Love: Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit... - FML

By in love with an idiot - 20/11/2016 11:47 - Angola - Luanda

Today, my soon-to-be husband showed up with an animal print suit at our engagement ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 198

You deserved it 1 636

Mother of the year

Good kid

BO Central

By NotYourToy - 27/01/2016 07:59 - United States - Binghamton

Today, a customer scared me for the sole purpose of watching my breasts jiggle when I jumped in surprise. I know because his head moved as they did, and he said, "Nice." before walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 655

You deserved it 2 124

By anonymous - 19/04/2012 22:33 - United States - Westwood

Today, I witnessed a car accident. Being an experienced paramedic, I rushed to the scene to see if anyone needed help. As I assessed the people involved, one of them pickpocketed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 611

You deserved it 2 064

By me - 08/09/2012 22:39 - United States

Today, I discovered a large and somewhat disturbing whitehead inside my ear crevice. Apparently it's been there for a while, because everyone at work has nicknamed it Hugo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 924

You deserved it 3 053

By LoveTheElder - 11/05/2016 01:38 - United States - San Clemente

Today, the elderly lady I work for got mad at me, all because I wouldn't feed her imaginary friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 972

You deserved it 1 325

By thatgirl17 - 31/08/2012 05:23 - United States

Today, I was working the cash register. While helping a customer with her groceries, my bra snapped. I then had to ask my male boss if I could staple it back together. Thirty minutes later it snapped again. I then had to explain to my boss that I was too broke to buy a new one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 145

You deserved it 2 477

By meranda_johnson - 13/12/2012 08:58 - United States

Today, I have a cold. I can't begin to count how many times I've sneezed throughout the day, but I can count how many times I've sneezed so hard that I've peed myself: twice. Once while I was at work helping a customer, the other while sitting on the couch next to my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 762

You deserved it 2 525

By gottalovefriends - 23/04/2012 04:04 - United States - Atkinson

Today, it was my wedding day. With my best friend as the priest, she asked, "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?" After saying I do, she then turned to him and asked, "Do you want to bang my friend?" Everyone laughed, except my already disapproving father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 871

You deserved it 4 879

By A.W - 24/06/2012 13:57 - United States

Today, I received an acceptance letter to Juilliard. After showing it to my mom, she tells me I can't attend because Robin Williams graduated from Juilliard, and he now has too much facial hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 2 238

By Anonymous - 23/08/2014 17:51 - United States - Long Beach

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a TV show about wildlife. The moment the narrator said the word "peacock", my boyfriend broke down into hysterical laughter. He laughed to the point of tears, and had to excuse himself. I'm dating a man-child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 918

You deserved it 8 376

By smartgirl - 01/05/2009 23:48 - Canada

Today, at the awards ceremony at my school, I ended up winning the top achievement award in my grade. The principal spent at least ten minutes talking about my success to the audience, the whole time referring to me as a "he" as I stood right next to him. I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 457

You deserved it 5 462

By Anonomous - 08/12/2014 17:58 - Canada - Whitby

Today, I went on a date with a girl who had to cut our date short so she could go on another one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 815

You deserved it 3 883

By Anonymous - 17/04/2009 14:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had to re-take an hour long MRI scan because I got an erection midway through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 958

You deserved it 17 231

By SMV - 11/11/2008 06:53 - France

Today, my company was having a huge party. I got to work dressed in my best outfit. At the the lunch break my boss told me, "You really missed out on something yesterday, it was great fun!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 723

You deserved it 5 891

Get a vasectomy, dude

By grace - 05/10/2021 02:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he hoped I don’t get pregnant because he’d hate to have to dump me to escape fatherhood. Thinking he was making an insensitive joke about my single pregnant sister, I asked how many women he dumped for falling pregnant. He looked me dead in the eye and said, "Four." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 176

By argh - 01/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, my mother gave my daughter a behavior chart. I noticed that "drinking beer" was at the top of one of the columns. It's a chart for my daughter to use on me so my mother can judge my parenting skills. I am currently losing a sticker right now for being on the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 641

