Love: Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg...

By bloom - 17/12/2008 04:10 - France

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 130

You deserved it 2 380

Love

Vulture

Triage

Walk the line

By weirdlove - 23/01/2010 08:38 - Australia

Today, while my boyfriend and I were eating an icecream, he put his arm around me and began leaning in for what I thought was a kiss. Instead, he grabbed and began jiggling my stomach fat, along with making raspberry sounds. Once he was done, he did the same to my thighs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 549

You deserved it 7 964

Love is… strange

By Anonymous - 25/08/2021 02:01

Today, I asked my sister if she could watch my son so I could surprise my boyfriend and take him out for dinner and maybe some sexy time afterwards. He didn't even know it was our 2-year anniversary. He doesn't care, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 688

You deserved it 240

By pookie99 - 17/06/2011 02:17 - United States

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 5 545

Everyone's a critic

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 05:01 - United States

Today, I finally left a one-star review for my doctor’s office. I mentioned my doctor was epic, but called them out on their poor billing practices. I got a call saying my awesome doctor actually owns the clinic. My next appointment is going to be so awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 289

By kawood - 30/03/2012 11:32 - United States

Today, I had to sit in the hospital with my 88-year-old grandfather by myself. During the five hours I was there, he insisted on sharing the intimate details of his many sexcapades that he has had since World War II. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 409

You deserved it 3 091

By Disturbed son - 16/09/2018 01:30

Today, my mother sent a picture that was meant for her husband. I cannot unsee what I have seen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 992

You deserved it 183

The joys of public transportation

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 04:56

Today, I was on the subway and there was a guy yelling, "Regret your sins and devote yourself to God right now." Another man got up from his seat and told him, "I work 12 hours a day and all I want is to go home and rest, you shut the fuck up or I'll make you meet God personally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 855

You deserved it 201

By Anonymous - 17/08/2018 03:30

Today, my boyfriend and I were looking up sexy clothes for me to wear while role-playing. I saw something I liked and asked him if we should get it. When he saw the model wearing it in the picture, he asked "Does it come with the girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 302

You deserved it 718

By redriver - 18/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, exactly 28 days after I started my last period, I started a new period. This would be perfectly healthy and normal except that my last period was 24 days long. This has happened every month this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 428

You deserved it 292

By MoRuined - 09/10/2014 10:27 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, I found my first grey hair. How? My boyfriend stopped in the middle of sex to point it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 176

You deserved it 3 859

By AlexaSt2611 - 25/08/2010 00:08 - Paraguay

Today, I was enjoying a nice shower in the morning. While I was massaging the shampoo out of my hair, I saw the gardener walking past my bathroom window, yelling "Good morning" and waving in my direction. My left boob politely waved back at him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 497

You deserved it 28 292

By MadMax - 16/07/2009 14:59 - United States

Today, my friend awoke me because I was talking in my sleep. When I asked her what I was talking about she replied with, "Let's just say you were having tea with the Queen of England. And a duck. You're really good at quacking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 389

You deserved it 5 327

By hurikan68 - 27/07/2010 23:25 - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 677

You deserved it 2 705

Men and their balls

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 05:01

Today, five years after the birth of our last child, my husband still hasn't gotten the vasectomy he swore he would get. He wouldn't let me get my tubes tied, because it was "the least he could do," but when I ask about it, I'm a nag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 342

You deserved it 176

By PLU - 27/01/2011 00:57 - Canada

Today, I met my boyfriend's brother. When he saw me, he whispered into my boyfriend's ear, "So, this is your bitch eh? Nice!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 867

You deserved it 5 690

By thatwasmiz - 08/04/2009 06:38 - United States

Today, I was at a gay bar and asking a really convincing drag queen about her daily routine. I asked how she tucked her penis in. She responded, "Um, I'm a woman." I said, "Oh I'm sorry, are you pre-op or post-op?" She said, "No, I always have been and always will be a woman, asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 519

You deserved it 78 788

By oh... - 20/10/2013 20:34 - United States - Springfield

Today, I realized that when my dad said he would pay for my college, he really meant that he was going to forge my signature on a student loan in my name and not make payments on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 314

You deserved it 3 590

Sharing is caring

By Infested Girlfriend - 30/04/2020 05:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, my boyfriend and I are so close that we share everything. This now includes his head lice. Thanks, dude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 262

By embaressed - 19/12/2009 09:44 - United States

Today, I was standing outside a store about to flirt with this guy when my mother drove up and shouted, "Hurry up, I have diarrhea!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 767

