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By popasquat - 04/12/2018 12:00

Today my roommate was taking forever in the shower. I had to pee like crazy. I danced around waiting and waiting. I couldn’t hold it anymore so I snuck out to the backyard to pop a squat. The relief hit me at the same time the realization that our landlord has security camera in the back yard...FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 323

You deserved it 734

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 27/01/2022 20:00 - United States - Wilmington

Today, my mom texted me to let me know that my wife and I are no longer allowed to visit her house together, because she doesn’t want it to appear like she’s OK with queer relationships, but she’s OK if we visit one at a time because she still wants to see our son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 657

You deserved it 199

Dr. Phil

By NotSoSmart - 04/09/2019 02:00 - United States - Ventura

Today, in the spirit of being helpful, I accidentally convinced the girl I'm secretly in love with to stay with her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 905

Fun-filled vacation together!

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 14:02 - South Africa

Today, I found out my boyfriend can't swim and we are about to go on a romantic holiday to Zanzibar where all our excursions include water-based activities. His solution is that I just go do them all by myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 253

Ed Sheeran-lite

By Joshua Diamond - 14/12/2020 20:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I phoned my ex, who I only broke up with a week ago. I then told her about the song I'd written about her. I have written a song, but it's shite and I would die of embarrassment if I ever had to play it to her. I’ll have to play it to her and confess my simpy, wet ways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 1 956

Kinda sus

By Anonymous - 05/08/2023 14:00

Today, my girlfriend told me she’s visiting her male friend for her birthday. I told her I’m fine with it, but I'm really not. She’s going to spend a few days with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 973

Broke ass

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Higginsville

Today, I was home from college and went to eat at a local mexican place. The manager started yelling at me about an unpaid tab. Apparently, my dad likes to drink there and skipped on his tab. Again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 066

You deserved it 360

By pokeloser - 24/06/2019 07:04

Today, my high point was still being able to recite all 151 generation one Pokémon in order, from memory. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 636

Some people just want to watch…

By Z…… - 08/08/2023 06:00

Today, my boyfriend spent half his paycheck on gourmet steaks, bacon, and all sorts of other meat. When I reminded him we were trying to go meatless to help the planet, he said, "Yeah, I'm done with that. The planet can burn." We'd only been vegan three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 375

You deserved it 2 158

By jennahh - 10/07/2019 22:00

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 224

You deserved it 1 093

By Jenna Berreth - 01/08/2019 16:00

Today, being my usual clumsy self, I slipped on the stairs and landed on my tailbone. Hard. Now, I can't even sit up. I have to drive to school and sit on a very hard plastic chair for four and a half hours tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 539

You deserved it 157

Fancy seeing you here

By Anonymous - 30/06/2022 16:00

Today, I found a massive tick on my boyfriend's ballsack. I found it with my tongue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 506

You deserved it 230

Kitten time

By Anonymous - 26/04/2021 00:30

Today, I came home from putting my 18 year-old cat to sleep to find 3 months worth of prescription food, medication and cat litter on my porch. It isn't returnable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 123

Beat It

By Anonymous - 07/09/2019 06:00 - United States

Today, we had an office party and everyone had to dress as a dead star. I love Michael Jackson so I dressed up as him. It turns out I looked more like my boss than Michael. I was then written up for "theoretically" killing my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 185

You went too far

By Dia - 02/05/2021 05:01

Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 2 273

Pleased to meet you, hope you guess my name

By Emily - 17/09/2019 08:00

Today, I found out that my parents think my boyfriend is the devil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 344

You deserved it 235

Not the one

By Anonymous - 27/10/2019 16:00

Today, my ex, who I'm still love with, told me he's engaged. We weren't together for long because he didn't want a committed relationship. Guess it was just me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 695

You deserved it 247

World's best babysitter

By KarinaO - 22/06/2021 22:01

Today, I trusted my mother-in-law to watch my 3 year-old son while my husband and I were at work. She fell asleep while watching him and he somehow opened the door, ran outside, fell and scraped his knee. Her response was, "Oh well, what doesn’t kill him makes him stronger." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 077

