Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used...

By Anonymous - 5/12/2012 10:52 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my pregnant girlfriend gave me back the ring I'd used to propose with a week ago. Her reason? She only said yes because she was worried the real father of the baby wasn't going to stick around. FML

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Love

Understandable

Oh, hai!

A beautiful truck decoration

By airport - 10/5/2009 18:49 - United States

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

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By Failure - 22/12/2016 03:32

Today, despite having glowing recommendations, stellar grades, and an impressive resumé, I was rejected by all 15 colleges that I applied to. No explanation or reasons have been given, and it's too late to apply to any more. FML

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By girlie5445 - 13/2/2010 08:49 - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a date with a cute guy. After picking me up, he started to play on repeat, and sing to me, 'Happy Together' by The Turtles. For the entire 20 minute ride. FML

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By Wilson - 4/10/2018 22:00

Today, I fractured my tibia, fibula, and tore a tendon in my ankle. How? You might ask. By stepping in a hole at soccer practice. Now I’ll be out for the entire season with months of rehab. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/8/2011 14:08 - United States

Today, my 4 year old asked to go outside and play in the sprinkler. I told him not right now because I was busy and he's too little to play outside by himself. I came out of the laundry room later to find he'd brought the sprinkler in the house and turned the water on. At least he listened. FML

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By married to a bipedal husky - 12/7/2016 21:52 - United States - Lake Butler

Today, I found out that my wife sheds worse than a husky when she showers. I've had to clean the drain before I shower or it floods the bathroom floorrrrr. FML

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By Peter C. - 22/1/2011 05:53 - United States

Today, my friends and I were messing around with an app on my phone that makes your picture look fat. My picture looked the same before and after. FML

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By Scat - 15/12/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I looked sad. I told him that I found out a co-worker died over the weekend and I failed my final exam. He then informed me that my toilet was clogged again, that he had a lot of work to do, and left. I have to find a plunger. FML

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By ronboy - 26/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Columbus

Today, I decided to be responsible and call a cab to take my drunk ass home from the bar. As I climbed into the cab, I was quickly pulled back out and had the shit beaten out of me by a group of drunk guys who thought they needed the ride more. The police soon arrived and arrested us all. FML

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By cuntsmom - 24/9/2013 04:47 - United States

Today, my niece, who is fifteen, convinced my six-year-old daughter that her name is spelled C-U-N-T, and just pronounced as Catherine. FML

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By Speechless - 18/3/2015 08:37 - United States - San Luis Obispo

Today, during an exam, the guy next to me tried to cheat by looking at my test but was caught by the proctor. His defense was that no one would ever cheat off me. The proctor agreed and allowed him to finish the test. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/7/2012 05:27 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I learned that if you go through your best friend's phone, you can find sexy texts and nude pictures between him and your girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/7/2013 20:56 - United States - Arlington

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

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By whoababy55 - 21/8/2009 17:07 - United States

Today, at around 1 am, my boyfriend drunk-dialed and broke up with me. He didn't seem to remember he had already broken up with me yesterday. Thanks for reminding me. FML

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By Dezzmond68 - 15/9/2016 20:26 - Canada - Aylmer

Today, I got in trouble at work because the person whom I trained, and had done everything correctly with no mistakes and said he was comfortable being on his own when I asked, was screwing it all up over the course of 6 weeks. When I asked him, he said, "I think my way's better than yours." FML

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By Anonymous - 25/12/2010 06:20 - United States

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

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By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

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By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:08 - United States - Redding

Today, my daughter had the words "Always classy, never trashy" tattooed across her lower back in crappy cursive lettering. She doesn't understand the irony. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/4/2012 04:41 - United States

Today, I had my headphones on while on the bus. I didn't realize how loud the music was till the woman sitting next to me punched me for changing her favorite song and then "ignoring her" when she asked me to put it back. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/9/2009 05:26 - Canada

Today, I was chastised by the CEO in the middle of a management meeting for showing up late to work every day, despite being in my office before 9:00am every morning. It was my 5th day on the job and no one had bothered to tell me that the office opens at 8:00am, and not 9:00am. FML

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By imnotcrying - 23/8/2019 20:00

Today, I signed into the Netflix account that I pay for, only to see that my ex had added a new profile for his new girlfriend. We’ve only been separated for two weeks. FML

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By MDoremis - 24/2/2015 04:58 - United States - Honolulu

Today, I bought How To Train Your Dragon and the cashier started complaining how her kids keep demanding dragon stuff and that mine will start after they see the movie. I don't have any kids, and I didn't have the courage to tell her I was buying it for myself. FML

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By cgold - 30/4/2009 02:11 - United States

Today, I met my paternal grandfather for the first time. I’ve spent the last three months tracking him down. I poured my heart out and told about how much this meant to me. He told me I had a nice rack and asked for a cigarette. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2013 21:01 - Germany - M?hlhausen

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

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By CrimsonAmaryllis - 1/4/2013 16:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

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By Anon - 26/5/2009 17:45 - United Kingdom

Today, I was at a mall. A woman stopped by me, said slowly and loudly, in Spanish "baño?" Knowing a bit of Spanish, I nodded and pointed the restrooms out for her. She then mutters about "dang Mexicans and their inability to speak English". I'm not even Latina. I'm Irish-American. FML

