Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him,...

By very analytical - 26/6/2015 19:56 - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26161

You deserved it

8506

Favorite

Work

Insane parents

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Live dumping

By hello to you too - 30/8/2018 12:30 - United States - New York

Today, I met my new 7ft tall and heavily muscular neighbor. Before I could say anything, he greeted me in his really deep voice with, "Excuse me, but is this yours?" He was holding my muddy 3-year-old son, who he'd found in his backyard, by his jumpers like a stuffed cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2805

You deserved it

822

Favorite

By I already have one, thanks - 9/8/2014 05:59 - Australia - Mosman

Today, at the bank, some poor bastard got brutally dumped in front of everyone, prompting some total spastic behind me to cough and mockingly say "Loser!" The guy thought I'd said it, and started shoving me around and threatening to tear me a new asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42184

You deserved it

3062

Favorite

By coeurdlucky - 19/10/2010 05:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to see his 72-year-old mom who just had minor surgery on her abdomen. When we asked how she was healing, she lifted up her nightgown to show us a bruise near her belly button. She wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35066

You deserved it

3530

Favorite

By kidneystoner - 14/10/2009 04:37 - United States

Today, I passed my kidney stone. After thirteen hours of pain free joy, another one appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35525

You deserved it

2387

Favorite

By CatLady - 16/6/2017 04:00

Today, I was having dinner at a restaurant with my best friend and her 18-month-old. I really had to fart, so I let one go silently, hoping it would go unnoticed. I caught a whiff of it, but so did my friend apparently, because she made a face and then held up her baby to smell her diaper. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3407

You deserved it

1229

Favorite

By anon - 9/7/2011 04:48 - Australia

Today, my daughter asked why there was an X marked on a telephone pole. I told her they were going to remove it. She started crying and saying, "They can't kill the tree!" She is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35111

You deserved it

7386

Favorite

By dumbAssCollegeStudent - 4/3/2016 00:22 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I finally did my laundry after a good few weeks, only to think another washer was a dryer. I just ran my clothes through the wash 3 times, because I was confused as to why they weren't drying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10527

You deserved it

21828

Favorite

By nichaneely - 10/2/2010 03:32 - United States

Today, I was working when an older lady came up to buy a coffee. Her son cried for a cup of whipped cream to snack on. She shook her head, silently telling me to say no. I said we were out. The mother took her drink and said, "I'm sorry honey, but the mean man said you couldn't have any." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35493

You deserved it

3678

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/6/2020 05:03

That he's a dumbass?

Today, I was told by my boyfriend of 12 years that he wants to break up. He wants to be free to follow his "MGTOW beliefs." I had to look up what it meant. What am I supposed to tell our 2 little boys? FML

I agree, your life sucks

1531

You deserved it

192

Favorite

By sleeper - 2/3/2010 05:05 - France

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26193

You deserved it

6033

Favorite

By Chin... uh.... - 10/5/2016 22:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12695

You deserved it

1477

Favorite

By not getting any - 31/3/2020 08:00

Weeks?

Today, I’m allergic to all forms of hormonal birth control, and due to the virus outbreak, I can’t get my implant replaced. We’re in quarantine, and my boyfriend and I just used our last condom. It’s going to be a long couple of weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1717

You deserved it

505

Favorite

By Anonymous - 15/3/2012 11:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend compared my penis to a snake. Not because of the size or shape, but because a snake is not something she imagines herself ever touching. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33977

You deserved it

3698

Favorite

By cuteloser - 4/10/2014 13:57 - Australia

Today, I thought I would be cute for my 1 year anniversary with my girlfriend so I cooked a three course meal for her with candles and rose petals on the floor. She loved the dinner, except now she's passed out in a food coma upstairs while I'm left with the dishes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40212

