

By JokestrMike89 | 0

#109073 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 2:21

Screw these guys, that's hella funny!

Reply

Rawr100 | 0

#3061740 - Monday 8 August 2011 6:25

no...no sorry your not funny

By lifeislife_fml | 0

#109785 - Tuesday 14 April 2009 7:25

HAHA this one is really funny.

By shivsta | 0

#126436 - Monday 20 April 2009 7:59

i dont get it

Reply

girlplayscod2 | 0

#1189624 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 21:21

your a smart person

Reply

whatgoescomes | 5

#2325369 - Sunday 10 April 2011 16:28

ha look who's talking you said your instead of you're

Reply

lolfood | 24

#5301824 - Tuesday 1 January 2013 9:49

You missed some punctuation.

Reply

puppies1234 | 10

#6683981 - Monday 5 September 2016 22:02

he wanted to go to the bus strike but his only transportation is a bus

By kk3211 | 0

#231666 - Tuesday 26 May 2009 3:48

i think he needed to take a bus to get to the strike.....
ha :l

By JayCee45 | 0

#239965 - Thursday 28 May 2009 20:47

Okay this one is just completely retarded. You fail at life.

By salleh | 0

#450237 - Sunday 2 August 2009 15:04

this is stupid

By monkey_boy984 | 0

#454059 - Monday 3 August 2009 20:22

This isn't FML worthy WTF is this gayness