Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this... - FML

By simple living - 29/4/2015 02:43 - United States - Austin

Today, my dog threw up on the tiled floor. I found out at 6 this morning in the dark when I slipped and fell in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30781

You deserved it

2655

Tweet

Share

Rock, hard place

Insane parents

Don't give up

By oakley - 7/1/2017 09:15

Today, I went to start my new job, only to find out that the guy who hired me had no permission to do so. I had to fill out another application, and complete another interview and I still might not get the damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9360

You deserved it

744

Tweet

Share

By noway - 3/1/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47797

You deserved it

5282

Tweet

Share

By A Henderson - 25/4/2012 20:50 - United States

Today, I had to explain to a potential client that I wouldn't represent him, because suing his neighbor for calling him a pansy would get us laughed out of court and likely get me disbarred. His response was to get violent and threaten to sue me for violating his civil rights. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27053

You deserved it

2233

Tweet

Share

By Real Life Sucks - 26/5/2015 16:50 - United States

Today, it's been exactly 2 years since I graduated college. I make less money in my full-time job now than I did working part-time in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34076

You deserved it

3115

Tweet

Share

By 50sStyle - 12/6/2017 19:00 - United States - Hartland

Today, during lunch, I choked on my food and possibly came close to death when my boyfriend's best friend performed the Heimlich Maneuver on me, potentially saving my life. My boyfriend then started arguing with me over letting his best friend touch my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5444

You deserved it

391

Tweet

Share

By Cassidy Bowen - 16/6/2012 05:42 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I decided to not wear makeup for the first time. My boyfriend asked me if I got punched in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29503

You deserved it

6528

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 23/1/2016 01:56 - United States - Indiana

Today, my boyfriend picked his nose and tried to stick his booger up my nose, claiming that it was time to plant his "seed." FML

I agree, your life sucks

24366

You deserved it

2885

Tweet

Share

By soontobesingle - 19/3/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49797

You deserved it

4964

Tweet

Share

By ouch - 9/8/2009 01:56 - Brazil

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

72963

You deserved it

3383

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 13/6/2014 22:06 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, at my mother's open-casket funeral, my sister-in-law went to pay her respects. As she stood in front of the body, she coughed, muttering "bitch" in the process. Either nobody else noticed or nobody cared, and she went on her way, noticeably not choked up at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45269

You deserved it

4339

Tweet

Share

By pmek - 26/3/2012 09:11 - Australia - Collingwood

Today, things started to heat up in the bedroom. Not in a sexual way, though; the lamp caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32298

You deserved it

3247

Tweet

Share

By Brrrb - 5/3/2009 05:22 - Singapore

Today, I passed by a small shop and decided to go in to look at the jeans. Before I could even step in, the shop owner told me expressionlessly, "All the sizes here are too small for you". FML

I agree, your life sucks

60915

You deserved it

8068

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 20:27 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks

60845

You deserved it

3210

Tweet

Share

By grossesfesses - 15/5/2013 06:58 - France - Compi?gne

Today, in the doctor's waiting room, a little boy asked me for a cookie. I told him that I didn't have any. He replied, "But my mom says that ladies with big butts always have cookies in their handbags." FML

I agree, your life sucks

52738

You deserved it

6399

Tweet

Share

By Rain - 14/11/2016 11:43

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9854

You deserved it

677

Tweet

Share

By arghhh - 3/8/2009 02:40 - United States

Today, I finished my internship working in a government lab. I got paid $4000 for the summer. I was talking to my cousin, who said that when he worked as a carnie last summer he made $8000. I get paid half as much for doing research as a carnie does for serving people sno-cones. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39637

You deserved it

5650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/10/2009 19:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend decided to be very naughty and placed her underwear in my backpack. I wish she had told me, because it slipped into a folder that contained my project data for my professor. So, after class, I got sent to the Dean of Students' office to talk about sexual harassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39151

You deserved it

3265

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 4/9/2012 15:09 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cotton swab shoved up my cock's piss-pipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30100

You deserved it

9362

Tweet

Share

By TheBeautifulOne - 23/8/2012 13:42 - United Kingdom - Ayr

Today, I met a girl I used to make fun of in high school. She was taking my fingerprints after I was arrested. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8085

You deserved it

81824

Tweet

Share

By Noname - 10/3/2009 15:01 - United States

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76133

You deserved it

3416

Tweet

Share

By Iwasjustmovingout - 5/5/2019 00:00

Today, out of the blue, my husband suggested to his parents that they move to our town for the next six months, with the understanding that we’d see them nearly every day. I found out about this when they starting making plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1818

You deserved it

148

Tweet

Share

By Childhood - 12/12/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31274

You deserved it

2737

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 26/9/2014 21:07 - United States - Pensacola

Today, I asked my 12-year-old son what he wanted for his birthday. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "A whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49011

You deserved it

8152

Tweet

Share

By - 3/1/2009 16:48 - France

Today, I can hear my parents having sex in the next room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47467

You deserved it

4338

Tweet

Share

By sagecamreyyy - 6/11/2018 15:30

Today, three days after my "friend" tried to cut all my hair off while I was asleep, she tried to poison me with a random chemical that was under my sink. She then told me she wanted me dead because I touched her senpai. Her senpai is my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3530

You deserved it

225

Tweet

Share

By YoshiSqu4d - 22/5/2019 04:00

Today, my father told me I was becoming violent because of the video games I play. I was playing Minecraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1611

You deserved it

187

Tweet

Share

By connor1701 - 27/2/2017 20:00

Today, I went to put my coat on to go out. I put my hand in my pocket, not knowing there was a mouse sleeping in there. I squeezed it, it bit me and ran off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6259

