Transportation: Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective.... - FML

By minette08 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

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And today, on Dr Phil…

Out of it

Motormouth

By Justus Buhler

Today, my girlfriend told me that she had to go to New Hampshire for a few days for her grandma's funeral. Later I found out she spent over $1,000 dollars (on our joint account) to take a vacation with the man she was cheating on me with. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I lost my job. I was so upset that I put in my favorite mix CD of all the songs that get me feeling better. While scanning for my favorite song, I hit the car in front of me. FML

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By Ohshit - United States

Today, I woke up to a hand rubbing my very erect penis, and a woman's peppermint breath in my ear. "Mom?" I called out instinctively, recalling how she always smells like peppermint. The hand stopped rubbing, and I turned to face my very disgusted looking girlfriend of three years. FML

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By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

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By howaboutthemcarrots - Finland - Laajalahti

Today, I decided to be healthy and make a fresh juice out of carrots and apples. Apparently, something had gone bad and now my asshole feels like a bomb just went off inside it. Good start to a healthy lifestyle. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Richmond

Today, my boyfriend and I lost our virginity to one another. He then did a naked victory lap around his dad's house, blasting Akon's "I Just Had Sex" at full volume. He's legally an adult. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I got hit on. By a high school kid. Who looks exactly like Napoleon Dynamite. That was the only time anyone has ever hit on me. FML

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By o___O" - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my sister called me and asked if my boyfriend of 3 years had proposed to me yet. And now the surprise is ruined. FML

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By Winxy - United States - San Francisco

Today, my three-year-old nephew chose to jump out of a window and break his arm rather than be babysat by me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

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By mylifeisahell - Norway

Today, I found garbage in my postbox. In amongst the garbage, I found a note saying ''This is all you ever will get. Stay away from me!'', from the girl I sent a love poem to the other day. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Medway

Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML

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By lloydLO - United States

Today, I met and asked a cute girl out on a date. We decided to meet at a fancy restaurant downtown. When I got there I saw her sitting with what turned out to be her parents. They made a huge scene, calling me a pedophile and a low-life. Apparently, the girl was 16 years old. I'm 25. FML

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By FML

Et tu, Brute?

Today, I returned home from my aunt's funeral abroad to find my boyfriend in bed with my sister, who claimed she was unable to fly due to the flu. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2020 14:00

Some friends you've got there

Today, I got my commissioned anime portrait done. One of my friends commented on why all my commissions are skinny look-alikes, when I'm really fat in real life and active in body positivity. Then everyone started agreeing with her, stating that if I was so happy with who I am, why my art is of me slim? FML

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By Anonymoose - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

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By zomg - United States - Port Saint Lucie

Today, while at work as a cashier, I tried to be sweet and ID an elderly man buying a bottle of wine. He responded by calling me a "blind-ass bitch" and calling my manager for "harassing" him. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2020 02:01

Lazy comeback

Today, I was doing my job and trying to teach a lazy bunch of 16-year-olds. A girl entered the room just 15 minutes before class ended, so I snapped, "Someone had better have died for you to be this late!" She immediately burst into tears. Turns out, someone had. FML

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By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

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By hoboman - United States

Today, I was turned down from my dream job at a graphic design firm. Before the interview, concerned about my hobo style would not impress the company, I shaved, cut my long hair, and even bought a suit. They said I wasn't "free-spirited and creative enough." FML

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By :/

Today, I purposely set my phone off in class to make it seem like I had friends. FML

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By PulledOver - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

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By devinchi - United States

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

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By aeris - United States

Today, I brought my boyfriend over to meet my parents. They prepared dinner for us - mushroom pasta. I have always hated mushrooms, so I spent the entire dinner trying not to gag. Unfortunately, I did gag and my mom got up and smacked me so hard I fell out of my chair. FML

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By hunter168647 - United States

Today, I bought an otter box. While setting up my iPhone, I dropped it and it is now shattered. FML

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By bandfuckup

Today, my band was playing its first serious gig. I was in the middle of a solo when a drunk guy tackled me, causing me to crash into the drums, breaking them and my guitar, hitting our drummer, knocking him out. FML

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By Done - 24/11/2020 05:02 - Italy

Go vegan

Today, my roommate decided to go vegan and threw all of MY meats, cheeses, chocolates and even beans for some reason in the trash, because he "doesn't need that kind of toxic waste" in his life. FML

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By SHRINKY

Today, we were looking forward to spending x-mas eve with our best friends of 13 years before moving across the country where we know no one. That was the plan. The stomach flu virus has a different plan. FML