You deserved it 4 958

By voicelesspeasant - 03/11/2016 20:41

Today, weeks after I paid extra for faster shipping, I received confirmation that my paperwork for overseas voting has been received. Too bad the deadline in my state was yesterday. Thanks, Postal Service, for the consistency of your failures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 728

You deserved it 817

By 3-wheeler - 09/03/2010 11:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I left my car in a disreputable area. After picking it up later on, I heard a strange "clonking" sound. The clonking suddenly stopped when my wheel fell off; someone had stolen my wheel nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 327

You deserved it 4 420

By blondetergent - 20/06/2011 08:12 - Singapore

Today, I told my girlfriend that I'm a vegan. She replied, "So, you're allergic to meat?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 852

You deserved it 15 248

By MrCanoe - 01/03/2009 21:58 - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 130 054

You deserved it 299 436

By joeidk - 12/05/2013 00:07 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 453

You deserved it 41 530

By veggocake - 26/09/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, an old friend that I never really liked invited me to lunch while she was in town. While driving back to her car, I couldn't find my phone, so she offered to call it. She found it under the passenger seat and also saw that when she called, her name came up as "Sabrina-IGNORE". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 789

You deserved it 63 298

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 19/07/2020 23:00

Spicy

Today, I found out my sister-in-law cheated on her husband. I also found out my uncle cheated on my aunt with my sister-in-law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 105

By moudly - 06/01/2010 21:28 - United States

Today, my mom finally believed me when I said I smelled mold. I lifted up the couch, and it was covered in mold. So were the bottoms of all our furniture, our beds, and my grandma's vintage chair. We've been living in mold for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 545

You deserved it 4 972

By Anonymous - 24/09/2011 16:15 - United States

Today, my mom and I heard a thump from inside the coat closet. I opened the door, and something fell on me. My mom, who was behind me, screamed, closed the laundry room door, and ran into the garage, leaving me to face the alleged attacker. It was the vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 215

You deserved it 2 852

By lion2294 - 05/03/2015 09:19 - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 110

You deserved it 7 192

By salt. - 28/02/2012 22:04 - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My fiancé decided to give me the gift of "freedom". That's how he put it, anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 112

You deserved it 2 626

By Anonymous - 08/03/2014 23:13 - United States

Today, my mother decided to tell me about how my twin brother almost killed me in the womb when his cord wrapped around my neck. When she left the room, he said, "You won't be so lucky next time." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 518

You deserved it 4 703

By notalovestory - 11/11/2012 22:48 - United Kingdom - Potters Bar

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I came back home in tears, and eventually told my dad what was wrong. He immediately excused himself to the living room, where I heard him tell my mum, "She's gone all Taylor Swift again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 023

You deserved it 11 621

By Anonymous - 29/05/2019 20:00

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I tried to have sex in the shower. While trying to support her weight, as we got into things, I slipped backwards on the wet floor and fell through the Pyrex side of the shower, with her crashing down on me. I now have bits of Pyrex in my back and have to replace the shower side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 746

By anonymous - 16/09/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 982

You deserved it 2 694

By Vegetarian - 14/03/2010 10:21 - Finland

Today, I found out that the so-called vegetarian soy sauce my mom has made for me several times has minced meat in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 176

You deserved it 13 453

Priorities

By unknown - 26/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was feeling depressed. I overheard my mom crying on the phone. She said, “If my daughter kills herself, who’s going to do the dishes?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 091

You deserved it 61

A very compassionate defence…

By Jennifer - 19/05/2021 22:01

Today, I’ve been summoned to court because I found some homeless people living in a house I bought to renovate, and my brothers and I threw them out. Apparently even though it’s my property, they had some bullshit squatters rights. I can’t believe the courts are taking their complaint seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 128

You deserved it 332

The chop

By Anonymous - 08/11/2021 05:01

Spicy

Today, I got a serious infection following a medically necessary circumcision, and my doctor told me they will probably have to remove even more of the skin where the infection is particularly aggressive. My knob is gonna look like Freddy Krueger's face on a bad day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 112

