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Yeah I'm OP, just to clear things up...I am English and 'sick' is a fairly acceptable synonym for vomit (the noun). My cat is NOT stuck in my radiator, it just puked in it, I'm 16, is it so unacceptable to have a family cat in the city? Oh, and yes, I was being sarcastic :P

By hazlanz216 - 06/10/2011 22:28 - Canada

Today, I was suspended from work. Some lady went to the manager and told them that I was stalking her, all because I would kindly greet her everyday at the grocery store. I'm the cashier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 2 173

By xMiSS_CuTiEx - 27/12/2009 22:25 - United States

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 126

You deserved it 14 375

By badbitch23 - 07/12/2015 23:21 - United States - Killeen

Today, someone finally got the guts to punch my extremely rude mother in the face. My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 3 804

badbitch23 tells us more.

badbitch23 15

Wednesday 23 December 2015 23:10

Op here, okay my wife's mother died 2 weeks beforehand and my mom thought it would be funny to make a joke out of it. So yes the punch was for sure justified. I haven't spoke to my mom since and I'm happily married with my wife.

Romance

By Anonymous - 10/12/2009 03:59 - United States

Today, I went down on my girlfriend after sharing a romantic moment. As I was licking, she giggled and said, "You sound like a dog." Romance ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 915

You deserved it 4 675

By alanh69 - 26/08/2014 19:12 - United States - Woodward

Today, I asked my dad to give me a haircut. After 20 minutes of "fuck"s and "shit"s, he gave up and just shaved my head bald. I pull off the look so badly that two people I don't even know have already told me I look like a psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 329

You deserved it 6 416

By rabidfairy - 13/08/2014 02:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, the man I have been in love with for years came to me with a beautiful ring and a heartfelt proposal. Too bad it ended with an eager, "So do you think he'll say yes?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 414

You deserved it 6 126

rabidfairy tells us more.

rabidfairy 9

Thursday 14 August 2014 3:50

yes, you are correct. we've been friends since childhood and I've always known he was gay. just my luck that my heart would have none of it :/

By derranged - 22/04/2009 18:24 - China

Today, I was the best man at a wedding and I was flirting with a cute bridesmaid. Then this old guy decides to give the newlyweds a toast. He made a crappy joke and barely anybody laughed. So I say to the girl, "Wow that sucked, who the hell does he think he is?" The girl replies, "That's my dad". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 223

You deserved it 73 511

By "Beackers675" - 18/07/2017 09:00 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, due to religious restrictions, I'm not allowed to have medicine for my cold. The only thing my family will let me have is milk tea. I'm lactose intolerant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 848

You deserved it 1 228

Beackers675 tells us more.

Beackers675 13

Monday 17 July 2017 5:07

Hey everyone, OP here! So uhm..just for the record I'm not a minor, no CPS needed. As for their religion, I personally do not follow it, but out of love and respect for my parents I let them take care of me, (I'd been away from home for a long time and got sick upon my return) it was a nasty cold, and I was miserable, but I'm fine now. My family doesn't believe in unnecessary medications if the body can fight it off, however in extreme cases they will accept modern medicine. And yes, we're all vascinated so calm your butt cheeks. As for their religious beliefs, that is who they are. Thanks for the support, but no need to worry.

It takes strength to be gentle and kind

By 'creep' - 22/04/2013 05:01 - United States - Littleton

Today, I was small talking with an elderly man, who told me that nobody cares about him. Even though I had only known him for an hour, to try and make him feel a little better I told him I care about him. He then called me a creep, stomped his cane onto my foot, and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 998

You deserved it 7 219

Ninja move

By kiran - 24/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I went to the post office. As I entered the building, my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 080

You deserved it 39 677

By Xtrafresh - 30/08/2016 16:42 - Netherlands

Today, after missing my flight and being stuck on the other side of the globe, I received a call telling me that the "male, neutered" kitten I adopted 7 months ago is now pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 480

You deserved it 1 411

Xtrafresh tells us more.

Xtrafresh 7

Thursday 1 September 2016 0:03

Oh hi, OP here with much desired answers its seems. I adopted the cat from the local vet/asylum. They gave it to me as male and neutered. Even in the store I spotted it was most probably a she, but I didn't want to make a fuss and didn't care. I named her Violet, and she has a little brother named Dash. Kudos to whomever gets the reference. The big surprise for me was that not only did the vet **** up the gender, they also got the neutered part wrong.

Planning

By stargate25 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Denver

Today, my wife sent me a Google Calendar reminder for "sex". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 315

You deserved it 12 002

By bitch - 04/08/2010 01:19 - United States

Today, my car broke down. I had a two mile, up-hill walk ahead of me. About half way up the hill, a car beeped. Thinking they were poking fun at my misfortune, I began to curse and use obscene gestures, only to find out that it was my neighbor asking if I needed a ride. She drove off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 782

You deserved it 55 548

By Boltz719 - 23/08/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I was at my grandfather's house and my car was low on gas. He said I could put some of his gas in my car. He accidentally gave me the wrong tank to pump it out of, and I put fuel in my car that he uses for his small plane. It never ran better until the engine exploded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 585

You deserved it 3 882

By Anonymous - 07/05/2016 01:40 - United States - Walnut

Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 320

You deserved it 2 461

By Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 640

You deserved it 4 707

What? It's just helpful advice because we know better.

By Moimoi78 - 01/02/2017 05:00 - Australia - Eatons Hill

Today, I introduced the concept of 'mansplaining' to my husband. Ever since, he's been deliberately mansplaining every single thing to me. All. The. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 195

You deserved it 5 168

By Anonymous - 26/10/2014 03:28 - United States - Salem

Today, my brother got upset at his video game and flung his DS at the wall, just as I was walking by. I got knocked out to the sound of someone crossing the finish line in MarioKart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 219

You deserved it 2 882

By Anonymous - 01/06/2009 19:07 - United States

Today, I had the Monday meeting that I have had every week for 8 months. We had new people joining today. One of my bosses went around the room introducing people, and he forgot my name. I've been sitting across from him with a nametag for 8 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 148

You deserved it 4 053

By Anon - 08/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 049

You deserved it 4 189

By jellenwood - 07/11/2015 13:12 - United States - Kerrville

Today, I got married. The minister pronounced us husband and wife using our first names. Except he used my husband's ex-wife's name. I happened to glance at my mother-in-law who was almost in tears from laughing so hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 720

You deserved it 1 720

jellenwood tells us more.

jellenwood 35

Sunday 8 November 2015 12:01

OP here! So, this was several years ago. Apparently his family didn't want want him to marry me and never wanted him to divorce his first wife. His father is the one who performed the wedding. He called me the wrong name several times during the ceremony. I don't know if he did it on purpose or not. Friends later tell me it wasn't just his mother that was laughing but many members of his family but I just couldn't hear them. H

By MG73 - 02/11/2015 04:16 - United States - Scarborough

Today, I now need to include in my prerequisites for a potential date, "Must not pull a knife out on one of my guy friends for hugging me." I'm so done with online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 010

You deserved it 2 389

MG73 tells us more.

MG73 9

Monday 2 November 2015 19:31

OP here. For some clarification, it was only our second time hanging out. I did introduce him to my guy friend so he wouldn't feel insecure. We were all leaving, I hugged my friend bye since to me, that is just a casual thing, and he went crazy. I'm just glad I found out what he's like early on.