Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out.... - FML

By crunkdrunk - United States

Today, I woke up with a hangover after an intense night out. I decided to look at my camera to figure out what happened the night before. All my pictures were deleted except one video of me dancing to Lollipop by Lil Wayne, and giving a lapdance and head to my giant plush rat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11571

You deserved it

57138

Tweet

Share

Delayed proposal

It never rains, it pours

No Gods, No Masters

By Nope - China

Today, I defended the dried up things in the cup noodles as being real vegetables, just so that it would appear that I do actually eat vegetables. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7367

You deserved it

23914

Tweet

Share

By freed - United States - Cincinnati

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

47515

You deserved it

12238

Tweet

Share

By Catscratch - United States

Today, I walked into the kitchen and saw a note my roomate posted. As I got close to read it I was attacked by a very pissed off cat. The note said "Left window open last night, stray cat got in. Watch out he isn't friendly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46366

You deserved it

3233

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Play Stupid Games, Win Stupid Prizes

Today, after pranking my roommate several times by putting lube in his hand sanitizer bottle, he got me back by putting sanitizer in my lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3740

You deserved it

11855

Tweet

Share

By nimrod23 - Australia

Today, as I was walking home late at night, some asshole threw a lit cigarette butt out of their balcony. It fell between my glasses and my eye and left a burn mark on my cheek. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41961

You deserved it

2510

Tweet

Share

By pchemist - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said I was way too good at sex so I must have lied about not having much experience, and he "wouldn't be with someone who is hiding something." WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks

89220

You deserved it

6953

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 2/9/2020 02:01

Send virtual hugs

Today, I'm jealous of people who get to hug. My mom has banned hugs in the house because of COVID-19, and the only person I've hugged in the last 6 months is my boyfriend. He's been away for work for the past month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1284

You deserved it

376

Tweet

Share

By - United States

My electric toothbrush

Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room. She had my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3491

You deserved it

277

Tweet

Share

By sweet - United States

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

91204

You deserved it

5415

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Germany - M?hlhausen

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35562

You deserved it

12447

Tweet

Share

By homewrecker - United States

Today, I woke up from a night of crazy drunken sex with a guy I had met at a friends 23rd birthday party. The lights had been off when we had stumbled in to his house the night before. When I opened my eyes today, the first thing I saw was his family picture, complete with his wife and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20762

You deserved it

63459

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was feeling unappreciated and asked my boyfriend if he loves me. He faltered and replied, "Uh, my dick does." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51568

You deserved it

8404

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States - Cleveland

Today, I dropped a new 50lb box of tiles. Luckily, none of the tiles broke. I'm assuming this is because my foot cushioned the fall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41642

You deserved it

4238

Tweet

Share

By TheDrugsAreStrongWithThisOne - United States

Today, a customer wanted corporate's number because we aren't allowed to sell pies after midnight. After a drug-fuelled cuss-storm, she punched me in the face through the open window and peeled out of drive-thru like a bat out of hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25821

You deserved it

1931

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I told my mom I was going swimming with friends. She told me, in front of them, not to go into the deep end unless there was an adult around because I'm not old enough to swim on my own. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1876

You deserved it

178

Tweet

Share

By ouch - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35257

You deserved it

4069

Tweet

Share

By JohnB - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26733

You deserved it

4193

Tweet

Share

By Soundofaboner - United States

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

I agree, your life sucks

76270

You deserved it

10077

Tweet

Share

By bananagurl4242 - United States

Today, my friends told me all five of us should bring sleeping bags on our field trip; I brought mine only to find out they had told me that so they would get the four beds to themselves. They all 'forgot' to bring them and its only fair that I should sleep on the floor. We are here for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36071

You deserved it

4440

Tweet

Share

By Andy

Today, while jetlagged and going through customs in Singapore, I grabbed what I thought was a pen to fill out the form. I heard it squeak as I lifted it up. It was a straw in the custom agent's drink. The resulting noise he made lasted 10+ seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1885

