Work: Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him,...

By very analytical - United States - Ashland

Today, our outgoing boss told us about guy who's replacing him, saying he's very nice but very anal about things. Without thinking, I shrugged and said "Anal's not bad." Now everyone's calling me Anal-Girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26185

You deserved it

8542

Favorite

Work

And today, on Dr Phil…

Taking stock

Hello, Goodbye

By ohmy - Canada

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15503

You deserved it

27789

Favorite

By Imnotfromhere - 5/3/2021 05:01

How? Why? What?

Today, I wore leggings without underwear. When I got in the car after a busy shopping day, I realized that my pubes had poked through the fabric and my bush was on the outside of my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks

343

You deserved it

1771

Favorite

By beurk - France - Paris

Today, in the magazine section of a bookstore, an old dude asked me politely to grab something that he couldn't reach. I did so with a smile, touched by his "nice old guy" demeanour, only glancing at the item in question as I handed it to him. It was a porn mag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30805

You deserved it

4060

Favorite

By WhoopsIDidItAgain - 8/3/2021 02:01 - United States - Fremont

Whistleblower

Today, I found out my best friend is having a full-blown affair with her coworker. She's a minor. He's not. FML

I agree, your life sucks

961

You deserved it

Favorite

By Rach

Today, I didn't put any makeup on my acne-ridden and newly sun-burnt face. Today was also the first time I've ever run into my crush outside of work, all while trying to parallel park in a car that hasn't been washed in 6 months. I hit the car behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2982

You deserved it

734

Favorite

By nothanks - United States

Today, my elderly father-in-law grabbed my breasts in the pool at a family gathering. I'd let it go as an accident if this wasn't the 4th time it happened today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

57793

You deserved it

5457

Favorite

By My_Name_Is_Zach

Today, my neighbor called me on vacation to tell me that she let my mother into my house to feed my fish. I don't have fish, and my mother passed away 3 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37495

You deserved it

2535

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Suwanee

Today, I had so much skin peeling off my lips that it got caught in my fork as I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18166

You deserved it

5473

Favorite

By Charlie - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44380

You deserved it

21067

Favorite

By Leashaness - United States

Today, my doctor informed me that the pea-sized bump under my arm is a "third breast". That is not what I meant every time I said I wanted more tits. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27264

You deserved it

2739

Favorite

By LasagnaRawks - United Kingdom

Today, I discovered that my boyfriend only stayed with me because he didn't want to "be alone," and now that he has a new girlfriend, apparently he won't be. We were together for three and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34880

You deserved it

3107

Favorite

By Embarrassed Daughter - United States - Erlanger

Mom Jokes FTW

Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3219

You deserved it

331

Favorite

By Sickofbeingsick - United States

Today, after a week of staying in at night and fighting off a persistent cold, I was finally feeling well again, so I decided to go to my boyfriend's work BBQ. I got food poisoning. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32765

You deserved it

2823

Favorite

By angry girlfriend - Canada - Montreal

Today, I found out via Facebook status that my boyfriend is going to Hawaii with a group of friends, including his ex-girlfriend for a few weeks. When I confronted him about it, he said he didn't think I needed to know, and to mind my own business. I think I'm about to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35583

You deserved it

3581

Favorite

By boo8713 - United States - Bell

Today, my wife wants to name our first child Siri, after the iPhone function. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30373

You deserved it

2849

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my chemistry professor made us all leave our classroom mid-lab because the class was complaining of the smell, and he was worried that there was a gas leak from one of the Bunsen burners. There wasn't, but it's nice to know my "silent but deadly" smelled like it might actually kill. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12879

You deserved it

37591

Favorite

By JN5SLK - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I walked into my dorm room, only to witness my roommate shaving her vag over my trashcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55920

You deserved it

4614

Favorite

By fleatitting fame - Norway - Oslo

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

41838

You deserved it

3775

Favorite

By TaddM21 - United States - Salem

Today, I dragged my grill outside in the freezing cold to cook a steak for New Year's day. I left my spatula in the garage, and I set the still-wrapped steak on the grill. I was only gone 45 seconds, but that was long enough for my cat to open the wrapper and run off with my steak in his jaws. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29747

You deserved it

6876

Favorite

By V.. - 8/11/2020 20:58 - South Africa

Bored

Today, I still have no idea why I got married. All my wife does is drink Coke and watch TV. Perhaps the silver lining is that she's not doing coke in powder form. FML

I agree, your life sucks

733

You deserved it

333

Favorite

By LanaStidolph

Today, I bought shampoos and household chemicals and was heading home on my bike when it started to rain. I felt a weird burning sensation down my back so I stopped and got off the bike. My backpack and jeans were covered in foam. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3436

You deserved it

386

Favorite

By Anonymous - China

Today, I left work early, and discovered I was locked out of my house. I subsequently had to use a spoon I found on the ground to smash the bathroom window. I cut my leg on the glass when I climbed through. While inspecting the wound, I felt a lump in my pocket. It was my house key. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11178

