Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly....

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my sister's wedding. Everything was going flawlessly. That is, until our visibly drunk mom started a punch-up over who got to cut the cake first. FML

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27793

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Love

Understandable

The opposite of a good idea

Emergency haircut

By lft - United States

Today, I called over my math teacher to ask a question. I have a really bad cold. I asked him about a problem and he reached over my desk to point at the diagram and explain it. Then I suddenly had to sneeze and I got tons of snot all over his hand and arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48832

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10114

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By Anonymous - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

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35587

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By showerpower - United States

Today, while in the shower with my girlfriend she was going on and on about how she thinks she's fat when she's in perfect shape. With what she said still on my mind, I meant to say "honey, you're so beautiful", but accidentally said "honey, you're so fat". I'll be sleeping alone tonight. FML

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16461

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By Tjop - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46577

You deserved it

6008

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By storksleuth - United States

Today, I saw a girl wearing a Nirvana shirt. Since Nirvana has been my favorite band for a long time, I tried striking up a conversation with her. Turns out she doesn't even listen to them, and only bought the shirt because she "liked the smiley face." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34794

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5545

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By WTF - United States

Today, I was rejected by a girl when she told me she is not ready to date. We met on a dating website. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34854

You deserved it

4468

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mom asked me if I would be embarrassed if she got a tramp stamp. FML

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31908

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2648

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By AzrielB

Today, my friend, who had begged me to buy them a plane ticket after being stranded overseas, blocked me. They didn't even use the ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2597

You deserved it

464

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a guy drove straight into an intersection, running a stop sign and narrowly missing my car. I had to swerve into a snow bank to avoid him. He stopped long enough to see that I had a toddler in my car, before flipping me off and driving away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48214

You deserved it

3632

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, a hummingbird somehow got into my house. I spent two and a half hours trying to get it out after finally using a blanket to catch it. I run outside to release it from my hands, and it flew back into my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29275

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6333

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By Clunker - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

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33825

You deserved it

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By Payt

Today, the guy I have been seeing for 3 months said, "Sorry this isn’t going anywhere, but I want to stay friends because I wanna come back and hang out with your parents." He literally only stayed with me because I live on a farm. FML

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2525

You deserved it

155

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By Noname - Canada

Today, my house got egged and since it is the winter the eggs froze. They used two dozen eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24296

You deserved it

2167

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By RestlessDiesel - United States - Hudson

Today, I pulled off the road to help a turtle cross it. Before I could get out of my car a dump truck ran over the turtle, splattering my car with turtle guts and bits of shell. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23963

You deserved it

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By Lolaa123 - United States

Today, my 5 year old daughter told me that I needed to stay 50 feet away from her at all times when we were at school, mostly because I didn't hang with the cool parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31110

You deserved it

3839

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By Laundrylady - United States

Today, I was at the laundromat doing my clothes when I noticed a cute guy next to me. I tried to be a ninja and sneak my sock into his basket so I could start a conversation with him. He saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10437

You deserved it

71306

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By vintage_vogue - United States

Today, I had a coffee date. The guy was waiting with coffee to meet me on the patio. I walked up to him, caught my favorite pendant necklace on the table, broke the necklace trying to get it free, and rattled the table so intensely that the guy's coffee spilled all over him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38122

You deserved it

7403

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By freakofnature - United States - Valparaiso

Today, I visited my new doctor, hoping that he would be able to figure out the cause of the pains I've been having for years. He told me there's nothing he can do, that half the drugs out there cause cancer anyway and that I should look into homeopathy. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22451

You deserved it

2371

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By Anonymous

Today, my lazy, obese mother took the last motor cart at the grocery store. My leg is in a cast. She told me to "use the shopping cart to help with the limp" as she rolled away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3276

You deserved it

210

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom - London

Today, just 1 month after giving me a bracelet with an infinity symbol on it for Christmas, my boyfriend of three years ended everything out of the blue. That was a short infinity. FML

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24012

You deserved it

1941

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By MsGamerLady - 8/11/2020 17:02 - United States

