Love: Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27812

You deserved it

2313

Favorite

Love

This Charming Man

Dangling modifier

Nice try

By rosesareyellow - United States

Today, I dropped my phone in water, and my friends told me to put it in rice to draw out the water. They put my phone in riceroni. My phone now smells like chicken and has rice seasoning stuck all over it. Needless to say it still doesn't work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15023

You deserved it

33375

Favorite

By Order of the Dangling Testicles - United States - Astoria

Today, I moved back into my dorm. My ex-girlfriend, and the guy she left me for, now cohabit next door. Now I get to hear them screwing while I try to do my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54008

You deserved it

4306

Favorite

By life_suxxx - United States

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9295

You deserved it

33445

Favorite

By moikristine - Norway - Fagerstrand

Today, I got an email saying the gift I'd ordered for my boyfriend of three years had been sent. I ordered it a couple of days ago because I thought he needed cheering up. I guess he found a better way of doing so himself; he broke up with me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44583

You deserved it

3193

Favorite

By Anonymous - 30/6/2020 02:02

Helping hand

Today, its been so long since I've been single, I’ve reached the age where I need Viagra just to masturbate since there’s no woman in my life to save the pills for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1405

You deserved it

259

Favorite

By mr_loveless - United States

Today, I got married on Skyrim. To an elf. While in real life, my love life is floundering like a half-dead carp in the surf on a hot day. So much so in fact that I actually draw a measure of comfort from being married to an elf. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28229

You deserved it

10637

Favorite

By keep_your_eyes_on_the_sidewalk

Today, a girl with her eyes glued to her phone bumped my arm going in the opposite direction on the sidewalk. She dropped her phone, chased me to the bus stop, and told everyone that I broke it. She threatened to call the police. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4063

You deserved it

209

Favorite

By gazza - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, in the middle of a localised drought, and an accompanying hosepipe ban, my mother has decided that she still needs to water her lawn. To balance out the water usage, she's placed a complete ban on the use of our shower until the weather lets up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23349

You deserved it

1739

Favorite

By xorenae - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had an interview for an office job. As a requirement, I had to show up dressed for the job. My friend has worked there for years and told me it was casual dress. I wore jeans and a blouse. Everyone else had on business suits. Obviously my friend doesn't know what casual means. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29923

You deserved it

7921

Favorite

By Lifeless - United States

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14591

You deserved it

33562

Favorite

By ironyisabitch - United States - Rohnert Park

Today, my parents grounded me for finding their stash of weed. The irony is killing me right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42185

You deserved it

3058

Favorite

By Zzz - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4300

You deserved it

5613

Favorite

By Iamdisappointed - Sweden - Ludvika

Today, the doctor told my husband that he is infertile due to slow sperm. As if this is not upsetting enough, my husband blames it on me. According to him, his sperm doesn't get 'aroused' because I'm not sexy enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68668

You deserved it

5942

Favorite

By jobless - United States

Today, I realized after sending out countless copies of my resume to companies, I failed to add my phone number on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9210

You deserved it

31647

Favorite

By jaskyriddims - Dominica

Today, my family gathered to pray. It was my brother's turn to pray and he ended with this, "...and help Chev that he does not become the disappointment everyone expects him to be. Amen." I looked on in shock as my entire family nodded and said "Amen" in agreement. Hi, I'm Chev. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45621

You deserved it

5172

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer asked me if I was English, because I was struggling to understand what he saying. I said yes. He then called me a liar, and said I must be "one of them Polish immigrants." Oh, and he also had a thick Scottish accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1511

You deserved it

133

Favorite

By chchboy - United States

Like a virgin

Today, I went all the way for the first time with my girlfriend. After I had finished, she asked me, "What just happened? Was that sex?" I wasn't sure either. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35003

You deserved it

7069

Favorite

By JerryClark - United States - San Bernardino

So beautiful!

Today, my best female friend sent me a nude to make sure it looked good before she sent it to the guy she likes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2767

You deserved it

504

Favorite

By avanti - United States

Today, I was studying for a midterm, so I put my computer on the side of my desk to make more room for my books. My roommate came in while I wasn't paying attention and tackle-hugged me from behind - I fell over, knocking my computer out the window. I live on the 8th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61551

You deserved it

7901

Favorite

By Garry - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that my staff doesn't take me seriously. I walked in on my chef, who had just spent an hour and half a block of cheese carving cheddar goggles for himself. When I confronted him, he pulled up his t-shirt to reveal a cocktail sausage taped to his stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23899

You deserved it

5721

Favorite

By coffee - United States

Today, after my coworker bought coffee for me for the fifth time, I thanked him and asked him why. Apparently it's the only way to get me to shut up in the morning so he can get work done. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13021

You deserved it

36996

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out I'm getting laid off. However, they're keeping my coworker who rarely shows up and sleeps all the time when he's there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30015

You deserved it

2427

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. She's a screamer. Her dog must have thought I was attacking her, because he immediately came over and started savaging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54740

You deserved it

6174

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, at work, the prizes were given to the employee of the month. They come in to surprise the winner and give prizes. They come over to my cubicle and cover me with silly string. Jokingly, I said: "Do you guys have the wrong cubicle? " They did. The guy in the next cubicle won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

55416

You deserved it

6692

Favorite

By lizownsvirgy - United States

Today, I was woken up by my step brother trying to put his tongue in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69058

You deserved it

5440

Favorite

By GDubeau24 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45973

You deserved it

2847

Favorite

By anonymous - Canada - New Westminster

Today, I was eating lunch on my first date with a really pretty girl, when my ex shows up at the same restaurant and starts telling her how bad of a boyfriend I was. My date left. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11262