You deserved it

43306

Favorite

By I'm donnnneeee - United States - Slidell

Today, I finished a 6-part project. It took me 7 hours of straight work because my partner decided I should do it alone. I then learned that the reason my partner did not help me was because the teacher e-mailed the leader of every group, saying the project was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26483

You deserved it

2409

Favorite

By ZThirteen - United States

Today, I got a speeding ticket. My speedometer got busted a few weeks back, rendering it useless. My father, a former mechanic, decided it's not worth the trouble of going in and fixing it. "Just keep with traffic when you're on the highway; you'll be fine." This $150 fee says otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14091

You deserved it

28593

Favorite

By bugger

Today, I looked my boyfriend in the eyes and said "I love y-" He cut me off with, "Babe, a blowjob's worth a thousand words" and held eye contact until I awkwardly excused myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40861

You deserved it

5137

Favorite

By Never Work With Animals or Children - United States - Van Nuys

Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25125

You deserved it

2606

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was on Facebook, looking at pictures from a party I went to. In most of them, I was sitting on the sofa, my shorts bunched to the side, with half my vajayjay on show. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21765

You deserved it

67167

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61327

You deserved it

3573

Favorite

By Lazyuser2849 - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

I agree, your life sucks

13054

You deserved it

990

Favorite

By seriousdubsteplover - Australia

Today, when going to fill up the kettle, I noticed a bad smell and pieces of something coming out of the tap. Turns out there was a dead snake in my water supply. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38552

You deserved it

2154

Favorite

By anonymous - United States

Today, my dad's work phone went off, and I thought I should go tell him since he's on call. Turns out no matter how you do it, a 47 year old man at one in the morning will think you are a burglar trying to attack him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30246

You deserved it

3367

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Salem

Today, a guy I like asked me to a dance. Trying to act modest and at the same time compliment him, I told him, "You could do so much better, though." After thinking for a moment, he replied, "You're right, I could. Never mind," and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31379

You deserved it

60823

Favorite

By Steve - United States

Today, I put aftershave on my fingers to encourage myself to stop biting my nails. I absentmindedly rubbed my eye a few minutes later. It burnt like hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13646

You deserved it

36130

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

I agree, your life sucks

75659

You deserved it

8638

Favorite

By Flopera

Today, I treated my out of town family to a surprise opera experience as a belated Christmas present. When we arrived, there were people already in our seats. Upon checking the tickets, I realized that I had purchased them for the following Friday instead of today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3039

You deserved it

2004

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

44912

You deserved it

3667

Favorite

By SKYYYLLLARRRR!!!! - United States - Gurnee

Today, my Breaking Bad obsessed boyfriend actually used the phrase "I am the one who cocks." during foreplay. My vagina just about turned into a desert on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36190

You deserved it

4238

Favorite

By Betchsadface - United States

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42709

You deserved it

10750

Favorite

By Trew Love - Canada - Fort Saint John

Today, it's my birthday. I called my mom to thank her for the gift she'd sent. She was surprised and said, "Oh I thought you were waiting to open it." She ended the conversation with, "OK, I'll call you on your birthday." FML

I agree, your life sucks

15006

You deserved it

1353

Favorite

By PleaseDontHateMe - Canada - Stony Plain

Today, I tried to impress a girl by draping my arm over the back of her chair. I ended up elbowing her in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10245

You deserved it

4953

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#6333337 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

Well, now all you can do is own it.
Don't have a stick up your ass about it.
Or do, I guess.

By ninjamadi | 16

#6333335 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

You kinda walked right into that one. sorry OP

COMMENTS

By ninjamadi | 16

#6333335 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

You kinda walked right into that one. sorry OP

allforfun | 23

#6333659 - Saturday 27 June 2015 17:44

Or sat on it

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#6333337 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:32

Well, now all you can do is own it.
Don't have a stick up your ass about it.
Or do, I guess.

Sinjar | 6

#6333453 - Saturday 27 June 2015 11:38

I just commented for the medal.

Diarrhea_Volcano | 29

#6333455 - Saturday 27 June 2015 11:49

But what is the medal for?

Gillett | 23

#6333729 - Saturday 27 June 2015 19:22

I don't think that's a stick homie!

By pikachurro | 18

#6333340 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:33

Prepare a costume, become a super villain and take revenge.

By thatonetribute | 31

#6333341 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:33

Dug your own grave there, OP. Sorry.

By giantsfan2010 | 23

#6333342 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:34

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

By dBLIZZARD | 20

#6333345 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

I think YDI for saying that in a work place.

By Wow_okayyy | 13

#6333348 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

You're just gonna have to take it ;D

Gillett | 23

#6333799 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:01

I believe she already has.

By mzshannababy | 16

#6333349 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:35

that's a tight situation

Gillett | 23

#6333802 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:02

Yeah "butt" i bet she enjoys those sit-uations!

By JJ_V3N0M | 19

#6333352 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:36

Don't worry OP. I'm sure your little mishap will fade away fast. Just laugh it off and carry on:)

By dakatabg | 31

#6333358 - Saturday 27 June 2015 8:37

They know your sex secret

Gillett | 23

#6333803 - Saturday 27 June 2015 20:03

and now they'll fantasize about her.