By exalia - 07/05/2012 20:40 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I finally bought a car, after saving up for a year. My dealer had told me it was a good buy, so I snapped it up then and there. On the way home, the rear axle practically fell out of the car due to frame rot. My dealer wants to buy the car back at half the price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 036

You deserved it 30 193

By Anonymous - 30/06/2016 21:11 - United States - Houston

Today, my sister asked me, while making a cup of green tea with honey, "I wonder why they call it honey," to which I reply, "Probably some Greek or Latin word meaning 'to sweeten'." She stops, turns and with a serious face asks, "Where exactly is Latin?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 250

You deserved it 985

By jordyn173 - 08/04/2012 03:19 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 606

You deserved it 3 576

By Cheapo - 27/12/2017 19:00

Today, I gave my friend a $5 VR set that I purchased from the dollar store for Christmas. I received a $60 gift card. Later, I realized I left the receipt in the package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 6 092

By facepalm - 28/12/2009 10:35 - Singapore

Today, my husband was fired for chatting online for the third time in a month during office hours. Who was he chatting with? Me, telling him to get off the chat programme so he wouldn't lose his job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 126

You deserved it 12 886

By poopboy - 16/01/2017 10:49

Today, I sat next to this really hot guy in my writing class. We struck up a conversation, and it was going well, until he began describing, in excruciating detail, his IBS and fiber problems, and how he always has to poop. Good to know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 307

You deserved it 823

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Top comments

TheyCallMeDamien 17

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Saturday 26 November 2016 16:33

And he didn't bring you a matching outfit? Y'all need to coordinate better.

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 26 November 2016 15:25

I hope you're not lion about that.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

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Saturday 26 November 2016 15:25

I hope you're not lion about that.

MisterKnowItAll 15

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Saturday 26 November 2016 15:27

What a load of croc.

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Saturday 26 November 2016 15:27

At least it was a suit. He could have shown up in animal pajamas or a full-on furry suit. He could show up in full warrior gear at your wedding, or the crowd could grimace and scream while making poses for an hour. Just bring your own magical princess outfit and chillax.

SoloAutotunE 17

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Saturday 26 November 2016 16:58

why wouldn't you want to show up in a suit of armor to your engagement ceremony

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Sunday 27 November 2016 2:37

I wouldn't mind my guy showing up in a fursuit.

cootiequeen4444 11

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Sunday 27 November 2016 3:39

8, have you ever worn a suit of armor? That's why. (the idea of it is nice though).

zzzx 3

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Sunday 27 November 2016 12:09

#27 I have. It's actually pretty comfortable, as long as it's not hot.

afallingstar 22

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Saturday 26 November 2016 15:58

He sounds like a fun guy. At least it was just the engagement not the actual wedding.

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Saturday 26 November 2016 16:30

Is it really that important? I mean, sure, it's unconventional, but unless you had a specific color scheme you wanted him to stick to (in which case you should've discussed that with him before the ceremony) I'd say he's free to wear whichever suit he wants. This day should be about the two of you wanting to get married, not about wearing the "right" clothes.

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Saturday 26 November 2016 16:31

Honest question: What's an engagement ceremony?

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Saturday 26 November 2016 19:44

in some parts of the world, the engagement is a full celebration party almost as much as the wedding is. I live in Dubai and I've been to a few engagement parties myself so I'm guessing this might be similar.

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Saturday 26 November 2016 20:11

It's pretty much a pre wedding ceremony that's celebrated in some cultures.

TheyCallMeDamien 17

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Saturday 26 November 2016 16:33

And he didn't bring you a matching outfit? Y'all need to coordinate better.

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Saturday 26 November 2016 17:05

I guess he's a real party animal

awildwhisper 30

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Saturday 26 November 2016 17:23

He can't be tamed -Miley Cyrus

ShleeG 23

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Saturday 26 November 2016 17:24

YDI for not laying his clothes out for him

cootiequeen4444 11

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Sunday 27 November 2016 3:42

Sarcasm I hope...?

ShleeG 23

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Sunday 27 November 2016 22:10

Yes... guess that wasn't as obvious as I thought. My bad. We really need a sarcasm font lol

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 1 972

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 190