Transportation: Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son...

By Anonymous - 24/01/2010 14:25 - United States

Today, after reading a sign at the airport, my 6-year-old son thought it would be funny to yell, "Daddy's got a bomb!" Airport security then tackled me to the ground. Oh, and I missed my flight and my mother's birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 398

You deserved it 3 635

Transportation

Mama's boy

Heavy traffic

Go to a doctor

By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 20:17 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, half-way through my trip to Florida, I received a call from my friend of six years. "I sort of had sex with your girlfriend while you were gone." He said it "just sort of happened." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 965

You deserved it 4 580

By appleville - 10/02/2009 06:20 - United States

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 528

You deserved it 3 066

Workers of the world unite

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 20:01

Today, my initial unemployment benefits ran out. Yesterday, the extended benefits ran out for my entire state too, so I'll see $0 assistance. But it could be worse, they're also taking back 7 million $ from extended benefits receivers, so at least I'm not having money taken away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 719

You deserved it 113

By redmethod87 - 08/04/2009 16:08 - United States

Today, I took my dog to the puppy park to meet girls. I met one very attractive girl, she loved my puppy, and she asked for my number. As she took out her phone, my dog defecated on her feet. She was wearing sandals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 939

You deserved it 6 468

By Will - 23/04/2019 02:00

Today, I found out that my friends all think, "Don't worry about it" means "It's free." I'm a few thousand dollars in debt and they back each other like a gang. Never mind all the Aussies who say it means, "Pay slowly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 2 879

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 089

You deserved it 34 618

By karmaquestionmark - 20/11/2012 02:04 - United States - Silverton

Today, my mom sold my Magic box at a garage sale because I "never use it." Locked inside it was my fake ID, a couple of hundred bucks, and a bag of weed. She can't remember who she sold it to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 077

You deserved it 36 778

Overdoing it

By Anonymous - 29/05/2020 08:00

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to "dirty talk" with him. I'd never done it before, so I figured I would give it a go. I ended up getting so excited that I had an anxiety attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 358

Covidiots

By Anonymous - 05/12/2020 19:08 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I had to abandon my shopping after a Covidiot directly sneezed all over it. He took his mask off because he was about to sneeze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 066

You deserved it 177

By Anonymous - 15/04/2009 18:19 - United States

Today, I backed my car into a parked car in a parking lot. Not only did I back into a parked car, but it was the ONLY parked car there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 196

You deserved it 72 518

By Kurda - 23/05/2015 02:26 - United States - Wallburg

Today, I finally found a bug I had been trying to get rid of. When I removed my bra, I noticed what looked like a piece of bug on it. Apparently, the bug was flattened and suffocated by my boob the entire day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 462

You deserved it 2 746

By asshalf15 - 25/07/2014 20:19 - United States - Hacienda Heights

Today, I got expelled from school. I was walking down a flight of stairs when I tripped and bumped into a kid ahead of me by mistake. He fell forward and took half a dozen people down with him. The staff think I did it on purpose, and there's talk of charges being pressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 420

You deserved it 4 400

By anonymous - 21/04/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 304

You deserved it 101 064

By lalala - 14/06/2011 10:47 - United Kingdom

Today, I was arrested for carrying a dangerous weapon. I was on my way home from the shop where I'd bought a new kitchen knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 788

You deserved it 3 680

By Bali_Boil - 16/01/2010 00:44 - United States

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend at her house and her dad saw us. She decided that she didn't feel like riding along when it was time for her dad to drive me home and went to bed. I, on the other hand, got to have a 15 minute conversation about the merits of "physical boundaries." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 346

You deserved it 6 709

Landlords are scum

By Anonymous - 16/12/2019 19:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my landlord is sleeping with my girlfriend, and he won’t let me out of my lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 425

You deserved it 138

By Anonymous - 30/10/2015 13:27 - United Kingdom - Tranent

Today, I was invited to my friend's wedding. I wouldn't mind, but she chose her now fiancé over me, despite him being in prison for assault, a heroin addict and a general dick. This was all because I accidentally called her stupid three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 610

You deserved it 3 655

Laissez-faire capitalism

By Anonymous - 17/04/2021 11:01 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my Facebook account is deactivated and I don't think they are going to give me my account balance of $855 on Marketplace. So, I'm out my items, shipping costs and the profit I would have made. Facebook Marketplace is a scam. I'm so depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 876

You deserved it 180

Non-baby fever

By Anonymous - 01/06/2020 23:00

Today, I found out that my fiancé, with whom I've been with for 10 years, doesn't want to have sex with me because he thinks I'm going to trap him into having a baby. He sees me take my contraceptive pill nightly and knows I was booked in for having a coil fitted before Covid-19 happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 779

You deserved it 255

By Clueless - 21/04/2011 23:49 - United States

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 027

You deserved it 31 026

By Chaznuts - 08/09/2009 06:22 - Australia

Today, I went on a blind double date. My date was drunk before I got there. He kept getting my name wrong, and ended up spilling a glass of red wine down the front of my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 453

You deserved it 5 193

By mainche - 20/01/2009 07:13 - France

Today, in the forest, I hit my foot against a half-buried metal thing. I dug into the ground, and found a beautiful box, heavy enough to not be empty. I imagined myself with gold coins. Inside was the corpse of a cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 109

You deserved it 6 782

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 22:07 - Israel

Today, I was told by my neighbors that my guitar playing sounded a dying cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 453

