The Top

What makes this FML worse is that I still live and work in Scotland. I brought it up with my boss, turns out he thinks it's "disrespectful" to put on my "fake" accent after the referendum. I really must look for a another job. I don't want to offend anyone but Im one of the few people in the Scottish highlands that don't speak the "queens English".

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 548

You deserved it 3 665

By anonymous - 15/12/2010 05:27

Today, I found out that the fat sweaty guy at my job frequently uses my rub-on deodorant and puts it back in my drawer after he's done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 388

You deserved it 3 178

By sucks_brah - 25/12/2009 07:25 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and decided to unwrap all my Christmas gifts and throw them at the wall. Ho, ho, ho. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 314

You deserved it 2 519

By NeverLookingAgain - 30/12/2015 04:16 - United States

Today, I faced my fears. I've always had a weird fear of looking out of windows at night, afraid a face would suddenly appear. When I heard a strange noise outside, I looked out the window. Sure enough, the face of a man suddenly appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 481

You deserved it 2 037

Memory loss

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandfather kept on asking me questions about my girlfriend, and was obviously proud of the things he remembered about her. The only thing he couldn't remember is that we broke up. I had to talk with him about our "great relationship" for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 611

You deserved it 4 159

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 18:33 - United States

Today, my psycho mom walked in while I was chilling and having fun with some friends. She kicked them out and now wants to drug test me, because, "Nobody's that happy without drugs." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 981

You deserved it 3 074

By ph2222 - 05/10/2015 17:10 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 286

You deserved it 3 669

Put the mouse back in the house, dude

By soulaar - 02/10/2015 14:22 - Vietnam - Dong Nai

Today, I was sitting outside in a pair of shorts. After about 15 minutes of getting weird looks from people, I realized my cock was sticking out of a hole that wasn't in my shorts when I put them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 881

You deserved it 5 437

******

By anonymous - 04/09/2015 04:40 - United States - North Hollywood

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me. I got ahold of the girl he was cheating on me with. She was as oblivious as I was of each other's existence. Apparently, the fucker told her he lived with his "sister," who's "a bitch and makes his life impossible." He was referring to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 702

You deserved it 2 273

By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 884

You deserved it 4 231

By Stinky and Single - 06/08/2015 23:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a secluded corner of a coffee shop and felt extremely gassy. Thinking I'd be safe, I let out a pretty nasty smelling fart. Next thing I know, a cute guy is approaching me and asked my name, but all it took was for him to inhale once and he bolted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 786

You deserved it 6 718

By Noname - 15/03/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 579

You deserved it 17 228

Waiting for my man

By Waste Someone Else's Time - 28/06/2015 05:06 - United States

Today, I decided to break up with my boyfriend. The main reason being that he doesn't value my time, and fails to see how canceling at the last minute is rude and a major inconvenience. I wanted to be respectful enough by breaking things off face to face. He cancelled, at the last minute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 880

You deserved it 2 642

By gross - 15/07/2016 03:06 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, after giving a potential employee a drug test and instructing her to leave her urine sample in the bathroom, she not only brought it into the office, she spilled it on the front desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 704

You deserved it 1 411

No coffee for you

By timmyb - 02/03/2009 03:03 - United States

Today, I walked into Starbucks for a job application. I asked the manager if they were hiring, as I really need a job. He looked me up and down and replied, "NO!" There was a 'Now hiring' sign in the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 384

You deserved it 5 015

By simple living - 29/04/2015 02:43 - United States - Austin

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 892

You deserved it 2 684

My ears!

By ANONYMOUS -_- - 15/12/2013 17:18 - United States - Providence

Today, I had to go tree shopping with my dad and some of his work buddies. It hit its lowest point when one loudly told us about a crap handjob he got recently. "I mean yeah, choke the cock," he said, "but don't choke it to DEATH, nam'sayin'?" I'd never wanted to just drop dead more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 006

You deserved it 3 578

Treasure

By mainche - 20/01/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 273

You deserved it 6 911

Hanging by a thread

By fatty - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Calgary

Today, I yet again purposely avoided the 'Health and Fitness' section on Pinterest to keep my self-esteem up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 765

You deserved it 19 190

By LonelyBoy - 01/02/2011 13:05 - Australia

Today, I was going through the history on my computer. Apparently, while I was at school my mother used my computer, and I now know my mother wants to learn how to make her breasts look larger, amongst other things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 186

You deserved it 3 919

Thoughts and prayers

By bad blood, no shit - 03/12/2011 01:35 - United States

Today, my husband and I went to my overbearing mom's 57th birthday party. He opened his gift in front of her and said smugly, "The makeup's for your face, and the prayer book's for the fat rolls." Any hope of family peace is now lost. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 342

You deserved it 3 820

By it's called an accelerator, grandma, get your ass in gear - 06/03/2016 19:59 - United Kingdom - Leeds

Today, I had my first driving test. The instructor turned out to be the kind of twit who made me do the full 60-minute test, only to tell me afterwards that he was failing me for the only mistake I made less than 2 minutes after the test started. Time wasting tit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 270

You deserved it 3 156

By Ugly - 22/08/2013 23:40 - United States - Jerseyville

Today, I went to my high school reunion. Someone walked up to me and said, "Wow, you look so different!" She then followed it up with, "You used to be so pretty, what happened?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 212

You deserved it 3 523

By anonymous - 11/11/2010 14:27 - United States

Today, I found out the real reason why my brother wasn't at his fiancé's Halloween party. He's been in jail for the past 3 months. When was anyone going to tell me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 3 186

By lehonj49 - 21/06/2013 16:10 - Australia - Burwood

Today, after years of battling my social anxiety issues, I went out clubbing with my friends. A girl started talking to me and we actually hit it off. The next thing I know, I'm on the floor getting wailed on by some bloke for hitting on his girlfriend. She didn't do a thing to stop him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 877

You deserved it 3 693

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, my sister finished a project about something she hates. Me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 820

You deserved it 4 024

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 685

You deserved it 3 925

Today, I felt frisky, so I went over to my boyfriend's place, hoping to have some fun. I brought over a movie, and part-way through it, I started feeling him up. He responded by sighing, "That's really fucking annoying, babe. Cut it out, yeah?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 746

You deserved it 9 318

Today, I’m still trying desperately to explain to my boyfriend why I’m not interested in any kind of breast or nipple play. I gave birth to our son just 2 months ago and I strictly breastfeed. He insists it’s "not fair" that the baby gets the breasts all the time. Um, what? FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 313

You deserved it 1 163

Today, I woke up from a dead sleep needing to fart. The second I tried to push it out, I realized it wasn't wasn't fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 492

Today, my live-in boyfriend spent yet another evening trying to bait Twitch streamers into a debate about stuff he barely understands. He's obsessed with "growing his audience", and I'm getting tired of his bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 169