You deserved it 3 064

By Doggotmytongue - 12/02/2013 21:50 - United States - Peoria

Today, a cute girl asked if my dog was available for a date on Valentine's Day. Thinking I was in luck, I asked if I should come along. She said no. My dog has better game than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 299

You deserved it 6 717

By ckatia - 30/08/2016 09:29 - France - Paris

Today, my eyesight is getting terrible. I saw a white cat in front of my house, so I went up to it. To my delight it didn’t move, so I bent down to stroke it. Wrong call, it was a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 709

You deserved it 2 199

By -_- - 29/03/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I was walking in the park with my girlfriend, when out of nowhere, I was savaged and brutally humped into submission by a massive Great Dane. Not only did my girlfriend watch it all, but the dog's owner took the time to snap a few pictures with his phone. Neither bothered to help me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 902

You deserved it 5 335

Splish splash, I was taking a bath

By Anonymous - 15/04/2021 13:59 - Canada

Today, my neighbour decided to get high while leaving his bathtub running, resulting in passing out and starting a flood in the hallways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 48

Letting yourself go

By Fat man pube - 29/03/2021 13:01 - United Kingdom

Today, after months of isolating and shielding, suffering through the isolation of having caught COVID and letting my hygiene, diet and exercise programme go to shit, I can officially say my pubes are now longer than my penis, but it’s ok because my belly now hangs over my belt so I can’t even see it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 605

By loldick - 15/11/2009 18:28 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend was going down on me, she looked up at me and said, in a high-pitched voice, "Yummy yummy yummy yummy yummy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 863

You deserved it 23 698

By yper - 27/10/2009 16:43 - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 763

You deserved it 7 352

By crushedsoul - 05/11/2015 21:34 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I attended my school's special invitation-only awards ceremony, relieved that I was getting a much-needed scholarship. I watched all my friends go up and win scholarships. In the end, I only got a certificate for doing well on the PSAT. My whole family showed up for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 899

You deserved it 1 957

By ThatGirl - 19/07/2012 15:30 - United States

Today, an idiot decided it would be fun to light up a firecracker in front of our house. It ended with firetrucks, a black yard, and yet somehow the weeds survived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 472

You deserved it 2 187

By dickhead - 10/04/2015 22:17 - United States

Today, I bought a garden gnome to spice up my lawn. Tonight, someone threw it right through my living room window. Not only will the repairs cost a ton, my neighbor keeps saying stupid shit to me, like "You must be shattered" and "Looks like you ain't got a window gnome... more." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 092

You deserved it 3 376

By indecentcameraexposure - 05/09/2009 21:14 - Canada

Today, I was using a Kodak Picture Maker in Walmart. I needed help using the machine so the lady that works there came over and tried to load my pictures. I heard some snickering behind me from the people in line. Turns out the pictures loaded. Even the nude ones I forgot about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 909

You deserved it 47 921

By Phabia - 21/04/2015 00:16 - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 887

You deserved it 2 310

By asparagus piss - 19/10/2012 17:05 - United States - Tifton

Today, after having loaned my girlfriend money after she claimed to be broke and unable to pay her rent and electricity bills, she went out, spent it all on a new purse and phone, and now refuses to pay me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 673

You deserved it 6 587

Barf

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 20:00

Today, I spent all day cleaning the carpets in every room. I own two dogs and a cat, so deodorizing and deep cleaning the carpets is an all-day chore. At 9 p.m., after I was done with the last room, I went out to the living room and saw one of my dogs had been sick all over the place. Had to reclean the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 182

By Jorgina226 - 11/08/2010 16:33 - United States

Today, I found my old sewing machine I got when I was a kid. I never used it before, because when I was younger, I was afraid I might sew my fingers. Laughing at myself, I decided to sew up an old bag. I sewed my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 898

You deserved it 27 021

By Oops - 26/10/2018 12:00

Today, I went commando for the first time at school. It went really well until gym class, when I got distracted and changed like I normally do. I didn’t realize my mistake until my friends started laughing. I accidentally stripped in front of my whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 205

You deserved it 2 805

By UglyFace - 30/11/2013 22:46 - United Kingdom

Today, my parents told me they'd be willing to pay for me to get a nose job. I asked them what was wrong with my nose, and they said nothing, it's just not the kind of nose they'd prefer to feature in our Christmas photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 166

You deserved it 2 635

By Tom_why - 23/05/2009 19:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I was helping some mental health patients at work, I spent 20 mins to fail to connect the DVD player to the TV and went back to make them something to eat. I came back into the room after 5 mins and one of the patients had connected it for himself. He has a profound learning disability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 277

