The Top

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By nickrick12 - 19/07/2011 22:57 - United States

Today, as a 1 year anniversary present, my boyfriend let me see and wear my engagement ring. He then made me give it back at the end of the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 216

You deserved it 5 871

By ooh cat - 18/05/2012 21:50 - United States - Inglewood

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 835

You deserved it 4 771

By Anonymous - 28/04/2013 13:57 - China - Shanghai

Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 908

You deserved it 12 570

Kids these days…

By Anonymous - 13/04/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my two year-old cousin was having a temper tantrum. I decided to give him a flashlight because playing with it usually distracts him. It didn't. Instead, he hit me in the face with it as hard as possible, leaving a bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 089

You deserved it 24 997

Someone has to

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I noticed I give myself pep-talks when I'm lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 384

You deserved it 6 143

By outofajob - 08/07/2011 05:10 - United States

Today, after not receiving my paycheck for over a month, I confronted my boss about it. His response? "You still work here?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 783

You deserved it 3 898

By SadisticSatire - 11/10/2009 01:04 - United States

Today, I went to work to find two new beautiful trainees. I thought maybe I might be able to hook up with one of them, so I walk up and flash my blue eyes and begin to act like a gentleman. Not five minutes into our conversation the girls ask me if there are any cute guys working here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 334

You deserved it 39 968

Messing around

By unknown - 08/03/2014 00:53 - United States - San Antonio

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mess around at my workplace's parking lot. Things got hot and steamy, but in the middle of it all, there came a bang at my car window. My frantic boss had seen us and thought I was being attacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 092

You deserved it 28 881

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 18:23 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I woke up to a small fire on my roof, burning up small twigs and branches. The cause? Last night, I threw a sparkling firecracker up very high, only to have it blown onto my roof by the wind. It's going to take $2,000 to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 990

You deserved it 52 508

By romance sucks. - 18/12/2013 21:20 - United States - Spencer

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 696

You deserved it 3 967

By WillaminaL - 20/01/2012 03:33 - Canada

Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 124

You deserved it 40 385

By Anonymous - 14/04/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, after a long day, I energetically took off my belt to take my pants off and relax. In doing so, I whipped the belt around in the air, causing it to spin around and slap me right in my tender ballsack. I almost threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 862

You deserved it 5 824

By JJ - 21/03/2016 19:06 - United Kingdom - Southampton

Spicy

Today, I, a vampire-pale girl, went on a blind date with a very dark-skinned young man. We got on like a house on fire, and everything was going smoothly until we leant in for the kiss. I was wearing makeup and no setting spray. He came away with half his face smudged snow white. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 488

You deserved it 9 535

By Amore - 09/12/2014 19:15 - France - Bois-colombes

Today, my son told me the Christmas letter he wrote to Santa was a joke and he didn't want the stuff he asked for. I already bought everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 065

You deserved it 4 278

Hollaback girl

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was riding in my friend's car. We passed by a group of cute guys standing by the curb with their skateboards so we slowed down to whistle at them. We then noticed the ambulance taking their friend away on a stretcher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 546

You deserved it 37 865

By VisceralWolf - 26/01/2016 06:35 - United States - Fairborn

Today, my girlfriend wasn't kidding when she said that if I hit her cervix just the 'right' way during sex, she'd puke. I was on the bottom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 512

You deserved it 4 459

VisceralWolf tells us more.

VisceralWolf 8

Wednesday 27 January 2016 19:55

OP here, I made an account just to respond. To explain, my girlfriend is very rarely on top, and she was in the kind of pain wanting 'mood' that she didn't notice the contact and I certainly wasn't aware of it. I already knew that she said this could happen and avoided it at all costs. Well, turns out the angle and her weight pushing down caused us to reach the limit and well... I was on the bottom. Simple as that. I in no way did this on purpose. She knows it too.