You deserved it

366

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - South Africa

Today, I realised that I can tell my 6 cats apart by the sound of their paws on the carpet. I think I need friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49426

You deserved it

9634

Tweet

Share

By Mr. Shawzy - Canada

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15027

You deserved it

23143

Tweet

Share

By Jason - United States

Today, I spent forty minutes trying to break into my own house after being locked out. After finally getting in through a small unlocked window, I discovered my keys in my pants pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9708

You deserved it

44260

Tweet

Share

By NoCirculation - 24/11/2020 14:03 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Thermoregulation wars

Today, my boyfriend is wearing a t-shirt and shorts. I'm wearing leggings, sweatpants, a vest, t-shirt, jumper and hoodie. If we turn the heating any higher, he starts overheating and sweating. At the current level, I'm still shivering. FML

I agree, your life sucks

849

You deserved it

256

Tweet

Share

By kmtranter - United Kingdom - Wembley

Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend using my hand to wank. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51773

You deserved it

10532

Tweet

Share

By Nicos - France

Today, feeling romantic and overwhelmed with love, I told my fiancée: "I don't know what I'd do without you." She replied: "Well, you'd wank". FML

I agree, your life sucks

28843

You deserved it

6194

Tweet

Share

By semischweet - United Kingdom - London

Today, I learned why you should never to use Sean Connery's voice when asking your girlfriend to sit on your face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

696

You deserved it

1809

Tweet

Share

By lmaofuck - United States - Westerville

Today, I had a guest at my house. I stood up to shake her hand and kiss her on both cheeks, which is common in my culture. When she was kissing my cheeks, I went the opposite way from her and I ended up kissing her on the lips instead. Her eyes went big and I ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11501

You deserved it

1374

Tweet

Share

By Username - France

Today, my mum suggested that I should take self-defense lessons just in case I ever get attacked. Jokingly, I said, "As long as I walk under street lamps, no one is going to touch me." She replied, "Well, you never know, they might mistake you for someone good looking." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32280

You deserved it

4830

Tweet

Share

By Si123 - 15/8/2020 08:01

Night terrors

Today, after a long day at work, I was ready to wind down for the night. I sat on my bed and turned towards a fluttering on my left. I saw the biggest daddy-longlegs inches from my face, jumped in the other direction, forgetting there was a wall, and hit my head on it. I'm now officially wide awake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1148

You deserved it

215

Tweet

Share

By Unimpressed - Australia

TW: gross

Today, I was taken a taxi home after drinking too much. I started to feel sick and, not wanting to be charged the cab cleaning fee, threw up into my handbag instead. When we got to my place I then had to fish through that bag for my wallet to pay the driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12490

You deserved it

58848

Tweet

Share

By "1DisGR8" - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had the misfortune of getting my period during another exam. And yes, the male professor also noticed this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3415

You deserved it

322

Tweet

Share

By cnkk07 - United States

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23496

You deserved it

2503

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, the workplace evacuation bell sounded. Out of panic after the recent earthquake, I ran down 21 flights of stairs, only to find out it was a false alarm. My legs are on fire, and I can barely walk. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19316

You deserved it

22650

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while making out with my boyfriend, I started to put my hands down his pants and jokingly said, "Sorry, I'm not very good at hand jobs." He replied, "I know." FML

I agree, your life sucks

1793

You deserved it

698

Tweet

Share

By njh - Ireland

Today, my 3-year-old son said to me, "Fuck a duck, Daddy." I have no idea where he heard this. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32197

You deserved it

3573

Tweet

Share

By hitintheeye - Canada

Today, before my girlfriend gave me a blow job, she put on goggles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36495

You deserved it

17074

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous. - United States

Today, the guy I've been texting told me he loved me and he couldn't wait to make me his wife, and he couldn't wait for us to have kids and grow old together. I've only known him for 3 days. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33518