You deserved it

621

Tweet

Share

By MrZach - 21/11/2009 23:21 - United States

Today, I had a tooth pulled. An hour or so later, I removed the gauze from my mouth, because I thought the bleeding had stopped. I got on my laptop. A few minutes later I looked down, to see that I had drooled blood all over the keyboard, and didn't know because my mouth was numb. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14819

You deserved it

33723

Tweet

Share

By Mirroronthewall - 30/8/2009 15:22 - Canada

Today, I was brushing my teeth in my bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I spotted a zit on my forehead. Keeping my toothbrush in my mouth, I quickly lean in towards the mirror to pop the pimple meanwhile lodging my toothbrush down my throat. I temporarily can't talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16723

You deserved it

44074

Tweet

Share

By Big B - 4/2/2009 17:40 - United States

Today, I was at the strip club. I put my dollar on the stage. When the stripper came over to take it, she stood me up and flipped my tits and said I had bigger ones than her. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24966

You deserved it

45341

Tweet

Share

By bibobobonnor - 28/9/2010 04:40 - Canada

Today, my dad gave me a football signed by my favourite football player. It would've been great, except that I saw my dad sign it in front of me. The worst part is that he denies doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31300

You deserved it

3241

Tweet

Share

By Targeted - 9/11/2012 04:54 - United States - Kirkland

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33586

You deserved it

2773

Tweet

Share

By Amy - 19/5/2010 20:19 - France

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40073

You deserved it

3542

Tweet

Share

By HousekeeperNoMore - 19/9/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, after being a stay-at-home mom and picking up after my kids for the past 15 years, I got a job rejection letter saying I wasn't qualified. It was a housekeeping position. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42501

You deserved it

4411

Tweet

Share

By spooked - 5/11/2014 20:44 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40916

You deserved it

2740

Tweet

Share

By pissed - 4/5/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, I was on Facebook looking at pictures of my boyfriend, who was in his friend's wedding this past weekend. He said that none of the girlfriends could come because it would cost too much for the couple. I spent the weekend alone, and all his friend's girlfriends are in the pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63032

You deserved it

4950

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 17/11/2014 16:59 - United States

Today, after driving hundreds of miles to sign the paperwork for my new job, I found out the guy who hired me recently quit, and HR has no idea who I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36442

You deserved it

2570

Tweet

Share

By dumbbass - 24/2/2010 19:43 - Canada

Today, I spilled a glass of iced tea all over my desk. It trickled down the wall and fried an extension cord. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20652

You deserved it

9294

Tweet

Share

By anonymous - 18/7/2013 13:53 - United States - Woburn

Today, I overheard my ripped, handsome, genetically perfect brother telling my mom how "fat people" make him "nervous". I have only recently accepted my weight, after struggling for years. I now understand why my brother rarely talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

53286

You deserved it

6823

Tweet

Share

By brown and sticky - 16/1/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Food poisoning

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2414

You deserved it

180

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By cutycat136 | 28

#6276898 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:52

From having many pets and going through the same type of experiences, I'm sorry op. Hope your dog is alright and doesn't do it again anytime soon.

By 91hayek | 31

#6276934 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 12:37

IT'S A SPEW-TIFUL MORNING! Sorry man, hope the dogs okay. I'd rather slip in spew than shit to be honest. Little mercies.

COMMENTS

By Trin_Tran | 26

#6276897 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:52

I hope you and your dog are both okay.

Reply

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6276993 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 14:05

Why is this thumbed down?

Reply

Rainbow2Cloud | 12

#6276995 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 14:06

Almost every comment on here is thumbed down. Lol

Reply

EclipseCandy6 | 24

#6276999 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 14:12

I'm wondering the same thing

By cutycat136 | 28

#6276898 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:52

From having many pets and going through the same type of experiences, I'm sorry op. Hope your dog is alright and doesn't do it again anytime soon.

Reply

RainTears | 15

#6276955 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 13:20

Star Wars The Canine Wars 2: Dogs Strike Back

By hippodankamus | 22

#6276899 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:52

Life is ruff. Sorry OP.

By Fymlife | 14

#6276902 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:53

Must have been a SLIPPERY situation! Ha! No, anyone, ok...

Reply

EvilTurtle | 35

#6277014 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 14:44

No.

By abNormal62 | 23

#6276903 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:53

I hope you apologized to him for that, he was saving it for later

By KitchKraft | 21

#6276904 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:54

I hope you had a nice trip op. See you next fall.

Reply

erizonkim | 17

#6276927 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 12:28

umm no just no

Reply

UnluckyLatina | 22

#6277017 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 14:50

Yes

Reply

KitchKraft | 21

#6277201 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 19:28

Really? Nothing? Dang, at least I tried.

By kakabloom | 9

#6276905 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:54

Woah man. Are you okay? I hope you took a shower and felt better after. Did your dog eat something funny? You should take your dog to the vet if he/she throws up again.
Anyways, I hope your day was/is going to be balanced out with something good happening!

Reply

lolhailsatan | 23

#6277395 - Thursday 30 April 2015 0:27

This is literally the nicest comment ever and it's getting thumbed down, the fuck is wrong with yall

By Cads1 | 24

#6276906 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:56

How nice, your dog left you a present.

By cappellaaa | 23

#6276907 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:56

Poor puppy! But, that sucks so bad, I'd probably cry. Hope all is well!!

By hedgedcats | 19

#6276908 - Wednesday 29 April 2015 11:56

The only time you would want your dog to eat their vomit :/ FML OP!