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 02:19 - Reserved

Today, after several long years, a lot of debt, and two great degrees from a top university, I had to move back in with my parents, because no matter where I look, I can't find a job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 862

You deserved it 4 085

By alicemassie - 15/05/2009 02:37 - United States

Today, I told my parents I wanted them to meet my new partner. My mom went into a rant about how she had known I was gay for a while and asked how I was going to tell my husband. I am straight, madly in love with my husband, and was referring to my business partner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 448

You deserved it 3 728

alicemassie tells us more.

alicemassie 0

Friday 15 May 2009 22:07

Okay, (it's OP) I need to make a couple of clarifications. I didn't include this part because there wasn't enough room in the FML submit thing, but after I told my mom I was referring to my business partner, she told me that she thinks I'm a lesbian not because of her fantastic maternal intuition, but because she thinks my husband is too much of an "ass bitch" for me to actually love him, and because I'm athletic. I wanted her to meet my business partner because my parents are involved in my business

By lol smiley face - 28/11/2009 15:57 - United States

Today, I woke up feeling awesome. I turned to face the sunrise in the window, and as I stretched and let out a big yawn. Only for my boyfriend to say "Baby, turn back over. Your breath smells like turds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 833

You deserved it 10 442

Bunch of bankers

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I got stopped at the bank by security for carrying a weapon and threatened to call the police. I had to prove my “metal stick” was not a weapon. I'm partially paralyzed in one of my feet and have to walk with a cane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 170

You deserved it 2 162

Running on empty

By Dehydrated - 01/09/2015 11:07 - United States - Charlotte

Today, at soccer, I repeatedly asked my coach for water as I was feeling light headed. His response every time was, "Five more minutes". Eventually, I got so dehydrated that I passed out. The first thing my coach said when I woke up was, "Why didn't you get some water?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 601

You deserved it 2 775

By Anonymous - 10/06/2014 15:05 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I got cited for "internet plagiarism" and called to the dean's office. I'd been sitting a closed-book written exam, and my teacher had been breathing down my neck the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 956

You deserved it 4 217

By Yay..... - 17/08/2010 04:21 - Canada

Today, my friends thought it would be a good idea to make fun of a homeless man. I didn't fancy making fun of the less fortunate, so I stayed a bit back. Still, the homeless man didn't think it would matter to throw a rock at me after my buddies ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 685

You deserved it 14 542

By Lala - 10/09/2009 13:40 - Philippines

Today, I was sitting in my garden and having a cup of tea while watching some dragonflies. I thought the dragonflies were really pretty, so I ran towards them and tried to catch their tails like I used to when I was a kid. They were exotic wasps. Ouch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 354

You deserved it 50 320

By ThanksMum - 14/02/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 596

You deserved it 2 801

By nerderer - 30/04/2015 18:48 - United States - Duluth

Today, after frantically searching my house and office and calling every place I'd visited in the last 24 hours, I finally found my phone in my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 863

You deserved it 6 850

By patch91 - 05/04/2011 02:03

Today, I got in a car accident on the way to work. I received an abusive phone call from my boss saying he shouldn't have to cover my lazy ass. I was driving to cover his shift because he was too drunk to show up to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 944

You deserved it 3 196

Nice meeting you

By LifeFucksUsAll - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was on a date with a guy, we were sitting in a restaurant having a fairly good conversation, when I had to go to the washroom. I left the table and when I came back, he was gone. Along with my wallet and car keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 576

You deserved it 13 321

By Unclicked - 01/08/2009 11:58 - Singapore

Today, my long-distance boyfriend wanted to spend time online with me. He kept quiet on Skype and went on a hundred different stupid websites, laughing by himself. Afterwards, he told me he really enjoyed our time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 282

You deserved it 7 011

By steve - 23/12/2011 03:02 - United States

Today, I ran full speed into a brick wall because I saw a tiger. On the other side of a zoo cage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 440

You deserved it 35 881

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The Top

The Top

Today, I let my step-father know exactly what I thought of him. After a few moments of awkward silence, he leaned towards me and quietly whispered, "Well you're adopted. Your parents never loved you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 075

You deserved it 14 536

Today, I was taking a shower, when my dad decided to turn off the water to the house, run upstairs, and throw a bucket of freezing cold sludge into the shower with me. He wouldn't turn the water back on for 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 411

You deserved it 2 840

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 105

You deserved it 12 742

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year-old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 871

You deserved it 9 231

Today, I found out you really can burn down a kitchen by boiling an egg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 485

You deserved it 846

Today, while my girlfriend is in hospital, I'm left at home with her mom. What I didn't know is that her mom's medication makes her do strange things. I learned that right away when she took a seat next to me, completely naked, on the couch. My girlfriend's mom is my grandmother's age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 131