Miscellaneous: Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered....

By Sleepy - 31/05/2015 15:51 - United States - Apo

Today, the phone kept ringing so I picked it up and answered. When there was no response, it took a minute to realize that I was still in bed and talking to my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 421

You deserved it 5 004

Miscellaneous

Empathy lives

Triage

Right under your nose

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 630

You deserved it 5 032

By loser - 01/03/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, my fiancée broke up with me. Via a myspace message. While we were in the same apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 367 774

You deserved it 32 610

By Anonymous - 26/09/2010 05:45 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend's mom doesn't wear pyjamas when I got up to go get a glass of water in the middle of the night, at the same time she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 008

You deserved it 3 387

Quite the journey

By Anonymous - 08/02/2021 20:58 - Australia - Surry Hills

Today, I begrudgingly helped relocate my 84-year-old mother-in-law to our home at my partner's adamant request. It took months of stressful preparation, around $10,000 in costs, and some 500 km travelled via medical transport. Ten minutes after arriving, she had a heart attack and died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 29/06/2019 16:16 - United States - Winston Salem

Today, my coworker and I were discussing our office's lack of break room, and how we should suggest a picnic table for our upcoming landscaping. We concluded that someone would let their dog steal our lunches if we ate outside. Working at the vet's sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 221

Kids will be kids

By bad influence - 29/03/2021 15:30 - United States

Today, I've been getting terrible backlash from the neighbors after I forbade my kids from hanging out with one of the neighborhood kids. They think I dislike her because she’s trans. The truth is she’s rude, disrespectful, has been in several fights and had run ins with the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 65

By Anonymous - 20/06/2013 02:23 - United States - Kansas City

Today, my boyfriend of 2 months got upset and frustrated with me because he had yet to meet my mom. I'd told him on our first date that she passed away 4 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 612

You deserved it 3 601

By StrandedWhale - 03/11/2013 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 706

You deserved it 5 140

By Hikara - 13/04/2009 13:44 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend and I were watching TV. She starts to undo my belt buckle, unzips my fly and then takes my pants off. Right as I'm starting to get really excited, she says to me, "Just joking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 165 245

You deserved it 24 318

By nehadrihan - 21/03/2014 03:04 - United States - Oceanside

Today, my mom decided to follow me during my driving test. She rear ended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 034

You deserved it 3 368

By ShayisPay101 - 15/02/2010 18:58 - United States

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to be a stripper when she grew up, just like daddy's girlfriend. We're still married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 412

You deserved it 3 856

By theflow - 15/08/2012 17:08 - Australia - Perth

Today, thanks to a new form of birth control, I've now been having my period non-stop for six weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 137

You deserved it 4 534

By jonjon - 13/06/2010 13:16 - United States

Today, after spending the evening with friends, I went home and realized that the living room light was on. Thinking someone was robbing me, I hid behind a bush. I got impatient and crept up to the door. Then I remembered that I'd left the light on before I left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 928

You deserved it 47 159

Delayed

By inheritance - 05/05/2015 14:44 - Denmark - Lyngby

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Sure, but not yet." As we've been together for five years, I was a bit confused, but she cleared that up with, "Not until your dad has died, I don't want him to ruin my wedding with a bad toast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 084

You deserved it 3 407

Be precise

By Loveless - 07/03/2021 15:30 - United States - Gloucester

Today, I started the conversation where I intended to confess to my crush that I like her. I first asked her if she liked me. She asked me to define my terms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 694

You deserved it 216

Street art

By squidwardpotatoes - 14/11/2009 11:08 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. Not only did the movie end up being awful, but I came to my car to find out someone drew Squidward from SpongeBob, with large letters spelling, "I LIKE POTATOES!" on my windshield. In permanent marker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 215

You deserved it 3 245

By slcbabii23 - 01/10/2009 07:56 - United States

Today, I realized how much I'm on the computer. I tried to "CTRL+Z" on something I wrote down on my paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 385

