Valentine's slay, Caring and Love: Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's...

By ThanksMum - 14/02/2012 11:56 - United Kingdom

Today, the only card I got for Valentine's Day was in my mother's handwriting, and she posted it through the front door herself. She still won't admit it's from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 512

You deserved it 2 775

Valentine's slay Caring Love

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Tinder surprise

Night terrors

By Aginsafa - 25/04/2011 11:41 - United States

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 382

You deserved it 3 673

By Junior - 26/01/2010 07:35 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because of my dad constantly hitting on her. Not because she was disgusted, but because she wants to date him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 615

You deserved it 2 941

By CatLady - 09/06/2011 07:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 111

You deserved it 6 012

By Nathan - 23/03/2009 20:09 - United States

Today, I went to see a therapist for the first time because I've been feeling depressed lately. I opened up and said everything that was on my mind. I really spilled my guts. After a good 30 minutes, her first question was, "Do you always talk this much?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 75 046

You deserved it 7 828

By Neednewfriends - 11/11/2015 14:38 - Australia

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 340

You deserved it 2 654

Classy guy.

By This_girll - 20/07/2018 19:30 - United States - Ridgewood

Today, my boyfriend of a year went to a wedding. He didn't invite me, he took his ex instead. I saw it all on Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 520

You deserved it 347

Circular

By Mario Hugo - 05/07/2021 20:00

Today, I was tested positive for Covid-19, after suffering with some of the symptoms of the disease two days ago. Last week, I had to pretend I was infected with it to avoid going to a friend's party, as my ex-girlfriend would be there. Ain't life a bitch? FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 1 287

Toasted

By Anonymous - 29/06/2021 16:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I gave a toast at my friend's wedding. When I said, "Everybody raise your glasses," an industrial fan went off and blew my dress over my head. Now, people won't stop talking about how my "blue granny panties" didn't match my dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 146

By Chubsley - 21/02/2009 07:44 - United States

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 808

You deserved it 50 834

By uhmwow - 25/10/2016 00:50

Today, I got fired from my job. A coworker that strongly dislikes me convinced my boss I took a day off because I was going to a Trump rally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 697

You deserved it 955

By nacho - 24/01/2012 06:42 - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing he said to him was, "You're an idiot for dating my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 016

You deserved it 4 318

Problematic language

By Anonymous - 27/02/2021 05:01

Today, at my new retail job, I accidentally referred to white tank tops as, "Wife beaters." That's what I thought they were actually called, until my boss had to correct me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 682

You deserved it 356

Gas wars

By Ali - 04/10/2020 23:02

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time and we were alone. He was being super romantic and snuggling with me, and then out of nowhere he let out the biggest fart I've ever heard. He then explained how I should try to compete with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 341

By Anonymous - 13/03/2012 06:21 - Canada

Today, while I was looking for an apartment for my boyfriend and myself, he asked me how would I feel about his mom moving in together with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 303

You deserved it 2 600

By anonymous - 08/12/2011 10:37 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 036

You deserved it 4 252

By saracenslament - 22/11/2016 11:47

Today, my relationship with my family is so bad that when someone burst into my house without ringing the doorbell, my first assumption was, "Oh God I hope it's not my mum visiting!" rather than, "Oh God, it's a burglar!" It was actually my mother-in-law, and I was truly relieved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 623

You deserved it 939

By seriouslywtf - 28/04/2009 03:06 - United States

Today, my daughter walked in on me taking a shower. She said, "Hey, yours is the same size as Dylan's!" My daughter has seen Dylan's penis, which apparently is the same size as mine. My daughter and Dylan are 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117 177

You deserved it 9 264

By Gassy - 21/09/2015 14:45 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I heard a noise outside in the middle of the night, so I went out for a look. I'm also pregnant and can't stop farting. I get 2 steps outside and accidentally let a huge one rip, then, from the shadows I hear "Oh my god!" and then running in the opposite direction. I farted away a prowler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 277

