Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg...

By bloom - 17/12/2008 04:10 - France

Today, during dinner, my new girlfriend's father stroked my leg several times under the table with his bare foot. FML

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Love

Rock, hard place

Drinking is bad for you, most of the time

Long story short

By Anonymous - 5/10/2019 22:01

With friends like her, who needs money?

Today, I maxed out my credit card trying to help a friend of over 19 years to go see her family for Christmas, only to find out she changed her mind and doesn’t really want to go. I can’t return the bus tickets, and she’s mad at me. FML

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By mkonda - 10/9/2016 17:11 - India

Today, my boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me via a Whatsapp group. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/10/2012 19:28 - Germany - Nuremberg

Today, I saw a folder on my son's PC named "PussyPictures". I sat him down for a talk, only to be told they contained pictures of the James Bond character Pussy Galore, for his essay about sexism in movies. He's now mocking me for "having a dirty mind". FML

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By wellfuck - 2/5/2015 14:23 - United States - Lexington

Today, I realized I get more pleasure watching YouTube videos of people lighting their farts on fire than I do from making love to my husband. FML

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By tinaburrito - 26/1/2010 21:33 - France

Today, I found out my bank account was in the negative because my work gave me a check that didn't clear. I went to my bank to get a statement of charges so my job could reimburse me. They told me requesting a statement costs 8 dollars, which I don't have because my account is in the negative. FML

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By awks - 1/10/2012 12:50 - United States - Stuart

Today, I was going through Facebook photos of a pep rally in the hopes that I'd be in at least one of them. I was in one alright. Pulling out a wedgie. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/5/2019 14:11

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

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By bonesniffer - 16/9/2010 05:13 - United States

Today, I crawled into bed naked, wanting to get some and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass and said 'oh' then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

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By Ren - 30/1/2009 15:50 - United States

Today, I received a text message from my older brother. It said, "Ah... I want you". I hope to god it was intended for someone else. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/11/2018 05:00

Today, while buying Red Dead Redemption 2, the cashier spoiled the ending. FML

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By iliku - 1/6/2019 02:00

Today, I was having a romantic evening with my new boyfriend, until we walked into my bedroom and discovered that my cat had ripped apart my pads and had spread them all over the place. FML

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By awkward - 22/2/2014 05:39 - United States

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

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By SKuser - 19/5/2009 08:09 - China

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She later came into the T-Mobile that I work at to return the Sidekick that I bought for her. I had to transfer her account to a new Iphone. She got the Iphone from her new boyfriend, who works across the street from me. FML

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By WhyM3Th0ugh - 10/9/2015 23:21 - United States - Sunnyside

Today, one of my idiot classmates decided it was a good idea to throw his water bottle across the room to his friend. Unfortunately, I was sitting in front of his friend. I now have a very noticeable bruise and bump near my temple along with a headache. Everybody laughed at me. Even the teacher. FML

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By Come on - 29/1/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

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By Anonymous - 13/10/2014 15:42 - Australia - Burnside

Today, my wife pressed a button in the elevator and quickly ran out, leaving me in there with my crying baby. When the elevator arrived at the floor, the doors opened on a wedding reception. The doors couldn't have taken any longer to close again FML

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By anonymous - 14/2/2011 13:45 - United States

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

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By aligator1009 - 9/5/2012 04:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

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By meh - 17/1/2018 09:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, after drinking myself to an oblivion, I awoke with a massive hangover. I didn’t want to go to work, but every excuse I came up with in my head screamed of alcoholics. When I arrived, my boss asked me why I was there. It was my day off. FML

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By Ricky - 16/5/2009 21:19 - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

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By she has dumbcuntitis - 3/6/2015 06:03 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, my roommate bitched me out over my "OCD" driving the water bill up. She takes hour-long showers, but apparently me flushing after peeing "wasteful" and a sign of a neurological disorder. FML

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By ouch - 19/12/2009 15:15 - United States

Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

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By Colbasaur - 24/6/2010 14:29 - United States

Today, I won an academic award during an assembly. Everyone laughed, followed by booing. FML

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By legit - 2/3/2009 05:22 - United States

Today, I was singing Alicia Keys in the shower and hitting the insanely high notes. My father ran into the bathroom and threw open the shower door, screaming. He thought I was wailing in pain. FML

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By eun - 9/4/2009 01:42 - Canada

Today, at lunch I was running to my group's table with my friend. She accidentally tripped me, and I slid across the café floor face first on my belly. The whole cafeteria was silent. They then broke out in hysterics when the head janitor ran up to me and yelled 'SAFE!' like a baseball umpire. FML

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By mustanggt - 10/1/2019 14:00

Today, I submitted an offer on a house. I got a call a few minutes later saying that it had collapsed. FML

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By addie19 - 19/1/2010 19:25 - United States

Today, I found out the antibiotics I'm taking can cause you to vomit unexpectedly. In the car. While driving. To work. FML

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By anonymous - 18/12/2019 20:00 - United States - San Angelo

Fast food dinner

Today, I called my husband and asked him what he wanted from our favorite fast food place. A divorce. FML

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By rolypoly - 5/3/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

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By Anonymous - 11/12/2011 07:29 - Canada

Today, while my boyfriend was sneaking out before my parents woke, he slipped on some ice and fell on their car. The alarm went off. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/12/2010 17:47 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to guys hitting on me are the ones who ask to be my friend on Call of Duty because I have the word "girl" in my name. FML

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By nicklesg - 23/6/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, my car was impounded because I never registered it in California after moving here. In order to get it back, I need to register it. In order to register it, I need to pass a CA smog check. In order to pass the smog check, I need my car. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/3/2020 05:00

Am I even here?