You deserved it 24 193

By Sonofaquiche - 26/01/2017 02:00

Today, I had to help my grandma because her TV suddenly stopped working. She has cable as well as satellite, so she figured she didn't need the satellite receiver anymore. Apparently the best way to do get rid of it was to cut all the cables connected to the TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 925

You deserved it 448

By Nanny - 30/04/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. I asked her, "Do you got your bag?" And she said, "No. I have my bag. Babies say got. I'm a big girl." I am 20 years old and in the honors program in my college. I was corrected by a 4 year-old with a speech impediment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 178

You deserved it 101 831

By yeah_im_mad_bro - 24/09/2011 00:32 - Canada

Today, it's been a week since my little brother took up his new hobby of posting "cool story, bro" in reply to almost every Facebook status and comment that I make. Not only do I already want to smash his face against a brick wall, my parents will ground me if I defriend any family members. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 145

You deserved it 5 448

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Top comments

the_space_pope 2

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:58

If I someday have a daughter, and I don't like the guy she's seeing, I'm going to do the same thing.

moxy_fml 0

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Friday 6 February 2009 17:56

You should say something, being passive seems like a bad idea in your situation.

moxy_fml 0

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Friday 6 February 2009 17:56

You should say something, being passive seems like a bad idea in your situation.

killerviral 0

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Saturday 6 February 2010 18:58

I woulda beat his ass infront of herlol

Master_Bait 0

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Monday 10 May 2010 1:46

i woudve said WTFML

pedosmurf 7

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Monday 5 March 2012 5:40

I am confused if it was her fathers gf and then said his foot is the dads date a guy or girl?

Nissi 17

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Monday 8 February 2016 20:58

"my new girlfriend's father," meaning it wasn't OP's father.

redroses5 0

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Thursday 26 February 2009 8:08

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakward

stopreadingmynam 0

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Monday 28 June 2010 20:56

2, "awkward" has a w after the first a. srry, I'm a perfectionist.

FreshSalad 1

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Wednesday 4 August 2010 1:33

And yet, you can't spell "sorry" correctly.

lol32360 0

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Friday 29 October 2010 4:57

WIN

Niki0308 0

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Sunday 20 March 2011 7:17

he just forgot an O not that bad guys jeez!

TiNyBuBbLeZ 0

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Tuesday 22 March 2011 16:42

41, go troll somewhere else

yesmanddd 4

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Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:17

#52 well, #2 just forgot a w..

Rilan 0

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Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:42

Who were you seated by? I'm willing to bet it wasn't intended for you.

Karma495 0

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Friday 3 December 2010 14:08

hehe

FueledbyPanic32 0

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Sunday 8 March 2009 20:02

lmao @ #5, you should deff return the favour next time!

Lulu714 0

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Saturday 28 August 2010 20:03

if ur #4 how could u lol at #5

yourWIFEandKIDS 0

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Tuesday 16 November 2010 21:22

Haha, nice job Captain Hind-Sight^^

the_space_pope 2

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Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:58

If I someday have a daughter, and I don't like the guy she's seeing, I'm going to do the same thing.

sequoi 0

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Thursday 30 July 2009 7:59

LOL... Really??

xXDeadPoolXx 0

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Sunday 14 February 2010 20:35

lol I would moan and creep the father out

MunChiChi 0

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Friday 17 December 2010 21:15

#34 OMGoodness. Dat Would Be Hillarious. Lmmfao!!

LizzieBvBfan 5

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Tuesday 9 August 2011 12:46

Thats very clever, I just thought the dad was strange but maybe he was intentionally trying to creep the guy out!

crazyjemjem 6

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Thursday 25 April 2013 23:02

Brilliant idea!

diskincluded 0

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Saturday 21 March 2009 17:17

Hey, the bright side is now you know he likes you!

Dimaranien 1

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Sunday 22 March 2009 2:57

He might've been trying to scare you away...

pompompom_fml 0

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Sunday 21 June 2009 21:25

if that's true, scare him away with the same trick

naku_fml 0

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Sunday 29 March 2009 22:26

LMAOOO # 5 awesome pervertttt!

kefron 0

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Sunday 19 April 2009 6:33

Awkward... Haha.

qetzacoatl122112 0

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Sunday 26 April 2009 4:54

@ #5 So would I

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 4

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 1

Spicy

Today, at the age of 25, I learned that it is not normal to have absolutely zero sexual desire. All this time, I thought you had to have sex first before developing a sex drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 6

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 087

You deserved it 143

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