You deserved it

7489

Favorite

By jobless - 7/2/2010 06:12 - United States

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9201

You deserved it

31593

Favorite

By bruised - 11/4/2016 07:26 - United States - Novi

Today, I lay in bed reflecting on my fiancé's complaint about my lack of displays of affection. I felt terrible, so I rolled over and hugged him in his sleep. He's a fully trained martial artist and his immediate reaction was to try to snap my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23673

You deserved it

3005

Favorite

By Anonymous - 5/11/2012 11:36 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom talking on the phone with my sister about how much they hate my fiancé. My wedding is in two weeks and my family has been pretending to like my future husband for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24993

You deserved it

2103

Favorite

By post valentines depression - 7/4/2018 01:30

Today, my Tinder date arranged an Uber to pick her up before we had even finished our appetizers. She was so bored she couldn't be bothered to stay for the whole meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3731

You deserved it

806

Favorite

By Anonymous - 27/5/2009 22:44 - United States

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64603

You deserved it

8115

Favorite

By Anonymous - 10/5/2012 20:33 - United States - Walpole

Today, I was at a restaurant with my kids. I told my 13 year old about how the very first time she said she loved me. She was 2 and it was at this very restaurant. I told her the details and even started tearing up a little. She didn't even look up from her cell phone and said, "That's fab, ma." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32096

You deserved it

8730

Favorite

By whoahshloann - 30/5/2009 23:48 - United States

Today, I was watching Harry Potter. When all the students at Hogwarts started to clap at one point, I started clapping myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23813

You deserved it

53941

Favorite

By hardwarekit - 31/10/2014 14:27 - United States - Fairport

Today, a customer bought several drill bits. When I asked him, "Do you want a bag for your bits?" he just stared at me uncomfortably, apparently thinking I was trying to come onto him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29473

You deserved it

2901

Favorite

By Rakayla - 29/6/2019 12:03 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, after finally asking my crush for his number, and telling him the reason being he's the only friend whose number I don't have, he laughed, then asked, "Why would I ever be your friend?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

2155

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By MetalAtlas - 3/3/2010 06:06 - United States

Today, I had to sell my only means of transportation, my 92 Chrysler Lebaron to a junking company because the transmission blew. When the guy finally got there, I had to shovel out the 5 feet of snow around my car, help him push it, and help him hook it up. Then his dog bit me. I only got $100. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26541

You deserved it

2810

Favorite

By notmyrealname123 - 25/8/2014 00:08 - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I found my cat downstairs with a squirrel dangling from his mouth. When I saw this, I yelled at my cat to put it down. He did. Turns out the squirrel was still alive and run. I had to spend the next three hours chasing it out of my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35584

You deserved it

6379

Favorite

By SailorVenus93 - 29/10/2019 20:00

Giddy approval!

Today, I got so ecstatic about getting approved for a credit card that I made myself sick. I guess my first ever purchase will be TUMS and some Ginger Ale. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1192

You deserved it

364

Favorite

By Anonymous - 9/6/2016 23:37 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I came home to my wife packing a bag. We had been fighting recently and I understood why she was leaving, but then I noticed she wasn't packing her stuff. She explained that I was the one who was leaving, she was just packing my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14565

You deserved it

2218

Favorite

By mary - 21/2/2012 15:33 - Australia

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30761

You deserved it

8985

Favorite

By Anonymous - 28/3/2012 17:31 - United States - Vista

Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35735

You deserved it

5697

Favorite

By Nothanks - 6/6/2016 02:43

Today, at the healthy age of 26, I broke my hip during sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16042

You deserved it

1339

Favorite

By SoftwareDev - 27/6/2017 02:00 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Should've stayed home, basically

Today, after getting booked off work for being sick, I go to work anyway. On the way home, I stop by a colleagues fairwell, being the paranoid type of guy I make sure my car is locked about 3-4 times and head in. Later I get home to find my laptop has been stolen from my boot with my medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4253

