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Hey OP here! To answer some questions, my husband does not have a sandpaper tongue, that would be awful! I didn't have huge bits of food just your regular after food residue. I usually do brush after meals but the itus was strong and I immediately fell asleep after the meal. And yes I brushed, mouthwashed, and flossed immediately after I woke up with a cat tongue in my mouth!! Repeatedly I might add. My cats are beggars, they will do almost anything for table food apparently licking my teeth is fare game. The comments made me laugh, so thanks guys. Cheers!

Thanks guys

By parentalnightmare - 16/04/2016 04:13 - United States - Laurel

Today, I was diagnosed with a chronic pain condition. My parents seemed very sympathetic and my mother even cried. When we got home, though, they started laughing and asked if I really believed all the shit the doctor was talking about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 177

You deserved it 1 413

By Anonymous - 17/10/2012 05:18 - France - Saint-renan

Today, at the age of 57, my dad got a unicorn tattooed on his shoulder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 79

Vote of confidence

By SMRT - 13/01/2010 06:08 - Canada

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 273

You deserved it 3 505

By ima nerd - 25/12/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I gave my wife a $900 necklace as a special Christmas gift. She gave me a set of Star Wars pajamas. As it turns out, I was more excited to wear my gift than she was to wear hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 319

You deserved it 5 869

By scribbler8 - 14/10/2011 09:35 - Canada

Today, at work, a customer asked for my number. When I declined, he made a huge scene, shouting and scaring other customers. He tipped me seven cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 465

You deserved it 2 604

By really - 13/11/2014 18:17 - Canada - Calgary

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 780

You deserved it 2 587

By highheelcyanide - 06/11/2014 01:11 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boyfriend became a magician. His best trick? The disappearing act. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 970

You deserved it 4 003

highheelcyanide tells us more.

highheelcyanide 11

Thursday 6 November 2014 20:39

First of all, I am so excited that this got posted! Almost makes dating the jerk worth it! Also, all the comments are hilarious. To answer some questions, no, I most definitely am not pregnant. There wasn't even a scare. On the backstory, he wasn't *technically* my boyfriend, but we had been dating and things were going really great. He did all the right things and we had a great connection (or so I thought). So after a while we slept together, and enjoyment was had on both sides. Nothing seemed off for a few days, and then he gradually quit texting me and I never saw him again after that night. Live and learn, I suppose.