Transportation: Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective.... - FML

By minette08 - United States

Today, I discovered that the seal on my driver's door is defective. I made this discovery when I got rained on while I was getting my car washed. FML

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Conspiracies claim another victim

Thievery

Best Baby Names of 2021

By Sarah - United States

Today, I saw my brother on TV after 3 years of no contact. He was being arrested on Cops. FML

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By Xerfox - Germany - L?wenstein

Today, I found out the German I've been learning for nearly a month is a dialect only spoken by people in a small area of the country. This means I'll need to re-learn most of what I thought I knew. FML

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By Ido - Canada

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend from the top of a bungee jumping platform at an amusement park. I yelled out, "WILL YOU MARRY ME?" from the platform, pointing her out. Turns out, I was pointing at the wrong girl. My girlfriend was very angry and ran away when the wrong girl yelled, "Yes!" FML

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Navan

Today, at work, I bumped into what looked like a small child and said, "sorry, little man". Turns out he actually was a "little person". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - East Orange

Today, I asked a customer for a number we could call her at to let her know when we'd finished fixing her PC. I'm so desperately lonely that when she wrote it down for me, I got a raging boner. FML

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By mokki - Canada - Toronto

Today, I am seven months pregnant with my third child. I woke up to my two-and-a-half year old trying to "pop the balloon" in my tummy. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I had a lunch meeting with important people from my company. While drinking from my wine glass someone cracked a joke, causing me to snort a fountain of wine all over my lap, splashing the people next to me. The horrified look on my boss's face sitting opposite me said everything. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of something hitting my bedroom wall outside. I could see my boyfriend's car from the window, so I assumed he was throwing pebbles to get my attention. I opened the window and an egg flew in. FML

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By anon

Today, I started my new job at a security company. In the first 15 minutes there was a bomb threat. FML

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By jobless - United States - San Francisco

Today, for the first time since I can remember, I went in to work feeling positive, and that I could make good things happen. At the end of the day, my employment was terminated. FML

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By Frenchie - United States - Belleville

Today, in French class we had to write love letters as an exercise. Since my boyfriend recently broke up with me by text message, I ended up writing a 20-sentence love letter in French to my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/9/2020 23:02

Ambien conversations are the worst

Today, my close friend messaged me, asking if she could still move in. I don't remember the conversation we had saying that she could move in in the first place. I live in a one bedroom apartment. I have no idea what to say. FML

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By awesome - United States

Today, my Christmas tree was finally shipped. FML

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By PeepShow - United States

Today, it was just too hot. I stripped down and, being home alone, pranced around nude, lip synching and playing air guitar to some music. I was getting really into when I opened my eyes and looked out the window to see an old man with binoculars on his terrace. He wasn't birdwatching. FML

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By tye61 - New Zealand - Wellington

Today, I finished a 2 hour Skype call with my girlfriend, only to realize I was using mobile data. FML

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By Thankshun - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

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By jdancerchick - United States

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

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By infortunatename - United States

Today, I won a big raffle. However, my name is so ridiculous-sounding that they thought someone was playing a prank, and pulled a different ticket. I was too embarrassed to say anything. FML

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By hozzyandie - Ireland

Today, at the office, everyone in my department swapped secret santa presents. I bought the guy whose name I picked a DVD box-set of his favorite TV series. One of my friends got a fancy make up kit. Another got a pack of posh notebooks. I got a toilet plunger. FML

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By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I desperately needed a mental health day, so I took the day off work and got some junk food and wine. A few hours later, I'm in hospital with gallstones and pancreatitis, needing an emergency surgery. My mental health day turned into multiple weeks off work, and a lot of pain. FML

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By lpara89

Today, my 7-month pitbull chewed up a framed picture of my parents and another framed picture of my other pitbull. Maybe he's mad I don't have any pictures of him framed yet. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2021 07:59

Sometimes, family shouldn't stick together

Today, I learned that my family only came to the state I live in because my great grandfather was caught molesting his own children. He was never convicted. FML

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By jina - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

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By hazyshadows - United States - Edmond

Too many cooks, etc.

Today, I tried to make a grilled cheese sandwich for myself, but as soon as I started, my mom rushed into the kitchen and criticized me for making it "wrong". She then made the sandwich for me. It tasted significantly worse than when I make them. FML

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By wideman - United States

Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I found out that if I say "make a sandwich", it doesn't matter what context it's in, or whether it's a command or just me describing my day; I'll be yelled at anyway by my hipster roommate for being a "sexist cunt", then end up apologizing just to get her to shut up. FML

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By pon-3 - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, I met my biological parents for the first time. Their justification for giving me up for adoption was that I wasn't conceived at the ideal time for them. Apparently, the ideal time was six months after the adoption, when they conceived the first of my two brothers. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my boss called me into her office to tell me I needed to mind my own business and not question everything my newest co-worker does. Yesterday, I stopped the new girl from giving $6,000 to the wrong person. I was fired on the spot. The new girl was promoted into my job. FML

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By Blerp

Today, I got chewed out by my boss for not doing my job. Turns out what's described in my job description, contract, and job title isn't my job. My real job is outlined in the footnote of my contract. FML

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By quick blow - United States

Today, I received an email from my girlfriend listing 10 ways to stop premature ejaculation. Subtle. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/5/2021 00:01

Recycle this!

