The Top

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Zapped

By joey - 09/03/2020 05:00

Today, my mom decided to try her new taser on me while I was asleep on the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 163

Panic

By Lexy - 19/07/2021 07:01

Today, I'm so afraid of Covid, I lied to my friends to avoid hanging out with them every time I was invited. Yes, I've been vaccinated already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 1 364

I'm looking through you

By lesler - 20/07/2021 06:01 - Canada

Today, my bartender noticed my new haircut before my live-in boyfriend did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 220

Take it or leave it

By Thanks - 19/10/2022 04:00

Today, our company hit our sales goals, an all-time high since before the pandemic. Our reward after working so hard all year long? A goodie bag with a keychain with the company logo on them. When I suggested a bonus, my boss said, “Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 930

You deserved it 113

Creepy crawlies

By Cockroachphobic - 04/04/2020 14:00

Today, I found out that the small bugs I've been blowing off my pillow all year are in fact baby cockroaches. I discover this when I found two full grown ones crawling around and decided to Google it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 927

Missed opportunities

By say what?! - 10/04/2020 08:00

Today, I got a text from a female friend saying, "So bored, come over, let's fuck.” Knowing her sense of humor, I laughed it off and sarcastically replied, "On my way!” About an hour later, I got a message from her husband asking what was taking me so long. They really wanted a threesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 080

You deserved it 531

By jeauxann - 11/05/2018 23:59

Today, my landlord refused to send a plumber over to unclog the sink. Now he wants me to pay for water damages because he didn't call a plumber sooner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 640

You deserved it 294

Mismatched

By AlexSnower - 12/04/2020 02:00

Today, I'm trying to get over my OCD by wearing 2 different shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 249

You deserved it 448

Overcompensating

By Anonymous - 28/10/2022 21:00 - United Kingdom - Coventry

Today, my mom, dad, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles came together to tell me they’re fine that I’m a lesbian, so I don’t have to be in the closet anymore. I wasn’t aware I was lesbian, I’ve been happily using men's penises since I was 19, but apparently I’m a secret lesbian. Go figure… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 361

You deserved it 204

Life goals

By BlackRose - 07/08/2021 18:01

Today, I realized I’d rather be the crazy cat lady rather than get married and have kids like a normal human. FML

I agree, your life sucks 646

You deserved it 323

Get vaccinated

By Anonymous - 11/08/2021 04:00

Today, two patients died. Both had Covid. I'm still trying to deal with the issues last year left me with and we're right back in the same place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 013

You deserved it 184

Dating is hell

By Anonymous - 14/08/2021 17:00 - Turkey - Eskisehir

Today, I'd been talking to this girl for 3 months, and she finally agreed on a date. We got drinks and food, then she said, "I'm just going to the bathroom", then never came back, and blocked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 151

Ah, teenage love…

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 19:00 - United States - Mineral

Today, I was sitting behind a cute girl in class. She said she liked musicals, so I played The Greatest Showman at full blast on my headphones. She turned around and moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 1 550

**** these people

By Coughed - 22/08/2021 20:01

Today, a customer came in without a mask, and called us "liberal sheep" for wearing one. She then coughed on me when I kindly asked her to leave. She told me, "Oh well, if you didn’t wanna get coughed on, you should have stayed home with your silly sheep mask." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 312

Asking for it

By Anonymous - 28/05/2020 17:00

Today, my crush and I were talking about hypothetical situations. I told her, "I love you hypothetically." She said, "I love me too." I even got rejected hypothetically. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 705

Get the hell out of there

By Anonymous - 16/10/2025 12:00

Today, I realized that if I run out of cigarettes my husband wants nothing to do with me, and when he hits me during a mental breakdown it's all my fault cause I had it coming. He's 40 and acts like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 141

Silver linings

By Anonymous - 16/09/2021 05:00

Today, I'm over COVID but have apparently lost my sense of smell and taste. My boyfriend, who thinks he’s a comedian, said at least I can’t complain his farts stink and should have no problem swallowing instead of spitting during blowjobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 207

You deserved it 366

Push through the pain barrier

By Renee Simard - 18/09/2021 23:00

Today, despite being unable to stand for more than a few minutes at a time or walk farther than a few hundred feet, the doctor told me to begin doing 30 minutes of non-stop exercise everyday. He literally said, “Don’t stop for 30 minutes everyday.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 786