You deserved it 23 429

By Anonymous - 18/12/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my sister and I got into a fight. I came home to find everything in my room covered in ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 028

You deserved it 4 816

By prayforme - 11/11/2009 01:52 - United States

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 033

You deserved it 62 879

By Anonymous - 13/12/2010 02:36 - United States

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 989

You deserved it 2 402

Jesus wept

By chicochico - 19/12/2008 16:05 - France

Today, I had sex with a girl who cried out as she came, "Forgive me Lord! Forgive me Lord!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 211

You deserved it 7 022

By no tp - 15/02/2012 01:26 - United States

Today, I forgot to grab toilet paper on the way home from work. Since I don't have a car and all of my friends have plans for Valentine's Day I'm now down to wiping with cotton balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 8 286

By xRyu - 09/10/2014 00:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 169

You deserved it 2 834

By lifeonfire12 - 16/04/2012 01:13 - Canada

Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 605

You deserved it 41 966

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 144

By didi - 05/01/2009 10:45 - France

Today, at the supermarket everybody was staring at me. After ten minutes, I realized that my umbrella was still open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 814

You deserved it 19 508

By mommydearest - 04/09/2011 16:08 - Denmark

Today, my paranoid wreck of a girlfriend read a text message on my phone from a woman asking if I was coming over for dinner. The woman was my mom. My girlfriend stormed out and hasn't answered my calls all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 252

You deserved it 4 102

By Redhottt6 - 05/08/2016 01:24

Today, I received a friend request from a boyfriend I hadn't talked to in 20+ years. A few minutes later he messaged me a picture of himself with a young woman at a strip club. My daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 834

You deserved it 1 608

Practical

By Anonymous - 14/10/2020 09:01 - Canada - Fredericton

Today, my 27-year-old boyfriend told me he hides our condoms in his Poké Ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 455

By Kathryn - 13/08/2011 10:31 - Belgium

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 380

You deserved it 41 044

By minnie - 28/08/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and I farted so loud in the school's girls bathroom. Some boys overheard from the hall and called everyone over. I came out only to find about 20 guys staring anxiously at the bathroom's door to see who I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 676

You deserved it 6 882

By bride2be - 14/02/2011 02:22 - United States

Today, I received my first wedding present in the mail. I opened it immediately and called the sender to say thanks. She yelled at me for opening it and, because she shipped it to me by mistake, requested it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 840

You deserved it 3 364

By Cantswim - 20/05/2009 15:45 - United States

Today, I had to go take swimming lessons because my mom has a fear I'll drown and I'm totally afraid of swimming anyway and never get anywhere near water. My instructor? A high school classmate of mine. My fellow swimming classmates? 5 and 6 year old kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 496

You deserved it 9 951

By keenan - 19/09/2010 23:55 - United States

Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 966

You deserved it 5 180

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hailster17 5

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:10

Well hopefully your son learned a lesson. Can't really expect a 6 year old to know what he can and cannot say in a airport.

kayceesaysfyl 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:14

your son is a dumbass

hailster17 5

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:10

Well hopefully your son learned a lesson. Can't really expect a 6 year old to know what he can and cannot say in a airport.

Beesh 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:13

Uhh...yeah, you can, dipshit. However, this story is a lie.

Moemoemoe_fml 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:16

#1 Not exactly, no, but you can and should teach them that accusing his parents of untrue things and lying is bad and will get him grounded. The same situation could have happened with the kid yelling at the mall "daddy touches me in places I don't want" and other such things for fun. Or "my teacher touched me". That sort of thing has happened before many times, and it's particularly bad because then it makes it hard to know when it's actually true. Kids really need to know not to drop accusations for fun when it's not true, especially grave accusations. And kids have an uncanny knack to sense what are things that will cause a mess or be funny if they say them, and of course they'll have fun doing it if they think it's of no consequence for themselves. They should be taught that you don't play with important matters, and that you don't lie about important accusations, of any type. If the kid knew that, they wouldn't have yelled the bomb thing in the airport.

iGreen_Day 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:59

how is it a lie. LMAO FYL but at least it makes others laugh

Beesh 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 0:38

How is it a lie? By not being the truth, moron. 1. He would NOT have been tackled. Ever heard of excessive force? 2. You don't think something like this would make some sort of news?

SusanaSaysRawrxD 0

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Monday 25 January 2010 9:15

@57 -- What? Even the best parent can't control exactly what their kids say. They can teach them not to say certain things, but ultimately they have no control on what comes out of their kid's mouth.

StayClassy 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:11

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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coolster56 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:13

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Acuvue 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:14

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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Pmm368 5

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:14

Though it is funny, your life sucks and I hope you teach your 6 year old a lesson for saying that kind of stuff in an airport. I moderated this and said yes :)

kayceesaysfyl 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:14

your son is a dumbass

kkleiberg 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:18

HAHA that sucks

kemar7856 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:19

what a lil punk hope teach him a lesson

chocolateperson1 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:20

# 8 Whoa! Harsh much??

Bojanglies 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 23:43

What? I thought that was going easy on the kid

clib542 0

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Sunday 24 January 2010 20:23

only an fml if your a bad parent, the airport has done a lot to keep you safe, obviously a 6 year old wouldn't say it on purpose. you should be thankful they did their jobs, its only your mothers birthday, I'm sure you have been to a few dozen of them in your lifetime