In-laws, in-fighting

Today, like every time I visit the in-laws, my father-in-law is driving me crazy. He gets all holier than thou sometimes, and even my mother-in-law agrees he just talks to hear himself speak. It gets so bad that I resort to cleaning their house to ignore him. At least then he leaves me alone. Starting their dishes in 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks

792

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By KnightToucan

Today, I got written up at work over false accusations that I didn't do some safety tasks. The same tasks that were done before I had even arrived. FML

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1503

You deserved it

123

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By milkndstufff - United States

Today, I went snowboarding and fell backwards, hitting my head on a patch of ice. When I got home, I told my brother I thought I might have a concussion. He told me I should be a man and suck it, swiftly smacking my head, causing me to pass out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39250

You deserved it

3577

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By Noname - United States

Today, I got an email from the local D and D meet up group that the next meeting will be on Feb. 14th. I don't know what is more sad: that the group is meeting on Valentine's Day, or that I have nothing better to do but go. FML

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30153

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By caly - United States

Today, while at my mom’s house, my mom told me that I need to seriously curb my food intake. Then I went to my dad’s house and he told me I need to gain weight. I can’t win here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2658

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160

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By Anonymous - United States - Blain

Today, my mom baked a cake for the whole family. One spent EpiPen later, I found out there were nuts in it, which I'm severely allergic to. My mom's defense was that she thought I'd have "gotten over" my allergy by now. FML

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50250

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3100

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By SpaceAstronaut - United States

Today, I decided to take a nap while listening to my iPod, on the lowest volume possible. My girlfriend woke me up by turning the volume all the way up. I still can't hear out of both ears. FML

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30680

You deserved it

5185

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By Anonymous - Canada - Calgary

Today, I fell off my boyfriend's motorcycle. I had a few scrapes and bruises, and my boyfriend called for an ambulance as a precaution. The paramedics managed to drop me on my head. FML

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30648

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By KathleenSchuler - United States

Today, I took a week off work because my father passed away. I was at the funeral home making arrangements when I overheard the owners complaining about how their insurance agent had left them to fend for themselves. I'm their insurance agent. FML

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33043

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By Anonymous - Australia - Brisbane

Today, when making a delivery for the restaurant I work for, a customer shoved and yelled at me because she didn't get any fries with her order. She didn't order any, which isn't unusual, considering we're a Chinese takeaway and don't even sell them. FML

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31709

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I had to perform with my Orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks

31553

You deserved it

6228

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By Anonymous - United States - Long Beach

Today, at the exact moment that I leaned over to show my dad a picture on my phone, my boyfriend texted me: "I'm no weather man, but you can expect a few inches tonight." FML

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72230

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By buckley456 - United States - Glenolden

Today, my remote control airplane arrived in the mail. I was super excited, so naturally I took it outside for its first flight. It now resides at the top of the tallest tree in sight. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20710

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - 1/9/2020 00:30 - United States - Savannah

Boundaries

Today, I woke up to my step-mother taking a shower in my bathroom. Of course, this would be fine, if my bathroom wasn't connected to my room and closet, or that I live in an apartment in their back yard, built before she moved in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1275

You deserved it

114

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54983

You deserved it

4349

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By BbyDelight - Canada

Today, it was my mom's birthday. I decided to get her a Willow Tree statue of a woman fairy holding a heart. After dinner, I presented my gift. My mother asked me how much it was. I replied, $30. She threw me a dirty look, shoved the present in my direction, and told me to return it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54679

You deserved it

8599

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By NiHao - Canada

Today, I was at my friend's dorm eating supper. He and all his roommates are Chinese, and since I'm majoring in Chinese, I could understand what they were talking about. Too bad none of his friends knew that, and talked about banging me while I was sitting there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32893

You deserved it

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By bouncekitty - United States

Today, I had all of my wisdom teeth removed. After the anesthesia wore off, I asked how long the procedure took, and the nurse told me a little less than an hour. Apparently I thought this was hilarious and started laughing, which ripped my new stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31294