Today, I ordered and paid for a compost bin to be emptied in addition to the garbage. Turns out most of what I wanted to put in there – although perfectly compostable – is not allowed in the bin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I couldn't find my phone. Worried that I'd accidentally thrown it in the trash, I emptied out all the bins and searched the garbage. An hour later, my daughter said she'd found it by the bathroom sink. FML

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By picklebug - United States - Minneapolis

Funny, thanks

Today, I was taken to the hospital after I fell down the stairs. The physician who saw me bit his lip and said he would have to amputate my foot, and I fainted in terror. One of the nurses later told me to "learn to take a damn joke." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my parents if I had a college fund because I will be going to university in two years. They laughed. FML

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By TimeWasted - 22/9/2020 14:04 - United States - Tallahassee

Out of the frying pan

Today, after I got hired on at a new job with perfect hours and pay, worked my two-week notice at my old job, now one week into new job, they let me go because they’re overstaffed and I’m the newest hire. FML

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By BathroomDweller - United States - Omaha

Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML

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By Chels - United States

Today, the ex I still have feelings for made a post on Facebook announcing her two month anniversary with her boyfriend. She broke up with me less than two weeks ago. FML

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By kayak probs - United States - Newtown

Today, I finished the kayak I have been working on for four years. I can't get it out of my basement. FML

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By jimmy - Canada - Orangeville

Today, my 5-year-old son put my car keys in the microwave thinking that they would 'warm up' my car. FML

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Top comments

By Back_In_Action | 18

#808569 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:29

Why are you people such shitheads? It's not like she's making a huge fuss about it. In fact, it's one of the few FMLs I've seen that aren't completely wallowing in self-misery. Do us a favor and go play in traffic.

By IamDreamingAbout | 0

#808531 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:15

At least you're clean!! ;)

COMMENTS

By Aggriken | 0

#808507 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

i know.

Reply

Skullcrusher | 5

#808545 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:19

Who gives a shit?!

Reply

Ajjas013 | 6

#808704 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:54

Today, I took a shower while driving in my car to save time. FML

Reply

hihawties | 0

#808796 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:04

pooped

Reply

jamieboy11 | 0

#808824 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:27

lol

Reply

liy223 | 6

#2830095 - Wednesday 6 July 2011 11:08

I don't understand this comment.

By soozjw | 2

#808508 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

Hardly FYL!

By nuked | 0

#808509 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:05

I feel for you.. Just get it fixed, you whiny bitch.

By MadeOfAwesome | 1

#808519 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:10

YDI for being too lazy to wash your car yourself

Reply

Back_In_Action | 18

#808563 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:26

Maybe you didn't notice, but it's January in Michigan. Some of us prefer to not die of hypothermia, thanks.

Reply

lubby_fml | 0

#808602 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:52

Good gravy!!

Its really January in Michigan? Man, its mid feb for everyone else in the world...

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808608 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:58

wow lol its still jan here 29JAN 2010?

Reply

DonkeyDelight | 0

#808652 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:26

That's not true, It's 30th of January in the whole of Britain and Ireland.

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808677 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:39

buttttt its still JANUARY

Reply

Twi_lover_EC | 6

#808681 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:41

It's 29th of January in Iowa.....Winter sucks.

Reply

boredSOLDIER | 33

#808698 - Saturday 30 January 2010 2:52

lol winter aint dat bad. but i am in louisiana so it aint to cold

Reply

Lounia_fml | 8

#808769 - Saturday 30 January 2010 3:42

He's being sarcastic guys loooooooool :P

Reply

strawberry6826 | 0

#808867 - Saturday 30 January 2010 4:57

lmfaooooo

Reply

ginob | 0

#808910 - Saturday 30 January 2010 5:40

over in the uk it's not 1/29/10 it's 29/1/2010 0_o

Reply

ZleveL | 0

#809062 - Saturday 30 January 2010 8:08

in Seattle and Vancouver there was no snow except for like 1 inch :(

Reply

joshhh11 | 0

#809215 - Saturday 30 January 2010 11:35

THERE'S 29 MONTHS IN AMERICA?!?!?!?

By IamDreamingAbout | 0

#808531 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:15

At least you're clean!! ;)

By deepdiver999 | 0

#808534 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:16

shut the fuck up about that you little pussy don't fml the situation get the fucking thing fixed!!

By evilkid42 | 0

#808537 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:17

oh wow

By Mahyar | 2

#808540 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:18

the guy above is right

ydi cuz your a whiny girl. Moderator Fail.

By crissyspic | 0

#808560 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:25

bahahaha idiot

By trebla3193 | 0

#808566 - Saturday 30 January 2010 1:28

that's alright you probably needed a shower anyway