You deserved it

1459

Favorite

By ShiddyDiddy

Today, my girlfriend's obsession with her bird reached a new level when she wrote him a song specifically for after he poops. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1466

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By Nasu Johi - United States - New York

Today, as a CNA, I had to go through the belongings of a patient. His phone rang and I answered - it was his boss. As I explained, he cut me off and said to "drop the act" and "he better be there now or he's fired". He was pronounced dead-on-arrival. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3479

You deserved it

170

Favorite

By fuckmeitsgettingworse - United Kingdom - Derby

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

I agree, your life sucks

49371

You deserved it

4624

Favorite

By I need a new ballsack. - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30297

You deserved it

4459

Favorite

By Z - United States

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49752

You deserved it

14243

Favorite

By Skankeriffic - United States

Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7195

You deserved it

30597

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I got a call from the Sheriff's dept. saying that water was coming out my front door. I ran home to find a waterfall cascading over my covered parking. It turns out my puppy had chewed through the hose that connects the toilet to the water. My entire condo had an inch of standing water. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39511

You deserved it

4960

Favorite

By eayers2689 - United States

Today, I went to a barbecue and noticed a girl that I had be interested in. When I walked up to ask how she was doing I noticed she had some BBQ sauce on her face. Jokingly I licked my thumb and reach to remove it. It turned out to be a scab from a pimple she had popped earlier. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18600

You deserved it

58975

Favorite

By Sadfaic - United States

Today, my long lost father came to visit me. He got drunk, then tried to beat me up. My neighbor called the police, and as soon as they got there, my father yelled, "Help! This man tried to stab me!" The sad part is, they believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35508

You deserved it

2123

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Victoria

Today, I woke up with a giant red rash all over my face, so puffed up that I could hardly open my eyes. The doctor said it was probably from some of the compounds found in most makeup. I'm just getting into theatre and have auditions coming up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35099

You deserved it

3987

Favorite

By anonymous

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41817

You deserved it

14850

Favorite

By dumpedandstranded - Canada

Today, I flew to Mexico with my (now ex) boyfriend of two years. It was my first time flying, and apparently I have a fear. I had a panic attack on the plane. When we landed, I got dumped for "causing a scene." I am now stranded in Mexico alone for two weeks with no hotel room booked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38723

You deserved it

5157

Favorite

By CatLady - United States - San Francisco

Today, I brought up the subject of marriage with my boyfriend. His response was to shoot me with a nerf gun and laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48136

You deserved it

9620

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By tayza249 | 20

#3403381 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:56

Mmmm.. Cake

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3403421 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:01

Don't cut the cake. There's a midget stripper in there with the biggest bawls in the world. Yes I know, don't ask how.

COMMENTS

By tayza249 | 20

#3403381 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:56

Mmmm.. Cake

Lstands4LOSER | 0

#3403411 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:00

Mmm... Drunk mothers attacking people for cake.

WowUStupid | 0

#3403529 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:13

Yo mama so fat....

DoctorWhooves | 6

#3403537 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:17

I'd feel worse for the sister, this is more like her FML. But really, that's awful...

systems7 | 2

#3403589 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:29

Challenge accepted.

rallets | 22

#3403781 - Saturday 8 October 2011 7:41

sigh...

SteveTheJanitor | 6

#3404114 - Saturday 8 October 2011 11:02

At least no one stood up when the chance for objections came round...

tomboy13 | 0

#3406491 - Saturday 8 October 2011 22:50

You don't need to be saying GD on here like seriously!!!

Eaglestrike117 | 29

#3408335 - Sunday 9 October 2011 7:18

Who says "punch-up?"

By AnaBanana1918 | 7

#3403396 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:58

Hope no one got hurt

azpallen | 0

#3403596 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:32

.turh tog eno on epoH

Zya_fml | 8

#3403851 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403854 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403857 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403870 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:28

Wow triple post...sorry about that...

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3404024 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:53

It's hurt spelled backwards, I think

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3404033 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:55

Or it's supposed to be...

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#3404053 - Saturday 8 October 2011 10:13

*truh*

MrSarcasm | 4

#3404807 - Saturday 8 October 2011 13:41

It's a drunk woman. So obviously the only thing that was hurt was the family's dignity.

By ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3403405 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:59

Make sure you hide the boos next time.

x_KL_x | 7

#3403427 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Hide the boos?

Buttsexpirate | 9

#3403452 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:04

Fuckin boos, always laughing and trying to kill mario. Never take your eyes off them!

ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3403599 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:33

Lmao, wow I fail. -__-

HarveyMalone | 0

#3404003 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:45

Perhaps you mean 'booze' as in grog, piss, alcohol etc?....

rattusrattus | 18

#3404685 - Saturday 8 October 2011 11:41

I read it as "hide the boobs". Stipulate high necklines on wedding attire, that kind of thing.

By JenDanielle917 | 13

#3403416 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:00

Damn, I can just imagine that.
BILL, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! GIVE ME THE KNIFE SO I CAN CUT YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!!!

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3403421 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:01

Don't cut the cake. There's a midget stripper in there with the biggest bawls in the world. Yes I know, don't ask how.

By MegaTroller_fml | 5

#3403429 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Should have grabbed some cake and slammed it against her face.

By perdix | 29

#3403430 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Well, that just takes the cake, which is a lie. Let them eat it.

By kamikrazy | 6

#3403458 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:05

I wanted to cut the cake. WTF

By saIty | 17

#3403477 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:07

Psh forget cutting the cake. I bellyflop all over it, and make cake angels.

By cdogLuvs2golf | 0

#3403522 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:12

A new wedding present boxing at your wedding