You deserved it

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By Derek

Today, I found out that my kids are both my half-brothers, and the fertility tests my wife had us do a few years ago showed that I'm sterile. She didn't tell me until I found the test results in her desk and asked her about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4858

You deserved it

244

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By altocrm - France

Today, my girlfriend came over to me, like she was going to kiss me, and instead rubbed her chin all over my face, exclaiming, "Can you feel my beard coming in?" Yes, yes I could. FML

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42228

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Top comments

By tayza249 | 20

#3403381 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:56

Mmmm.. Cake

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3403421 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:01

Don't cut the cake. There's a midget stripper in there with the biggest bawls in the world. Yes I know, don't ask how.

COMMENTS

By tayza249 | 20

#3403381 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:56

Mmmm.. Cake

Lstands4LOSER | 0

#3403411 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:00

Mmm... Drunk mothers attacking people for cake.

WowUStupid | 0

#3403529 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:13

Yo mama so fat....

DoctorWhooves | 6

#3403537 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:17

I'd feel worse for the sister, this is more like her FML. But really, that's awful...

systems7 | 2

#3403589 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:29

Challenge accepted.

rallets | 22

#3403781 - Saturday 8 October 2011 7:41

sigh...

SteveTheJanitor | 6

#3404114 - Saturday 8 October 2011 11:02

At least no one stood up when the chance for objections came round...

tomboy13 | 0

#3406491 - Saturday 8 October 2011 22:50

You don't need to be saying GD on here like seriously!!!

Eaglestrike117 | 29

#3408335 - Sunday 9 October 2011 7:18

Who says "punch-up?"

By AnaBanana1918 | 7

#3403396 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:58

Hope no one got hurt

azpallen | 0

#3403596 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:32

.turh tog eno on epoH

Zya_fml | 8

#3403851 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403854 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403857 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:21

^ hrut? :p

Zya_fml | 8

#3403870 - Saturday 8 October 2011 8:28

Wow triple post...sorry about that...

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3404024 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:53

It's hurt spelled backwards, I think

ShyAnn29 | 14

#3404033 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:55

Or it's supposed to be...

BellaBelle_fml | 23

#3404053 - Saturday 8 October 2011 10:13

*truh*

MrSarcasm | 4

#3404807 - Saturday 8 October 2011 13:41

It's a drunk woman. So obviously the only thing that was hurt was the family's dignity.

By ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3403405 - Saturday 8 October 2011 5:59

Make sure you hide the boos next time.

x_KL_x | 7

#3403427 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Hide the boos?

Buttsexpirate | 9

#3403452 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:04

Fuckin boos, always laughing and trying to kill mario. Never take your eyes off them!

ElainaCutsYou | 0

#3403599 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:33

Lmao, wow I fail. -__-

HarveyMalone | 0

#3404003 - Saturday 8 October 2011 9:45

Perhaps you mean 'booze' as in grog, piss, alcohol etc?....

rattusrattus | 18

#3404685 - Saturday 8 October 2011 11:41

I read it as "hide the boobs". Stipulate high necklines on wedding attire, that kind of thing.

By JenDanielle917 | 13

#3403416 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:00

Damn, I can just imagine that.
BILL, I'LL SAY IT AGAIN! GIVE ME THE KNIFE SO I CAN CUT YOUR GOD DAMN HEAD OFF!!!

By every1luvsboners | 11

#3403421 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:01

Don't cut the cake. There's a midget stripper in there with the biggest bawls in the world. Yes I know, don't ask how.

By MegaTroller_fml | 5

#3403429 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Should have grabbed some cake and slammed it against her face.

By perdix | 29

#3403430 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:02

Well, that just takes the cake, which is a lie. Let them eat it.

By kamikrazy | 6

#3403458 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:05

I wanted to cut the cake. WTF

By saIty | 17

#3403477 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:07

Psh forget cutting the cake. I bellyflop all over it, and make cake angels.

By cdogLuvs2golf | 0

#3403522 - Saturday 8 October 2011 6:12

A new wedding present boxing at your wedding