You deserved it 40 049

By assholedad - 21/06/2013 18:05 - United States - Dayton

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 143

You deserved it 5 080

By ArtistBlock - 17/08/2016 07:54 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I spent nearly seven hours clearing out our storage room in order to transform it into my art studio. Things were going great until I tweaked my back. At least from my stationary position in bed I have a perfect view of the table I can't work at for the next 2 to 4 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 118

You deserved it 1 358

By themanzz - 08/10/2010 12:08 - Canada

Today, I was helping my Dad pick up the pieces of bark that came off the tree that we'd just cut down. I bent over to grab a dark looking piece of bark. Turn out it was my dogs crap. Fresh, warm, moist piece of crap to be exact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 516

You deserved it 8 614

By Nuts - 07/11/2015 02:55 - Canada - Grimsby

Today, my daughter told me she wanted to divorce me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 598

You deserved it 3 126

By sadex - 09/03/2015 07:52

Today, I got the earlier bus to avoid my ex after a painful breakup. He had the same idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 588

You deserved it 4 024

Mr. Nice Guy

By kate9871 - 04/10/2019 02:00

Today, while driving home, a jeep hit the back of my car. When I got home and told my boyfriend, he acted concerned but still wanted to know what was for dinner. I think I have whiplash, can't stop shaking from the shock and he's practically already waiting at the dinner table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 720

You deserved it 309

By sicufovoshxbsjdk - 07/08/2010 02:22 - United States

Today, my grandma bought me a cemetery plot for my birthday. If that's not weird enough, it's about a 2 mile walk from where the rest of my family will be buried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 226

You deserved it 2 598

By Anonymous - 10/07/2009 04:08 - United States

Today, I turned 23. I had asked my mom for some things to decorate my new place. As I opened the box to reveal my gift, a mirror was inside. I liked the mirror. I did not like the note attached that said "Look inside the mirror to see who is now 100% financially responsible for themselves." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 390

You deserved it 19 559

By involuntary waxing - 15/01/2012 09:00 - Canada

Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 947

You deserved it 4 294

By Toothy - 02/04/2011 05:03 - United States

Today, I learned that when I leave skid marks in the toilet my wife uses my toothbrush to remove them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 930

You deserved it 49 949

By Dingbat - 13/06/2013 23:59 - United States - Quarryville

Today, I started playing softball again in a league after not playing for about 5 years. My very first time at the bat I whacked a foul ball into the parking lot and hit my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 219

You deserved it 6 659

Annoying internal jukebox

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 04:00

Today, I can remember enough of a song for it to be stuck in my head, but not enough of it to help me identify the song. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 102

Family Fortunes

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 22:00 - Australia - Baulkham Hills

Today, I met the family of the guy I’m seeing, and they are all amazing. I’m scared to tell him I have a schizophrenic mum and a raging alcoholic dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 684

You deserved it 96

By Cheese4men - 14/05/2010 23:28 - Canada

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend saying, "I shall be the prince, and you shall be the princess," to his hamster. Once he saw me, he quickly turned to the hamster and said, "I have to go. The dragon is here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 541

You deserved it 8 749

By broken - 28/07/2009 17:12 - Saudi Arabia

Today, my family and I were just about to leave the house for the vacation that I had been saving up for 3 years. I was coming down the stairs with a heavy suitcase and I tripped and fell breaking my leg, now my family's gone without me while I'm in hospital. I paid for the vacation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 534

You deserved it 3 815

By lauz - 03/10/2009 12:20 - Australia

Today, I slept for the first time with my boyfriend. I'd always imagined it to be a romantic moment. It turned out that 'Saw 5' was on the TV in the background, and the sex was so fantastically tragic that I ended up watching/listening to it, on the sly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 775