You deserved it 218

Productivity above all else

By Anonymous - 12/12/2022 15:00

Today, our company not only installed standing desks, they have literally just spent a week replacing all our toilets, they are bizarre as hell with a seat that angles downwards. I looked them up online, they’re designed to cause pain in your legs to stop you sitting there too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 385

You deserved it 133

How not to raise them

By Anonymous - 03/10/2021 14:00

Today, my son claimed credit for a money-saving scheme at work that belonged to a colleague. He claimed this to someone in very upper management, but when they tried to ask follow-up questions, he obviously had no idea how to answer, admitted his lie and was sacked on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 001

You deserved it 443

Have kid they said, it'll be great they said

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 02:00

Today, my son is a real ass. My mother died and he literally only booked off half a day to attend his own grandmother's funeral, doesn’t plan to spend time with me after the burial, and since he booked it, all he has done is complain about the three meetings he’s going to miss that morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 510

You deserved it 274

Kitchen nightmares

By Accident-prone af - 07/07/2020 20:02

Today, while making milkshakes, I was pouring and the blender's blades all fell out somehow. I don't know what's worse, that I sliced my finger open when the blades fell out and now there's blood all over, that there's now melted ice cream all over my counter and floor, or that I just wasted an entire tub of ice cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 226

By Son - 03/09/2018 17:30 - United States

Today, after an hour-long conversation with my mom that was supposed to help fix our relationship, she said she prefers Beatrice over me and that she's moving in with her. Beatrice is not my sister, she's my older cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 249

Send message

By Tristan - 30/07/2020 02:01

Today, while messaging a possible new hire to set up an interview at my retail job, I meant to say, "Thank you for being flexible" - in regards to scheduling. Instead, it autocorrected to, "Thank you for being delicious." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 298

You deserved it 337

Medicare for all, please

By Anonymous - 14/08/2020 02:01

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my 6 ovarian cyst rupture. The pain meds have already worn off and my vag hurts. I also had my gallbladder removed last June, and my right ovary removed last January. The staff here remember me. Most expensive friends I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 790

You deserved it 142

Ace in the hole

By IHaveThePower - 19/11/2021 11:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out the test for a yeast infection is a vaginal exam. I've never had a deeper understanding of my own asexuality than in the moment a stranger, with another stranger as a chaperone, was poking at my intimate parts while I couldn't see what was going on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 277

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 27/11/2021 22:01 - United States - Odenville

Today, a guy drove an hour and a half to get to where I live, only to literally last less than 30 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 443

You deserved it 326

Unfair dismissal

By Anonymous - 07/12/2021 01:59

Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 267

You deserved it 85

Bros

By Anonymous - 02/07/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend met my brother. They're both over 6 foot, and big. They glared at each other like they were about to start a fight, then out of nowhere shook hands, hugged while laughing like lunatics, and have been besties all afternoon. Why are gym bros such weird idiots? FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 438

Lust for life

By Anonymous - 17/02/2023 16:00

Today, thanks to a very intense sexual dream, I suddenly have a strong (and lustful) crush on a coworker, making me gasp every time I see them. I'm happily married. And pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 992

You deserved it 357

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I went to a haunted house with the girl I like, thinking that she would get scared and turn to me for comfort. I ended up running out, and was put on the Wall of Shame. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 744

You deserved it 21 032

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 777

You deserved it 14 793

Today, I was sitting with my crush at lunch. Trying to flirt, I tried to stare seductively into his eyes while sucking on my straw. I missed. The straw shot straight up my nose, causing me the worst nose bleed of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 591

You deserved it 45 378

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. She gave me back the brand new box of 12 condoms that I had bought and left at her house. There were 8 left and I wasn't the one who opened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 032

You deserved it 6 611

Today, I tried to flirt with a guy at the gym by commenting on his headphones, saying, “Nice headphones, you must be into music.” He stared at me blankly and said, “I’m not wearing any headphones, these are just my ears.” I swear I heard him laugh as I backed away, defeated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 488

Today, I went in for an interview at my dream job. When I walked in, I got a dirty look from the front desk secretary. Turns out, the guy interviewing me was from a dating website I'm on. I'd rejected him and told him to get a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 733

You deserved it 35 050