You deserved it 3 254

By anonymous - 25/06/2016 20:03 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was taking a hike through the Appalachians. I lost my balance in a steep area, and grabbed for a root along the trail above me. It turned to not be a root, but a large, angry snake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 431

You deserved it 929

Cool prank bro

By Anonymous - 12/12/2009 11:02 - United States

Today, I have been getting calls from a weird kid from my school asking for nudes. I asked how he got my number, then found out that my friends put my number on a pole at school saying, "Call Wendy for a good time, she has nice tits". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 558

You deserved it 3 543

By well okay then - 20/05/2013 16:02 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I was going on a blind date with a girl. She walked up to the table, said "Nah, no thanks" and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 216

You deserved it 4 657

By estranger - 03/01/2014 22:36 - United States

Today, while visiting my grandparents, my grandpa decided to explain to me the real reason that the old sofa I was sitting on had always been so discolored. He says they were bleach stains left while cleaning up the mess made during my father's conception. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 031

You deserved it 3 709

By fish killer - 25/03/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, my sister presented me with an "official pet killer" award after yet another goldfish under my care died of unknown causes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 695

You deserved it 10 057

By Anonymous - 30/03/2012 14:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I got on the train with my bike, leaning it up against the wall. After a while, it began to slide down the wall and wobble, so I dashed out to catch it. As I ran for it, I slipped and crashed into it, knocking it into an old man and busting the rear brake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 238

You deserved it 4 883

What about me?

By crushed - 23/05/2020 02:00

Today, my wife told me about an old boyfriend she had. She told me that they used to fool around, and that she’d give him blow jobs all the time. I never get any action like that from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 230

Nice neighborhood

By Frustrated - 03/01/2014 02:24 - United States - Tustin

Today, my neighbor's sons decided it would be funny to throw rocks at my house. I went outside to scold them and saw my other neighbors gathered around, watching. They didn't stop them because they thought I wasn't home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 3 676

By Emily Salt - 15/02/2011 08:34

Today, whilst nibbling on my husband's ear, I swallowed a lump of his earwax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 25 106

By diplomaless - 14/09/2009 18:58 - United States

Today, I found out the high school I have been doing at home for the past 3 years isn't accredited and doesn't count for anything. I'm 18 and starting high school as a freshman next year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 397

You deserved it 19 582

I'M ALSO HERE

By Steiner - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Troy

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 757

You deserved it 3 487

By MonsterProblems - 07/01/2015 07:07 - Croatia

Today, I had a sneeze attack while my nose was bleeding. Now my living room looks like a crime scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 206

You deserved it 3 313

By NoScrubs - 31/10/2014 05:10 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I came to the conclusion I have three kids instead of two, after having to force my husband to take a shower. It's been a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 392

You deserved it 3 489

By Stacy - 13/07/2013 04:22 - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 047

You deserved it 5 228

By Anonymous - 30/01/2010 07:04 - United States

Today, I was driving home and stopped at a light. A cute guy in the truck ahead of me waved me forward and told me to roll down my window. It was the first time a cute guy had talked to me in a while so I was pretty excited. He told me to turn my lights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 240

You deserved it 10 164

By Anonymous - 01/08/2009 04:30 - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 075

You deserved it 2 827

By Roma-Jay - 22/07/2012 14:13 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, while trying to look cute and playing with my hair in front of a boy, I pulled a piece of my hair extension out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 655

You deserved it 48 303

By Anonymous - 15/09/2010 15:53 - France

Today, I went to the airport with my mom, who requested a wheelchair for me, since I have a broken leg. I'm 24. Embarrassed, I insisted I push myself around, instead of an airline assistant doing it. A few seconds later, I crash into the same airline assistant, who then falls back into my lap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 099

You deserved it 29 708

By Scarlett - 26/04/2011 17:28 - United States

Today, my husband got out of the shower, came downstairs naked screaming ''EMBRACE THE HARDNESS!!'' Little did he know, my step mother was sitting right there at the kitchen table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 501