You deserved it

5005

Tweet

Share

By sumhub94 - United States

Today, I was babysitting a 4-year-old, and we decided to play a game of hide and seek. Before he started to count, he looked me in the eyes and said that if I hid in his spot, he'd murder me with a knife when he grows up. I have to babysit this kid for the rest of the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49557

You deserved it

3903

Tweet

Share

By

Today, my flatmate wanted to introduce me to his new friend, saying we'd, "get along great". Within the first half hour, she'd used the word "lit" eight times, and dabbed four times. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7093

You deserved it

673

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By lifsukssumtimes | 0

#247571 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

holy shit

By cheese1756 | 0

#247586 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:47

Since when did giant plush rats have genitals?

COMMENTS

By lifsukssumtimes | 0

#247571 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:45

holy shit

Reply

Allison_H | 0

#996305 - Monday 17 May 2010 19:44

Holy shit is that the Grinch!? *slips off of roof* *lands on windshield of truck below* HOLY CHRISTMAS BALLS!
But no seriously, the OP is made of win. That is the greatest shit I've ever read.

Reply

BoWZeR | 1

#1011672 - Saturday 29 May 2010 20:42

how could u tell what song it was by just looking at a picture if it was a video ok this is so fake queer

Reply

10_4Franky | 0

#1131012 - Saturday 24 July 2010 0:27

Hey retarded fuck, read the comment again.

Reply

ymonkey96 | 0

#1422670 - Saturday 18 September 2010 14:35

hey stupid op said video

Reply

zone123 | 0

#1530514 - Monday 11 October 2010 4:24

Maybe you should get so drunk so you can remember....

Reply

globalmeltdown | 3

#1702113 - Sunday 14 November 2010 22:38

haha kinda reminds me of 'the hangover'

Reply

xcrunner_725 | 4

#2888686 - Thursday 14 July 2011 8:02

why the hell do you have a giant plush rat

Reply

MrsDruidess | 23

#5796744 - Wednesday 18 December 2013 10:01

so this is where Miley Cyrus got her Superbowl video idea from!! You had it 4 years before her, maybe you can sue? But than you have to show the video in court... the millions might not be worth the humiliation

By XantesFire | 0

#247578 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

Link.

Reply

Nannoo | 0

#1712756 - Wednesday 17 November 2010 6:31

I didn't realize you could hear pictures.

Reply

chloe2114 | 4

#2447418 - Monday 2 May 2011 23:25

erm, itd not a comment, it's an FML...

Reply

FutureUSM | 16

#6451810 - Tuesday 3 November 2015 3:31

Re-read the fml

By microfilms | 0

#247585 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:46

how exactly does one give head to a stuffed doll. then again you there is a large variety of care bear sex toys

Reply

XxEmoSnowboarder | 8

#2521761 - Tuesday 17 May 2011 4:11

i was wondering the same thing lol

By cheese1756 | 0

#247586 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:47

Since when did giant plush rats have genitals?

By o_m_g_joe | 0

#247588 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:48

i typically would'nt say this but man i wish i was a rat lol

By ilovefmlife | 0

#247589 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:48

woahhhh crazy nightt
lol

By murderofcrows | 0

#247591 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:48

Ew. Fyl. Get a girlfriend

Reply

blocparty | 0

#1942137 - Saturday 8 January 2011 9:55

She's a girl... Maybe you'll be needing some glasses? :)

By locasocha | 0

#247595 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:49

she probably thought the rat's long nose was a penis

either that or the tail

By iknow_fml | 0

#247597 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:50

What do you want for your birthday ?
i was thinking maybe a giant plush animal , you know like that
you can lapdance and give them head all you want.
Its great i know once a crazy drunked girl did it .

By AnneFTW | 17

#247605 - Sunday 31 May 2009 15:52

You completely deserve it - you did all those things yourself.
The alcohol just helped you along. Know when to stop.