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By Sad.To.Be.Me. - 13/1/2012 23:56 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

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By so bored -__- - 25/2/2012 04:18 - United States

Today, my parents dragged me along to a family soccer game. I got so bored watching a bunch of grown men practically buttfucking each other between kicking balls around the field, that I fell asleep. I woke up a few hours later to an empty field and had to walk five miles back home. FML

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By Unemployed - 17/9/2015 07:14

Today, I found out that after three years of telling my boss our strategy wasn't going to work, that I was right - it didn't work. I also found out that because it didn't work, I lost my job. My boss still has his. FML

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By KaraAnn17 - 12/2/2011 16:29 - United States

Today, I found out that the white marks on my pillow aren't from me drooling in my sleep like I originally thought. My roommate used my pillow to help support her lower back during intercourse with her hookup from last night. FML

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By bossproblems - 17/10/2016 18:47 - United States - Orlando

Today, I found out how my salesmen are "entertaining" themselves since they were told they can't have their cell phones on them. They are pulling straws to see who will pretend to trip and fall face-first onto the floor in front of customers. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2013 04:59 - United States

Today, because I refused to shave off what my wife calls my "pedo 'stache", she painted "Free Candy" on the side of my van. FML

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By MikeMoosey - 30/12/2009 18:00 - United States

Today, while pumping gas, I stopped to think about what a failure my life is, and how badly I've treated people in my past. While deep in thought, I accidentally pulled the gas pump out too far and covered myself with gasoline. FML

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By JellitonOctopus - 25/1/2012 04:51 - United States

Today, I received a package from an unknown address. Inside were doll heads and cigarette butts. FML

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By Unsatisfied - 16/12/2009 06:15 - Canada

Today, I found the only man who hates sex. He's my boyfriend. FML

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By yolonono - 4/12/2014 18:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while I was on a field trip with my son, my husband decided to get rid of our dog without asking anyone. Now I get to pick up the pieces of a broken heart, and he thinks he did nothing wrong. FML

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By Anon. - 28/3/2009 08:07 - United States

Today, for my girlfriend's birthday, I got her an external hard drive and my grandmother's engagement ring. When she opened both boxes, I took her hand and looked deep in her eyes and told her to pick whichever she wanted. She took the external hard drive, even though she already has one. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/1/2012 00:26 - United States

Today, while working at a pizza place with my girlfriend, I called my boss to tell him we were short on sausage. Under her breath I heard my girlfriend say, "sounds like somebody I know." FML

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By YipYop - 20/1/2016 04:06 - United States - Brandon

Today, I rode a skateboard down a street past a busy two-story outdoor cafe. As I rode by, a group of people thought it'd be funny to kick stray pebbles at my wheels, trying to make me trip. It worked. My backpack ripped open in the process letting all my school-work float away in the wind. FML

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By leez - 1/2/2009 10:43 - United States

Today, my roommate has gone home for the weekend. She forgot to turn her alarm clock off. Her door is locked. FML

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Top comments

By LNK112 | 5

#5217063 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

At least you don't have to stick around with someone as heartless and cruel as her now??

By CallmeRyuzaki | 0

#5217064 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

Dodged a bullet there bro!

Comments

By basserman | 5

#5217059 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

samreimer | 7

#5218121 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 22:24

Mmm intriguing observation...

By gysgtware | 4

#5217061 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

She's damaged goods, move on!

Codezlol | 21

#5217856 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 20:53

And when her baby daddy leaves her then she will be another single mom trying to make ends meet, she put herself there though. Op should be happy, he dodged a bullet.

By LNK112 | 5

#5217063 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

At least you don't have to stick around with someone as heartless and cruel as her now??

onlychildFTW | 33

#5217709 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 19:47

Yeah she's not a good person it sounds like. "Yes ill marry you." Mumbles under breath *if the real daddy doesn't stick around.*

By CallmeRyuzaki | 0

#5217064 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

Dodged a bullet there bro!

Steve95401 | 49

#5218472 - Thursday 6 December 2012 0:07

Not only did OP dodge a bullet, he dodged at least 18 years worth of child support for a kid that wasn't even his.

slappomatt | 4

#5221895 - Friday 7 December 2012 0:59

Yes. Totally dodged a bullet. U don't know how lucky you are.

By PlayTheGame24 | 5

#5217066 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

That's horrible. But good on you for sticking with her when she became pregnant!

spazz666 | 18

#5217313 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 17:01

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

RecklessJellyBea | 7

#5217493 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 18:21

Why is it good on him? It seems he believed that his GF was pregnant with his baby. He had no knowledge of the "real" father. So he's a good guy for not ditching a woman he potentionally impregnated? Maybe that's just my interpretation of the FML and how it was worded.

jjessen | 20

#5217648 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 19:19

It's good on him because a lot of guys will break up with a girl when they are prevent, so by staying with her, he proved to be one of the better people of our society, as opposed to his ex-partner, who is a disgrace.

By boyElroy | 6

#5217068 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 15:59

Ooh, that's rough.

By eggmarie | 25

#5217071 - Wednesday 5 December 2012 16:00

People like that make me furious. She was just going to marry you and have you raise the child thinking it was your own because she can't keep her legs shut? Dumb bitch.