You deserved it 6 124

By Jess - 27/10/2015 20:16

Today, I called a doctor's office for a referral. I was in public, so when she asked me what type of issue I had, I mumbled that I had a vaginal issue. After painstakingly having to repeat this several times, she said she was asking what kind of insurance I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 708

You deserved it 4 412

Millennial Life

By goodbyeadulthood - 09/09/2019 06:00

Today, my parents told me that from now on I have to share a room with my 9-year-old sister. She already called top bunk. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 483

You deserved it 558

By Anonymous - 21/12/2012 17:24 - United States - Newnan

Today, I was listening to a local radio station, and they did a segment called "food porn." As they were sexually describing various types of food, I actually found myself getting turned on over a pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 818

You deserved it 10 024

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Top comments

SugarCrazy 14

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 15:58

At least you got anything at all.

TheUnknown_fml 9

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 15:59

Good intention

wyatt141 6

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 15:58

First

SugarCrazy 14

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 15:58

At least you got anything at all.

swimmerstud 7

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:07

Exactly! OP shouldn't even be complaining.

gojira666 7

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:07

I love my mom!

Damn_Hippster 11

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:37

Roses are red Violets are blue Poems usually rhyme This one doesn't Btw Op I'm at home with the flu and my mom never gave me a card.

HeartOnSleeves 8

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:49

I usually get a card from my mom every year. Don't think I'm getting one this year..

skullcandifiedDJ 5

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 18:24

If it was a box of chocolates, THAT'D be a different story...

A100893 30

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:24

I love getting stuff from my mom, I know she loves me. :') Your mom loves you, appreciate it while you still have it.

DemonicDragon53 5

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 22:21

At #2- did you get anything? Cause if not I have plenty of money to get you something ;)

sleeper73 0

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 23:56

No kidding

elizabeth9m 4

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 2:11

That's good, she loves you! I find that very cute , actually (:

TheUnknown_fml 9

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 15:59

Good intention

So2011 4

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:04

At least OP got a card. And if it's not from her mom, it could be a secret admirer.

teague95 16

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:05

maybe her mom is her secret admirer O.o

instnt1nfction 17

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:06

What a plot twist

teague95 16

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:00

could of been a box of stale chocolates

QuitStaring 0

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 19:21

could have*

teague95 16

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 0:08

fuck didn't even see that. *hides in shame*

MwahFMLS 6

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Wednesday 15 February 2012 13:15

Can chocolate go stale?

ragingdepression 4

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:00

/agree with

THE_A_TEEN 27

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:29

Me? Thank you sir/madame for agreeing with me. You see, this whole time i've been telling everyone about me inventing the lightbulb, the AR-15, and the iPod. No one believed me, everyone thought I was crazy. Thank you once again for agreeing with me. Now I must share the secrets of my life and my newly found religion: Cynicalism. No turning back now. If you do, you will die a painful death...

borkchop1992 15

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:01

It's time to get freaky and do it like they do on the discovery channel

Dboyinaz 4

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:32

Nice bloodhound gang reference

DocBastard 38

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:02

Maybe it's from the Easter Bunny, or Santa, or Sasquatch, or the World Series Champion Chicago Cubs, or any other fictional character.

21jason 9

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:14

Damn it I want to hate you right now for the cubs reference but I gotta admit it was funny

nava1210 12

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:41

30 - you can't hate doc... that's like hating your own mother...

Razzle_Dazzle_5 11

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 20:02

38 thanks for getting that into my head....

MeLuvBewbs 7

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:06

Look on the bright side! It's a nice thing your mom cared.

wisese 0

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 17:26

Seriously, that's what moms are for. My grandparents always gave me a box of chocolate for valentines day. But this year I'm across the country from my family, so I'm not getting anything. Instead of complaining, op should be happy.

night_saint 5

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 16:07

your mom will always love you. mine lives pretty far away, so I only get to see her once or twice a year. you're lucky, OP... I wish I could see mine more often.