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By whoawhat - United States

Today, I went to the grocery store where I work to pick up my pay check. After I got it, I headed back to the dorms to take a quick nap before Chemistry later. I woke up, and my check was gone. I later found it. In the form of a text from my roommate saying he gambled away 'our' money. FML

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By althornton2462 - United States - Hudson

Today, I messaged the guy I've been seeing for 4 months, referring to him as my boyfriend. His response? "I didn't realize you had a boyfriend." FML

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By PeeFlavouredFloss - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my husband that the 5-second rule doesn't apply if you drop the floss into the toilet. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Cary

Today, I'd like to thank the genius who scheduled my class in a building which is actively being torn down. FML

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By saqmuel093 - Malaysia - Tatau

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

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By Sundendako - Australia

Today, my mum got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was supposed to present a speech on diabetes. The girl who went first chose the same subject, knowing I'm diabetic and that it was my topic. I went last, so I had to change half of my speech on the spot. I sounded ignorant about my own illness. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was having amazing sex with this guy I had been seeing for a while. It got really intense, so did my moans. Guys usually like when I moan, but he just put his hands over my mouth and told me to "shut up" because it sounded like "pig noises". FML

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By Anonymous

Some people are just lazy

Today, while working, I saw a man napping under a tree. He was still there 3 hours later. Turns out he was dead. FML

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By Mandy - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I were talking about our past relationships. He told me that he broke up with his last girlfriend because she was smart and he suited someone who was quite stupid. He then went on to say that I was perfect for him. FML

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Top comments

By Back_In_Action | 18

#808569 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:29

Why are you people such shitheads? It's not like she's making a huge fuss about it. In fact, it's one of the few FMLs I've seen that aren't completely wallowing in self-misery. Do us a favor and go play in traffic.

By IamDreamingAbout | 0

#808531 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:15

At least you're clean!! ;)

COMMENTS

By Aggriken | 0

#808507 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

i know.

Reply

Skullcrusher | 5

#808545 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:19

Who gives a shit?!

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#808704 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:54

Today, I took a shower while driving in my car to save time. FML

Reply

hihawties | 0

#808796 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:04

pooped

Reply

jamieboy11 | 0

#808824 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:27

lol

Reply

liy223 | 6

#2830095 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 11:08

I don't understand this comment.

By soozjw | 2

#808508 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

Hardly FYL!

By nuked | 0

#808509 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

I feel for you.. Just get it fixed, you whiny bitch.

By MadeOfAwesome | 1

#808519 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:10

YDI for being too lazy to wash your car yourself

Reply

Back_In_Action | 18

#808563 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:26

Maybe you didn't notice, but it's January in Michigan. Some of us prefer to not die of hypothermia, thanks.

Reply

lubby_fml | 0

#808602 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:52

Good gravy!!

Its really January in Michigan? Man, its mid feb for everyone else in the world...

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808608 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:58

wow lol its still jan here 29JAN 2010?

Reply

DonkeyDelight | 0

#808652 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:26

That's not true, It's 30th of January in the whole of Britain and Ireland.

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808677 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:39

buttttt its still JANUARY

Reply

Twi_lover_EC | 6

#808681 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:41

It's 29th of January in Iowa.....Winter sucks.

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808698 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:52

lol winter aint dat bad. but i am in louisiana so it aint to cold

Reply

Lounia_fml | 8

#808769 - Saturday 30 January 2010 3:42

He's being sarcastic guys loooooooool :P

Reply

strawberry6826 | 0

#808867 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:57

lmfaooooo

Reply

ginob | 0

#808910 - Saturday 30 January 2010 5:40

over in the uk it's not 1/29/10 it's 29/1/2010 0_o

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#809062 - Saturday 30 January 2010 8:08

in Seattle and Vancouver there was no snow except for like 1 inch :(

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#809215 - Saturday 30 January 2010 11:35

THERE'S 29 MONTHS IN AMERICA?!?!?!?

By IamDreamingAbout | 0

#808531 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:15

At least you're clean!! ;)

By deepdiver999 | 0

#808534 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:16

shut the fuck up about that you little pussy don't fml the situation get the fucking thing fixed!!

By evilkid42 | 0

#808537 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:17

oh wow

By Mahyar | 2

#808540 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:18

the guy above is right

ydi cuz your a whiny girl. Moderator Fail.

By crissyspic | 0

#808560 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:25

bahahaha idiot

By trebla3193 | 0

#808566 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:28

that's alright you probably needed a shower anyway