You deserved it 4 169

By Dino - 12/10/2012 06:36 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my new roommate showed me to my room, which I got a good deal on. I noticed a big black spot on the floor in the walk-in closet. When I asked, he said his last roommate committed suicide and he didn't want to pay to have the carpets professionally cleaned, hence the "good deal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 595

You deserved it 2 344

Almost there

By Anonymous - 20/06/2020 05:05

Today, I paid 100$ for a trash service to pick up my broken couch. Minutes later, I got an email from someone finally replying to my ad for a free couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 400

You deserved it 171

By well SHIT - 27/02/2014 21:46 - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 821

You deserved it 61 584

By h4rdy - 09/03/2012 16:55 - United States

Today, I was the 10th caller on a radio show. I answered the question correctly. The DJ informed I won a free air guitar of my choosing. I yelled with excitement over the air. The DJ then instructed me how to use my new air guitar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 172

You deserved it 37 016

By grandpa porn - 28/08/2017 01:30

Today, while I was walking to the kitchen, I heard someone on the TV moaning. As I made my way down the stairs, I saw my grandfather quickly change the channel and lean forward. I'm 90% sure I caught my grandpa watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 564

You deserved it 332

By cloud7 - 27/12/2010 03:40

Today, after finally dropping my weight from an overweight 200 to a slim 135, my skin is now loose everywhere, and stretches about two inches out on my stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 780

You deserved it 6 876

By Anonymous - 26/12/2015 05:40 - United States - Latonia

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 530

You deserved it 2 455

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Top comments

abNormal62 23

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:46

Talk to the hand?!?!

Haggis300 25

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:39

We all have those moments XD Hopefully no one saw you ☺️

Ryan777777777 15

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:35

Hey, I'm the first one here... Hi people lol

DFMLharsh 20

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:40

^ That's what she said.

edward80 18

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Monday 1 June 2015 13:17

You need to get laid...

Lorenzo1102 21

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Monday 1 June 2015 13:19

Go drunk you're home

AndrewMoreira14 19

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Monday 1 June 2015 16:41

I'm not as think as you drunk I am...

Haggis300 25

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:39

We all have those moments XD Hopefully no one saw you ☺️

Iwannarock1 19

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Tuesday 2 June 2015 7:58

no we don't. he's a dumb ass

sexymomo1234 20

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Tuesday 2 June 2015 13:18

If you haven't noticed OP is a she not he

idxntgiveafxck 17

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:39

Go home, you're drunk

sprout_08 12

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Monday 1 June 2015 15:45

He is home and he wasn't drunk he was tired

knight2109 12

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Monday 1 June 2015 19:54

I believe it was a joke, a poor one but a joke none the less. But if you feel like pointing out the obvious she*

idxntgiveafxck 17

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Monday 1 June 2015 23:05

It was a joke

abNormal62 23

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:42

At least your hand wasn't "busy" at the time of the call...

igg125 30

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:42

Maybe you dreamt it and it didn't really happen.

abNormal62 23

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:46

Talk to the hand?!?!

Rented_eyebrows 18

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Tuesday 2 June 2015 6:09

Just in case u didn't read it properly! He was talking to his leg.

NightKat 25

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:47

I've done that. I've had a full conversation with whomever my brain said was on the other end and when I went to hang up I couldn't because I was talking to my hand.. Ambien is a hell of a drug.

theTravinator 21

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Tuesday 2 June 2015 6:20

I did that when I got my wisdom teeth taken out and was on Vicodin, that shit fucked up my cognitive ability quite a bit

Hiimhaileypotter 52

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Tuesday 2 June 2015 14:05

I'm on oxycodone recovering from surgery right now and I've had a couple minor hallucinations (they didn't continue, so that's why I continued taking these pain pills). Strange what drugs can do to you.

doubleofuck 20

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Monday 1 June 2015 12:48

I do this too. I also "check my Facebook" when I'm half asleep and it turns out to be my hand. I sleep talk and sleep walk as well so it's mostly that combined with whatever is around me (my phone in this case)