You deserved it 274

Late warning

By TheGestalt97 - 20/12/2019 05:00

Today, an email appeared in my inbox saying that the final this week that was supposed to be on Saturday has been moved forward to Thursday. It’s Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 230

You deserved it 186

Lock him up

By Homelesssoon - 08/10/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I visited a friend’s house. He has a vast collection of Cartier bracelets. Being strapped for cash and starving, I stole one of them when he wasn’t looking, thinking he wouldn’t notice one missing. I went to pawn the bracelet. It’s fake. Rent’s due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 186

You deserved it 3 972

Cujo 2: Electric Boogaloo

By Kelsiiii - 11/03/2020 03:00

Today, I pretended to be dead in front of my dog to see what he would do. He started to hump me, and when I tried to get up, he growled at me until I got back down on the ground to wait until he was finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 736

You deserved it 2 141

Entitled

By RachelD - 18/07/2021 00:01 - United States

Today, I can’t make it to my friend’s birthday party because my dog died this morning. I called my friend to inform her and she screamed at me because a "dumb animal" is more important than her best friend. Oh, and she asked me if that also means she won’t be getting a present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 487

You deserved it 135

Yes, probably?

By Richardson - 31/01/2024 20:00 - Netherlands - Beesd

Today, I have been working a childhood dream job, getting paid more than a doctor gets paid, to just sit around, smoke weed, and play video games. From sitting down for so long I have a tailbone infection and I bleed all day from it. I've gained over 40kg, I've lost all social contacts. Is it worth it for 15k a month? FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 891

Good God, man…

By bloodyhell - 15/03/2020 15:05 - United States

Today, my dad tried to convert me, as he has numerous times before, and asked me why I was an atheist. After giving him a polite explanation and asking him if we could drop the subject, he nodded slowly and said, "You must be menstruating or something. You'll change your mind." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 930

You deserved it 291

Covid-19 vs. Sex life

By CoronaDating - 23/03/2020 23:10

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 479

You deserved it 468

More context please !

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 02:00

Today, my girlfriend tried to distract me from an argument I was winning by taking off her clothes for sex. Then she got mad when I told her to grow up and get dressed. By the way, the fight was over how she threw my mom's ashes in the trash, I don’t care if we never have sex again, I’m gonna win this argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 222

You deserved it 259

Get a load of this guy

By Anonymous - 31/08/2025 20:00 - United States - Bel Air

Today, I am smarter, cooler, better and more mature than everyone else by a huge margin. Anyone who refuses to accept this objective fact is a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 922

Who are you?

By Anonymous - 25/04/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 5 years only got divorced last year. I never even knew he was married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 906

You deserved it 288

To catch a predator

By not to blame - 07/09/2021 02:01

Today, my boyfriend’s family, whom I’ve known since I was in elementary school, now completely hate and blame me for "ruining their precious baby boy’s life." I'd called the police and reported him after finding out he cheated on me with not one, but several high school girls. We’re in our 30s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 371

You deserved it 264

Age ain't nothing but a number

By why lie - 04/06/2020 20:00

Today, my boyfriend renewed his driver's license and showed me the picture. I told him he needed to go back because they'd put the wrong birthdate. Turns out the idiot forgot he’s been lying to me about his age the whole time we’ve been together. He’s not actually 30. He’ll be 43 in two months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 821

You deserved it 513

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The Top

Today, my boss tried to fire me for not emailing him a screenshot to prove my email wasn't working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 063

You deserved it 1 332

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling on the couch. He held a Kool Fruit in his teeth, and motioned for me to kiss him, so he could put it in my mouth. Just as he was about to do this, I inhaled. He then had to watch me dry retching, trying to get it back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 810

You deserved it 6 817

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 392

You deserved it 4 002

Today, I was working in a restaurant. I stopped to pick up some silverware a customer dropped. Apparently my belt wasn't tight enough because a woman behind me immediately hurled in disgust. On top of being found revolting, I'm now in trouble for "flashing" someone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 491

You deserved it 7 165

Today, I was walking to the bus stop. I saw a chunk of ice and attempted to kick it. Sadly it was frozen to the ground, so I fell, broke my toe, and missed the bus. Even the bus driver was laughing as he drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 673

You deserved it 30 006

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 184

You deserved it 1 474