Today, I got written up at work for not cleaning up the breakfast area, and because multiple guests complained how sloppy and messy it looked. I'm on lockdown in a completely different country. FML

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By CityBoysNow - 11/9/2013 00:14 - United States - Lake Saint Louis

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/4/2013 22:06 - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, I was out when a guy walking with his girlfriend eyed me up. I made a shocked face at him and kept walking. The next thing I knew, his girlfriend was beating the shit out of me claiming that I was "the other woman." I'd never seen the guy before in my life. FML

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By Yum - 3/12/2008 07:26 - France

Today, I realised that the steamy photos that I took with my ex a few months ago had not been erased from his father's camera. FML

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By ww2freak - 14/6/2012 01:17 - United States - Centreville

Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML

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By Teaching - 12/11/2009 07:17 - United States

Today, I was reading my students' Halloween stories I made them write for my creative writing class in high school. One of my students wrote about attacking me. She got my street address perfect and everything. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/5/2020 20:00

The grudge

Today, I was told by a former coworker that my former boss still talks about me being lazy, ever since the time I refused to do a few things on third shift when there was me and 2 other people working. I haven't worked there in 3 months. FML

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Top comments

By the_space_pope | 2

#40972 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:58

If I someday have a daughter, and I don't like the guy she's seeing, I'm going to do the same thing.

By moxy_fml | 0

#391 - Friday 6 February 2009 17:56

You should say something, being passive seems like a bad idea in your situation.

Comments

By moxy_fml | 0

#391 - Friday 6 February 2009 17:56

You should say something, being passive seems like a bad idea in your situation.

killerviral | 0

#830832 - Saturday 6 February 2010 18:58

I woulda beat his ass infront of herlol

Master_Bait | 0

#990079 - Monday 10 May 2010 1:46

i woudve said WTFML

pedosmurf | 7

#4122763 - Monday 5 March 2012 5:40

I am confused if it was her fathers gf and then said his foot is the dads date a guy or girl?

Nissi | 17

#6532053 - Monday 8 February 2016 20:58

"my new girlfriend's father," meaning it wasn't OP's father.

By redroses5 | 0

#7659 - Thursday 26 February 2009 8:08

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaakward

stopreadingmynam | 0

#1047398 - Monday 28 June 2010 20:56

2, "awkward" has a w after the first a. srry, I'm a perfectionist.

FreshSalad | 1

#1184501 - Wednesday 4 August 2010 1:33

And yet, you can't spell "sorry" correctly.

lol32360 | 0

#1619297 - Friday 29 October 2010 4:57

WIN

Niki0308 | 0

#2209993 - Sunday 20 March 2011 7:17

he just forgot an O not that bad guys jeez!

TiNyBuBbLeZ | 0

#2223796 - Tuesday 22 March 2011 16:42

41, go troll somewhere else

yesmanddd | 4

#2335724 - Tuesday 12 April 2011 7:17

#52
well, #2 just forgot a w..

By Rilan | 0

#14149 - Wednesday 4 March 2009 9:42

Who were you seated by? I'm willing to bet it wasn't intended for you.

Karma495 | 0

#1788341 - Friday 3 December 2010 14:08

hehe

By FueledbyPanic32 | 0

#21697 - Sunday 8 March 2009 20:02

lmao @ #5, you should deff return the favour next time!

Lulu714 | 0

#1313232 - Saturday 28 August 2010 20:03

if ur #4 how could u lol at #5

yourWIFEandKIDS | 0

#1711600 - Tuesday 16 November 2010 21:22

Haha, nice job Captain Hind-Sight^^

By the_space_pope | 2

#40972 - Wednesday 18 March 2009 21:58

If I someday have a daughter, and I don't like the guy she's seeing, I'm going to do the same thing.

sequoi | 0

#442000 - Thursday 30 July 2009 7:59

LOL... Really??

xXDeadPoolXx | 0

#855445 - Sunday 14 February 2010 20:35

lol I would moan and creep the father out

MunChiChi | 0

#1858267 - Friday 17 December 2010 21:15

#34
OMGoodness. Dat Would Be Hillarious. Lmmfao!!

LizzieBvBfan | 5

#3070720 - Tuesday 9 August 2011 12:46

Thats very clever, I just thought the dad was strange but maybe he was intentionally trying to creep the guy out!

crazyjemjem | 6

#5465123 - Thursday 25 April 2013 23:02

Brilliant idea!

By diskincluded | 0

#47656 - Saturday 21 March 2009 17:17

Hey, the bright side is now you know he likes you!

By Dimaranien | 1

#49046 - Sunday 22 March 2009 2:57

He might've been trying to scare you away...

pompompom_fml | 0

#327544 - Sunday 21 June 2009 21:25

if that's true, scare him away with the same trick

By naku_fml | 0

#68106 - Sunday 29 March 2009 22:26

LMAOOO # 5 awesome
pervertttt!

By kefron | 0

#123918 - Sunday 19 April 2009 6:33

Awkward... Haha.

By qetzacoatl122112 | 0

#143690 - Sunday 26 April 2009 4:54

@ #5

So would I