You deserved it

591

Favorite

By cheated - 6/7/2019 22:03

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1875

You deserved it

136

Favorite

By me - 19/5/2012 02:41 - United States - Wyandotte

Today, my husband and I were pulled over by a cop. He was still angry from our earlier argument over his constant freeloading, and when the cop told him we'd been doing 75 in a 55, he retorted, "Yeah? I did 75 in your mom last night, fuzzball." One more ticket I have to pay for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28983

You deserved it

5473

Favorite

By Anonymous - 1/9/2014 02:18 - United States - Bronx

Today, while eating cotton candy, a drunk person came up to me and said "HEY! COTTON CANDY!" And bit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40793

You deserved it

3232

Favorite

By sleeping on the floor - 27/1/2015 01:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. It wasn't until the huge fight which ended with us breaking up did I realize that I was snowed in with him. One day down, two to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29538

You deserved it

4410

Favorite

By j_babydoll6520 - 26/8/2011 11:09 - Australia

Today, I got a text message from a number I don't know saying "I'm sorry, but I'm cheating on you, I couldn't do this in person because you're ugly when you cry." I haven't had a relationship in 6 years and I still manage to get dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41530

You deserved it

3128

Favorite

By MrCanoe - 1/3/2009 21:58 - Canada

Today, my mom had my girlfriend and me over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmother's wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

129928

You deserved it

298927

Favorite

By Troy - 10/9/2019 22:00

Mom knows best

Today, my mom offered me a reward if I went out and mowed our lawn. After 45 mins of pushing a lawnmower in 95-degree heat and getting stung by a bee, I go inside and ask my mom for my reward. She comes up to me, gives me a 'loving hug' and says, "Thank you." FML

I agree, your life sucks

922

You deserved it

1538

Favorite

By Leaving Early Fail - 12/1/2009 20:34 - United States

Today, moments after leaving early, my boss emails me asking if I'm in the office. After an illegal U-turn, running a stop sign, parking in a visitor spot, and sneaking back to my desk, I find out she was locked out of the building but had since found her keys and let herself back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17141

You deserved it

11478

Favorite

By dan - 25/1/2010 00:50 - Canada

Today, to my surprise my girlfriend said, "I've never felt this way before." We have been dating for six months, and I knew that I loved her, so I replied, "Me neither, I love you." There was a long awkward pause. Turns out, she was talking about her abnormally painful period cramps. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34337

You deserved it

4570

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#6333337 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

Well, now all you can do is own it.
Don't have a stick up your ass about it.
Or do, I guess.

By ninjamadi | 16

#6333335 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

You kinda walked right into that one. sorry OP

COMMENTS

By ninjamadi | 16

#6333335 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

You kinda walked right into that one. sorry OP

allforfun | 23

#6333659 - Saturday 27 June 2015 17:44

Or sat on it

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#6333337 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

Well, now all you can do is own it.
Don't have a stick up your ass about it.
Or do, I guess.

Sinjar | 6

#6333453 - Saturday 27 June 2015 11:38

I just commented for the medal.

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6333455 - Saturday 27 June 2015 11:49

But what is the medal for?

Gillett | 23

#6333729 - Saturday 27 June 2015 19:22

I don't think that's a stick homie!

By pikachurro | 18

#6333340 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:33

Prepare a costume, become a super villain and take revenge.

By thatonetribute | 31

#6333341 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:33

Dug your own grave there, OP. Sorry.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6333342 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:34

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

By dBLIZZARD | 20

#6333345 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

I think YDI for saying that in a work place.

By Wow_okayyy | 13

#6333348 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

You're just gonna have to take it ;D

Gillett | 23

#6333799 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:01

I believe she already has.

By mzshannababy | 16

#6333349 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

that's a tight situation

Gillett | 23

#6333802 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:02

Yeah "butt" i bet she enjoys those sit-uations!

By JJ_V3N0M | 19

#6333352 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:36

Don't worry OP. I'm sure your little mishap will fade away fast. Just laugh it off and carry on:)

By dakatabg | 31

#6333358 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:37

They know your sex secret

Gillett | 23

#6333803 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:03

and now they'll fantasize about her.